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Original poster

How angry: DD(11) walked through village in swimsuit?

435 replies

PSBorNormal · 15/08/2023 20:56

I'm very pissed off, with DD but mainly with the other parent, at the inappropriate-ness of letting a girl walk home from their house in a swimming costume. DH thinks it's hilarious and I'm over reacting.

DD(11) went to a friends house after school today. Friend lives on a farm on the outskirts of the village (1800 inhabitants), on the edge of the forest. They went swimming in their pool and I'd told DD she needed to be home at 6pm. She walked 5 minutes down the side road from the forest (where a lot of dog walkers park, 5 houses) then 10 minutes down one of the two main roads through the village to the centre where we live, wearing only her swimming costume with a towel around her shoulders.

I don't think this is appropriate and told her off for not getting changed.
DH doesn't see an issue with it.

What would your reaction be?

OP posts:
ChiefWiggumsBoy · 15/08/2023 22:37

GiveOverRover · 15/08/2023 22:34

Unless you're regularly found at your local pool doing the backstroke in your underwear, this makes no sense.

Show quote history

I'm regularly found in the pool in a swimsuit. I'm not regularly found walking the streets in a swimsuit.

But if your argument (like others) is that girl's clothing is tiny anyway, then why would you be arsed about your kid wearing underwear outside? It's the same? It covers the same amount? It's the same shape? Why is it different to a swimsuit?

Let's say OP's daughter was actually swimming in her underwear as she wanted to go in the pool but didn't have her swimsuit with her. By your logic, she'd be ok walking home with her towel round her 'like a cape'.

Or is underwear inappropriate outerwear? Can you explain to me why a swimsuit is appropriate but underwear is not? Please?

tizalinatuna · 15/08/2023 22:37

Not a problem at all.

NewName122 · 15/08/2023 22:38

Yabvu!!! No issue at all. Why is that an issue OP?!

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

11 year olds Families
TakeMe2Insanity · 15/08/2023 22:39

Martinisarebetterdirty · 15/08/2023 21:08

OP I understand, I wouldn’t want DD doing this either, it’s not that you are sexualising her it’s concern about other people and keeping her safe. I’d probably tell her it is t to happen again, explain why and leave it there unless she does it again.
At 11 my DD is tall and has boobs, she looks much older and it isn’t appropriate to wander around in swimwear not by a pool or on a beach.

This!

NewName122 · 15/08/2023 22:40

Hope you've apologised to her.

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 15/08/2023 22:41

We ran around in swimming costumes all the time as kids and tweens.

Really failing to see any issue here.

ThePoshUns · 15/08/2023 22:41

No different to wearing a pair of lucra cycling shorts and a crop top. Really can't see the issue here. She hasn't come to any harm and wasn't likely to.

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 15/08/2023 22:41

MolkosTeenageAngst · 15/08/2023 22:37

How have you managed to jump from ‘a child is not more vulnerable in a swimsuit’ to ‘your daughter can walk a safe route in underwear’? No, if I had a daughter I would not let her walk in her underwear, but not because I think being in underwear would make her more vulnerable. I wouldn’t let her wear it because underwear is private, it’s socially inappropriate to be in your underwear in any public place. That’s not the case with swimsuits, there are many public places where it is fine to wear a swimsuit. I know logically there isn’t much difference, but socially there is. Anyway, I’m not even saying that the OP’s daughter should be encouraged to wear her swimsuit to walk through the village or that it is socially appropriate to do so - all I have said is that I don’t think being in a swimsuit makes her more vulnerable compared to walking in regular clothing. That doesn’t mean it’s socially appropriate to be in a swimsuit, the fact it’s socially inappropriate is a reasonable argument not to do it, the idea that being in a swimsuit means she’s more vulnerable less so.

Show quote history

Ok, so you believe that swimwear is appropriate outerwear and underwear isn't, despite them being ultimately the same, and it's socially inappropriate. It's appropriate to be in a swimsuit at the pool or the beach, maybe lake, possibly in shops near the beach.

I don't think it's appropriate to be walking the streets in a swimsuit for the exact same reasons you don't think underwear is. That's it. And I asked upthread, which no one has answered, if she had to walk through town to get home - would that be ok? Or is it just because she was in a village it's ok?

PS I don't know where your first sentence comes from, I never made any comment about vulnerability.

NewName122 · 15/08/2023 22:42

I live near the Thames and people swim a lot in it in the summer and also have a local pool, so seeing people walking around in a costume and towel isn't abnormal at all. Especially children.

bladebladebla1 · 15/08/2023 22:44

Assume it was hot? Otherwise it's shit to let her walk home wet and possibly cold (if a wet towel) but otherwise...: nah

Missrabbithasfaintedagain · 15/08/2023 22:44

i don’t think an 11 year old would understand the vulnerability of her doing that.

newwings · 15/08/2023 22:45

Erm leggings and shorts often worn are worse.

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 15/08/2023 22:45

MolkosTeenageAngst · 15/08/2023 22:28

In the unlikely event that a child predator was ready and waiting to take a child I don’t think what the child is wearing is going to swing the decision either way, your child is no more vulnerable in a swimsuit than in any other item of clothing. Either it’s a safe route for her to walk or it’s not.

This.

Everyone Ted Bundy got was fully dressed.

Roaming around in swimming attire is one of the simple pleasures of childhood. We used to go to the ice cream shop that way.

MolkosTeenageAngst · 15/08/2023 22:46

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 15/08/2023 22:37

I'm regularly found in the pool in a swimsuit. I'm not regularly found walking the streets in a swimsuit.

But if your argument (like others) is that girl's clothing is tiny anyway, then why would you be arsed about your kid wearing underwear outside? It's the same? It covers the same amount? It's the same shape? Why is it different to a swimsuit?

Let's say OP's daughter was actually swimming in her underwear as she wanted to go in the pool but didn't have her swimsuit with her. By your logic, she'd be ok walking home with her towel round her 'like a cape'.

Or is underwear inappropriate outerwear? Can you explain to me why a swimsuit is appropriate but underwear is not? Please?

Show quote history

Because socially underwear is considered private. There are no public spaces where it is considered okay to wear your underwear. Underwear should always be covered up when not at home. That is not the case for swimsuits. There are many public places where it is absolutely fine to wear your swimsuit. Swimsuits are not considered private.

Yes, there isn’t a logical difference between wearing underwear and a swimsuit in terms of what it covered, but society’s attitudes towards clothing isn’t all about logic. Pyjamas aren’t very different to leggings and a t-shirt but most people wouldn’t want to go out to the shops in their pyjamas. Most adults aren’t going to wear a babygro, a lot of workplaces wouldn’t allow men to wear dresses or heels, a gimp suit leaves almost nothing uncovered but is still not going to be seen as appropriate for wearing in public by most people. These conventions aren’t due to anything other than society’s expectations and rules around clothing, what is deemed appropriate goes beyond simply how much skin it is showing and just because two items are comparable in terms of what they do or don’t cover doesn’t mean they are interchangeable in terms of how appropriate social rules deem them to be in public. A swimsuit is something that society has deemed suitable for wearing in many public spaces, underwear is pretty much almost considered private. I’m astounded if that is really something you needed explaining?

Sunnydays41 · 15/08/2023 22:47

Completely off-topic, but very intrigued as to where you are where school is not currently off for the summer?

Moonlightdust · 15/08/2023 22:48

It’s Summer time? Or at least meant to be! 😂 Over reaction.

MolkosTeenageAngst · 15/08/2023 22:48

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 15/08/2023 22:41

Ok, so you believe that swimwear is appropriate outerwear and underwear isn't, despite them being ultimately the same, and it's socially inappropriate. It's appropriate to be in a swimsuit at the pool or the beach, maybe lake, possibly in shops near the beach.

I don't think it's appropriate to be walking the streets in a swimsuit for the exact same reasons you don't think underwear is. That's it. And I asked upthread, which no one has answered, if she had to walk through town to get home - would that be ok? Or is it just because she was in a village it's ok?

PS I don't know where your first sentence comes from, I never made any comment about vulnerability.

Show quote history

The first sentence about vulnerability was paraphrasing what I said in my original post. You quoted it when you replied and somehow managed to extrapolate from my post that I thought it was okay for my (non-existent) daughter to walk around in her underwear. I was referencing my own post which you made comment to by quoting it and replying.

AInightingale · 15/08/2023 22:49

I really don't think people would think much, given how tight and revealing so much girls' clothing/shorts are now. Which I'm not saying is great, at the same time.

I live hear a seaside town and it's very common to see kids in the streets in those big poncho-type towels, but I've never actually seen them strolling about wearing just swimwear. I will risk being mocked by saying yes, I believe there's such a thing as modesty and it's not ridiculous prudery not liking the idea of anyone (not just kids) sauntering round the roads in swimming costumes.

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 15/08/2023 22:50

@MolkosTeenageAngst

A swimsuit is something that society has deemed suitable for wearing in many public spaces, underwear is pretty much almost considered private. I’m astounded if that is really something you needed explaining?

I'm astounded you clearly can't read.

I don't think it's appropriate to be walking the streets in a swimsuit for the exact same reasons you don't think underwear is. That's it

I don't agree with you. Be as rude as you like to me - I really don't give a shit. I don't agree that wearing a swimsuit walking in the street is one of the many 'public places' it's appropriate to wear one.

But as I said upthread, multiple times, which no one has countered, if she had to walk through town to get home - would that be ok? Or is it just because she was in a village it's ok?

Threenow · 15/08/2023 22:51

It's a non-event. Why on earth would you be "angry" about it?

liveforsummer · 15/08/2023 22:52

With a towel wrapped around her she'd have been significantly more covered than the majority of teen and pre teen girls atm (my own included). Was she maybe worried about being late so hadn't changed to save time?

liveforsummer · 15/08/2023 22:55

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 15/08/2023 22:50

@MolkosTeenageAngst

A swimsuit is something that society has deemed suitable for wearing in many public spaces, underwear is pretty much almost considered private. I’m astounded if that is really something you needed explaining?

I'm astounded you clearly can't read.

I don't think it's appropriate to be walking the streets in a swimsuit for the exact same reasons you don't think underwear is. That's it

I don't agree with you. Be as rude as you like to me - I really don't give a shit. I don't agree that wearing a swimsuit walking in the street is one of the many 'public places' it's appropriate to wear one.

But as I said upthread, multiple times, which no one has countered, if she had to walk through town to get home - would that be ok? Or is it just because she was in a village it's ok?

We live walking distance from a busy city centre and dd often walks the dog in pj bottoms and a sports bra and never had a look or comment so I'm not sure location is that key

transformandriseup · 15/08/2023 22:55

Swimming pool? Kids in our village swim in the river and then walk home in towels and swimming costumes.

MolkosTeenageAngst · 15/08/2023 22:58

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 15/08/2023 22:50

@MolkosTeenageAngst

A swimsuit is something that society has deemed suitable for wearing in many public spaces, underwear is pretty much almost considered private. I’m astounded if that is really something you needed explaining?

I'm astounded you clearly can't read.

I don't think it's appropriate to be walking the streets in a swimsuit for the exact same reasons you don't think underwear is. That's it

I don't agree with you. Be as rude as you like to me - I really don't give a shit. I don't agree that wearing a swimsuit walking in the street is one of the many 'public places' it's appropriate to wear one.

But as I said upthread, multiple times, which no one has countered, if she had to walk through town to get home - would that be ok? Or is it just because she was in a village it's ok?

I never actually said that it is okay to wear a swimsuit in the street either. I just said I don’t think being in a swimsuit makes her more vulnerable. I don’t think being in underwear would make her more vulnerable either. You were the one who then immediately jumped to the idea that I would let my daughter wear underwear in the street despite the facts that underwear is clearly different from a swimsuit. It seems a strange thing to jump to when underwear is not ever appropriate to wear in a public place; I think that when and where it is suitable for a child to wear a swimsuit in public is an interesting debate to have (and clearly one where different people have different views) because it’s something which can be appropriate in some public spaces, but might not be appropriate in others. Underwear is never appropriate for anybody in public spaces and so there isn’t really any debate to be had about when/ if it is appropriate so it seems completely irrelevant to the situation.

To answer your question about whether it makes a difference whether you’re in a town or village, I would say no. Personally I think whether it’s appropriate to wear a swimsuit in a town or village probably depends on the local culture specific to that town, if you live near a beach or a lake or in an area where most people have pools it’s probably more likely that it’s normal in that town/ village for people to sometimes wear swimwear out and about than in a very urban area. I grew up in a coastal Welsh town and it would not be unusual for kids to go into the local shop for ice cream or sweets etc in swimwear, now I live in a village miles from any beach or area where people swim and it would be very strange to see somebody in swimwear here. Obviously without knowing where the OP lives I couldn’t comment on whether it was appropriate in her village.

EmmaPaella · 15/08/2023 23:03

I wouldn’t be too worried about the swimsuit. People would just think “that child has gone swimming”.

I’d have personally gone round and got her for a 15 minute walk though. Then, I might have said “put some shorts on”.