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Original poster

How angry: DD(11) walked through village in swimsuit?

435 replies

PSBorNormal · 15/08/2023 20:56

I'm very pissed off, with DD but mainly with the other parent, at the inappropriate-ness of letting a girl walk home from their house in a swimming costume. DH thinks it's hilarious and I'm over reacting.

DD(11) went to a friends house after school today. Friend lives on a farm on the outskirts of the village (1800 inhabitants), on the edge of the forest. They went swimming in their pool and I'd told DD she needed to be home at 6pm. She walked 5 minutes down the side road from the forest (where a lot of dog walkers park, 5 houses) then 10 minutes down one of the two main roads through the village to the centre where we live, wearing only her swimming costume with a towel around her shoulders.

I don't think this is appropriate and told her off for not getting changed.
DH doesn't see an issue with it.

What would your reaction be?

OP posts:
Copperoliverbear · 15/08/2023 23:04

I'd be fuming too.

TheYadaYada · 15/08/2023 23:07

Don't be daft.

You're imposing your own hang-ups. Let her be a child.

HollyGolightly4 · 15/08/2023 23:09

Not angry in the slightest

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

11 year olds Families
ChiefWiggumsBoy · 15/08/2023 23:16

liveforsummer · 15/08/2023 22:55

We live walking distance from a busy city centre and dd often walks the dog in pj bottoms and a sports bra and never had a look or comment so I'm not sure location is that key

Show quote history

The point was the swimsuit. And let's be real here, a sports bra is outerwear.

@MolkosTeenageAngst I made no comment about vulnerability. I don't know if you've mixed me up with another poster. I commented about appropriate clothing. I don't think swimwear or underwear is appropriate for walking around town or whatever. I had actually already made the comment about PJs in Tesco!

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 15/08/2023 23:17

And just to be clear, I wouldn't be angry, but I would be impressing upon my child the importance of wearing appropriate clothing.

I only have sons, but I wouldn't be happy with them walking the streets in their soaking wet swimshorts either, if they didn't throw on a t-shirt.

Fallingthroughclouds · 15/08/2023 23:18

fdgdfgdfgdfg · 15/08/2023 21:31

Really OP? You think some weirdo is going to see your daughter and think, "Oh no, I won't sexually assualt this girl because she's not wearing a swimming costume"

In the extremely unlikely world where something happens to your daughter, it'll have nothing to do with what she's wearing.

Stop trying to "slut shame" your own child for fucks sake.

The less you wear the more attention you get and a lot of that attention may be unwanted. We can try and pretend that, that's not the case, but it's naive to think otherwise. You've jumped to the term slut shaming as it's a fashionable, woke and very on point term. What it isn't is true. This mum isn't trying to humiliate, degrade or insult her daughter, she is just trying to protect her. At no point has she insinuated that she's a slut or shamed her. Parents try and protect their kids, if this doesn't suit your agenda, then tough (ffs).

WannaBeRecluse · 15/08/2023 23:19

This brings back memories of the time I walked home a few blocks in a swimsuit with a towel around me. My parents were angry and I was told off for putting myself at risk by being on the street like that. My father had dropped me off at the pool in my swimsuit and forgotten to give me entry money. They wouldn't let me in without it. He wasn't going to pick me up for two hours so I went home. Apparently I was meant to stay at the pool and wait outside rather than be on the street like that. It still feels unfair.

Your DD had the option of clothes so just explain why she should have put those on and trust her to get it right next time.

Namechanged4now · 15/08/2023 23:23

This reply has been withdrawn

Message withdrawn - posted on wrong thread.

Totaly · 15/08/2023 23:23

I don’t think that’s ok.

She had clothes and she should’ve put something on. It takes two seconds to do so.

Id be concerned if I saw a child out in clothing not suitable for the activity/weather etc.

Namechanged4now · 15/08/2023 23:23

Sorry posted here in error ad im
not thinking straight.

HoppingPavlova · 15/08/2023 23:24

Lucky you don’t live in Australia, people drop into their supermarket like this to grab stuff on way home from beach. Can only imagine your horror🤣.

Namechanged4now · 15/08/2023 23:24

I’ll ask MN to remove

Positive41 · 15/08/2023 23:27

ZolaBudd · 15/08/2023 21:01

Youre sexualising an 11-year-old. Have a word with yourself.

It's not OP sexualising her daughter.

OP very rightly is aware of the world we live in.

An 11 year old walking home in a swimsuit with just a towel over her top half can be a problem IF you have a paedophile that just happens to walk past her on this walk.

Why don't people get this.

I would be furious.

PurpleButterflyWings · 15/08/2023 23:28

Hope you're OK @Namechanged4now

PurpleButterflyWings · 15/08/2023 23:29

Positive41 · 15/08/2023 23:27

It's not OP sexualising her daughter.

OP very rightly is aware of the world we live in.

An 11 year old walking home in a swimsuit with just a towel over her top half can be a problem IF you have a paedophile that just happens to walk past her on this walk.

Why don't people get this.

I would be furious.

Show quote history

Yep - THIS! ^ I despair for humanity reading some of the posts on here. Oh she's no more likely to be letched at than if she's wearing a snowsuit! FFS! Hmm

Hawkins009 · 15/08/2023 23:31

It's up-to your dd

Teapot13 · 15/08/2023 23:32

I would consider it bad manners, boy or girl. Just treat it like any other manners you need to teach her.

whatausername · 15/08/2023 23:33

The thing is, if your DD is subjected to harrassment or worse, she now is less likely to tell you because she'll think she'll get into trouble or that you will blame her.

MolkosTeenageAngst · 15/08/2023 23:35

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 15/08/2023 23:16

The point was the swimsuit. And let's be real here, a sports bra is outerwear.

@MolkosTeenageAngst I made no comment about vulnerability. I don't know if you've mixed me up with another poster. I commented about appropriate clothing. I don't think swimwear or underwear is appropriate for walking around town or whatever. I had actually already made the comment about PJs in Tesco!

Show quote history

I didn’t say you made a comment about vulnerability. I made the comment about vulnerability - my first post was to say that I don’t think a child is any more vulnerable to a predator in a swimsuit than any other clothing and that if somebody wants to harm a child they are no more likely to do so because the child is in a swimsuit than if they are in any other clothing. This is the post of mine which you quoted:

I said:
“In the unlikely event that a child predator was ready and waiting to take a child I don’t think what the child is wearing is going to swing the decision either way, your child is no more vulnerable in a swimsuit than in any other item of clothing. Either it’s a safe route for her to walk or it’s not.”

You response to that was to quote me and said:
“So you'd let your daughter walk a safe route in her underwear? I mean, same difference right?”

My response was:
”How have you managed to jump from ‘a child is not more vulnerable in a swimsuit’ to ‘your daughter can walk a safe route in underwear’?….”

I was paraphrasing my original post in which I essentially said ‘a child is not more vulnerable in a swimsuit’ and asking why you immediately jumped to whether i think it is okay for a child to walk a safe route in underwear and how you managed to extrapolate from my fist post, about clothing not making a child more vulnerable to a predator, that I think it would b okay for my (non-existent) daughter to walk a safe route in her underwear. Just because something doesn’t make you more vulnerable to a predator doesn’t meant it’s appropriate to do, and nowhere did I suggest that in my first post. The OP said she was worried that being in a swimsuit made her daughter more vulnerable and I gave my opinion that clothes don’t make a difference to how vulnerable a child is on a safe route. I didn’t actually voice any opinion on whether a swimsuit is or isn’t appropriate clothing to wear on a walk in the village and certainly made no reference to underwear.

You then said:
“I don't know where your first sentence comes from, I never made any comment about vulnerability.”
I tried to explain that I was paraphrasing my own post and questioning how you could red my original post which was only about whether clothes make somebody more vulnerable and jump to assuming I’d let my child walk home in underwear, but you didn’t seem to understand that. I don’t know if you understand now but if not I am genuinely not sure how I could lay out the conversation you were a part of any more clearly to you?

Dominicains · 15/08/2023 23:37

My DS13 walked through an entire town in his swimmers today and not an eyelid was batted. I was also in a swimsuit but with my (open) dryrobe on. We are in the UK, went for a swim on our local beach, ten minute walk home through town. Why TF would you think anyone was looking or would give a hoot?

Gillbil · 15/08/2023 23:46

I think your anger is hiding your fear.
It's not something you should/ need to be angry at with your DD.
Your angry because if a stranger took her/ attacked her, she would be blamed...

I think you need to talk out your feelings and probably unfortunately, have the talk about the dangers she might face as a woman.. and maybe talk to your dh as well

SalmonEile · 15/08/2023 23:47

I’m with you on this OP

Waffle78 · 15/08/2023 23:47

I used to at Butlins as a child. Tell her to put a pair of shorts on or a long t-shirt over it.

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 15/08/2023 23:51

@MolkosTeenageAngst well pardon me for clearly being too thick for this conversation.

Your initial post In the unlikely event that a child predator was ready and waiting to take a child I don’t think what the child is wearing is going to swing the decision either way, your child is no more vulnerable in a swimsuit than in any other item of clothing. Either it’s a safe route for her to walk or it’s not

It's the "than in any other item of clothing" that prompted me to ask about underwear. Not sure why you consider that so out of left field to be quite honest.

And sorry but the conversation had moved on from your original post that I quoted anyway. That's why I was making the distinction between 'vulnerability' and 'appropriate attire'. They were two different points.

But regardless - as I said - I do not think swimwear is appropriate outdoor attire unless at a pool, lake, beach. Vulnerability and safeguarding is a whole other can of worms.

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 15/08/2023 23:54

Dominicains · 15/08/2023 23:37

My DS13 walked through an entire town in his swimmers today and not an eyelid was batted. I was also in a swimsuit but with my (open) dryrobe on. We are in the UK, went for a swim on our local beach, ten minute walk home through town. Why TF would you think anyone was looking or would give a hoot?

You don't see the slightest bit of difference between a 13YO boy and his mother, than an 11YO girl on her own?