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Original poster

It’s eating me up. Family friend cheated on wife

146 replies

Window82 · 02/08/2023 13:24

Hello, our family is good friends with a couple. I really wish I hadn’t been told this info but a group of my family (all male) and this family friend they all went on holiday. He cheated on his wife.

i found out from a male member of my family who really was upset by it all, these family friends are really like family. It was full sex with another woman.

I don’t seen them very often as I live in a different part of the country. But yesterday it was the FFs wedding anniversary and the wife posted a lovely photo of them and their kids.

And in my head all
i can think is you bastard. You cheated on her all of two months ago. I get the feeling this isn’t the first time. I can’t say anything but I wanted to get it off my chest. I really love his wife. She honestly is such a good person.

OP posts:
weightymatters73 · 02/08/2023 20:43

drpet49 · 02/08/2023 20:05

This!

Show quote history

Or encourage your cousin (who was there and has first hand knowledge) to tell the H the game is up.

But without first hand knowledge you need to leave this alone.

greenthumb13 · 02/08/2023 20:48

I would want to know if it was me. I'd want to know who though, not an anonymous letter.

Original poster
Window82 · 02/08/2023 20:51

My DH doesn’t go. Said it’s not his thing/crowd. I think I know why now.

OP posts:

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Relationship problems
username098765 · 02/08/2023 21:02

I'd have to tell her!
I'd want to know. She may not appreciate it at first though.
I found out my brother was cheating on his wife several years ago. I told her, my brother didn't speak to me for a while but I couldn't know and not do anything about it.

watersprites · 02/08/2023 21:12

The messenger always loses in this situations. How do you know she doesn't know?

WildUnchartedWaters · 02/08/2023 21:13

mrsneate · 02/08/2023 14:04

An anonymous message maybe. Cowards way out. But no one will know it's you and it'll at least plant the seed.

I'd want to know

Dont do this. It's so harmful.

Tell her Op.

watersprites · 02/08/2023 21:13

An anonymous message maybe

don't do this

AsterixAndPersimmon · 02/08/2023 21:14

Window82 · 02/08/2023 20:51

My DH doesn’t go. Said it’s not his thing/crowd. I think I know why now.

Which I suspect means that 1- it’s nit the first time and 2- a bit of an )’habit’ from the others in the group.

If you say anything, they’ll close ranks instead. And the people who will suffer are you and your cousin.

On the other side, the fact the whole group knows… it would make me want to avoid them all at all cost tbh,

Snugglemonkey · 02/08/2023 21:14

mrsneate · 02/08/2023 14:04

An anonymous message maybe. Cowards way out. But no one will know it's you and it'll at least plant the seed.

I'd want to know

No!!! Worst of both worlds. Stay quiet or own it. People rarely believe anonymous messages. Upset for nothing.

watersprites · 02/08/2023 21:17

I've seen this play out, if the deceived partner forgives or tries again you are frozen out as you are the reminder. If they do leave your relationship can still change, many people aren't comfortable with others knowing their vulnerabilities/difficulties, particularly when they move on. If they know but prefer to pretend it's not happening others verbalising it makes them forced to confront it.

Comedycook · 02/08/2023 21:17

Don't tell her. Put it out of your mind and pretend you never even heard about it. I agree with a pp...some women wouldn't actually want to know. Seriously it's not your relationship. Forget it.

Sandra1984 · 02/08/2023 21:19

Ones got to be careful with these situations. Me and the boyfriend had a group of friends, I was very close with this woman within the circle , her husband (they have a child) started cheating with someone else. One day I called and told her. They had a massive row, all the guys in the circle hated me (my boyfriend included), they never separated. I gained a reputation as a shit stirrer and lost the friends. Since them I’m extremely careful with outing cheaters. I will heavily evaluate the repercussions if you out him.

Snugglemonkey · 02/08/2023 21:21

CapEBarra · 02/08/2023 15:30

Well, are you loyal to her or loyal to her cheating husband? Because that’s the choice you’re making. For me this is a no brainer - tell the truth and tell it bravely and with compassion without hiding behind anonymous emails or notes. Just state the facts as you know them without judgement. Then at least she can make decisions in the light of the information.

That really is not true, this cannot be simplified that way.

VeridicalVagabond · 02/08/2023 21:21

Poor woman. Husband cheats on her, probably not for the first time, probably with a prostitute. An entire fucking family know, her friends all know, and not one person has the stones to tell her.

She will be absolutely devastated when she finds out not only that she's married to a revolting wet scab of a man, but that she's the only one who didn't know about it.

Gunpowder · 02/08/2023 21:22

I would keep out of it. It’s second hand information. And no one thanks the messenger. Be a close and supportive friend to her instead. Probably one day she will need you.

Daffodil63 · 02/08/2023 21:23

Why does everyone assume she knows? Of course she doesn't know -she wouldn't be posting "happy family pics" if she knew
It's so unfair
The poor wife should know

northstarry · 02/08/2023 21:25

Sorry but please mind your own business

WildUnchartedWaters · 02/08/2023 21:29

northstarry · 02/08/2023 21:25

Sorry but please mind your own business

Would you say that if it was you cheated on and people know?

WildUnchartedWaters · 02/08/2023 21:30

Sandra1984 · 02/08/2023 21:19

Ones got to be careful with these situations. Me and the boyfriend had a group of friends, I was very close with this woman within the circle , her husband (they have a child) started cheating with someone else. One day I called and told her. They had a massive row, all the guys in the circle hated me (my boyfriend included), they never separated. I gained a reputation as a shit stirrer and lost the friends. Since them I’m extremely careful with outing cheaters. I will heavily evaluate the repercussions if you out him.

Youre better off without them

Equally, my friend was cheated on and several people knew. She was devastated and never forgave them.

You did the right thing and if they choose to do that, their loss.

sodthesodoff · 02/08/2023 21:32

Urgh. So basically all the men in your family know. To be honest if it caused a shit show with a bunch of cunts like that it'd probably save me the bother of cutting everyone off

Basically if your husband went off with them and fucked someone they'd have his back not yours.

I'd talk to her. Because she doesn't deserve it. Doesn't deserve to be a laughing stock within her 'close friends'. Doesn't deserve to potentially catch an STD. And thoroughly deserves to make her own decision about her future with this man.

Talkwhilstyouwalk · 02/08/2023 21:36

I personally wouldn't get involved. You were not there, and whilst it sounds as though it definitely happened you do not have definitive proof and she may not believe you. You don't need to feel guilty for not telling her, he is the one who deserves the guilt.

Morewineplease10 · 02/08/2023 21:36

Tell her.

Any fall out is on her bloody husband.

Muckysmucky · 02/08/2023 21:37

It doesn’t sound at all clear what your cousin actually witnessed. There seems to be a lot of assumption on his part.

Comedycook · 02/08/2023 21:47

WildUnchartedWaters · 02/08/2023 21:29

Would you say that if it was you cheated on and people know?

Show quote history

I didn't write that post but I'm in the mind your own business camp. Honestly if my dh cheated on me as a one off, I wouldn't want to know. Its easy to say you'd want to know but ignorance is bliss.

rwalker · 02/08/2023 21:49

its The easiest thing ever in the world to sit behind a keyboard and say you would tell

the reality is you would have to drop the bomb in the family and you would have to watch it explode and get caught in The cross fire

it’s a complete and utter risk because there are 2 camps 1) I would want to know 2) what I don’t know doesn’t hurt me
and there’s no possible way of knowing which camp she in

there only 2 people who know what goes on behind closed doors there marriage could be in it’s arse and they just plod on because it’s easy

I’d keep out of it