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Original poster

No school holiday for DD

130 replies

Noschoolholiday · 04/08/2023 10:31

I'm feeling so guilty today. We both work full time and she spends most of the summer at holiday club, so it isn't different to term time.

This summer we will only have a week or two where we'll take time off and take her places and do stuff with her before she starts school again.

I remember having 6 weeks off at home and loving it as a child (my mum was a SAHM). I was getting a proper break before the new school year.

I'm feeling so sad that my DC will never have that experience. The guilt is really bad today :(. Anyone else? Are we doing life wrong?

OP posts:
MamskiBell · 06/08/2023 08:51

NewNovember · 04/08/2023 10:50

It doesn't sound nice, children put greater value on time with their parents then material things. Most posters will tell you it's fine because they have the sane guilt. You have identified the problem now you can take steps to resolve it. What's stopping you from being a sahm?

More than likely finances. Not everyone has the luxury of going part time, let alone dropping work entirely. You sound very out of touch with the current climate and cost of living.

XelaM · 06/08/2023 08:52

notahappybunny7 · 06/08/2023 08:35

Tell them not to do that?

Show quote history

In fairness, she's 13 and chose to go to my parents. I didn't make her go, so she must enjoy it 🤷‍♀️

BillyNotQuiteNoMates · 06/08/2023 09:09

I also struggle with this guilt. I was a SAHM with my older kids, but after getting divorced, it's not been an option with my youngest. It's been the hardest part of the divorce for me.

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Families General education
heynowpo · 06/08/2023 09:24

I'm still sending my kids to holiday clubs at 14 and 12 to keep them busy and doing something other than on their screens all day. My daughter sometimes meets up with friends to do something specific but I don't really want them just hanging around all day.

Find a holiday camp doing a specific activity that they enjoy. My daughter is now helping out with the 4-6 year olds tennis camp as she has been active in the the older camps.

They also both went on a sleepaway adventure camp.

The weather has been pretty rubbish so the alternative to camps is them sitting around all day-if it's the right camp for them, they will have a great time.

ImpeckableChicken · 06/08/2023 09:34

We were the same. 6 whole weeks at home. Times change though. Families used to be able to afford a stay at home parent 🙈

My kids go to holiday club. They don’t know any different, I suppose it would be harder if they’d had a few summers at home and then had to start going to holiday club…

So don’t feel bad. You are doing the best you can for your child.

Manthide · 06/08/2023 09:38

I was a SAHM with my oldest 3 and they thought it was a real treat to go to the holiday clubs. I could only afford for them to do one week but they loved them

LadyHag · 06/08/2023 09:47

NewNovember · 04/08/2023 10:50

It doesn't sound nice, children put greater value on time with their parents then material things. Most posters will tell you it's fine because they have the sane guilt. You have identified the problem now you can take steps to resolve it. What's stopping you from being a sahm?

Eh??😂

BeautifulWar · 06/08/2023 09:48

I think your guilt is leading you to remember the idealised version of events, OP. I remember loving the first couple of weeks of the holidays, but then getting bored by around week 4! There comes to a point where we crave routine and even school itself.

I'm sure you'll have a great time on the days you spend together and going to various camps keeps your DD in a routine, busy and socialising.

Despite what some posters think. This isn't the 1950s and there is no shame in providing a home and stable life for your child - or for yourself either, for that matter.

PlaceYourHands · 06/08/2023 10:07

We have an only. He goes into holiday club twice a week. One of us is off one day a week each. Then we do half days on a Friday. Trust me, if DS was at home with one of us for the whole six weeks with no other interaction, we would kill each other. He needs interaction with other kids, other adults, fun activities, group activities. With the best will in the world, I am 44 and not a natural playmate for a six year old. These camp leaders in their late teens or early 20s, who get paid to do this, are way more fun than me!

Postapocalypticcowgirl · 06/08/2023 10:11

In 2021, the school I worked for ran a week long summer school for y6 going into y7 because they couldn't do their normal transition days in school. It was based in a school and followed the school day, but with (hopefully) fun activities - the kids, even those who definitely didn't like school in y7, seemed to mostly really enjoy themselves and some even said they'd like to do another week! They were mixed into new tutor groups and so weren't necessarily with their best friends all the time either.

My point is that if it's a good holiday club, she will enjoy it and she does have some time with you. Hopefully she can have a bit of time to chill at the weekends if she needs that?

An extra week of unpaid leave is a nice idea if you can afford that.

If she's still relatively young primary school age, and you can afford the pay hit, and this really bothers you, it might be worth looking at term time only jobs in schools/colleges for a few years? A bit less drastic than becoming a SAHM at least? But it would likely be a big pay drop.

Tabitha2721 · 06/08/2023 10:40

@NewNovember is this post for real? 🤣 probably the same as for 99% of the population.. money?!

Inanun2 · 06/08/2023 11:02

I used to send mine for 3 weeks in summer and we covered 3 weeks with holiday between us. ( similar in all hols as we split time off between us and only took around 2 weeks together)
1 liked it 1 didn’t but Its not like school and they got to play, cook, craft, do sport all with other kids.

Its normal to feel guilty though and I used to feel bad that they had to still get up and ready early and not lounge around at home. Both young adults now and they are happy, no lasting effects of getting up early for kids clubs!
I am happy and feel in hindsight that I was a good role model being a working Mum too.

Windowcleaning · 06/08/2023 11:10

My 16 year old dd was telling me just yesterday how much she enjoyed the sports holiday club she went too between ages 9-13 or so.

You'd have never known it at the time with all the moaning!

As pp say, even if I didn't have to work, there's no way I could have entertained her and her brother for six weeks. It always seemed to work out that their friends were on holiday at different times to us, or away most of the summer.

Honestly, after a couple of years of covid-necessary separation from peers, spending time together is just what so many kids need.

Samlewis96 · 06/08/2023 11:26

floribunda18 · 04/08/2023 11:18

My parents both worked too in the 1980s and there were no holiday clubs. I would spend a week or two with grandparents and various aunties. Wasn't great and I was quite bored and would rather be at home sometimes but it wasn't too bad and didn't do me any harm. Not sure what else they could have done. We usually went to Devon for a couple of weeks too. If one of them didn't work we wouldn't have been able to do that.

We had activities in the local library and various church halls during the school holidays in the 80s. Not as " official" as ones today but skids used to rock up there and join in

calmcoco · 06/08/2023 11:34

Parental guilt is everywhere, but usually not appropriate. I think in your case, your DD is having a very common summer experience. Many parents work, you're not 'doing life wrong'.

Maybe you could take a little extra unpaid leave, but the main thing to do is make the very most of the times you are with your DD.

Isthisasgoodasitis · 06/08/2023 12:32

Try sending her to PGL centre then she’ll get a hell of a holiday

splitin3 · 06/08/2023 12:38

I did the same as you OP but at that time I only had one. By the time I had two (and then 3) it made more financial sense to do term time only and save my annual leave for half terms.

Is there any chance your employer would consider that . I was able to have my pay averaged so still got 12 salary pay days .. of course depends on your employer and if it works for you financially. (When I say you - I mean you or DH... this isn't exclusive to being mum ! )

Soontobe60 · 06/08/2023 13:08

I’m a teacher. My youngest DD used to beg to go to holiday club because she could see her friends, do things that we didnt do at home and generally have a great time.

whenitsover · 06/08/2023 13:39

I would say you are doing just fine! What’s important is that your child feels loved and is valued. Focus on the time you do have together. School camps are a must for working parents - and let’s not think that just because it may have been different to your childhood doesn’t mean it’s not ok. You can claim additional unpaid leave, if you can afford to up until DD is 18. Check it out here: https://www.gov.uk/parental-leave

Unpaid parental leave

Employer and employee guide to unpaid parental leave - eligibility, how much leave can be taken and notice periods

https://www.gov.uk/parental-leave

Original poster
Noschoolholiday · 06/08/2023 13:42

@ZenNudist yes the same club all summer which I think is also part of the problem. We live very rurally and I am lucky that club is on my doorstep at all. Anywhere else would be a 30 minute drive away and I just can't fit in 2 x 1-hour round trips around my working hours.

@YoBeaches 4 weeks unpaid l, wow really! I had no idea. I mean I couldn't really take all 4 but could definitely spare a week or two.

OP posts:
jackstini · 06/08/2023 13:47

Are there any friends you could 'share' holiday care with?

We used to do this a lot - I would have theirs for a few days over the summer and they would have mine in return; very fair

Kids loved it and mostly entertained each other!

Sennelier1 · 06/08/2023 14:53

I understand you feeling guilty but it is what it is and the case dor lots of children. Maybe you could find a few nice parents in a similar situation, you could all join up and take turns doing fun stuf with the children like a week per family?

OldChinaJug · 06/08/2023 15:16

It's a balance, OP. My brothers child is in the same position.

I'm a teacher so I'm at home over the summer. When she was younger, she used to come into school when I went in to sort my classroom out for September and I still worked at home planning but at least she was also at home... except she was also bored a lot of the time!

There's only so many times you can have friends over and go out for the day. It's a long expanse of time to fill and expensive!

I tried not to use holiday clubs so as not to take spaces from people who actually needed them for work but she probably would have benefitted from going.

Tbh, given the weather this year, your daughter is probably better off in club.

popcornfrenzy · 06/08/2023 15:36

I got a job in a school as I was finding things too difficult in the summer holidays - I now work term time only. It’s less money but now I’m not paying for holiday clubs it evens out.

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 06/08/2023 16:10

My dc are 11 and 14.
Most of their school holidays have been
4 weeks at holiday club/camp of some sort
1 week at home with me
1 week family holiday

Occasionally, we might do 3 weeks holiday club, 1 week at home with dh.

As they've got older, less holiday club, more kicking about at home.

This year dh was made redundant, so, 5 weeks kicking about at home, no days out, 1 week family holiday (already booked and paid for).