Things your parents didn't believe in

[Aspergallus]

Inspired by the Timotei thread where someone mentioned that their mum didn't believe in hair conditioner, I realised there is actually quite a long list of things my parents didn't believe in that still leave me, at nearly 50 with DC of my own, feeling like I'm being ridiculously extra for doing every day things:

Hair conditioner as above -deemed totally unnecessary, not a real thing, and drain blocking by my parents. I had long, dry curly hair...

Vitamins -I bought my own as a teen as I thought it might help with acne. They behaved like I was shooting up H.

Make up. My mum believed that all make up (but particularly foundation) was the cause of all skin aging and would tell me (when I was wearing it to hide teenage acne) that once I was 40 I would look older than her as a result.

Tampons. Apparently if you used tampons, you'd have to go for a D&C every year or so due to "build up".

Deodorant. Not necessary if you washed apparently. They considered it something dirty people used in lieu of washing.

Sunglasses, especially when driving. Could make you go blind. Like the reading in the dark old wives tale. As a result my mum spend many a summer gardening with no eye protection and got early cataracts. Yet she still looks at me suspiciously, like I might crash, if I put them on to drive on a sunny day.

Contact lenses -seriously dangerous in their view.

Sun block -they were of that generation that used baby oil and encouraged me to do the same because I was so pale and unhealthy.

Changing job -you got one job and stuck with it or your CV would be ruined forever. And they took this literally, expecting me to stick with chambermaiding as a 17 year old. When I was in a professional role and given rotating training -shifting every 6 months, they were horrified. I'd never work again etc.

Hobbies including sport. They simply did not believe in hobbies or interests unless you were going to make it your whole life's devotion, career or it was going to take you to the Olympics. The idea that you might try something out, and not stick with it was outrageous.

I think my parents might have been particularly odd. There are other examples I can't bring myself to say out loud.

Please tell me other people have similar tales of things their parents didn't believe in...

Tomato ketchup

Not mine, but my best friend's family back in the 70s were Mormon (they still are, but time and generations have diluted things somewhat).
Lovely people, but her dad in particular was very 'straight down the line' about it.
Refused to have any talk of sex or bodily functions at all, with the result that her eldest brother got his first girlfriend pregnant when he was 25.
Her dad went absolutely mad. He said that having sex outside marriage was 'second only to murdering someone' (I'm not entirely sure if this was a Mormon thing, or his take on it) and l was told that her brother was hauled off to their local temple to see the bishop and warned about his behaviour. More or less told he wasn't to have sex again until he got married! He'd never been told anything about contraception (he was a teenager in the 60s), and told me he wouldn't have dared buy condoms in case someone saw him and told his dad!

My friend's mum told her about periods (mum had been a nurse, and wasn't quite as shy about discussing bodily functions as dad was) but that was about it, nothing about sex or contraception.
By which time l was going out with her older brother after he'd split from girl he had the baby with (I had pre-empted the chance of babies and went on the pill), and my friend asked me to tell her about sex "because nobody else will!"
And we didn't dare tell her dad l was going out with her brother for quite a while. Her mum knew, but when her dad found out, he told her brother "Well we don't want any SURPRISES (babies) with this girl, so think on, lad...."
He was a bit selective with his views, though. Sex outside marriage was utterly taboo, but contrary to Mormon doctrine about nicotine, alcohol and caffeine, he'd smoked from being a teenager and always had a few Snowballs at Christmas.

My dad had a big income, nothing to do with lack of money. We were only ever encouraged to try at things we were good at.
when j wanted to apply to musical school he told me it’s better to be the best among the mediocre than to be the worst among the best, so I didn’t apply.

maybe it was to save us having to fail but it also stopped us having wins and having fun trying.

We had no central heating for most of my childhood. I remember getting chilblains in the winter and ice on the windowpane inside. It was expensive to run central heating and many homes didn’t have it installed.

This thread makes me think that people need to pass some sort of exam before they are allowed to have children. I am so sorry some of you had such a rotten time.

This was my mum: a hard no to fly-fronted trousers for women. Because A Woman Can Have No Use For Such A Thing, uttered in ominous tones. Warped Catholic.

Years ago, in my early twenties, l wanted to have driving lessons.
My mother said "Well l can't see the point, katseyes, we haven't got a car...."
I was another one who had to have my hair cut short like a boy until l was in my teens and insisted on growing it.
I'm in my sixties now and it's past my shoulders. It's even been down to my waist at times. I haven't got the kind of face that suits short hair. Especially when l was young and podgy. It wasn't flattering at all.
My mother didn't believe in skin care, makeup, perfume, nail varnish, or having your hair done. When l had cystic acne in my early teens, she said "Well you don't take after me. I've never had a spot in my life!" Just what you want to hear when you're fourteen, horrendously self conscious, and have a face like a pizza.
Thank goodness my auntie (her sister) was very feminine and bought me perfume, makeup, and skin care. Thanks to her l've looked after my skin since l was thirteen and l'm told l look a good bit younger than my actual age now.

Awww your parents sound lovely. I don't get the duvet/ anorak thing but the others aren't so bad. Germolene was ever present in our house - the slightest whiff of it now can take me back to being 7.

here, here! Couldn't agree more!

They used to have dog licences. Yet never had there been a licence to raise children. There should be. It's time people stopped acting like children are their right. Children are a responsibility!

To you too @DragonScreeches . I read your post.

@Pancakebatter I think that you've described the other side of it really well.

I'm often curious though about the background of treating children like a lower priority. I'm apparently not the only person here living in a house where the kids got:

worse clothes
worse healthcare
worse food
less or no access to hobbies and interests
(arguably less respect as a human with needs, wants and autonomy)

...than the adults living in the house. From my own experience there were beliefs about what you made do with as kids until you could afford these things yourself when you were an adult. My parents were already adults so it was their time to have a nice car, clothes, the naice ham ;-), expensive football season ticket etc.

Now its the other way round. People going without because they want to get their kids through private school. Prioritising experiences through the developmental period rather than what the adults want to be doing etc. Making sure they are clean, well dressed, healthcare needs met etc. I mean, I forget to go the dentist, and am always behind on eye tests, smears etc...but my kids; not a chance, everything they need, at the right time.

Heating - house was always freezing except living room which was tropical due to open coal fire
Holidays
Encouragement
Praise
Friends
Physical affection
Changing jobs
Washing - dad was a farmer and washed once a week!
Going anywhere - restaurants, cinema, to see friends

I think the undies in bed thing is generational - my mother was (and still is) the same.

Dinosaurs
Evolution
Sex before marriage
Dating before marriage (dating is just practising divorce according to my mum)

For all those anti- fabric softner-

My mum can'tve used it much because I thought jeans in their natural state were like cardboard.

You have just reminded me that with our first computer, in the 90s, we had a family email address!

I’m an eighties kids and honestly, reading this thread has made me realise how great my parents were. We had all the basics - shelter, food, love, but they were actually quite forward thinking parents. I had tampons, bras, conditioners and plucked eyebrows and I was encouraged to become the best woman I could be - education, employment, etc and we ate some crazy food - lobsters, escargots, onion soup, cheese and spinach tortellinis, bagels with smoked salmon, grilled asparagus- my parents tried it all and so did we.

However, we also had a few ‘unacceptables’. Ours was no pyjamas downstairs, no blankets in the living room (whenever I snuggle up with my throw on the couch, I think of my father cursing me for such sloth like behaviour), no ‘outside’ clothes on the bed, the house had to be perfect when we went to bed - no dishes in the sink, pillows plumped. Pets were animals - no dogs in bed. You could only eat at the table. The idea of scoffing a muffin or balancing a plate on your lap on the sofa was seriously frowned upon.

I know for some this thread has been difficult but for me it’s reminded me of what my life used to be like with my original family and yeah, it’s been over thirty years, but I’ll still cut the toothpaste tube in half and scoop the remnants with my toothbrush because that’s what my mother did even though there was a new tube in the cupboard.

My parents/family/friends of that generation used to think that sunglasses would damage your eyes. They used to say it was better to squint if needed. This was explained by the fact that the darkness would open up the pupil and the light rays would have more access to damage the eye. I don't think it was quite explained in those terms but that was the gist. Oddly based in some sort of scientific theory for my family tbh! And tbf they may not have been wrong. Would sunglasses from that era of contained the UV protection that they do now?

I know if I buy sunglasses I avoid any that don't say they have good UV protection...

My father didn’t believe in women working. He used to say that women should be in the home, freeing up more jobs for men.

They didn’t ever go into pubs, shocking places.

We never ate out.

Whatnow?

My mum didn’t believe it really needed sanitary towels for a period. I make a mess many times. We weren’t poor but she objected to buying them.

my MIL poured pints of conditioner into her washing. Her towels repelled all water.

I do think a lot of it was about cost. People were generally much more frugal when we were kids.

I also wasn't allowed tampons. If I wanted them I had to buy them myself. That was definitely because of cost. And my mum used pads so viewed tampons as an unnecessary expense.

My mother wasn’t ‘allowed’ to go back to work by my father. He thought it would make him look like he could t provide for his family. Therefore he had a depressed miserable wife and we were always struggling financially. She put her foot down when I was 16 and went back to work.

I got a job when I was 19 working part time in a pub to support myself at College. My mother came in to beg me to leave as she thought working in a pub was shameful.

Tampons - my mother didn't approve of them full stop. She was horrified when she realised I used them...when I was 41 years old!

Hobbies - nope.

Out of school activities - nope

Having friends around/visiting friends houses - nope

We were told only 'boring' people did the three above

Doing anything at the weekends. We were supposed to just sit around the house being quiet. Only 'allowed' to go out to help parents with shopping.

Parents chose what subjects I did at O level. When I was 16 I wanted to be a hairdresser...that wasn't good enough for my mother. I 'had' to be either a lawyer or journalist (a well meaning teacher had told my mother when I was 8 that I had an aptitude for both). My mother was horrified once again when I went to do my 3rd degree in Archaeology when I was 38...just because I wanted to.

Both parents were narcissists who really shouldn't have had children.