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Original poster

It’s eating me up. Family friend cheated on wife

146 replies

Window82 · 02/08/2023 13:24

Hello, our family is good friends with a couple. I really wish I hadn’t been told this info but a group of my family (all male) and this family friend they all went on holiday. He cheated on his wife.

i found out from a male member of my family who really was upset by it all, these family friends are really like family. It was full sex with another woman.

I don’t seen them very often as I live in a different part of the country. But yesterday it was the FFs wedding anniversary and the wife posted a lovely photo of them and their kids.

And in my head all
i can think is you bastard. You cheated on her all of two months ago. I get the feeling this isn’t the first time. I can’t say anything but I wanted to get it off my chest. I really love his wife. She honestly is such a good person.

OP posts:
saraclara · 03/08/2023 06:57

WildUnchartedWaters · 03/08/2023 00:47

Why? Does a mans word carry more than a woman's?

Show quote history

No, of course not. Read my pay again.

The OP was not on this trip. She did not witness this person picking up a woman. She would be telling his wife something purely based on hearsay. That could come back to bite her. Especially if the men then deny all knowledge to protect their friend.

The men in that trip were witnesses. They are the ones who should tell her, because they have the credibility (as witnesses) to be believed.

saraclara · 03/08/2023 06:57

Pay= post

Fraaahnces · 03/08/2023 07:08

Could you set up an anonymous email address for this? She needs an STD screening.

Interested in this thread?

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Relationship problems
LadyBird1973 · 03/08/2023 07:32

Very few people are in open marriages. And no man I've ever known would take a strange woman back to their room unless sex was involved. It's clutching at straws to think otherwise.

Honestly I think either way you and your friendship is compromised and the only real choice is in how the friendship ends - do you tell her and get lost in the fallout or do you stay surface friends (knowing what you know) and hope you don't get lost when/if she eventually finds out?

You could contact the husband and say that you have heard this and want to know if he's put your friend at risk. He might tell you he was careful, in which case you've confirmed it's true.

Or go straight to her and say what you've been told and that you thought she ought to know that this seems to be common knowledge amongst the group. He may well deny it, but she'll be on the alert. And maybe one of the other men will confirm if put on the spot.

rookiemere · 03/08/2023 07:38

You don't know for sure he cheated, you have second hand details.
I'd go for the cowards way out and not tell.
Possibly the most I would do is when you next meet up mention that DH doesn't go on the trips as they were getting too wild for him and she can deduce what she wants from that.

UnfunnyJester · 03/08/2023 07:50

I think this is a different situation because a bunch of men in the family know already so I'd tell her.
Yes, there will be fallouts and repercussions but that's on the cheating bastard not you.

WantingToEducate · 03/08/2023 07:52

I would be so humiliated if I were her, if I found out years down the line and that everyone had known and said nothing.

Why do you think this cousin picked you
out to tell? Why you and nobody else? Or do you think he could have told somebody else?

openthecurtainsagain · 03/08/2023 08:02

If you know her well enough to chat, you could just say, 'I don't know if it's true, but I wanted you to know that all the men are saying this happened. I don't like the idea of them joking about it and you not being aware what people are saying'.

That way you're not outright saying 'he cheated' but you're just telling another woman 'what people are saying'. She can then decide what to do with that information.

Original poster
Window82 · 03/08/2023 08:22

Me finding out was coincidental I was at my Aunt’s house the same time as my cousin was home, and I asked how the trip was, he just blurted it all out like he’d been holding it all in and needed to offload. I really believe him he was really upset by it all.

I won’t say anything I’m not due to see cheating FF and his wife for a while. I feel like this isn’t the first time.

OP posts:
Maddy70 · 03/08/2023 08:24

Window82 · 03/08/2023 08:22

Me finding out was coincidental I was at my Aunt’s house the same time as my cousin was home, and I asked how the trip was, he just blurted it all out like he’d been holding it all in and needed to offload. I really believe him he was really upset by it all.

I won’t say anything I’m not due to see cheating FF and his wife for a while. I feel like this isn’t the first time.

I really think that's wise not to say anything. However ... they should encourage their mate to tell her himself

Lughnasa · 03/08/2023 08:47

It is very difficult.

My ex cheated on me. We were part of a group as he did a sport ( as his job not hobby) so was away alot, at events, it was an unusual life and very intense. As a result the partners all knew each other pretty well.

One of the group - who was also a friend but we weren’t super close - heard the rumours and rang me to tell me. At the time I didn’t quite believe it and he denied it, but it planted the seed and I found out properly 6 months later.

None of the group ever spoke to me again after we split. I understand the person who told me’s husband was really angry with her as were some others, so there was fall out for her. I know she was basically told not to contact me.

Im forever grateful to her and her kindness - honestly made me feel better during a horrible time that someone at least cared enough to warn me. She actually messaged me the other day after 4 years just to say she still thinks of me.

But equally I can see it’s such a tricky situation and you never know how the wife feels.

MegaClutterSlut · 03/08/2023 09:02

The way I see it, if I was the wife and I found out you knew, I would never speak to you again. It will all come out in the end

You also need to put yourself in her position, how would you feel if she didn't tell you?

Uremindmeofthebabe · 03/08/2023 09:05

@Window82 would you consider an anonymous letter/email to maybe him or her?

Original poster
Window82 · 03/08/2023 11:25

I’m bowing out of it guys. I spoke to my mum, she also knows, my aunt told her. So I think one way or another it’s going to get out.

OP posts:
Original poster
Window82 · 03/08/2023 11:26

I feel cross I’ve been stressing all this time and bloody half the world knows.

OP posts:
WantingToEducate · 03/08/2023 13:00

Window82 · 03/08/2023 11:26

I feel cross I’ve been stressing all this time and bloody half the world knows.

Except the one person who should know.

Original poster
Window82 · 03/08/2023 13:26

I know I know - it’s got to get back to her at some stage.

OP posts:
Littlemissprosecco · 03/08/2023 13:29

Ten she’ll never forgive all those who knew!

Greenwitchhorse · 03/08/2023 13:34

I would tell her.

If I was the wife I would want to know...

He is putting her at risk of STIs too and it is likely this is not his first cheating and experience and he will do it again.

Telling her is the best way forward.

Maybe you could join force with one of the other people who knows what happened and you can both seat her down and speak to her if you are concerned about talking to her on your own.

Scummy men like this need to face the consequences of their actions.

LadyBird1973 · 03/08/2023 13:36

In the light of your updates I'm thinking you should tell her because other people are talking about this.
I'm not saying she will thank you for it (in the short term) but being a true friend is about doing the difficult thing because it's the right thing.
I would absolutely hate to find out down the line that loads of people had been talking about my marriage behind my back and not one of my friends had told me.

WantingToEducate · 03/08/2023 13:37

Window82 · 03/08/2023 13:26

I know I know - it’s got to get back to her at some stage.

Why will it get back to her?

What is everyone is like you and they also decide to say out of it because they think someone else will tell her?

Uremindmeofthebabe · 03/08/2023 13:38

Maybe she knows already? 🤷🏻‍♀️

Fraaahnces · 03/08/2023 13:41

If I found out that half the world knew and didn’t tell me, I’d feel doubly betrayed.

hellhavenofury · 03/08/2023 13:54

If all of these people around this woman knows, she needs better people around her!! She deserves the heads up surely, what she does with that is up to her but she needs to be armed with the facts. I don't think I would trust anyone again if they kept it from me & I have been in this position myself!

MaggieFS · 03/08/2023 15:58

Window82 · 03/08/2023 11:25

I’m bowing out of it guys. I spoke to my mum, she also knows, my aunt told her. So I think one way or another it’s going to get out.

Oh great. Poor woman. All these people too cowardly to be the ones to stick their necks out and let HER be the one to decide on the course of action.

But you go off and feel ok about it now that other people also know.

Shameful.

Previously I felt you were in an awkward situation and sympathised. Now I think you're no better than everyone else.

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