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Original poster

It’s eating me up. Family friend cheated on wife

146 replies

Window82 · 02/08/2023 13:24

Hello, our family is good friends with a couple. I really wish I hadn’t been told this info but a group of my family (all male) and this family friend they all went on holiday. He cheated on his wife.

i found out from a male member of my family who really was upset by it all, these family friends are really like family. It was full sex with another woman.

I don’t seen them very often as I live in a different part of the country. But yesterday it was the FFs wedding anniversary and the wife posted a lovely photo of them and their kids.

And in my head all
i can think is you bastard. You cheated on her all of two months ago. I get the feeling this isn’t the first time. I can’t say anything but I wanted to get it off my chest. I really love his wife. She honestly is such a good person.

OP posts:
Spacecowboys · 02/08/2023 15:15

I wouldn’t say anything. If it’s true he cheated, he may be full of regret with no intention of doing it again. If you tell his wife about a one night stand that was a mistake, she may actually find herself wishing that she didn’t know.
If it is a pattern of behaviour she will find out eventually anyway.

fullbloom87 · 02/08/2023 15:16

However heartbreaking it will be for you and for his wife I really feel you should tell her.
She will find out eventually and she'll find out that you withheld this information and will probably never forgive you.
Women to women you should let her know.
I hope she can get through this, although I'm sure with you on her side she will be ok.

FunkyMonks · 02/08/2023 15:18

It's a hard one part of me would be worried that for all you know it could be an agreement between them both to sleep with other people when away.
The other worry you tell her she decides to ignore the truth and falls out with you any way.

On the other hand if he is a cheat I would want to know and would feel deeply hurt if my friends and family knew and said nothing.
Would feel like a double whammy of there being no one I could trust.

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MayThe4th · 02/08/2023 15:19

You only know this information third hand. You have absolutely no way of knowing whether it’s true or not so you need to stay out of it.

And anyone who sends anonymous letters is a gutless cunt and no better than the cheater.

And no. People wanting to protect themselves is no excuse. If someone feels they need to open their mouth, then at least do it transparently or stay out of it.

Anonymous letters are the height of gaslighting. You know? The same gaslighting that cheaters use?

Brefugee · 02/08/2023 15:19

that's hard, OP.
As the wife I'd want to know. But we all know that so often the person who brings the bad news is cut off, disbelieved, etc etc.

So in your shoes, I'd tell him that you know what happened. And he has to tell his wife by x date or you will.

But then you have to do it - and handle any shit that heads in your direction.
Or say nothing and be as supportive as you can if the shit hits the fan.

Parky04 · 02/08/2023 15:22

Stay out of it as you don't know for certain!

Brefugee · 02/08/2023 15:22

Spacecowboys · 02/08/2023 15:15

I wouldn’t say anything. If it’s true he cheated, he may be full of regret with no intention of doing it again. If you tell his wife about a one night stand that was a mistake, she may actually find herself wishing that she didn’t know.
If it is a pattern of behaviour she will find out eventually anyway.

she may also be full of STDs. That will be nice for her. But her husband isn't going to fuck around again, so they'll only be passing it between them.

Marblessolveeverything · 02/08/2023 15:23

From purely a health point of view she needs to find it out. I would be having very strong words with those who were there and him - to hell with the impact that is on him not you. That woman may not get medical attention that could impact on her life.

Diidlysquat · 02/08/2023 15:23

Please do not tell her, the phrase ‘shoot the messenger’ is one you should heed.

Brefugee · 02/08/2023 15:24

oh, or get the cousin who told you to go back to FF and say "i know what you did, tell your wife by x date or i will" (and then make sure he does)

and get him to tell you when he does so you can help her out, making tea, offering tissues and a shoulder

VinoVeritas1 · 02/08/2023 15:24

Sorry but I agree with @MNetcurtains

Things only get messier when people stick their noses in. How do you know whether or not she already knows and she may not appreciate you dropping that hand-grenade into her life even if she doesn’t already know. I am one of those rare women who would definitely not want to know if ever my DH was caught doing something he shouldn’t - and I would certainly be more than furious if a third party took it upon themselves to assume I should/would want to know.

It’s not up to you to decide their fate. Best to leave it and get on with other things. Chances are it’ll a) come out in the wash anyway, particularly if other people in the group already know and b) she/they may already be dealing with it and don’t want the added embarrassment of others coming forth to pitch in

ohsuzannah · 02/08/2023 15:25

I'd message the husband and tell him that everyone knows, and he'd better watch his step. It might stop him doing it again 🤷‍♀️

CapEBarra · 02/08/2023 15:30

Well, are you loyal to her or loyal to her cheating husband? Because that’s the choice you’re making. For me this is a no brainer - tell the truth and tell it bravely and with compassion without hiding behind anonymous emails or notes. Just state the facts as you know them without judgement. Then at least she can make decisions in the light of the information.

BunnyBetChetwynnd · 02/08/2023 15:30

i found out from a male member of my family who really was upset by it all, these family friends are really like family.

Your male family member burdened you with this secret and it's causing you pain. If you pass this third hand information on there will be more pain. It's not your secret to tell and not your responsibility. Telling will only cause more heartache. I don't condone what he did, but I would stay well clear if I were you, especially as you don't know it's all true or the background behind it.

BadNomad · 02/08/2023 15:32

If he's having sex with strangers then I do think she deserves to know for health reasons if nothing else.

Spacecowboys · 02/08/2023 15:34

Brefugee · 02/08/2023 15:22

she may also be full of STDs. That will be nice for her. But her husband isn't going to fuck around again, so they'll only be passing it between them.

Show quote history

So we’ve moved on to knowing that not only did he 100% cheat ( was someone in the room 🤔) but that it was unprotected as well . I must have missed that.

Uremindmeofthebabe · 02/08/2023 15:36

I'd post him an a anonymous letter, maybe to his place of work or make an email address up and tell him to tell her or you will.

I'd mention the trip and some details/people so he knows you are not bluffing.

LadyBird1973 · 02/08/2023 15:44

If this was totally secret and only you or your cousin knew, I'd say to keep out of it. But since loads of other people do know, it's terrible that she doesn't. In her shoes I'd hate to be posting loving comments about my husband while all my friends were thinking about him cheating on holiday.
You are buggered whatever you do though - your cousin has dumped on you and your friends h has put all your mutual mates in this shitty position in the first place.

And honestly I'd also be worried about what my own h was doing on these trips if all the blokes have known and kept quiet.

RobinWoodPrinceofLeaves · 02/08/2023 15:51

I would stay out of it. You probably think you are doing her a favour but the messenger usually comes off badly.

Also, is it that big a deal? No one has died or been hurt. As long he hasn’t caught anything he can pass on, he had sex with someone, and people have sex all the time. It doesn’t seem like it’s an affair either.

Maybe she has cheated on him in the past. Maybe he got a hall pass. We don’t know other peoples lives, and it’s not our job to police them.

biedrona · 02/08/2023 16:01

Stay out of it.

Original poster
Window82 · 02/08/2023 20:02

The facts are from my cousin. FF ‘picked up’ a girl as they pretty much arrived in said country (a country a lot of them have been to as a group before but was my male cousin’s first time (much younger).

He thinks was a Prostitute but can’t be sure. He’s certain they had sex, their apartments were opposite each other.

That’s it. Seeing FFs wife posting adorable pics of kids etc anniversary and birthday just making me feel sad. But I’m staying out of it. Like you all said maybe she knows?

OP posts:
drpet49 · 02/08/2023 20:05

weightymatters73 · 02/08/2023 14:44

Without knowing for definite yourself you need to leave this alone. It's possible the person who told you had the wrong end of the stick and you have no proof it happened.

This!

PollyThePixie · 02/08/2023 20:08

LadyBird1973 · 02/08/2023 15:44

If this was totally secret and only you or your cousin knew, I'd say to keep out of it. But since loads of other people do know, it's terrible that she doesn't. In her shoes I'd hate to be posting loving comments about my husband while all my friends were thinking about him cheating on holiday.
You are buggered whatever you do though - your cousin has dumped on you and your friends h has put all your mutual mates in this shitty position in the first place.

And honestly I'd also be worried about what my own h was doing on these trips if all the blokes have known and kept quiet.

Yes. It does make you wonder about the wider picture. Is he really the only one who’s done it?

MNetcurtains · 02/08/2023 20:20

VinoVeritas1 · 02/08/2023 15:24

Sorry but I agree with @MNetcurtains

Things only get messier when people stick their noses in. How do you know whether or not she already knows and she may not appreciate you dropping that hand-grenade into her life even if she doesn’t already know. I am one of those rare women who would definitely not want to know if ever my DH was caught doing something he shouldn’t - and I would certainly be more than furious if a third party took it upon themselves to assume I should/would want to know.

It’s not up to you to decide their fate. Best to leave it and get on with other things. Chances are it’ll a) come out in the wash anyway, particularly if other people in the group already know and b) she/they may already be dealing with it and don’t want the added embarrassment of others coming forth to pitch in

This. Stay.Out. Of. It. It is none of your business.

FoodFann · 02/08/2023 20:32

Tell her anonymously

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