Autistic Women Assemble! #2

[Nepmarthiturn]

Helloooo lovely people, a new thread for a us to continue to chat and connect with other autistic women (small talk and word mincing not required). 😊

As before, anybody newly stumbling upon this is very welcome to join us (even if still awaiting diagnosis). But we'd be grateful if others could leave us alone please, like the NT man we encountered in thread #1. 🤣

I think your husband is taking a bit of a leap assuming your tutor would take it badly. Has your tutor replied?

Missed the first thread but I was diagnosed about a year and a half ago now, during final clinical placements for my SALT degree. To quote one of my placement clinicians, who has autism and autism in women as her major clinical interest and does ADOS assessments... she thought the diagnosis was absolutely the making of me and that the change in me knowing WHY I responded how I did to situations was dramatic.

So yeah, I'm an openly autistic SLT - not that many of us around as of yet, and our professional body isn't fully on board with doing things in a more neurodiversity-affirming way - but we're working on it. I'm very lucky in that I work in Learning Disabilities where we're a bit more accepting of quirks and differences anyway, and I can manage my own diary which means I can timetable in a quieter week when I need to re-regulate myself - and I actually get to use my own autism as a professional strength (and my team are firmly briefed to tell me to knock it down a notch if I'm being a bit too "much" at times - I know I can be and I can't judge that well myself).

DD2 is also diagnosed autistic and we fight gentle battles for school where we're making progress from the "we're trying to get her not to do X so she's better accepted by her peers" to being more affirmative of who she is - and she's very confident in telling people that she does X or Y because it helps her cope because she's autistic. I think the school SENCO has never really worked in such a ND affirming way before and it's been a bit of an education for her but she's coming round to it.

@StopStartStop haha it's from the Discworld novel 'Lords and Ladies' by Terry Pratchett . It's one of the character Nanny Ogg's most inappropriate songs :D

@1066andallthatagain I was somewhat like this and then I got diagnosed. I think the fact you are obsessing over it and your scores are consistently high tells me that you are. Welcome :)

Thanks 😊 I will need another referral but will speak to GP tomorrow. Can’t hurt trying 🤷‍♀️

I started on ADHD meds, but didn’t get the dosage right before I stopped taking them… my reasoning was that I wasn’t doing much during the day (by which I meant I didn’t have a full time job) and so didn’t really need them (face palm). Then COVID happened and it was pretty much impossible to go into the GP to get them anyway.
Towards the end of last year I went to the GP (when they’d opened up more) and mentioned that I wanted to start on meds again. I didn’t hear anything. Then I went back to the GP a few months ago… still nothing. They even told me last time that they were surprised that I hadn’t heard anything… <sigh>

Thanks @thehedgehogcanneverbebuggered. I think I probably am too but I struggle to process that it's not just that I need to try harder. I'm in my 40s and pretty much every thing I have ever had pointed out in a work appraisal could be put down to autism. So far I've been succeeding because I'm technically very good at my job, but I've now reached a level where promotion needs me to play the game, and I struggle with the rules!

@andistheonlypersonIcanremember ADHD meds have been life changing for DH. It's one of the reasons I'm debating more recently going for an assessment. My son was recently diagnosed with ADHD and I sat through his assessment thinking 'ah, that's me too'. I can't help but think if I have both, maybe the meds will 'fix' the ADHD, so I can focus on dealing with the autism. Alternatively it could be too much social media self- diagnosis combined with peri menopause and a desperate desire to be fixable.

Meds haven't "fixed" me but I sort of get where you're coming from here. I went into the process after much research (cheers, autism!) and with expectations for what I wanted them for.
I work in the creative industries so can't have my lovely sparky brain held back, but I need to focus as I'm also studying and have work deadlines.

Oh my life
Holiday drive followed by supermarket shop in unfamiliar shop, at busiest time : NOT recommended!!!

Plus side we've arrived and whilst there are many anxieties for the older one it's lovely here. I feel like I've soothed and placated all day. I just need some of that myself !!
Welcome to all the new people who've popped in 😊

@camelCase - as far as I can see, you absolutely did the right thing. It’s not like you got out a megaphone and yelled it out in front of the other participants, that is what I’d call a no-no 🤣. There was an issue, you found the solution and you communicated it discreetly to the person concerned. How on earth can that be a no-no?

Not at the same level, but I’m involved with a company at the moment re a substantial project at my house. I really like the people I’ve dealt with, and their end-results look great, but their website has little niggles re spelling mistakes etc. I’ve just said to them along the lines of “would you mind me sending a few marked-up screenshots of alterations you might want to make on your website?” They seemed to take it ok, am hoping that I haven’t secretly pissed them off.

I do bite my tongue, though, when it comes to mistakes written in cards from friends - it takes effort not to say anything, just keep telling myself that it’s really not important!

Packing cubes mean you can bring your washing home already sorted in bags - which go straight in the machine 😁

@TruthThatsHardAsSteel - this has made me laugh! Got a feeling that you’ve quoted the wrong person on the wrong thread.

I will bear packing cubes in mind for the future though 🤣

FML - ignore my post above, I am losing the plot.

@TruthThatsHardAsSteel - sincere apologies, please forgive me.

Regards the tutor, I would do exactly the same thing. Totally why not, I genuinely wouldn't mind someone correcting me.

There is a school of thought, who will say it can come across a bit "smart arsey". This opinion usually only comes from people who wouldn't want to be corrected/given the answer themselves. That's hard to explain... In short, I'd a dunnit!

It's quite alright. This thread is a lot, each person's account is relatable in some way, and I don't even know where to start. All good,, 💕

Regards the tutor, I also don't see that you did anything wrong. Was it something he was meant to be teaching you, or was it a problem with computer software or something like that?

I don't get people who don't do washing on holiday. If there's a machine of course. And surely no one mixes clean and dirty clothes in the packing? I can be a mess and I don't do that!

@AuDHD4Me

I know I'm in lala land thinking there's some sort of magic fix (although I'm really not in a creative role!). I'm intentionally trying to hold myself back from too much ADHD research as I'm worried I could influence myself into responding a certain way in an assessment. By that I mean I haven't deep dived into the research behind the assessment methods, although I am having to sit on my hands to hold back 😀

How is everyone doing today?
News from our house: I can dislocate my shoulder at will and pop it back. Husband is less impressed by this than I thought appropriate 🤣
Also, first appointment for private ADHD assessment for my son (my psych has rushed through the appointment for him as we were so badly let down!)

Yeah, I get this. If you get diagnosis I would research meds thoroughly before deciding what you want from them. Daughter and I use them v differently.

Your DH should be super impressed. LTB? 😀

Oh good it's not just me and everyone else would have done the same. For more context it's to do with coding, the tutor was trying to teach us a certain method and he couldn't figure out why it wouldn't work and specifically said he would figure it out and post it in the group later on. It was simple but not obvious, basically to call a function in coding you put the function name and () but for some reason this method you don't put the (). So my message was basically like "Hi, I was playing around with that method during the break and I figured out the issue, you just need to remove the () and it will work" he responded saying thanks with a smiley face.

DH thinks I might be annoying everyone else because I'm too keen, every week I've done the optional assignment, I always comment positively on other people's and always engage during lessons(like when they ask people to answer things). Apparently, the things I might be annoying them with/coming off as showing off/making them feel inferior is;

1)my code being too good/ more advanced than there's

2)Telling people how to fix things (people are posting their assignments and saying they couldn't figure out how to do X so I explain how to do it)

3)I've done 95% of the group project as well as having done additional projects, we were given a choice of topics, I finished our designated one weeks ago so made a few for the other topics

4)When others didn't know how to use software I made a step-by-step tutorial and offered up links to others as well

5)I keep asking in the group how everyone is getting on, if anyone needs any help, reminding them of the deadline(tomorrow) which I'm only doing so often because literally nobody is responding so I have no idea whether they have finished their contribution to the project.

I'm sure DH is just reading too much into it, but at this point in the course I really DGAF. I always give 100% when doing something like this and I'm not going to dumb down my code or do a half-hearted job to placate a bunch of strangers.

This is both amazing and gross to me 😆I'm assuming you're hypermobile?(very common in people with ND).

Today I'm not feeling too well so just going to relax, slightly stressed because of the deadline tomorrow and nobody in my team has said anything since last Thursday. Also, need to prod DD's caseworker to see where we are at with getting her enrolled.

@1066andallthatagain I know, I was very impressed with my new party trick. My son can do this too!

@camelCase Currently studying law at OU. I feel like people think this of me too. I genuinely try to engage and be helpful but I'm the only one posting on the tutor group forum on each posts, and I think I may come across as a bit 'over helpful' or 'swotty' a moniker that was common for me at school. But it's because I'm engaged with the course!

@camelCase I never considered hypermobility. My son is hypermobile though.......