Page 5 | Autistic Women Assemble! #2

Nepmarthiturn · 2023-08-06T10:18:11+00:00

Helloooo lovely people, a new thread for a us to continue to chat and connect with other autistic women (small talk and word mincing not required). 😊 As before, anybody newly stumbling upon this is very welcome to join us (even if still awaiting diagnosis). But we'd be grateful if others could leave us alone please, like the NT man we encountered in thread #1. 🤣

QuitChewingMyPlectrum · 08/08/2023 09:23

@camelCase I hope you get some rest and some update regarding the deadline. What do you do to relax?

autienotnaughti · 08/08/2023 09:32

camelCase · 08/08/2023 08:50

Oh good it's not just me and everyone else would have done the same. For more context it's to do with coding, the tutor was trying to teach us a certain method and he couldn't figure out why it wouldn't work and specifically said he would figure it out and post it in the group later on. It was simple but not obvious, basically to call a function in coding you put the function name and () but for some reason this method you don't put the (). So my message was basically like "Hi, I was playing around with that method during the break and I figured out the issue, you just need to remove the () and it will work" he responded saying thanks with a smiley face.

DH thinks I might be annoying everyone else because I'm too keen, every week I've done the optional assignment, I always comment positively on other people's and always engage during lessons(like when they ask people to answer things). Apparently, the things I might be annoying them with/coming off as showing off/making them feel inferior is;

1)my code being too good/ more advanced than there's

2)Telling people how to fix things (people are posting their assignments and saying they couldn't figure out how to do X so I explain how to do it)

3)I've done 95% of the group project as well as having done additional projects, we were given a choice of topics, I finished our designated one weeks ago so made a few for the other topics

4)When others didn't know how to use software I made a step-by-step tutorial and offered up links to others as well

5)I keep asking in the group how everyone is getting on, if anyone needs any help, reminding them of the deadline(tomorrow) which I'm only doing so often because literally nobody is responding so I have no idea whether they have finished their contribution to the project.

I'm sure DH is just reading too much into it, but at this point in the course I really DGAF. I always give 100% when doing something like this and I'm not going to dumb down my code or do a half-hearted job to placate a bunch of strangers.

Make sure your dh isn't too focused on you being 'normal' autistic people do not need fixing. It's helpful to have things explained to get the other perspective but you shouldn't have to change your personality to fit in.

autienotnaughti · 08/08/2023 09:35

1066andallthatagain · 08/08/2023 04:55

Regards the tutor, I also don't see that you did anything wrong. Was it something he was meant to be teaching you, or was it a problem with computer software or something like that?

I don't get people who don't do washing on holiday. If there's a machine of course. And surely no one mixes clean and dirty clothes in the packing? I can be a mess and I don't do that!

I hate washing and would only do it on holiday if necessary. We take two suitcases then one becomes the dirty one and all clothes go in there. The other suitcase then gets everything else -clean clothes, books, toiletries etc

Cherrypi · 08/08/2023 09:35

Glad I'm not the only one who finds summer holidays with the children challenging. The noise is just too much some days. Finished thirty days of yoga with Adrienne which I find really helpful apart from the fact she changes the format to no sound on day 30. Why would you do that? Anyone else read Fern Brady's memoir Strong Female Character?

camelCase · 08/08/2023 09:38

QuitChewingMyPlectrum · 08/08/2023 09:21

@camelCase Currently studying law at OU. I feel like people think this of me too. I genuinely try to engage and be helpful but I'm the only one posting on the tutor group forum on each posts, and I think I may come across as a bit 'over helpful' or 'swotty' a moniker that was common for me at school. But it's because I'm engaged with the course!

It's mindblowing isn't it, I just don't understand why people don't engage...you signed up for this why do you seem so uninterested, I think there's about 45 people on the course and the same 6 or 7 people do some of the assignments and the live lessons don't normally have more than 15 people(and that's usually the same 15 people).

I was saying to DH last night the thing is fast forward a year and I'm in a job interview and the tutor just happens to be one of the people interviewing me, hopefully they will remember that I was someone who did every assignment, engaged well, produced good work and was helpful. His response (jokingly) was yeah or he might remember you as that CF who told him he was doing something wrong. He might be right but I'm not going to change if someone doesn't like me giving it 100% then that's a reflection on them.

Yeah, I've read that hypermobility is very common, would explain you being able to pop your shoulder like that.

My main relaxation thing is gaming, I like most games, but when I want to just chill I like games where I can build/create so things like sims(just making the houses though don't actually like playing the game), house flipper(this is my number 1 game) and planet coaster.

camelCase · 08/08/2023 09:47

autienotnaughti · 08/08/2023 09:32

Make sure your dh isn't too focused on you being 'normal' autistic people do not need fixing. It's helpful to have things explained to get the other perspective but you shouldn't have to change your personality to fit in.

Show quote history

He's definitely not trying to get me to be normal, I think in this case he is massively reading too much into it and because he thinks it's a certain way/that's his opinion he can't change his mind(99% sure he has asd as well) even when DD got involved and said she agreed with me he just couldn't see that it might not have been taken negatively. We bounce different perspectives /ideas off each other all the time. Like last night I had to explain an emotional affair to him several different ways because he just didn't get it, it made no sense to him, he understood an affair as in physical contact but he really could not grasp the concept of an emotional affair and why someone would do that(but then he doesn't understand why someone would have any kind of an affair, he's quite naive like that).

chatelai · 08/08/2023 10:04

To all those struggling with kids, AS and holidays remember these wise words, which I had said to me when I was struggling with step-child guilt. (That's a bit like mum guilt but worse because you're not their blood relative so should be even nicer to them otherwise you're the Evil Stepmother.)

Anyway, the advice, and I paraphrase:

Is everybody fed and still alive?
You're winning.

Keep buggering on.

QuitChewingMyPlectrum · 08/08/2023 10:29

chatelai · 08/08/2023 10:04

To all those struggling with kids, AS and holidays remember these wise words, which I had said to me when I was struggling with step-child guilt. (That's a bit like mum guilt but worse because you're not their blood relative so should be even nicer to them otherwise you're the Evil Stepmother.)

Anyway, the advice, and I paraphrase:

Is everybody fed and still alive?
You're winning.

Keep buggering on.

Words to live by 😄

crackofdoom · 08/08/2023 10:45

I like Yoga with Adriene too, cherrypi, although in the holidays I have to do it with an audience of DC in the living room 🙄. I often skip day 30- oh, and all the motivational blethering! A friend yesterday was just commenting on how bendy I am, and I explained it may be linked to the autism.

(sigh) Trying to plan a camping trip away for a few days. Last night the forecast for about 16-22 August was for dry weather and sun every day. This morning showers are forecast for most days 🤦‍♀️. It's weeks the forecast has been doing this now.

I just want to be CERTAIN and SURE and have some PLAN and fucking STRUCTURE to these holidays!! 😫

autienotnaughti · 08/08/2023 11:15

@camelCase he sounds very similar to my dh

autienotnaughti · 08/08/2023 11:18

@crackofdoom I love yoga with Adrienne it's so relaxing

1066andallthatagain · 08/08/2023 11:41

On Yoga with Adrienne, I tried it once but I could work out how to follow the videos and actually do the poses at the same time. Where do you put the screen when you're doing it?

A 'skip motivational stuff' button should become a thing on videos, like skipping the credits!

Cherrypi · 08/08/2023 11:50

I've got YouTube on my telly which really helps. I think I will give myself permission to skip day 30 next time round but I had to do them all once in order first for completeness. Given that's it's taken till August to get round once, the new one will be out by then so it won't matter. The unpredictable weather is irritating me too.

Really struggling with perceived rejection today. I can normally cope ok but I think it's because I'm already worn down. Someone's not texted me back for two days who normally is predictable at replying and it's sent me tailspinning.

TheShellBeach · 08/08/2023 11:55

Packing cubes mean you can bring your washing home already sorted in bags - which go straight in the machine

Ha! I discovered packing cubes this year for the first time!..
Someone very like me must have invented them.

TheShellBeach · 08/08/2023 11:58

Really struggling with perceived rejection today. I can normally cope ok but I think it's because I'm already worn down

I relate to this very much, @Cherrypi

Have you got Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria? I have. I was so glad to find out about it because it helped me to understand why I become extremely distressed when (apparently) simple things almost destroy me.

https://www.additudemag.com/rejection-sensitive-dysphoria-and-adhd/

A woman with rejection sensitive dysphoria hiding her face with her hand

How ADHD Ignites Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria

For people with ADHD or ADD, rejection sensitive dysphoria can mean extreme emotional sensitivity and emotional pain — and it may imitate mood disorders with suicidal ideation and manifest as instantaneous rage at the person responsible for causing the...

https://www.additudemag.com/rejection-sensitive-dysphoria-and-adhd

TheShellBeach · 08/08/2023 12:00

"Everyone fed, nobody dead" is how someone told me that aphorism.

Cherrypi · 08/08/2023 12:05

Yes coming across that recently has made me feel less strange. That article is helpful thank you. I didn't realise there was medication you could take. I think hormones effect it too. Definitely fighting the urge to not give up at least temporarily.

TheShellBeach · 08/08/2023 12:07

@camelCase you sound exactly like me when I was training as a midwife.

My midwifery set only had six women in it, so it was obvious that I was the only one who actually read the midwifery textbooks and even went so far as to buy various books meant for medical students. I had such a thirst for knowledge and could never understand why the rest of them found it so hard to learn (by heart) the various mechanisms which babies take when navigating the mother's pelvis.

"The cardinal movements that occur during the mechanism of labour describe the movement of the fetus through the birth canal. These movements consist of engagement, descent, flexion, internal rotation, extension, restitution and external rotation, and expulsion of the infant."

........to which ought to be added "these mechanisms change when the baby is not in the anterior position/or not presenting head first" - anyway, I knew them all, and the diameters of the pelvis and the fetal head.

My tutors loved me!

TheShellBeach · 08/08/2023 12:10

If people are not interested in working hard in a course for which they've signed up, why did they bother starting it in the first place?

TheShellBeach · 08/08/2023 12:29

I did a BAD THING a couple of years ago.

I was having a long and vexatious email correspondence with Octopus Energy and the woman who was writing to me to explain why they'd set my monthly payment as they had (wrongly, of course) wrote every single email very badly - the sentence structure, the spelling, the grammar, the syntax - all were dreadful.
Oh, the whole thing really upset me.

So I used to reply to her with all the corrections her emails required.
I couldn't help it. If I had not been so annoyed with Octopus for getting my monthly payment wrong in the first place, I would not have done it.

Well, I probably wouldn't.

QuitChewingMyPlectrum · 08/08/2023 13:19

TheShellBeach · 08/08/2023 12:29

I did a BAD THING a couple of years ago.

I was having a long and vexatious email correspondence with Octopus Energy and the woman who was writing to me to explain why they'd set my monthly payment as they had (wrongly, of course) wrote every single email very badly - the sentence structure, the spelling, the grammar, the syntax - all were dreadful.
Oh, the whole thing really upset me.

So I used to reply to her with all the corrections her emails required.
I couldn't help it. If I had not been so annoyed with Octopus for getting my monthly payment wrong in the first place, I would not have done it.

Well, I probably wouldn't.

This is BRILLIANT. And absolutely not something similar to correspondence I had with
Sharps Furniture
Sky
British Gas

TheShellBeach · 08/08/2023 14:56

QuitChewingMyPlectrum · 08/08/2023 13:19

This is BRILLIANT. And absolutely not something similar to correspondence I had with
Sharps Furniture
Sky
British Gas

Show quote history

........and Victorian Plumbing heh heh heh.

Mind you, they absolutely deserved it, for not delivering our new bathroom on the day they'd promised.
Bastards.

StopStartStop · 08/08/2023 17:28

You were able to contact Victorian Plumbing? Well done!

TheShellBeach · 08/08/2023 18:34

StopStartStop · 08/08/2023 17:28

You were able to contact Victorian Plumbing? Well done!

Only online.

QuitChewingMyPlectrum · 08/08/2023 19:33

StopStartStop · 08/08/2023 17:28

You were able to contact Victorian Plumbing? Well done!

😂 ok, they're going on my "never buy from" list