Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

It’s eating me up. Family friend cheated on wife

146 replies

Window82 · 02/08/2023 13:24

Hello, our family is good friends with a couple. I really wish I hadn’t been told this info but a group of my family (all male) and this family friend they all went on holiday. He cheated on his wife.

i found out from a male member of my family who really was upset by it all, these family friends are really like family. It was full sex with another woman.

I don’t seen them very often as I live in a different part of the country. But yesterday it was the FFs wedding anniversary and the wife posted a lovely photo of them and their kids.

And in my head all
i can think is you bastard. You cheated on her all of two months ago. I get the feeling this isn’t the first time. I can’t say anything but I wanted to get it off my chest. I really love his wife. She honestly is such a good person.

OP posts:
mrsneate · 02/08/2023 13:25

I think I'd be tempted to tell her tbh. What a bastard

Callyem · 02/08/2023 13:26

You should absolutely tell her.

BubziOwl · 02/08/2023 13:28

I'd have to tell her, mostly because if she catches an STD from him I'd feel guilty. She deserves to know. Id be very hurt if I found out that friends and family allowed me to unknowingly put my sexual health at risk.

But many on MN will disagree.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Relationship problems
Devilsmommy · 02/08/2023 13:28

I would want to know if I was the unsuspecting wife. What a complete tosser he is!

Janieforever · 02/08/2023 13:33

Would she wish to know op? Some women don’t, as it forces them to deal with it.

and if you do tell. Whatever you do, don’t do it anonymously, as that’s shit and he will deny it and she will be just left confused and wondering.it will cause her pain with no resolution

SirenSays · 02/08/2023 13:50

I'd tell her, I have no loyalty to cheaters

YukoandHiro · 02/08/2023 13:55

If you tell her OP, what happens to the person who told you? Will it destroy your relationship with them?

Original poster
Window82 · 02/08/2023 14:01

It would majorly mess up a lot of relationships in the family. I can’t believe collectively all these males know this. Total utter bastard and it’s bad cos it’s shook me up totally, I thought he was a good guy.

I don’t think she knows. She is so so so kind and the kids are adorable. It’s one big shit show cos of him.

OP posts:
Original poster
Window82 · 02/08/2023 14:03

I do wonder if she wants to know? Or possibly has an inkling but chooses just not to know? I don’t know. I feel just really trapped.

OP posts:
mrsneate · 02/08/2023 14:04

An anonymous message maybe. Cowards way out. But no one will know it's you and it'll at least plant the seed.

I'd want to know

LemonLimeDivine · 02/08/2023 14:10

In her position, I’d want to know.

In your position, I’d be tempted to tell her.

LemonLimeDivine · 02/08/2023 14:11

You could always take the anonymous letter route.

Callyem · 02/08/2023 14:11

Sometimes there is truth in women not wanting to know, other times it is what we tell ourself to ease the guilt of not wanting to get involved or being scared of the fall out. I'm not judging AT ALL - sounds like you are stuck between a rock and a hard place, but my own conscience wouldn't rest not telling her, and it wouldn't be you blowing up relationships, it would be his actions.

Fourlegsandatail · 02/08/2023 14:17

If it was your DH and she knew would you want to know? Would you expect that loyalty from her now or would you understand if you subsequently discovered she knew?

Personally I would want to know. If he is so blatantly shagging around I doubt this is the first or last time he will cheat. Save this woman from wasting her time.

If anyone in your family criticises you for telling her you reply “the only person who has done something wrong is her DH”.

ChronicallyUnhappy · 02/08/2023 14:40

Tell her

If not for her emotional well-being, then for her sexual well-being. God only knows what he potentially brought home with him

Arewehumanorarewecupboards · 02/08/2023 14:42

If your husband had been the cheater and everyone else knew would you want to be told?
Maybe your husband has been the cheater but people didn’t want to upset the group so didn’t mention it.

weightymatters73 · 02/08/2023 14:44

Without knowing for definite yourself you need to leave this alone. It's possible the person who told you had the wrong end of the stick and you have no proof it happened.

SirSamVimesCityWatch · 02/08/2023 14:48

I'd agree that some sort of proof is needed, especially if you are going to do it anonymously. Otherwise it'll be his word against yours / against an anonymous tip off and he'll have no trouble wriggling out of it.

Friend of a friend got an anonymous message that her bloke had cheated - delivered in the congratulations cards for her wedding. But it was put down as malicious and false and she went on the honeymoon anyway, and stayed with him for another four years before she caught him cheating. I wish someone had actually sat down and told her in person before she chucked years of her life down the drain.

MNetcurtains · 02/08/2023 14:49

Stay out of it. You have no idea what goes on behind closed doors. It's possible she knows and is dealing with it with her husband. If that's the case then I would not want it being public knowledge.

It's none of your business.

doitwithlove · 02/08/2023 14:54

I would be very tempted to tell her, maybe an
anonymous message. Do you have a friend who would let you use there phone.

Smineusername · 02/08/2023 15:03

I would not get involved in policing someone else's marriage?

Original poster
Window82 · 02/08/2023 15:05

I think it’s right, my cousin told me. I do believe him. Honestly he was shocked, it was his first time away with this group and he said he is so so so shocked he can never go away with them again. He said he saw this FF pick up a girl (he is assuming it was a Prostitute) but I just can’t say either way as I did not see it. But everyone on that trip knows the fucking truth. Everyone.

OP posts:
Original poster
Window82 · 02/08/2023 15:06

I’ll stay out of it. It will be very very messy if I get involved.

OP posts:
Meeting · 02/08/2023 15:06

The fact that it's common knowledge amongst multiple people would be enough on its own for me to tell her. It's not fair.

Littlemissprosecco · 02/08/2023 15:12

WHEN she finds out, and she will, cos it will slip out somehow, and she finds out you all knew. It will absolutely devastate her and she will never forgive any of you ever.
If you’ve only just found out, I’d let het know, or you’re complicit in hurting her