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Original poster

Husband giving me an ultimatum - forcing me to get a job or sell our house

847 replies

namechanged808 · 08/08/2023 23:04

My husband and I have a mortgage on our house.

I am a SAHM of three children, 3, 5 and 7.

He says we can't afford the house we live in and wants to move to a rented council house.

I don't want to do that as I enjoy having a house of my own, that I can make mine. I don't want to rent for the rest of my life. I like stability for my children.

My husband is now forcing me to get a job if I want to keep the house.

I don't know what to do

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
ReadingSoManyThreads · 09/08/2023 01:24

Growlybear83 · 09/08/2023 01:22

I'm quite surprise by all the posts I've read suggesting that the OP should get herself a part time job in a school or nursery. Do they have any idea how few and far between jobs in schools are now, particularly with the huge cuts that schools are having to make in their support staff? The competition is huge for teaching assistant jobs now and it's really not easy to get work in a school now.

They are just suggestions...exam invigilators are positions that my local area are desperate for, as well as Cover Supervisors and supply work. People are just making suggestions, obviously OP has to look through the job websites herself to see what is out there for her.

Original poster
namechanged808 · 09/08/2023 01:24

fullbloom87 · 09/08/2023 01:23

Sorry Id you've already covered this op but what does your family and in laws think?

My family believe I'm in the right, but that divorcing him would be a bad idea.
My in-laws don't want to get involved

OP posts:
OrangeCrayon · 09/08/2023 01:25

I get up in the morning, make breakfast for the kids, husband and myself, pack their lunches, drop the kids off to school. come home, do the dishes, clean the house, do the laundry, make lunch, by the time lunch is done it's time to hand the laundry, then I do the dishes again. Make dinner. Do the dishes.

By then it's already 3pm. I pick up the kids and then it's intense until their bedtime. And then I have to clean the mess they made.

This thread is insane.

Do you think that people who work don't also do these basic household tasks around their working hours?

DrJump · 09/08/2023 01:25

If you want the nice house you might need to work. We live a shitty house this allows me to be a SAHM.

Selling your house and moving in with relatives maybe consider making yourself intentionally homeless giving you virtually no chance of getting council housing.

Original poster
namechanged808 · 09/08/2023 01:26

OrangeCrayon · 09/08/2023 01:25

I get up in the morning, make breakfast for the kids, husband and myself, pack their lunches, drop the kids off to school. come home, do the dishes, clean the house, do the laundry, make lunch, by the time lunch is done it's time to hand the laundry, then I do the dishes again. Make dinner. Do the dishes.

By then it's already 3pm. I pick up the kids and then it's intense until their bedtime. And then I have to clean the mess they made.

This thread is insane.

Do you think that people who work don't also do these basic household tasks around their working hours?

I would assume they get help from their partner...
Unless they are single mums. Which I'm not, but am made to feel like i am

OP posts:
Original poster
namechanged808 · 09/08/2023 01:26

DrJump · 09/08/2023 01:25

If you want the nice house you might need to work. We live a shitty house this allows me to be a SAHM.

Selling your house and moving in with relatives maybe consider making yourself intentionally homeless giving you virtually no chance of getting council housing.

But I feel like selling today is something we would both massively regret in a few years

OP posts:
CandyflossKaren · 09/08/2023 01:27

You are NOTHING like a single mum!!!

Insulting to those who are!

Swansandcustard · 09/08/2023 01:28

Op, the solution is you get a job. MacDonalds pay well, no set hours, no qualifications required and are always hiring.

My husband is a cop and I worked FT from when each child was 8 months. Did I do most of the kid stuff and work? Yes.

The world is a much more expensive place than when most mums were SAHM. It’s a luxury now. You sit down as adults and plan the way forward.

Do you know what your mortgage is every month? How do you afford it when he’s lost a job? But then you say he works evenings and nights? Is he working or not?

I’m starting to find holes in your posts, or contradictions - help me out.

Original poster
namechanged808 · 09/08/2023 01:28

CandyflossKaren · 09/08/2023 01:27

You are NOTHING like a single mum!!!

Insulting to those who are!

I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings, or the feelings of any singe mum here, it wasn't my intention. All I meant was that I have to do all the childcare while holding a full-time job.

OP posts:
CandyflossKaren · 09/08/2023 01:29

Full time job??

Crapsummer · 09/08/2023 01:29

@namechanged808 have you tried the turn to us benefit calculator. Since only one of you is working and you have 3 kids .you might be entitled to some UC.

WandaWonder · 09/08/2023 01:29

namechanged808 · 09/08/2023 01:28

I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings, or the feelings of any singe mum here, it wasn't my intention. All I meant was that I have to do all the childcare while holding a full-time job.

Show quote history

What FT job your not working?

Original poster
namechanged808 · 09/08/2023 01:31

Swansandcustard · 09/08/2023 01:28

Op, the solution is you get a job. MacDonalds pay well, no set hours, no qualifications required and are always hiring.

My husband is a cop and I worked FT from when each child was 8 months. Did I do most of the kid stuff and work? Yes.

The world is a much more expensive place than when most mums were SAHM. It’s a luxury now. You sit down as adults and plan the way forward.

Do you know what your mortgage is every month? How do you afford it when he’s lost a job? But then you say he works evenings and nights? Is he working or not?

I’m starting to find holes in your posts, or contradictions - help me out.

Sorry for the confusion.

Yes he is currently working. But he was fired in the past on a couple occasions.

Our mortgage is 900 pounds

OP posts:
Original poster
namechanged808 · 09/08/2023 01:31

WandaWonder · 09/08/2023 01:29

What FT job your not working?

Show quote history

That is what this whole thread is about.

OP posts:
Original poster
namechanged808 · 09/08/2023 01:32

Crapsummer · 09/08/2023 01:29

@namechanged808 have you tried the turn to us benefit calculator. Since only one of you is working and you have 3 kids .you might be entitled to some UC.

Thank you! I will check it out

OP posts:
Original poster
namechanged808 · 09/08/2023 01:32

CandyflossKaren · 09/08/2023 01:29

Full time job??

that's what my husband wants me to do, innit?

OP posts:
greyhairnomore · 09/08/2023 01:33

CobraKaiNeverLoses · 08/08/2023 23:51

I’m having some difficulty believing anyone is quite this clueless. Is this a windup?

Yes , is it chat Gp ?

mammybird · 09/08/2023 01:33

Is it possible your husband is feeling the weight of the sole financial responsibility whilst navigating a cost of living crisis and maybe not communicating this very well by giving you an ultimatum?

I suggest having an open and honest conversation with your husband about family finances and work together to understand realistic options.

It may be, like it is for many many many mothers, that you have to pick up some work in order to live more comfortably. Assuming your older 2 are in school and youngest can go to nursery, you could find work that meets your schedule needs.

FreeRider · 09/08/2023 01:33

The use of the word 'innit' make me think so.

EleanorLucyG · 09/08/2023 01:33

namechanged808 · 09/08/2023 01:20

If he gets training, wouldn't it mean I'd have to cover both our salaries?

Show quote history

OP he'd have to train in his downtime, like everyone else who wants to change career or improve themselves does. He can't afford to be a full time student.

@OnBoardTheHeartOfGold training would cost, at a time in their life when they're very soon not going to be able to afford their current bills. I don't see how they're in a position to take on college fees right now.

OP already does 100% of the housework and childcare. She is already supporting him as much as she can.

Original poster
namechanged808 · 09/08/2023 01:33

greyhairnomore · 09/08/2023 01:33

Yes , is it chat Gp ?

Show quote history

I don't sound like chatgpt 🙄

OP posts:
Original poster
namechanged808 · 09/08/2023 01:34

EleanorLucyG · 09/08/2023 01:33

OP he'd have to train in his downtime, like everyone else who wants to change career or improve themselves does. He can't afford to be a full time student.

@OnBoardTheHeartOfGold training would cost, at a time in their life when they're very soon not going to be able to afford their current bills. I don't see how they're in a position to take on college fees right now.

OP already does 100% of the housework and childcare. She is already supporting him as much as she can.

Show quote history

Thank you for your kind message xx

OP posts:
Original poster
namechanged808 · 09/08/2023 01:35

mammybird · 09/08/2023 01:33

Is it possible your husband is feeling the weight of the sole financial responsibility whilst navigating a cost of living crisis and maybe not communicating this very well by giving you an ultimatum?

I suggest having an open and honest conversation with your husband about family finances and work together to understand realistic options.

It may be, like it is for many many many mothers, that you have to pick up some work in order to live more comfortably. Assuming your older 2 are in school and youngest can go to nursery, you could find work that meets your schedule needs.

You're on to something. He never talks to me nicely.

OP posts:
CandyflossKaren · 09/08/2023 01:36

FreeRider · 09/08/2023 01:33

The use of the word 'innit' make me think so.

Definitely

PopGoesTheWeaselYetAgain · 09/08/2023 01:38

namechanged808 · 08/08/2023 23:06

Even if we sell it and move to a relative in between?

Show quote history

You'd have to sell it, move in with a relative and then spend all the money! Why on earth would your husband want to do that? If you can't afford the house, downsize.