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Are my in laws living in the 50s?

124 replies

seriouslythisistrue · 12/08/2023 09:47

Just setting the scene ...

My in laws live in a contemporary loft style apartment. Very good taste. Expensive high end designer clothes. They look a lot younger than they are.

Anyway, it transpires that in fact they are SO traditional.

Every morning she lays out the "designer" suit, shirt and tie that she has picked out for him to wear to work that day.

She cleans his shoes every night and leaves them by the door ready for work the next morning.

He works full time and she stays home and "runs the house". It is immaculate!

She cooks fantastic meals. He literally doesn't know how to cook ANYTHING.

He drives everywhere as it's the man's role. When I go to visit he tries to stand behind my car and see me in or out of a parking spot.

Now I've been brought up in a council house. My dad didn't work as he was unwell, but tried to do as much as he could around the house, so my mum had to work so we had enough money.

My upbringing is therefore not traditional and totally different to my husbands.

It hasn't gone down well with my in laws that my husband and I both work full time. I hate cooking. I don't iron his shirts so he does his own etc! If the loo needed a clean then either myself or my husband would do it!

I drive everywhere and am a confident driver. I learnt to drive in central London and would drive round Hyde Park Corner every day. I therefore laughed recently at the big dent in the back of his car as he'd reversed into a post!

We do not have men's and women's roles.

I play up to it and enjoy winding them up (not in jest) about it.

Seriously though, I really struggle with their mindset.

OP posts:
HeddaGarbled · 12/08/2023 09:50

Wouldn’t life be boring if we were all the same? If they’re happy, where’s the harm? Don’t be mean.

LittleMrsPretty · 12/08/2023 09:50

I would struggle with this to, and would enjoy the windong them up aspect. Do they just have sons or dk have a daughter?

does MIl not drive at all, what if she wants to go somewhere in the day when he's at work?

OrangeBlossom28 · 12/08/2023 09:52

If it works for them, what's the harm.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

clpsmum · 12/08/2023 09:53

Live and let live as long as they are BOTH happy

alwaysbelieveinyourself · 12/08/2023 09:58

From what the OP has inferred, she gets a hard time from them for how she chooses to live her life, so it's not a case of let them get on with it!

Belladonna56 · 12/08/2023 09:59

They live their lives in their own way, and you are equally free to live yours in the way you prefer.

People are different in many ways; just accept it and don't stress about it.

mynameiscalypso · 12/08/2023 10:00

My in laws are a bit like this. My FIL still works but often works from home. My MIL is retired but can't do anything with her time as she needs to be at home to make FIL his lunch every day.

Anywherebuthere · 12/08/2023 10:01

'Not in jest'? Why though? Thats not very kind or respectful.

If they are happy with how they live their lives, then your thougts on it are irrelevant.

However, I do think they may struggle if one of them isnt around anymore, they sound very reliant on each other for the roles they play.

rosie1959 · 12/08/2023 10:02

Quite frankly it’s none of your business how they run their lives. Why do you enjoy winding them up who benefits from that.

OnionBhajis · 12/08/2023 10:03

Oooh I'd love that. Especially with money for a cleaner, and a nice house.

There's so much I'd love to do with my day and I'd love to have the energy to cook (and money for good ingredients ts!)

Shinyandnew1 · 12/08/2023 10:06

I therefore laughed recently at the big dent in the back of his car as he'd reversed into a post!

That just makes you sound bitchy.

NooNakedJacuzziness · 12/08/2023 10:07

Variety is the spice of life, how dull it would be if we were all the same. I'd find them fascinating, love quirky people.

DustyLee123 · 12/08/2023 10:09

Why would you deliberately wind them up about the way they choose to live ? What does that make you ?

WandaWonder · 12/08/2023 10:10

Causing issues with you yes problem, but why does it matter?

Is it that you need to feel like you are right?

Does it make you a better person?

Sure I don't get their thinking but I get sick of this 'well I am right so there' childish way of looking at thingd

SavBlancTonight · 12/08/2023 10:10

I couldn't live like that, but I think its fine. Because based on what you are saying, it's a fair split. He provides financially and she does everything at home. But she's not also expected to earn her own money, work, etc etc. The issue today is that too often women are expected to do the traditional female roles but also to work and pay their own way and that's where it breaks down.

It would be more of an issue if they judge you and your dh for doing it differently.

seriouslythisistrue · 12/08/2023 10:11

As my original post said, the choices my husband and I have made haven't gone down well with my in laws.

I didn't want to say too much but they have judged me and made lots of inappropriate comments over the years.

They think that if I want to work full time then I should still be doing everything for my husband.

Is it no surprise I end up winding them up a bit? I haven't been rude to them and fallen out!

OP posts:
ssd · 12/08/2023 10:12

You sound so mean op.

dontjumptoconclusionsallthetime · 12/08/2023 10:14

ssd · 12/08/2023 10:12

You sound so mean op.

Have you read her update?

toomuchlaundry · 12/08/2023 10:14

What does your DH say to them if they are judging you?

The way they live is fine for them, although either of them may struggle if one of them gets sick or dies, although appears they have money they could throw at the problem

AliceOlive · 12/08/2023 10:14

What do you want from this thread? They sound judgmental and you sound childish. Feel bad for your DH being caught in between.

GellerYeller · 12/08/2023 10:15

Similar set up for mine too. MIL will hand FIL wine bottles to open and he carves the roast! She thinks it’s terribly modern DH changed our kids nappies.
Not mocking them though. They’re happy.

WandaWonder · 12/08/2023 10:16

Then address the problems, 'winding them up' makes you sound 12

But if you and your husband and not doing anything wrong why does their opinion matter?, they can say what they like their lifestyle is not something to laugh about

CurlewKate · 12/08/2023 10:18

When you say "winding up" what do you mean?

hothothotsauce · 12/08/2023 10:19

seriouslythisistrue · 12/08/2023 10:11

As my original post said, the choices my husband and I have made haven't gone down well with my in laws.

I didn't want to say too much but they have judged me and made lots of inappropriate comments over the years.

They think that if I want to work full time then I should still be doing everything for my husband.

Is it no surprise I end up winding them up a bit? I haven't been rude to them and fallen out!

Wow that's definitely an outdated view and would grind my gears too.

toomuchlaundry · 12/08/2023 10:19

@GellerYeller my Nan asked if I was ill the first time she saw DH take DS to the bathroom to change his nappy! But my family quickly realised this was the way we did things (my DM was jealous as my DF had never got involved with the mucky side of babies)