Has anyone gone without any childcare for an entire summer?

[Chalatte]

Doing this with my kids (9&5) this summer. We spent a large chunk on classes for the older one, plus due to reasons (usual CM not available and budget) we decided just not to have any childcare at all. It has been okay so far, but as both work we try to get our kids to do as much screenfree time as possible and then switch them on to their tablets/tvs/switch until one of us becomes free to deal with them again. We are able to care for them but just not engage them the whole time, which I'm a bit guilty about.
Any solidarity/words of advice is welcome!

I do think you just sound a bit overly picky about the childcare options, like clubs. Even if they’re not special it’s better than just being stuck in. And it would really help your DCs with exactly things like the drawstring incident.

The £1k for tuition sounds extreme too, but is it for a specialist skill?

I think you were expecting most people to respond telling you it's absolutely fine when really it's not great. Most working parents have to use childcare over the summer if they're working and they have to factor it in to their annual expenditure.

Maybe start planning ahead for next year so you can save across the year for it? Also look at nurseries who offer holiday clubs rather than just sports clubs because they may offer your twins more downtime, free play etc.

It's clearly not the end of the world. Your kids are safe, cared for and loved. But it's not ideal either. I agree that it does depend on the DC. My DC wouldn't bother me too much but would get a bit lonely, watch lots of TV and ask for snacks and treats constantly. So I put them in clubs where they get to play with other children, run around loads and take a healthy snack and lunch. Clubs round here are not too expensive... the cheaper ones are around £20 for a half day. It works here as DC is fairly outgoing and makes friends easily. DC doesn't always want to go, but I'm afraid that I shove them in the door. In your situation, I'd have got a babysitter in for 3 hours or so a few times a week so they could take them to the park and play games at least.

Yes I'm very blessed, have never used holiday childcare. My inlaws and OH will look after them whilst I work and I watch them whilst he works.

People are shocked when they ask me where my children are and I say with their dad. As they think that most men wouldn't work less to look after their children.

I work in holiday clubs during school holidays and some of them are horrible. The children that go there every single day are either rude and horrible to the other children or if they are smaller get very upset.

There are 3 children in a holiday club I'm going to on Wednesday who in the past few weeks have called people horrible names, insulted their looks telling little girls that they are ugly like their mum, really destroying their self esteem. And do management send them home? No! Its "please say sorry, thats not very nice...".

Others I have worked in have been better, but if you have sensitive children, be careful. The management just want money and a lot of bully goes on even when other staff report it.

At five and nine years old I would only allow one or two screen type hours per day. You really have to set your home up like a KIndergarten.
Set up stations of craft, painting options, baking, asign cleaning tasks (kids love a small job), have large building pillows, books, games - cards and others.
Nine years olds love to make dolls clothes, write songs, design Christmas cards and there is bound to be a large - long project that they want to do like learning a musical instument..

The five year old is doing well to amuse herself and possibly would love to play outside making a den with ply and boxes and chairs and set up a pet - like a mini tortoise or crab tank, ant farm or teach a cat some skills.
You could involve your kids in making you snacks, stopping you for breaks at set times and planning the daily walk pathway.
Do the kids seem happy?
That is the test.

Life is never ideal. You are doing what you can. Don't beat yourself up. If it's any solace there are many many families in your situation doing the best they can. Those without family support will never understand what a grind it is. Do your best. The kids won't be scarred for life.

That's been my biggest nemesis, keeping their screen time low. It is a lot more than 2 hours at the moment (especially the days I'm not home).

Great tips. I will try to set something up before leaving today.

The kids seem pretty happy, Tbh.

You’re doing what you can. It sounds like you make the best of the time you are not working and have time off with them coming up to do lots.

If home is a happy environment, it’s fine. My kids would have preferred this than going to childcare or holiday clubs which are often shite with people who couldn’t care less about the kids. My kids were happy at home with us and siblings. A bit extra screen time for a few weeks really doesn’t matter.

Many people on here get very worked up about people being allowed to work from home, then they get even more so if people have their kids at home with them. They say they’re concerned for the kids or that people aren’t doing their jobs but I think they’re just annoyed that they’re paying for childcare and you’re not. Ignore them.

I think if you had no choice there would be more sympathy. But seeing as you spent £1000 on tuition that could have been spent to benefit all the children. At 5 years old they are only just out of nursery - far too young to be left all day to amuse themselves. It probably would have been better to split the annual leave one or two days a week over the whole holidays. Next year you need to look at a plan

I constantly feel guilty during the summer holidays that I have to work so much, especially when I see on social media people I know enjoying time off with the kids.
However, my DS is having the time of his life at clubs while I work, even when I'm WFH, so no I don't do it.
As much as he wouldn't complain too much when he was at home, it would be a shame for him to not be enjoying the school hols

That 1k would have been shared between my kids, suitable age appropriate child care. Even if just a day a week.

You can afford it but you just prioritised the tuition.

I would seriously consider a holiday club, you say they aren't very vocal, but holiday club do encourage kids confidence massively. I see a big improvement every time my now 7 year old goes.
I had DD home and was working during covid, it was bad for my stress levels as couldn't give her what she needed. That was a time when employers were supportive of having to work and look after kids, so were very flexible. I couldn't and wouldn't do it now

Childcare for 2 5 year olds must be pretty costly.

I do understand what with moving/buying a house recently would be costly too and wanting to keep costs down.

Rather than taking bulk time off, would it be a bit better to next time take a Mon and Tues off or Thurs and Friday so it breaks up each week a bit more thats what im currently doing.

Then on a Wednesday a holiday activity club if you have them or find a trusted childminder for just the holidays. Or even a babysitter for a couple of hours so you can focus on work whilst they play with the children in your home?

I don't know how you've done it so far I could have cried at the end of the day after trying to work and needing constant attention as my DD isn't very good at playing on her own.

The next time I armed myself with a bag of new arts and crafts with stickers, paints, mosaic art, animal figure painting ect alot from charity shops about £20 in total and let her sit opposite me whilst I worked and she played it was a much easier day.

Look, these are the circumstances you are in now. It doesn't mean you're a bad mum. Some people are unkind, and its easy to judge when they are not in the exact circumstances you are in. But you will know for next time what works and what doesn't and hopefully some people have given good advice.

Why assume that everyone commenting has family support? I've been a lone parent since DS was a baby and have zero support. I still think it's unfair to keep 5 year olds at home all day while you work especially if you had a spare £1k to spend on other stuff.

@Chalatte

Thank you -- some of the comments here are harsh.. I don't think people realise that I'm struggling here too, it's not exactly been my first choice

But you chose to spend £1.000 on tuition for one child. What was it for? I feel a bit sorry for a small child doing a long day of tuition at the end of the school year.

I don't think both parents working FT with 3 children and no family support is going to be ideal for children. For the reasons you are saying - no help in holidays, childcare is expensive.

I think it would be better to send them to the holiday club at school for a couple of days a week.

I think parents need to factor the cost in when deciding whether to have more children. We stopped at 2 because we couldn't afford a third 🤷🏻‍♀️

We have, they always like a home week for the first week anyway so they unwound, had more than the normal screen allowance (but not all day everyday), one of us had leave for the 2nd week, 3rd week was a cobble together of us wfh with them, or them being with grandparents overnight, this week dp is off then another cobbled week then we’re all off for the end. It’s worked well but my dc are 9 and 11, and are very happy at home playing Lego for hours etc. Probably wouldn’t work as well with DC who like going out. They’ve been allowed friends over too when we’ve been wfh.
It’s worked really well but it’s a combination of personality and age I think. It wouldn’t have worked much earlier.

Sorry OP, but this is really shit parenting. I mean, it’s not like you don’t know that kids are off school for 6 weeks every year. Do your employers know that you’re looking after your children whilst wfh? Most employers don’t allow this - for good reason!
For next year, both you and dh need to book 2 weeks holiday consecutively, and each of you book 1 week unpaid parental leave so your children are properly looked after.

Gosh there's some drama llamas on here 😵‍💫

OP, look its obviously not ideal but that's life. You're muddling through to give your kids a nice life. They aren't on screens all the time, still getting fresh air etc, you still have time with them. Give yourself a break. It's certainly nowhere near neglect!!

Evene if they were on screens for the whole summer that wouldn't be neglect either FYI

Sorry but I also agree with the majority here - this is pretty terrible parenting imo. Comparing to Covid is not valid as we are not currently in the midst of a pandemic and there are plenty of childminders and clubs operating - you’ve made an intentional choice not to use them and deprive your children of it.

Your argument about bad experience with one CM is also a load of crap - there are so many out there. You would never find anything for any service if you decided to deny the entire service because of one bad experience.

Children who are left like this over an extended period miss out on a lot in the holiday - socialisation, interaction, learning new skills to start with. They regress and start school further behind their peers

I know a handful of parents who will do it for a day or two each week in the holidays for financial reasons (usually child is older than 5) but no one who has done it daily. For the odd day, it gives a child downtime to relax at home and play with their toys. Doing it daily is not appropriate and I despair when people do because once employers catch on, everyone will lose the wfh privilege

this summer I decided to not book any childcare. I have a 11 & 7 year old. We live on a new estate and every day they are out playing with friends in the park across the road. They have loved it and are out playing most of the day. When they are inside they play on computer, youngest with toys or painting etc. it’s not been an issue as both me and OH work from home.

we had 2 weeks off to go to Disney world. It’s been great and compared to last year where both were so unhappy going to holiday clubs which cost a fortune I thought it was great.

Some of us can't afford childcare and are self employed so no leave either. I'm not "doing" Andy thing to my child. It's fucking hard . Working with a 2 and 5 year old, finish as early as poss to do something with them then finish more work when home. It's hell. No judgement pls

Why the tuition, @Chalatte ? Why not use that for childcare for all of them?

Do your employers know that's what you're doing? Our WFH policy states that WFH cannot be used to cover childcare and appropriate childcare arrangements need to be in place. I'm pretty sure my line manager is sneakily doing similar though. She's regularly unavailable and distracted during the day and it's v frustrating. As a PP said, it's also likely to lead to employers withdrawing flexibility for all.

I'll only be starting to do without holiday childcare next year when mine will all be secondary age.

It does make a difference that it is 4 weeks versus due 6 it sounded like at first. And then for the 9 year old really 2 weeks given the intense tuition in weeks 1 and 2 which isn’t so bad at that age to have 2 weeks of pottering about.

The issue is the 5yos who have had quite a long stint and are probably a bit too young to do that without other children and some proper supervision. There are definitely camps and camps though so just because you’ve had a bad experience before doesn’t mean they’re all like that. It’s taken a little while for us to find the best ones locally. There are some which are basically teenagers in a hall with minimal engagement (probably like the one you tried) and some amazing ones where they learn lots of new things, are managed very well. Look at the ones run out of private schools- they’ve been the best ones for us as the kids can go swimming.