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Original poster

Has anyone gone without any childcare for an entire summer?

139 replies

Chalatte · 13/08/2023 21:50

Doing this with my kids (9&5) this summer. We spent a large chunk on classes for the older one, plus due to reasons (usual CM not available and budget) we decided just not to have any childcare at all. It has been okay so far, but as both work we try to get our kids to do as much screenfree time as possible and then switch them on to their tablets/tvs/switch until one of us becomes free to deal with them again. We are able to care for them but just not engage them the whole time, which I'm a bit guilty about.
Any solidarity/words of advice is welcome!

OP posts:
Original poster
Chalatte · 13/08/2023 22:23

EthicalNonMahogany · 13/08/2023 22:20

How??? How is this even at all possible?? And a five year old?? When do they get taken out? Who mediates between fights between them? How can you possibly do any work at all if you are caring for them?

I'm probably assuming all work is like mine which is intense zoom calls and phone calls interspersed with really hard-core focus time to hit deadlines.

My kids can go about two hours and that's with screens plugged into them.

There are 2 five-year-olds -- the downstairs is basically bedsheets and all the stuffed animals and all sorts of role playing going on. Millions of fights that will have to be broken up every 20 minutes etc. My poor husband.. I'm wracked with guilt everytime I leave the house on a Monday morning😥

OP posts:
WhisperingHi · 13/08/2023 22:27

I'm sorry OP, I also think this isn't great. Aren't there any local clubs they can go to, even once or twice a week?

Having said that, it's one summer. I would work on buying leave or equivalent so one of you can be around more next summer. It's really hard though, juggling so much holiday with a/l. Not easy!

Crunchiethatfridayfeeling · 13/08/2023 22:28

I think sometimes we have to do what we have to do and I wouldn't judge any parent for trying to get through the long summer holidays in any way they need to.

I dont understand the tuition bit and I'd have probably not spent that and funnelled that money into at least some days of clubs or activities but you obviously have your reasons for doing that.

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Original poster
Chalatte · 13/08/2023 22:29

cpphelp · 13/08/2023 21:58

How much extra do you get from your job for doing this this one summer only? Is it so that you have enough bonus for Disneyland for Christmas?
Otherwise, crappy parenting I'm afraid

I hope you didn't mean to sound as judgmental as you come across...never been to Disney land in my life! Don't plan on it either...

I am taking the 2 weeks off at the end of August but my partner cannot. We don't have family in this country to rely on so we don't have those luxuries/privileges. We just bought a home (albeit a year ago) but money has been somewhat tight.

New area, the CM we found and trusted is not available for this summer -- did not want to pay any other CM/nanny for this job because we had a bad experience last year.

We have kept screen time from 11AM until evening -- until it was time to pick up DD from tuition at 4pm. After that it would be dinner play and maybe a walk to the playground before/after, depending on the weather, though not everyday.

It's not easy but it was a combination of many factors that led us to this situation. Usually in August we have family over who could help or we'd be traveling, I don't think this is something that would happen every year.

OP posts:
EezyOozy · 13/08/2023 22:30

I have a 4.5 year old and a 5.5 year old and there is no chance I’d do this unless I had zero other choices. They’d be bored, they’d fight, or be in front of screens all day…. They’d be barely parented at all if one of us was genuinely working and “parenting” them, and it would be awful for everyone. Sorry if that’s not what you want to hear. Obviously if there’s no choice, there’s no choice…. Not sure why you needed to spend £1k on tuition. Surely that could have gone on some days with a childminder.

Original poster
Chalatte · 13/08/2023 22:31

Strawberryfieldsforeverrr · 13/08/2023 21:58

Are you both working 5 days a week? Can you not flex a bit for the remainder and do some days out etc?

We boht work 5 days a week but I am now working half days on Friday so I do get the second half off! Not the best deal but it's something. The days I'm not commuting into work it saves me a good 2 hours that I can instead spend those hours with the kids.

OP posts:
Itsjeremycorbynsfault · 13/08/2023 22:31

Needs must sometimes so there's no point beating yourself up about it. But I can totally relate.

We're having a week and a half of holiday club, one week where I was off, one week where partner was off and two and half weeks of me taking the kids to my workplace for half days where they have to entertain themselves on screens. I then go back to work in the evening when DP gets home

It's awful and I hate it and would love to spend a glorious time 'making memories' but you just have to battle through managing work and finances. Not everyone can afford lots of childcare. I'm a sole trader and summer is my busiest time and DP can't take weeks off at a time either.

We have our quality time as a family over Christmas instead

mondaytosunday · 13/08/2023 22:31

@ChaliceinWonderland do they even need minding at that age?
OP I'm surprised your five year old can cope and isn't it a lot of pressure on your older one to be 'the one in charge' so to speak? But if it's the way you have to do it I don't think it's harmful, just not ideal.

Original poster
Chalatte · 13/08/2023 22:33

Itsjeremycorbynsfault · 13/08/2023 22:31

Needs must sometimes so there's no point beating yourself up about it. But I can totally relate.

We're having a week and a half of holiday club, one week where I was off, one week where partner was off and two and half weeks of me taking the kids to my workplace for half days where they have to entertain themselves on screens. I then go back to work in the evening when DP gets home

It's awful and I hate it and would love to spend a glorious time 'making memories' but you just have to battle through managing work and finances. Not everyone can afford lots of childcare. I'm a sole trader and summer is my busiest time and DP can't take weeks off at a time either.

We have our quality time as a family over Christmas instead

Thank you -- some of the comments here are harsh.. I don't think people realise that I'm struggling here too, it's not exactly been my first choice...

OP posts:
MidnightRunning · 13/08/2023 22:35

No. Absolutely not and I consider myself to be quite free range when it comes to parenting. DS is 6 and does camp on a Tuesday and Thursday. DH takes off a Monday. I take a Wednesday. Then we take a half day each on a Friday. I work in a highly skilled professional role in a company who are very laid back, but even then I make a note of where DS is and who's off with him in my Google calendar so that work know I'm not taking the piss. I get it's hard. I get that ten weeks between two working parents doesn't stretch to the thirteenth weeks holiday they get, but this isn't ok.

Covidwoes · 13/08/2023 22:36

I am a teacher, so am very lucky I don't have to worry about this, but I do have to go into work at various points in the holidays, so both DDs go into childcare on those days. We make sure we put money aside for it.

What was the tuition for OP? Is it 11+? I was going to suggest that could have gone towards some summer clubs.

cpphelp · 13/08/2023 22:37

You aren't struggling if you're paying 1k in tuition 🤣.
Please make sure you book annual leave next summer. I say this as a child of a single parent who didn't pay 1k for summer tuition!

FusionChefGeoff · 13/08/2023 22:37

Ours are attending a huge mix of different clubs and it's not cost us a penny as we have researched ones that will accept childcare vouchers. Could either of you get vouchers through work to pay for future clubs?? I think it's really unfair leaving 5 year olds unsupervised / unstructured for such a long time

Original poster
Chalatte · 13/08/2023 22:37

Crunchiethatfridayfeeling · 13/08/2023 22:28

I think sometimes we have to do what we have to do and I wouldn't judge any parent for trying to get through the long summer holidays in any way they need to.

I dont understand the tuition bit and I'd have probably not spent that and funnelled that money into at least some days of clubs or activities but you obviously have your reasons for doing that.

Thank you -- it is hard to explain. I'm getting half a day on Friday off so it gives me 2.5 days to be with the kids.
With the tuition -- it's London and everything is steep. This i something we committed to at the beginning of last year so it' really is a continuation of that.
With our CM we did not have a choice as she won't be working this summer. We had a nightmare nanny last year and don't want to try a random stranger again. We decided we may as well work through this somehow, which is how we're in this position.
To be fair I will be home for 2 of these 6 weeks and the days I am working from home I wind up as early as possible so I am available to my kids for the remainder of the day.

OP posts:
Beezknees · 13/08/2023 22:37

I think that's quite bad for 5 year olds honestly.

Itsjeremycorbynsfault · 13/08/2023 22:38

Chalatte · 13/08/2023 22:33

Thank you -- some of the comments here are harsh.. I don't think people realise that I'm struggling here too, it's not exactly been my first choice...

Show quote history

Yes I thought them harsh too !

We don't do this because we want to and like leaving our kids on devices but at times making sure we have enough money as a family to pay the bills, feed and provide for our children has to take precedence.

Children in an ordinarily loving home with involved, caring parents will cope !

arethereanyleftatall · 13/08/2023 22:39

Don't worry op.

It is what it is and you are clearly doing your best.

I think it would be worse if weren't aware of it, but you are, and you're doing what you can.

It is what it is.

MidnightRunning · 13/08/2023 22:41

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FusionChefGeoff · 13/08/2023 22:41

You mention Childminders / nannies / babysitters but not clubs - why can't you look at eg sports / arts / drama clubs? Not as in county level badminton stuff, but more kicking a foam football around a leisure centre hall type set up. There are absolutely tonnes of those round us around £25 a day.

You don't even have to do it full time, just Tues and Thurs perhaps so there's no more than 1 day in a row where they are left to their own devices

SoRad · 13/08/2023 22:41

Cosycover · 13/08/2023 22:17

Yep. Aged 10 and 6. I WFH part time. It's been incredibly difficult. But beggars can't be choosers. So it is what it is.

I would have thought that this is what most people are doing due to extortionate childcare costs?!… Surely the cost increases hugely in the holidays?

Nopicplease · 13/08/2023 22:42

I've not used any paid childcare this summer. I do only work 3 days a week though. I've only managed to get 1 week leave.
They go to a family member one day, stay with me whilst I wfh one day and stay with another family member whilst they wfh another day. Its not ideal but it is what it is.

Original poster
Chalatte · 13/08/2023 22:43

arethereanyleftatall · 13/08/2023 22:39

Don't worry op.

It is what it is and you are clearly doing your best.

I think it would be worse if weren't aware of it, but you are, and you're doing what you can.

It is what it is.

Thank you for the empathy. It really helps to read that amongst the sea of unsupportive comments...
By the way, if I may add I am one of those parents who didn't let my kids have any screen time until they were 2...

I think until someone has twins or multiples of their own or have had no support system to boot they will not be able to empathise with my situation...

I am fully aware of it and it has me pretty uncomfortable with it. I'm counting down the days -- I have 3 more days to go in to work and then that's it for the rest of the month. I don't know why I posted here, I suppose I was looking for some empathy, advice/solidarity!

OP posts:
InTheFutilityRoomEatingBiscuits · 13/08/2023 22:47

Affording childcare was an impossibility when I had my first baby so we muddled through, I got used to not using it I suppose. Working and looking after the kids at the same time was just life. Now I am in a position to afford childcare, some of the DC are too old and for the younger there just isn’t any that’s suitable. It was never the plan to avoid using childcare for the kids but it has ended up being the reality. It is stressful. But it did help in lockdown.

NoEffingWay · 13/08/2023 22:47

I'll have taken 1 week off with DS, who is 11, and my ex-h has taken a week off. There's no childcare I could afford on my crappy wages and feed the family.

He seems happy enough and gets time with my DH who works shifts which means it's not been totally home based.

I refuse to beat myself up about it, we do plenty of activities and will have had two holidays by the end of the summer.

SoSad44 · 13/08/2023 22:48

Can’t you use holiday clubs? Even for half days? Honestly I feel sorry for the kids, it sounds awful and frankly a bit neglectful.
how can you budget 1k for a tutor and then have no money left for childcare! Your priorities are off!

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