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Original poster

How angry: DD(11) walked through village in swimsuit?

435 replies

PSBorNormal · 15/08/2023 20:56

I'm very pissed off, with DD but mainly with the other parent, at the inappropriate-ness of letting a girl walk home from their house in a swimming costume. DH thinks it's hilarious and I'm over reacting.

DD(11) went to a friends house after school today. Friend lives on a farm on the outskirts of the village (1800 inhabitants), on the edge of the forest. They went swimming in their pool and I'd told DD she needed to be home at 6pm. She walked 5 minutes down the side road from the forest (where a lot of dog walkers park, 5 houses) then 10 minutes down one of the two main roads through the village to the centre where we live, wearing only her swimming costume with a towel around her shoulders.

I don't think this is appropriate and told her off for not getting changed.
DH doesn't see an issue with it.

What would your reaction be?

OP posts:
Honeychickpea · 16/08/2023 02:31

Mydustymonstera · 15/08/2023 21:16

I have an 11 year old and would be really unhappy about this. I also wouldn’t walk about on a street in my swimming costume myself!! My 11 yr old looks much older which doesn’t help but that’s almost irrelevant. It’s about modelling appropriate behaviour to different situations. I would throw a dress on or shorts, or at least wear a sarong and I would expect my children would I do similar. Even as toddlers actually!!

Was your toddler good at sarong wearing?

Honeychickpea · 16/08/2023 02:32

Wenfy · 15/08/2023 22:10

In all fairness you’re not an 11 yo girl. A girl that age walking home half-naked through a forest and then a rural centre wouldn’t stand a chance

Show quote history

And yet she stood a very good chance and was not in fact attacked.

user1492757084 · 16/08/2023 02:38

No worries here.
If it were a larger holiday town I would be more concerned that she was alone - any person alone on dusk - but in your village I would not be alarmed at all..
So nice that she can feel confident and safe on her turf.

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Ihavehadenoughalready · 16/08/2023 03:21

Was she cold? Did she complain? No? Then not a problem if she was comfortable.

Sueveneers · 16/08/2023 03:39

You are way, way, way, waayyy over-reacting. She's a kid, it's summer, wtf is wrong with you? Where I live, in coastal areas and beachside suburbs. in summer some teens and women go shopping and have coffee in malls in their swimwear, Flipflops and bikinis, walk around the city, walk home like this. You sound really wound tight if something as casual, normal and innocuous as this upsets you. I cannot for the life of me work out wtf is your problem here.

WandaWonder · 16/08/2023 03:53

OK a swimsuit was worn and?

Far out talking about drama

Sueveneers · 16/08/2023 04:08

If you were angry with your daughter I really hope you apologise to her, admit you were wrong, or else you could give her a complex. You could have done a lot of damage to her by your response. Please rectify iy.

Sueveneers · 16/08/2023 04:18

Janiie · 15/08/2023 21:33

It's context isn't it. Of course you see people in beach wear by the actual beach but we didn't walk home in our cozzies do we and nor should an 11yr old.

I'd tell her to put clothes on next time op, totally understand your concerns. I'm surprised the other parent didn't give her a lift home tbh.

Show quote history

Yes, we DO walk home in our cozzies. And it's not uncommon where I am to pop into the shops in your swimwear or hang around malls or have a coffee in them. You don't speak for most people. It's totally normal for many people; children, teens, women to walk home in their cozzies. I don't get wtf is wrong with it. I really don't. Maybe people where I am are more laidback and not as uptight and old fashioned.

Sueveneers · 16/08/2023 04:20

Janiie · 15/08/2023 21:37

Honestly some of the ott responses Confused

The op isn't 'shaming' her dd, rather pointing out swimwear is ok by beaches and pools but not to walk home in alone.

Show quote history

It's perfectly ok to walk home in, alone or otherwise. Your posts are the ones that are ott. Confused

Sueveneers · 16/08/2023 04:22

Soontobe60 · 15/08/2023 21:38

I wouldn’t be best pleased. She ISN’T at the beach or a public swimming pool. Would those of you who said this think it was ok to pop into Tesco or the library or the GP in your cozzie?
There’s a time and a place. This was not the place to be wearing swimwear in public.

Yes, I would think it's ok. Maybe not the GP or library, but it wouldn't bother me.

Sueveneers · 16/08/2023 04:25

ASGIRC · 15/08/2023 21:39

Let me tell you OP, unwanted attention happens when you are fully dressed as well!
I have had unwanted attention from men cat calling when I was wearing, I kid you not, overalls and a very large Iron Maiden tshirt!

I do not (and have not, even when I was younger) had more attention for wearing only a swimming suit, than it I was wearing a top and a skirt.

So while I get your concern, it is misplaced, because it is not what she is wearing that is the problem.

Yeah, to me it has remnants of the 'if she isn't clothed properly, she asked for it'. Men give you attention whether you're wearing swimmers, school uniform, work uniform, track suit pants, formal attire, prom gown, or a burka. It really makes zero difference.

OfficerChurlish · 16/08/2023 04:57

DH thinks it's hilarious and I'm over reacting.

He thinks it's hilarious that your daughter walked home in her swimming costume? (Why, if as so many posters here say, it's a non-issue?) Or he thinks it's hilarious that you were concerned/upset?

PeopleAreWeird · 16/08/2023 05:14

So if she was on a beach would you expect her to cover up?

EL8888 · 16/08/2023 05:34

Is this a reverse?!

CelestiaNoctis · 16/08/2023 05:36

Nah I'm with you. I'd be worried about her catching the eye of some predator or something. Obviously it doesn't matter what you're wearing at all (absolutely not victim blaming) but a swimsuit is definitely unusual attire to walk through a woods and village in so would be more noticeable than anything else.

MrsMorrisey · 16/08/2023 05:58

Martinisarebetterdirty · 15/08/2023 21:08

OP I understand, I wouldn’t want DD doing this either, it’s not that you are sexualising her it’s concern about other people and keeping her safe. I’d probably tell her it is t to happen again, explain why and leave it there unless she does it again.
At 11 my DD is tall and has boobs, she looks much older and it isn’t appropriate to wander around in swimwear not by a pool or on a beach.

I agree.
I'd just be asking her to put a slip on dress over the top or something.

MrsMorrisey · 16/08/2023 06:05

Maybe the OP is angry with her to show she wants to protect her.
I'd be angry with my daughter if she did that.
All this "it doesn't matter what she is wearing is bullshit".
Some men can be utterly vile and will look at a young girl in a bathing suit.

Totaly · 16/08/2023 06:09

So if she was on a beach would you expect her to cover up?

She want on a beach.

I walk round naked after a shower - doesn’t mean I’d do it in Tesco or a wedding or work or in the airport.

What a daft comment.

Sothisiit · 16/08/2023 06:10

I think you need to understand why this bothers you and nobody else. If you were on holiday you probably wouldn't see anything wrong so why does being in the 'village' trigger this?

Mummyoflittledragon · 16/08/2023 06:26

thegirlwithemousyhair · 15/08/2023 21:51

Freddiefox: I wouldn’t walk down the road in a swim suit and I wouldn’t be happy with any of my children doing it.
-------

Exactly. This.

Exactly this. I’m surprised at a lot of these posts.

My dd has just turned 15. We were in a supermarket a couple of days ago and a man, approaching or even 80 years old, tall and opposing, was staring at her as we walked past and I felt absolutely sick. Dd also noticed. She was looking glam (in a teen kind of way) in a knee length dress with a slit. I bore my eyes into his skull with rage.

I tell dd she should be able to wear what she likes. However there are weirdos around and she should dress in a way not to catch their attention. Eg she recently wanted to go out in the evening for dinner and the cinema to somewhere near the local city dressed in a long-sleeved catsuit with short shorts. My answer was no problem with the outfit during the day. But not to be dressed like this at 10.30pm.

It is totally naive to think men aren’t ogling tween and teen girls.

LadyPenelope68 · 16/08/2023 06:26

You do realise predators will still be interested in a child fully clothed??? Sorry, total over reaction on your part.

Frozensun · 16/08/2023 06:43

Google “what were you wearing exhibition”. I find it amazing that (I’m assuming primarily) women think it’s acceptable to sexualise any person (let alone a child) to hold them responsible for other people’s actions. I’m in my mid 60s and nothing has changed - society continues to hold victims responsible. And for anyone saying ‘I’m not victim shaming’ - you are.

@Mummyoflittledragon boring your eyes with rage means absolutely nothing. You response should be - at the top of your voice - you dirty pervert, why are you ogling my child?? We’ve been conditioned to be ‘nice’ - we should be assertive.

Mummyoflittledragon · 16/08/2023 06:48

Frozensun · 16/08/2023 06:43

Google “what were you wearing exhibition”. I find it amazing that (I’m assuming primarily) women think it’s acceptable to sexualise any person (let alone a child) to hold them responsible for other people’s actions. I’m in my mid 60s and nothing has changed - society continues to hold victims responsible. And for anyone saying ‘I’m not victim shaming’ - you are.

@Mummyoflittledragon boring your eyes with rage means absolutely nothing. You response should be - at the top of your voice - you dirty pervert, why are you ogling my child?? We’ve been conditioned to be ‘nice’ - we should be assertive.

I obviously understand that. He will have noticed and not cared. This is in France, not at home. I’m physically disabled. Yes, in an ideal world I would have said something but I am not nimble or strong enough to deal with any consequences.

DandDoodlz67 · 16/08/2023 07:01

I haven’t read all the replies but I don’t think it’s a big issue and if the weather was warm I can’t see why you’d be so annoyed I think it’s a non issue

Original poster
PSBorNormal · 16/08/2023 07:01

FWIW, my immediate reaction was a shocked "you walked home like that? Why didn't you get dressed?" DH asked what the issue was and as I couldn't figure out how to explain why I was shocked I didn't say anything apart from shrugging, sending her to wash and get ready for bed so we could eat. Then quietly seethed for the rest of the evening and decided to ask here. Mainly because I can't express logically why I'm uncomfortable about it.

I know that clothes shouldn't make a difference. I'm happy it's safe for her to walk home from her friend's house, although wouldn't let her if it was already dark.

I don't think I'd have an issue with walking back from the beach. But we're nowhere near a beach, neither is it a holiday or tourist destination.
School went back on Monday, to whoever asked.

OP posts: