I haven’t read the full thread - too long!
In your culture (assuming Pakistani) I realise that a ‘good girl’ (you know what I mean by that OP) should be creating the perfect family home whilst the husband goes out to work. A lot do achieve that and they have a strong family network they’re happily within and all are supportive of each other. The husband is also ‘extra good’ if he helps/ plays with the kids. You dreamt of this, it is expected from your culture.
unfortunately, you don’t have that, and I’m pretty sure you never will. Your main frustration is that your DH can’t earn. There are people like that, you know. They don’t have the drive, the intelligence or competence to hold down jobs, ever. Your DH is one of them. Unless he has a skill/ passion you haven’t told us, he is unlikely to be the high earner you want/ need him to be.
So this is probably only the beginning of a very difficult long term state for you- if you choose to remain in this exact same position. What to do? Everyone you speak to in your network ‘agrees’ on your behalf but your family is not willing to speak up for you and his family will not get involved (probably because they know what a deadbeat he is but too ashamed to admit it).
Reality is, he is highly unlikely to improve his prospects. He probably thinks that the house is a ball and chain that he can’t cope with and hence sees renting as the easy way out. This really is someone with low intelligence.
You also don’t want to get divorced because of the shame of it. British women do experience this feeling too - it’s not necessarily a cultural thing. But so far, what people think has not helped you at all. So why feel ashamed?
So let’s say right now you get a job but I reckon that will probably just a paper over the big cracks. When you do, I can see him stopping work completely and just being at home without doing anything to help. And as the ‘ man’ of the house and head of house, he is entitled to do what he wants. You’re in a lose-lose situation with him.
This is where you really need to speak to your family and seriously say to them that you must come home as your husband is prepared to make you homeless. You need to discuss moving back to England, finding schools nearby and somewhere to live - with their support. I realise that this is likely to bring massive drama to their doorstep - but frankly, tough, in times like this, they should be looking out for their daughter and grandchildren.
You should also get a job when your back in your family’s area. Any job. It doesn’t matter what. You need to understand the work place and earning power. You cannot be as sheltered as you want to be as it’s not realistic. Your children will not thank you for it.
And whilst doing that, speak to a solicitor about divorce. Try and find one that is recommended from the area where your parents live. I don’t know about finding one from your own culture as they may try to dissuade you from divorcing or even talk about it without your knowledge ( I know it’s illegal but that doesn’t mean it’s a bar). That’s up to you. But find one.
The bottom line is that you need to start helping yourself as you’ve landed a bad husband who will probably destroy your life. You just need the mental acceptance and then the courage it make it happen. It can be done - and that’s what people are trying to tell you here. Good luck, wish you and your kids all the best.