No school holiday for DD

[Noschoolholiday]

I'm feeling so guilty today. We both work full time and she spends most of the summer at holiday club, so it isn't different to term time.

This summer we will only have a week or two where we'll take time off and take her places and do stuff with her before she starts school again.

I remember having 6 weeks off at home and loving it as a child (my mum was a SAHM). I was getting a proper break before the new school year.

I'm feeling so sad that my DC will never have that experience. The guilt is really bad today :(. Anyone else? Are we doing life wrong?

Ds has a week off next week with DH, and then I have the final week off - there's no time with us all together as we're just too busy at the moment and are saving our annual leave for a 2 week holiday later in the year.

It's juts one of those things and needs must

At least it will keep her active and it sounds like you will be able to spend at least some time with her. Children tend to gain weight and get into unhealthy habits like too much screen time over the holidays with being more sedentary and snacking more; being busy at holiday camp will prevent this. It's much better for her than if you were wfh and trying to save money by not booking holiday childcare, as some people are.

Mine love holiday club! They’re bored if they’re at home too much. I used to go to my Grandmas and not see many other kids for 6 weeks.

Your DC are having a perfectly normal experience of summer holidays. Are they happy in holiday club?

My DD1 is autistic and hates organised activities so luckily we had a mix of grandparents and a fabulous childminder who provided a home from home environment. My DD2 is much easier going and us happy with home/GPs/CM/holiday club or whatever.

Due to both parents working we can afford nice holiday activities and fun holidays and the DC would choose that over 6 weeks at home every summer.

What a ridiculous and narrow minded comment. Would you say this to a man?

@NewNovember in my experience, children do actually value having a roof over their heads, room to study and play, opportunities like music lessons and travel, and parents who can support them through their education. Hence why most parents work.

If you aren't going away, have you staggered your leave so she gets one or two weeks with mum and one or two weeks with dad? That's probably what I'd do.

Is she happy? Some kids do like to be kept busy and get bored at home. There's no point dwelling on it if she's coping just fine.

Mines the same, she breaks up from school and goes straight into holiday club until we go on holiday, she's then back in holiday club the last few days before school starts.
I don't feel guilty, we are taking some time off with her for a holiday but around that we need to work, and she really loves holiday club, they do so many great activities, each day she'll have at least 2 of her school friends with her plus she makes new friends.
I remember being at home during school holidays and was so bored.

I’m a SAHM and my DC absolutely love holiday clubs when they get the chance !! They aren’t like school at all, they are fun and often do activities I could never achieve at home. And my DC love seeing other kids. Plus the staff don’t run out of ideas and enthusiasm like I do 😬😆

I think the only downside is she might get quite tired but this varies child to child and if you keep weekends restful I’m sure she’ll be fine.

Honestly having been both working mum and SAHM I think there are pros and cons to both for kids.

She’s getting 2 weeks at home- that’s plenty! Home is boring after a while.
and the rest of the time she is having fun and being with friends. Hardly torture.
I thought you were about to say she was going to an ExH who was making her study over the summer!

Doesn't have the be from one extreme to the other! Paying bills will be a factor!

OP, ask HR and check your work policies. I think employers allow some unpaid time off so you could take an extra week or 2?

Could you finish early or go to a 4 day week?

The above will apply to your partner too so the extra time spent with at least one parent could be doubled.

My daughter is currently with my parents abroad (they live in Germany) but they make her do Maths and study over the holidays so I don't know how much fun that is. 😵‍💫

I'm only off work with my kids for 1 day each week during the whole school holidays. Do I feel guilty? Hell no! They are getting time in clubs and quality time with other family members. I've done the SAHM thing and it meant I couldn't afford to do anything with the kids anyway during the holidays so it was basically just days at home with me, going to the park, walks and repeat. That's not much fun after a couple weeks for anybody! Now they have fun days out with grandparents (funded by us) and get to do fun activities with kids their own age. We can now also afford nice breaks away and spend quality time together as a family when we DO have time off work and they still get plenty quality time with us at weekends! It's about balance and what works for each individual family. Just because YOU'D feel guilty working, doesn't mean everyone else should do too!!

If being a SAHM works for you, then great. Enjoy! But OP has clearly stated both parents HAVE to work and she already feels guilty (which she absolutely should not!). Comments like yours are pretty pointless and not helpful in the slightest.

OP, please don't feel guilty. You are providing for your child, showing her the importance and value of money and quite frankly, your life is the same as many thousands of other parents up and down the country. My mum was a SAHM too and I sometimes wish I had the amount of time with my kids as she did with us, but then I look back and realise we didn't have holidays, didn't have nice days out and 9 times out of 10 we'd either all be fighting playing together in the house whilst she got on with housework, or she'd shove us out in the garden to play and wasn't actually spending as much quality time with us as it would seem from outsiders looking in. Which I guess is similar for the majority of SAHM's, with the exception of the extremely fortunate who still have a large disposable income with just one wage coming in!

Could you drop a day at work?
Although it sounds busy for your Dd, when she's a teenager and really able to enjoy her downtime, she'll be fine to chill out at home every day in the holidays.

I hated school holidays. Weeks upon end with fuck all to do other than trail around the shops once a week for a couple of hours. No friends. No activities. Bugger all on TV. For at least six weeks. Lots of carrying food shopping and then the yearly 'How can you have grown again? Why do you have such big, fat feet? Your sister never had big, fat feet' school uniform shopping and the bright spot of buying some pencils, a rubber, pencil case and sharpener at WH Smith about 2 days before going back to school.

When your DD thinks back to her summers, she has kids' clubs, playing with other kids, activities with them, trips, time with her parents where they prioritise activities she'll enjoy.

Can you take some parental leave? I always take 2 weeks parental leave in the summer hols and then take 2 weeks leave. My employer deducts it off over the year so I hardly notice it.

I understand how you feel, my mum was a sahm and so was my husbands mum, and it's because of this we decided I would be a sahm too.
However you sound like you're doing great, your child's not in a crech or a childminders, they're in a holiday club with their friends and they get 2 weeks with you to lots of lovely things together as a family. Chances are if you were a sahm you'd be too done in to do more then 2 weeks worth of going out and family time anyway.
Don't beat yourself up x

Thank you all, you're making me feel better.

She doesn't dislike holiday club but doesn't seem particularly enthusiastic either. She also often doesn't have anyone she knows there bless her.

Seeing that all her friends' parents are managing without club makes me feel even more guilty, it feels like we are the only ones!

We are staggering leave to cover as much as possible but have used lots already covering half terms through the year, so there is no way we can cover another 6 weeks.

I do think she'd be bored at home, and we've had the odd day where she's had to be home while we worked and that has been way worse for sure!

It's weird, I don't remember being bored as a kid even though we did very few activities and pretty much just stayed at home. Maybe I'm idealising it in my head and misremembering!

@NewNovember

lol what do you think is stopping her?!
In what world do you live in?!

Thank you to those who mentioned additional unpaid leave I hadn't thought of it! I think I could probably do this, even if just an extra week. Work is super quiet over the summer too so it feels even more rubbish that she's having to be at club all week. A bit of unpaid leave is probably the answer!

Well probably finances like most ppls in that situation

Could you afford to take one week of unpaid parental leave each summer?

https://www.gov.uk/parental-leave

That, plus one of two weeks of annual leave, and you could have her at home for half the summer and in a holiday club for the other half.

Appreciate it might not work financially. Just a suggestion.

I got bored during the 6 week holidays. My parents were around and wfh, so didn't take us anywhere or organise activities.

I'm a sahm and I enjoy the summer holidays with DD, but she'll be in various clubs for about half the time - one of them is based at her school so she can see school friends (can't arrange play dates as her friends are mostly in clubs for childcare, so it's her only chance to see them). Then she's doing a dance camp and forest camp, because she loves those activities. Can you look into whether there are more specialist camps in your area? I think the summer break is a good chance to learn different skills and meet new people. Generic holiday clubs probably would get a bit boring after a while.

Dh and I work full time but dh at home so my dc have just been home bumbling about. I’ve taken them out in the evenings to the cinema and bowling so it feels a bit less of a drag. Dd1 has so much homework (about to go into year 11) so I feel really sorry for her. Sadly her mock results weren’t great so she does need to do the work. We have a week and a half leave all together and two random days (today is one of those) but had to do some errands. Dc joined me and enjoyed it so I think they are desperate for time with me even if it’s pre holiday shopping in boots.