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Original poster

Please tell me batshit things about your work.

713 replies

TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 02/08/2023 11:21

I am unwell and hunkering down with MN and TT for the day.

I’ve just started a new job (today is a day off), it’s all new, I’m not settling in as well as I’d like (I’ve gone from a tiny place to a HUGE one) and I’m kind of hyper-focussed on different work practices right now.

Funny stories will cheer me up.

I’ll start.

At my new work they use poly pockets/polywallets UPSIDE-DOWN!

They go in upside-down and they slide the paperwork upwards into it.

I find it so, so weird. Each time I look at them I’m like, WTAF?

Anyway, that’s mine. Please share yours. Entertain me with batshitness. I beg you.

OP posts:
autienotnaughti · 02/08/2023 22:19

My managed is observed with milk. "Have we got enough? Will it keep until tomorrow? You don't need to bring any. Take some home. Etc

Marwoodsbigbreak · 02/08/2023 22:19

I used to work in Customer Correspondence for a major financial institution.

When responding to customer complaints, we were told by new manager that we weren’t allowed to use the word sorry, or to apologise for anything.

Made the job pretty difficult!!

MiniPumpkin · 02/08/2023 22:19

Aposterhasnoname · 02/08/2023 21:59

Well, in my somewhat extensive experience as a hygiene auditor it’s usually water bottles, but I can believe that glasses are used. Water is taken into to the toilet in the glass/bottle, then poured onto toilet paper in order to wash. The bottles are often hidden in the toilet, ready for reuse, inside the cistern or behind the bowl are favourite places. Often there’s two or three different bottles belonging to different people. This is extremely common and I’m stunned so many people have never heard of it. The practice stops when hoses are installed.

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Jesus 😂 I can’t believe what I’m reading. 🤢

littlemissnorthernbird · 02/08/2023 22:22

I was pulled into the office one day and questioned why I had de-friended the deputy manager from Facebook! I had never even been 'friends' with her as keep my private life ...'private;! Had to sit through a whole meeting questioning why I had de-friended her...I hadn't! She had been nosying through my facebook and couldn't understand why I wasn't friends with her! They thought it was unprofessional for me to act in this way and have an attitude towards the deputy!!!!! I was beyond flabbergasted at how unprofessional the conversation with the manager was....I am no longer there!!!!

Pedallleur · 02/08/2023 22:30

We had a guy in charge who within days of his arrival his PA vanished. There one day, gone the next. Rumour was he slapped her. The rumour was never quashed esp when the ladies mortgage was paid the next day. This guy was just an utter cnut. Ordering custom furniture from Italy for his office. Had to have an iMac computer and if he saw X had a 24 inch screen he had to have a 27. Didn't even use Apple OS. He had Windows.All just show. When he was escorted off the premises his acolytes were looking for jobs as quickly as possible.

SuperGinger · 02/08/2023 22:32

About 13 years ago a man at my work, senior to me but in another team, sent me an email late on a Friday afternoon to say he didn't like my voice or my accent! The nerve! If it happened now I'd report him to HR for discrimination.

ManAboutTown · 02/08/2023 22:33

Once place I worked at was so short of space they built a meeting room where one wall was shared with the back of the mens toilets - i.e. the wall at the back of the cubicles.

Unfortunately the wall wasn't thick enough so the meeting room users were to treated to a very unwanted set of sound affects - flushing, "toilet noises" and on the odd occasion the morning after a social event vomiting.

And honestly if I started doing stories about bad behaviour over the years I'd probably fill several hundred posts

At one place a PA caught her boss having a J Arthur at his desk

RuthTopp · 02/08/2023 22:33

@ThatSunCreamSmell

Lol no sorry about that , not Twix , but a pharmaceutical company .
You also couldn't address them by their first name as they thought it not formal enough , but as they shared the same surname ( and don't forget hated each other , so didn't want to be called the same !😯😏🤔 )so we had to address them as Mr M or Mr G which was the initial of their first name. Total batshit .

Verystressedsenmum · 02/08/2023 22:33

Showdogworkingdog · 02/08/2023 22:17

A colleague of mine does this. He also replies to every email you send to him with a thanks, even if it just a thanks for sending him an email. His mailbox must be permanently rammed.

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I Also work with someone who does this and the replying to every Email with a thanks , it’s a shared mail box and it drives me mad as often I’m confused why she’s saying thanks as they haven’t even answered her question and I have to follow it up with a blunt you didn’t answer colleagues question . Email tennis is the worst!!

TortolaParadise · 02/08/2023 22:35

NeverDropYourMooncup · 02/08/2023 22:08

You'd be shocked at the number of times people will say 'Nobody told me, the communication in this place is terrible, the PA didn't send it to me', 'I don't have access to my emails, can you print it out for me? (often by email), 'Put this in the diary (cc'd all staff)', 'Have you added this yet?' when it's already there.

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This!😵

Mindovermatter247 · 02/08/2023 22:35

60% of the people at my job are incompetent twats…
im not sure if they just don’t care, have no work ethic, or are really that stupid…

TeenLifeMum · 02/08/2023 22:35

We have an exec director who I need to sometimes liaise with so on introduction face to face I mentioned an email I’d sent a few days earlier and asked if he could take a look as the deadline was approaching. He laughed and said “oh I don’t read emails as I’m a director so I should know about everything that’s important therefore the emails are usually irrelevant. As you do need my input I’ll give you my mobile so you can text me or call as that’s the only thing a respond too.

i smiled and said “of course” while desperately hiding my wtf face. I think he needs to retire. He’s a nice guy but I question his competence in this particular role.

DarkSpark · 02/08/2023 22:36

Not long after I'd found out I was expecting my first child I was working nightshift on a severely understaffed high dependency unit, I called the hospital covering manager to say I needed help as it was unsafe for the patients. On my next shift the ward deputy manager asked me if the problem was just me being stressed by my unwanted pregnancy. The pregnancy was not unwanted and I'd said nothing to that effect to her or anyone else.

Eaumyword · 02/08/2023 22:43

Once worked for a DIY chain - there was enforced daily 'jollity' as part of a lengthy team briefing which had to be prepared and delivered on the shop floor - at least 15/20min a day and it usually involved skits and performances, which were cringeworthy to watch let alone deliver.
Except, every criminal in the vicinity knew the time it was done and it was a daily thieving jamboree. I could never understand why they insisted on it and every member of staff was expected to attend. So much stock lost 😂😂

BlowDryRat · 02/08/2023 22:44

I just remembered the weirdness of my first day working for a big multinational. I'd been working a month's notice so not a quick start, but had no laptop or even a pen and paper. I found the facilities manager, who told me that the stationery cupboard was only open during specific hours on a Tuesday and Thursday and it was Monday, so I'd have to wait. Ok... It took IT another week to get me a crappy repurposed laptop as well. Loved that job though and stayed for 13 years.

BitOutOfPractice · 02/08/2023 22:44

Orangello · 02/08/2023 21:53

if we didn’t answer the phone with the right tone of pitch

Many years ago, one of our bosses did that testing. The rule was you must answer in a suitably friendly, but not too friendly tone and say XX company, YY department, ZZ speaking. However, the phones occasionally had a lag so they did not connect immediately - you picked up, said your thing but the other person only heard a part of the greeting. The boss, if he happened to be the one testing, went absolutely MENTAL.
So now you think, why didn't you wait a bit to make sure the other person could hear you? But no, if he tested and you didn't start with the greeting immediately, he also went mental. We explained the issue several times but he didn't care. Probably just enjoyed screaming at people.

yep. We had to answer standing up because the boss could tell if we were sitting down when he called. We sounded less assertive.

I think a lot of people would be amazed at what goes on in small owner operated companies run by mini megalomaniacs

RoyalImpatience · 02/08/2023 22:45

"glasses being taken for bum washing purposes" 😂😂

🤣🤣.

Surely if that was your predilection and... I totally get how others think we are dirty for lack of water, bidet etc...

Why not bring your own bloody bum washing container in??why the communal office glass???

I don't share any office communal stuff and the office sponge...

SM4713 · 02/08/2023 22:46
  • The boss would attend fairly high end auction/charity functions and offer the prestigious prize of work experience at our very mediocre, tiny start up. The 'lucky' candidate would sit there shredding paper for 2 weeks on a shit home type shredder, which jammed with more than 2 pieces of paper
  • I was handed business' cards I knew nothing about nor had the opportunity to check beforehand. My name was spelt wrong- a common name like Alice, Sarah, Mary, plus they'd put my own home number and personal mobile number on there! No- I was not on call at any time nor did I ever hand them out
  • I got pulled aside and screamed at for arriving late to work. I pointed out that it was actually 30mins before my start time- so I was early. Turned out they'd booked a client 2hrs earlier than the office opening time- yet didn't bother to tell anyone
Charlize43 · 02/08/2023 22:50

Bumwashing?!

Has something been lost in translation? Do they mean arselicking?

Plenty of that often goes on in the work place!

Merapi · 02/08/2023 22:51

WeetabixTowels · 02/08/2023 22:16

….is it just me or can anyone else not see the problem with this?

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What's the point in having a door if no-one is allowed to open it?

Merapi · 02/08/2023 22:53

Crazywork · 02/08/2023 19:39

I think our boss's must get their signs from the same place ( see my post up thread at 13.57 )

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It was reading your post that reminded me about the door sign!

girljulian · 02/08/2023 22:55

I worked for about 18 months for a company which had a good reputation nationally in certain circles; we had a lot of very high profile clients but nobody realised we were a tiny operation working out of an overcrowded mouldy building without enough desks. The CEO was an insane micromanager who had a sort of glass office like a panopticon in the middle from which he would watch everyone. We were all overpaid but it was like hazard pay for having to be around him. Emails had to be printed and then redpenned by him before we could send them. Once a text message had to get this treatment.

When we had a company event, we'd be in London until 2am and then back to the office on the bus at 3 and he expected us in at 8 the next day. He thought making us stay in at lunchtime and be fed on his dime made up for this.

IVFlife · 02/08/2023 22:57

We have to complete the same bit of work pretty much 4x

Once by hand.
Once typing it onto a word document.
Once typing it into a report in a table format
Once copying and pasting the word document onto the computer system.

In my other half of the week in the same type of roll we directly input the stuff to their system and it auto generates in any reports or documents.

Drives me mad

PriamFarrl · 02/08/2023 23:02

ShiteRider · 02/08/2023 19:42

Sorry to ask on here but what happened to the pink glittery accountant thread? Just wondering how her first day went

What is this thread? How did I miss it? I spent all day on MN today.

TheBeesKnee · 02/08/2023 23:04

givemushypeasachance · 02/08/2023 12:26

Civil service. The hiring/firing arrangements are byzantine - it's very difficult to get rid of someone who is not good at their job, that's well known. But equally it's very difficult to hire new people!

We have someone substantively on our small team, who is currently working for another team instead. That is a maternity leave cover, but the maternity leave person is themselves on a temporary promotion, covering someone else who is also on a temporary promotion, covering for someone who is leading a project. It's like a conveyancing chain of madness. Anyway, we can't replace the dude on our team permanently as he's ostensibly going to come back, and no one around is suitable to do it as a TP or transfer, so we'd like to get an agency person in. It has taken months to run recruitment and the agency person still can't start as we can't get the appropriate CRB sorted for some reason between the agency and our HR dept. It's a bloody faff. We just need another warm body at this point, anyone!

I think we might work for the same organisation 🥴