No school holiday for DD

[Noschoolholiday]

I'm feeling so guilty today. We both work full time and she spends most of the summer at holiday club, so it isn't different to term time.

This summer we will only have a week or two where we'll take time off and take her places and do stuff with her before she starts school again.

I remember having 6 weeks off at home and loving it as a child (my mum was a SAHM). I was getting a proper break before the new school year.

I'm feeling so sad that my DC will never have that experience. The guilt is really bad today :(. Anyone else? Are we doing life wrong?

Probably whats stopping most people... money. And boredom! But mostly.. money!!
Particularly with COL, 1 salary isnt enough for most people.
You sound very out of touch with reality...

I understand what you mean, OP. You're thinking of a world where your kid gets to sleep in, or at least, not have a scheduled morning of getting up and out the door to a timescale. Take heart in what other posters have said though about kids enjoying it! And about how normal it is. You're not failing at all.

I used to love camp and holiday clubs.

I would have been rather upset if somebody had told me that I wasn`t going... Not everyone is the same.

My daughter's summers weren't spent at holiday camp when she was little, but with my very strict parents who live abroad and made (and still make) her study during the summer at their house or come with my mum to work (she's allowed to bring her to work as she works in a community centre). No sleep-ins as my parents wake up very early and like discipline.

This summer she's only with my parents 10 days (because she competes in show jumping and needs to be back for training) but the other days are taken up by her horse riding, which sounds fun, but is actually a very exhausting training schedule with VERY early morning starts or working at the yard (also VERY early starts), so no sleep-ins there either. I do feel sorry for her, but she's 13 so wouldn't do it unless she enjoyed it 🤷‍♀️

Op hasn't mentioned having to keep roof over heads... I'm sure she does but she hasn't actually stated that she has too work all the hours god sends to keep the mortgage going?

Infact she's now said she's going to take some un paid leave.

Op... It depends on so much doesn't it!
I did the odd club but with a friend and had a nice home to lounge around in.

So I enjoyed summer holidays.

Is gold for dc to just be sometimes and not always forced or encourage to engage all the time.

They can get up later and just enjoy not being rushed or having to be somewhere...

It sounds like you have a good solution op.

Because maybe their mortgage requires 2 x full time salaries as most now do.
Maybe she is safeguarding her future earning power in the event that they divorce
Maybe to ensure she has full NI contributions towards a pension
Or maybe because she enjoys working.

I notice you didn't suggest that the father gives up his job?

Can you afford to take a few weeks unpaid statutory parental leave? My friend did that when hers were at an awkward age and slightly too old for clubs. Her Work were so used to women going on Mat leave they were fine about accommodating her having august off.

Could you take a few Fridays off? A nice long weekend always works.

I teach English online to adults, mostly in Japan, Korea and China. A typical conversation:
"So it's school Summer holidays there too is it? Are you going anywhere nice with your family, either in your own country or abroad?"
"No, my children are in cram school (private tuition academies) Monday to Friday".
So even more Maths, English and their own language studies after a gruelling school year. Kids in the UK have so much freedom and downtime in comparison. Don't feel guilty.

Oh my god 😂😂😂 I hope you're taking the piss 😂😂😂

Think have to remember when we were younger we spent a lot less time indoors and a lot less of our time was managed for us.
When I was at home I was out playing in the road, round the neighbours kids houses, at the park..... these days all that stuff requires parental involvement to organise/supervise!

They might want a warm house and full bellies though.

The same club all summer? I mix it up and they do different things. I've only got 2 weeks of clubs 2 weeks grandparents 2 weeks holiday with me and dh.

Mt dc have always loved clubs and being at home most kids here spend a lot of time gaming or scrolling their phones(mine are 9 and 12)

I think being stuck at home would be pretty shit. OK for a weekend but not for 6 weeks.

Im a sahm but both my kids have been jealous of the kids that go to holiday club!

Take parental leave if you can but don't beat yourself up. My mum worked through the holidays and I have no idea what she did with me and my siblings! I imagine we stayed with an elderly relative which won't have been thrilling. Survived though!

The summer holidays are hard and expensive to fill esp with so many rainy days like we've had this year . I always feel guilty. They really do not need 7 continuous weeks off .

we have to keep working but it is easier now the DC are older.

When they were young, we didn’t take time off together in the Summer. We did at Easter and October as it was easier. In the Summer, DH would take 2 weeks, then I would take 2 weeks so the DC only had 2 weeks of camp.

Cost of living, I’d expect.

If you’re planning on a week of unpaid leave, could you maybe do it spread out so say have every Wednesday off or something so she had a break mid week with you to break up the clubs to do some nice activities with you or have a cuddle sofa day so she gets to rest.

My daughter also spends 4 days a week at holiday club and she enjoys it! It’s a sports club, she has friends from school there plus making new.

The only thing I feel guilty about is that she’s up and out by 8.30 but she’d be up anyway and bored.

She is lay in bed now and will be chilling all day.

We are away to Greece at the end of the month and she has had and will have fab days out and all the crafting and playing at home over the weekend.

She is very lucky and it’s a lot better than the boring holidays I had as a kid, usually stuck with grandparents.

Also the holiday club we use, one of the teachers at our school has her kids there.
I overheard her telling the leader they want to do more days there!!

Shes at home so it’s obviously a choice!

This year both my husband and I have started new jobs, worse timing just before the summer holidays! So no leave - my daughter is now 13 so it isn’t so bad - but doesn’t stop our parent guilt! She ok - mentions she bored, she’s used to holiday clubs but now to old, I think if she could she would go back to one a couple of days!

It feels parent guilt, it’s all about balance. When I was younger my Mum always worked but evening jobs/weekend. I was bored - we never really had the money for much, occasional swimming visit. She also liked a clean house so we won’t allowed to play.

Now experiencing the costs of Uni, driving lessons and everything else at times I miss the holiday scheme costs!! And my daughter works! I’m glad I have worked we can help her, we’ve kept a roof over our heads & recent mortgage rises I’ve managed to change jobs and negotiate a pay rise that we hope to cover the increases.

We all doing the best we can for our children. I haven’t broken my 20 year old - she grew up knowing we always prioritised our girls even though we worked.

You should discuss parental leave with your boss. and your dh can too. You are both entitled to 4 weeks unpaid leave per child up to a maximum of 18 weeks r until the child turns 18.

So if dh has 2 weeks, you have 2 weeks. Then a two week family holiday you can get 6 weeks

You just have to stretch your finances but it will balance with not paying club fees.

I’d only feel guilty if my child didn’t like holiday clubs.
As it works out I work part time and my OH full time and Iv booked 3 weeks off over the 6 weeks so I’m hardly in work.
Mostly because my daughter would hate kids holiday club, she hates going to groups where she doesn’t know anyone and the kids change every day.
I was never in a holiday club either at the 6 weeks and loved it too so I try to book as much off as I can.

Tell them not to do that?

Don’t feel guilty! Look at the positives - the holiday club isn’t school, they do lots of activities presumably and have other kids to play with. Some kids stay at home for 6 weeks and parents can’t afford to take them anywhere or they don’t see many other kids for the whole 6 weeks.