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Original poster

How angry: DD(11) walked through village in swimsuit?

435 replies

PSBorNormal · 15/08/2023 20:56

I'm very pissed off, with DD but mainly with the other parent, at the inappropriate-ness of letting a girl walk home from their house in a swimming costume. DH thinks it's hilarious and I'm over reacting.

DD(11) went to a friends house after school today. Friend lives on a farm on the outskirts of the village (1800 inhabitants), on the edge of the forest. They went swimming in their pool and I'd told DD she needed to be home at 6pm. She walked 5 minutes down the side road from the forest (where a lot of dog walkers park, 5 houses) then 10 minutes down one of the two main roads through the village to the centre where we live, wearing only her swimming costume with a towel around her shoulders.

I don't think this is appropriate and told her off for not getting changed.
DH doesn't see an issue with it.

What would your reaction be?

OP posts:
ChiefWiggumsBoy · 15/08/2023 22:27

I mean - let's just ignore the safeguarding perspective for a minute.

As human beings that live in the UK (I say this because it's different if you live in LA for example) we have standards for being in public areas, and wearing appropriate clothing is one of them. A swimsuit is for swimming, or sunbathing. It's ok if you're on holiday and people are walking around in their swimming stuff.

And again - is it ok to walk through the town centre in just your cossie? Or in your underwear? Why are those times different?

Skye109 · 15/08/2023 22:27

100% non issue.

YouAndMeAndThem · 15/08/2023 22:27

I see more of my niece's midriff than I do my own, so I really don't think a swimming costume is any issue. My kids spend all day at the beach in their cossies.

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11 year olds Families
BlowDryRat · 15/08/2023 22:27

Not bothered. My 10yo DD went to her friend's house dressed in a swimming costume and kaftan earlier.

elm26 · 15/08/2023 22:28

I don't get what you're angry about to be honest.

MolkosTeenageAngst · 15/08/2023 22:28

In the unlikely event that a child predator was ready and waiting to take a child I don’t think what the child is wearing is going to swing the decision either way, your child is no more vulnerable in a swimsuit than in any other item of clothing. Either it’s a safe route for her to walk or it’s not.

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 15/08/2023 22:29

BlowDryRat · 15/08/2023 22:27

Not bothered. My 10yo DD went to her friend's house dressed in a swimming costume and kaftan earlier.

and kaftan

So she was wearing something to cover her up a bit?!

How has it passed you by that the issue here is that the child was wearing just a swimsuit with a towel round her shoulders?

Cherrysherbet · 15/08/2023 22:29

I wouldn’t be pissed off, but I would make sure my dd knew that she couldn’t do it again.

There’s a time and a place for swimwear.

Pancakebatter · 15/08/2023 22:29

OP you sound like a very strange person.

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 15/08/2023 22:29

MolkosTeenageAngst · 15/08/2023 22:28

In the unlikely event that a child predator was ready and waiting to take a child I don’t think what the child is wearing is going to swing the decision either way, your child is no more vulnerable in a swimsuit than in any other item of clothing. Either it’s a safe route for her to walk or it’s not.

So you'd let your daughter walk a safe route in her underwear? I mean, same difference right?

Willyoubuymeahouseofgold · 15/08/2023 22:30

Was she dropped off with no clothes? Where were her clothes?
No big deal.

Amethys · 15/08/2023 22:30

I would be very unhappy with the oarent who allowed her to leave their house without getting dressed.

In a perfect world men wouldn’t stare at her / make comments, but this isn’t a perfect world.

PurpleButterflyWings · 15/08/2023 22:31

ASGIRC · 15/08/2023 22:27

Im not deluded at all. But I also know that if she was wearing short and a vest, it would be virtually no different from wearing a swimming costume, and also that wearing jeans and a sweater does not prevent leering and letching.

Show quote history

You didn't mention anything about shorts and a vest in your comment I responded to!!! You said jeans and sweater. Stop moving the goalposts to try and win the argument!

Serendipitoushedgehog · 15/08/2023 22:31

I think it’s more of a conversation about what is and isn’t appropriate rather than something to be angry about.

PurpleButterflyWings · 15/08/2023 22:32

Pancakebatter · 15/08/2023 22:29

OP you sound like a very strange person.

Why?

GiveOverRover · 15/08/2023 22:32

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 15/08/2023 22:29

and kaftan

So she was wearing something to cover her up a bit?!

How has it passed you by that the issue here is that the child was wearing just a swimsuit with a towel round her shoulders?

Show quote history

Yes, she had a towel round her shoulders. Let's presume that she was wearing it like a cape rather than a heavyweight boxer. Let's also presume it wasn't a tea towel.

PrimitivePerson · 15/08/2023 22:33

Why are people likening swimsuits to underwear? They're not the same thing at all.

I'd be fine with one of my kids doing this, and I'd not be particularly bothered by anyone else doing it either.

blackheartsgirl · 15/08/2023 22:33

Same.

I’ve had pervs wolf whistling at my 12 year old from cars and she was wearing leggings and a crop top.

I live semi rural and there’s some dodgy people round here.

no chance would my dd be walking around my village on her own dressed in a swimming costume. When she’s at the beach or swimming pool she’s either with me or family /friends

GiveOverRover · 15/08/2023 22:34

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 15/08/2023 22:29

So you'd let your daughter walk a safe route in her underwear? I mean, same difference right?

Show quote history

Unless you're regularly found at your local pool doing the backstroke in your underwear, this makes no sense.

calmcoco · 15/08/2023 22:35

PSBorNormal · 15/08/2023 21:16

Ok. I'm overreacting! I suppose I'm thinking she's making herself vulnerable to unwanted attention. I don't have an issue with her walking home alone. She was wearing shoes. Wearing a swimsuit at the beach or at the pool is rather different to walking through the village wearing one, isn't it?

Oof, you mean you think an 11yo could be to blame for the response of a person with a sexual interest in children if they see her?

If you think there are sexual predators in your village, what difference will a skirt really make?

fireflyloo · 15/08/2023 22:36

I have an 11year old dd. I'd not be happy if she walked through the village in a swimming suit, unless she didn't have actual clothes or a towel to put on (for whatever reason!). she had clothes in a bag so she should've put something else on. Unless it's a beach/ holiday resort I'm sure she looked a bit ridiculous.

ASGIRC · 15/08/2023 22:37

PurpleButterflyWings · 15/08/2023 22:31

You didn't mention anything about shorts and a vest in your comment I responded to!!! You said jeans and sweater. Stop moving the goalposts to try and win the argument!

Show quote history

No, I said that a sweater and jeans would not prevent unwanted attention. And I stand by that statement. Because it is true.
Im not trying to win an argument either. I was saying that wearing a swimming costume would not be attracting MORE unwanted attention than clothes. Because thats not what that unwanted attention is about. It is about power and intimidation.

MolkosTeenageAngst · 15/08/2023 22:37

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 15/08/2023 22:29

So you'd let your daughter walk a safe route in her underwear? I mean, same difference right?

Show quote history

How have you managed to jump from ‘a child is not more vulnerable in a swimsuit’ to ‘your daughter can walk a safe route in underwear’? No, if I had a daughter I would not let her walk in her underwear, but not because I think being in underwear would make her more vulnerable. I wouldn’t let her wear it because underwear is private, it’s socially inappropriate to be in your underwear in any public place. That’s not the case with swimsuits, there are many public places where it is fine to wear a swimsuit. I know logically there isn’t much difference, but socially there is. Anyway, I’m not even saying that the OP’s daughter should be encouraged to wear her swimsuit to walk through the village or that it is socially appropriate to do so - all I have said is that I don’t think being in a swimsuit makes her more vulnerable compared to walking in regular clothing. That doesn’t mean it’s socially appropriate to be in a swimsuit, the fact it’s socially inappropriate is a reasonable argument not to do it, the idea that being in a swimsuit means she’s more vulnerable less so.

JenWillsiam · 15/08/2023 22:37

It wouldn’t even be on my radar of things to care about.

saraclara · 15/08/2023 22:37

Wenfy · 15/08/2023 22:10

In all fairness you’re not an 11 yo girl. A girl that age walking home half-naked through a forest and then a rural centre wouldn’t stand a chance

Show quote history

She's not walking through a forest. The road is along the edge of a forest. So not in it at all.

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