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Original poster

No school holiday for DD

130 replies

Noschoolholiday · 04/08/2023 10:31

I'm feeling so guilty today. We both work full time and she spends most of the summer at holiday club, so it isn't different to term time.

This summer we will only have a week or two where we'll take time off and take her places and do stuff with her before she starts school again.

I remember having 6 weeks off at home and loving it as a child (my mum was a SAHM). I was getting a proper break before the new school year.

I'm feeling so sad that my DC will never have that experience. The guilt is really bad today :(. Anyone else? Are we doing life wrong?

OP posts:
Doone21 · 06/08/2023 19:50

I've only got one and he hates the holidays as he is so bored and misses friends . Kids don't need that long

Anna79ishere · 06/08/2023 20:22

NewNovember · 04/08/2023 10:50

It doesn't sound nice, children put greater value on time with their parents then material things. Most posters will tell you it's fine because they have the sane guilt. You have identified the problem now you can take steps to resolve it. What's stopping you from being a sahm?

Welcome to the post from 1950! Oh mine!
i am at home this summer and my kids (8yo and 6yo) wants to go to summer camps as they get bored at home! I am sending them half day to do activities with them in the afternoon, and last week they were begging me to stay the whole day. Reality is kids have fun with other kids doing things and just playing. A lot of Time with adults and parents is actually really boring!

Darkacademic · 06/08/2023 20:41

The prize for most tone deaf and least socially aware comment of the week goes to @NewNovember

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Shitpot · 06/08/2023 20:45

NewNovember · 04/08/2023 10:50

It doesn't sound nice, children put greater value on time with their parents then material things. Most posters will tell you it's fine because they have the sane guilt. You have identified the problem now you can take steps to resolve it. What's stopping you from being a sahm?

Are you having a laugh? Times are hard for people right now and this mum is working to provide for her family. She already stated she feels awful for it, so why make a stupid remark...

cestlavielife · 06/08/2023 20:46

It s,fine. You with her when you not working right?

mamaison · 06/08/2023 21:01

My mum was always home in the holidays as she was a teacher. One week we had to go to a holiday club and it was so exciting, I’ll never forget it.

I know the novelty might wear off somewhat, but they really do try to make sure the kids have fun. I’m a teacher and some days my DC get plenty of outings but some days they are just mucking around home on screens. It’s so long you can run out of things to do with them (and money!).

I let my DC go to a holiday club once as a treat but I can’t justify the cost as I am home.

Your DD is probably enjoying having others to play with, and enthusiastic young people directing the activities.

Oysterbabe · 06/08/2023 21:08

My kids did a drama club the first week and art club the second. They had a fantastic time and haven't stopped talking about it. This week they're having 2 days with me, 2 with DH and 1 with grandma. Week after we're all going on holiday together. Then they have a week of forest skills. They're looking forward to that, fire and den building.
I felt the same as you but the right holiday clubs can be really fun. Mine are enjoying their summer and I'm sure yours are too.

Aminorpoet · 06/08/2023 21:27

I hope this doesn't make you feel bad OP but sometimes it helps if someone acknowledges when things suck a bit. I had a couple of summers where DC did 5 weeks of summer club and the youngest has been the only child in the whole school to be at after school club every day.

The reality is they didn't love it, they weren't doing forest school or drama etc. It was craft and games. But neither did they hate it. Even if they wouldn't choose to be there, they were still having fun most of the time.

Things I did... shifted bedtime back a little and made a point of saying school holidays are great we can stay up later. Extra treats for packed lunches/snacks. Things I normally say no to.

Mid week, taking hot chocolate to the playground for a late evening play or down to the beach (in pyjamas when really young).

You get the gist, just things to mark the time out as different from term time.

The only think that you might be able to do differently next summer, which you might already be doing... Whilst DD is young if you aren't going away, take your annual leave separately so you can cover more of the holiday. Only an idea and might be what you are doing anyway.

SonicStars · 06/08/2023 21:41

Ah, the ones you remember the most are probably year 7 up. Your children will have endless days of boredom freedom stretching ahead at that age.

I presume you're using you annual leave for things like half terms when they will appreciate the break and lie ins. A couple of weeks of fun is better than nothing, especially with the weather this year.

BalancingTree · 07/08/2023 01:15

I’m in the same boat. My 10 year old has after school activities almost every day so that I can work full time. We are in Australia so school terms are 12 weeks long, no break halfway. I never worked full time before having my daughter as I have always felt it is a waste of a life to spend 80% of it at work. However in order to afford things I want for us as a family, our own home, a car to make life easier (public transport here is awful and in 40degree summers walking everywhere gets real old real quick!), the occasional camping trip and not having stress about paying bills- I choose to work full time. It sucks for me, it sucks for her. By the end of the term she is exhausted and las thing she wants is to be packed off on activities. She’s 10 now so I trust her to chill at home by herself most days, we have a big yard and great neighbours but tbh she mostly just watches tv in her pjs. Sometimes I feel horribly guilty but I try to remind myself id just be switching the guilt out for something else- ie we can spend every school holiday together but can’t afford dancing classes for example. I do worry when she hits teen dom being able to supervise etc but I guess I just have to have faith I’m doing the best I can with what I have and she’ll be clued in enough to make good choices

Jasmine222 · 07/08/2023 04:38

When I was a child, I spent the entire summer off school, got incredibly lonely and bored and anxious. I used to count the days before school would start again. I wish my parents had sent me to holiday clubs.

Alexa51 · 07/08/2023 13:58

I'm a teacher and have the whole summer off. We might go away for 2 weeks out of 6 but it is a real struggle to keep them occupied for the whole summer and we can all end up feeling quite fed up kicking around the house. I had to go away last week due to a family situation so was forced to put them in a holiday club for the week. I felt guilty but they absolutely loved it and want to go back every week. I honestly think it's good for them and better than kicking around with nothing to do. This generation of kids don't get to just play out with their mates so I think just sitting around with nothing to do for weeks on end isn't good. You're doing a great job and I'm sure your children remember the great holiday the have away with you. I think for many kids the grass is always greener!

Yellowlegobrick · 07/08/2023 14:45

Join the club! Most employed people get only 25 days holiday a year, so this is the reality for many many kids.

Mine get a 2 week trip away with DH and I. A week either side if that with a childminder, then the rest has to be cobbled together - 3 days with one grandparent, a couple with another, a couple of odd days with DH or I (but not both) , a couple of days with an aunty.

We don't get much choice, both required to take a week over xmas when offices close, and by the time we've taken a couple of days each for things like kids being sick etc, we get a day or two each each half term and a bit at Easter.

My own mum was off in school holidays but to be honest i remember being quite bored a lot and drifting around not doing much.

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ThreeRingCircus · 07/08/2023 15:01

The reality is they didn't love it, they weren't doing forest school or drama etc. It was craft and games. But neither did they hate it. Even if they wouldn't choose to be there, they were still having fun most of the time.

This is true for mine too. They're not thrilled to go but they're not unhappy. I actually think the mix of holiday club and being at home is good as it gives more variety to the holidays.

The only thing DH and I have done is we each take 2 weeks off work but just overlap the middle week so we can cover 3 weeks of the holidays. So DDs do something like 3 weeks of holiday club, one week of being off with DH, one week where we're all off together (and usually go away) and one week just with me. It works well for us.

Admittedly in order for DH and I to both take two weeks off in the Summer DDs have to go to holiday club at least a few days each half term, at Christmas and one of the weeks of the Easter holidays.

Muthaofcats · 07/08/2023 21:58

NewNovember · 04/08/2023 10:50

It doesn't sound nice, children put greater value on time with their parents then material things. Most posters will tell you it's fine because they have the sane guilt. You have identified the problem now you can take steps to resolve it. What's stopping you from being a sahm?

Lol

most kids place greater value still in being able to be fed and clothed….

most parents have to work in this economic climate. If you’re privileged enough to get away with no job then it’s pretty tone deaf to act like the more virtuous parent knowing that most of society won’t be in the same boat.

OP I had a father at home in the holidays but we were bored and loved going to the holiday clubs and summer camps; it was novel and far more interesting than stuck at home with a parent. Quality more valuable than quantity. SAHMs like to be smug because they need to believe they’re doing it to be a better parent.

Supertrouper990 · 07/08/2023 22:04

My little boy who started reception last September is doing exactly the same as your dd and is having 2 weeks off only and 4 weeks in the holiday club/playscheme
He is an only child, has a great time playing with friends and it keeps him in a nice routine (and we still need to work!)

Mammyloveswine · 07/08/2023 22:11

Im s teacher snd my children are in holiday club as I have so much work to do!

Please don't feel bad!

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 07/08/2023 22:24

I know what you mean OP. I used to love the idea of the long holidays with no need to get up and go anywhere.

However I also have memories of being bored, especially on holidays away with my family, and at home when I was a teenager, as we lived in a village.

My son (9) has got two weeks in holiday club this holiday - he had a week away with his dad, then will have a week with my parents, and then I’m off for two and a half weeks - they have 6.5 weeks in total.

Luckily he seems to love the holiday clubs he’s doing- he did one week of a drama club and now has one week at a general activities club that includes swimming and sports but also crafts and stuff, so a bit of a mixture.

He enjoys seeing other children too I think.

I do keep almost all my leave for school holidays and inset days though - in fact all of it this year. I’m also lucky my parents are helping out as holiday club is expensive!

StarDolphins · 07/08/2023 22:29

There’s loads of kid around here that are in hol club/dance camp etc all week, every week! Surely this is fun & not like term time?! My Daughter goes 3 per week & loves it.

I wouldn’t feel guilty, you’re taking some time off & doing your best. Having a great mum is totally good enough.

AngMogs · 07/08/2023 23:15

Likely it's finances stopping SAHM. I worked 0.6 after my first, but life now far more expensive and I'm back to full time after DD2.

Boomboom22 · 07/08/2023 23:25

I think holiday clubs are great and tbh kids of sahm at school age unless they are the rich kind who do pta and charity work and even then, are missing out on a parent who is a better role model and has more going on. Generally pt working seems the best. I do 0.8 perfect for me, term time only but they still do at least 1 week holiday club or more.
It's cheaper to be at club with a pool, tennis courts, fun all day than for me to do all of those activities, I'd manage 1 a day maybe.

Boomboom22 · 07/08/2023 23:27

I would def try to use some of the other ones though, 30mins isn't that far and surely work would understand for 1 week?
I wouldn't use a basic hall one for more than a week. Unless they were doing proper drama / sports.

Elephantsdontlikechocolate · 07/08/2023 23:54

NewNovember · 04/08/2023 10:50

It doesn't sound nice, children put greater value on time with their parents then material things. Most posters will tell you it's fine because they have the sane guilt. You have identified the problem now you can take steps to resolve it. What's stopping you from being a sahm?

Probably appreciating that a holiday club isn't as bad as homelessness or even some poverty.
She's a much better mother than those that exchange sex and servitude for a man's finances.

AHM5619 · 08/08/2023 18:54

NewNovember · 04/08/2023 10:50

It doesn't sound nice, children put greater value on time with their parents then material things. Most posters will tell you it's fine because they have the sane guilt. You have identified the problem now you can take steps to resolve it. What's stopping you from being a sahm?

Probably the mortgage and you know, feeding the children, clothing them etc.

Lifeisonebigadventure · 08/08/2023 20:03

I have always felt guilty but decided to stop feeling guilty this year. It’s not a situation that I can change without selling up and moving and losing some of the other perks that my DD receives from us working - I try to make sure she receives some benefits of us working, I know we’re lucky to be able to offer that. I use to love holiday club when I was younger but didn’t get it often as it wasn’t a need in our family

I know you mentioned you were rural but do you have a pony club or watersports holiday club option to mix it up. We’re rural too but there are some alternates. Next year we’re going to pay a little more and travel a little further for some of the clubs so at least when DD is doing them she’s getting to try some really fun activities and make some brilliant memories