Weddings in England - how are they so expensive?

[TheWayoftheLeaf]

I know I'm probably a dumbass. But I just got engaged (yay) to my partner of 9 years. I always knew weddings were expensive of course... but I didn't know HOW expensive.

I've started looking today at venues and to be honest it's just made me really sad. It's all so incredibly expensive. My cousins got married recently and now I'm in awe at the beautiful events they put on.

I suppose I never appreciated it before trying to plan my own. I have about £10,000 to spend. Which in my head was plenty (a deposit on a house in some areas for ONE DAY).

Anyway, I can get married in Cornwall, London or Yorkshire because of family and friends being split across the three. But every venue I see is most of the budget. Or if I find a cheaper venue then the food is oddly more expensive and takes it up to a similar amount. Thousands on just food (and of course all venues ban outside food or only their selected £££ suppliers). At this rate I'll have a venue and food, maybe flowers, and that's it for my £10k.

Does anyone know any nice venues in those areas? (Top of Cornwall not bottom so it's not too long for the rest of the family to get there). That don't cost so so much?

I know I could do the registry office and I've suggested eloping but my fiancé wants a wedding and my parents and siblings really want one because I'm the first to get engaged.

I'm really down by it all. It seems insane. The only wedding venues I don't really like are barns. They can be lovely but they're just not for me - I don't want to insult anyone's lovely weddings I just dislike them for me.

Any ideas? In my dreams it was a beach wedding, an orangery, a greenhouse, an elegant hall. I'd do a forest but with the UK weather that's obviously not possible.

Any advice or ideas?

I'd love to do vegetarian as me and DP are vegetarian. But I've heard enough bitching from family to know they'd talk about it being cheap for YEARS.

Good grief, they really are a pain in the arse.
Fuck them.
I mean it seems to be all about their wants etc. Appreciate your fiance wants to have a "proper" wedding too but if the family weren't in the background going on about it you could come to some kind of compromise.
If you can't afford it, you can't afford it and that's it.
So you have to arrange what you can afford.

And if that means having it on a Wednesday and people taking time off work or not being able to come, that is what will have to happen.

Or if it means registry office and a party then that's what happens and people can object and make a fuss all they like, but if they aren't prepared to pay towards it or pay more towards it if already contributing, then tough.

I got married in London in 2005. Registry office ceremony, then two minibuses to take everyone to the pub, disco, buffet meal, cake from M&S, suit from Debenhams (miss them):and my outfit also from Debenhams, came to about four grand. My Dad paid for it. I think it was very expensive even though we cut a lot of corners, like no photographer and no limos.

People say it was one of the best weddings they've been to because we weren't bothered about tradition, more about having a good time.

Weddings are very personal and if the railway train of expectations is going to fast, get off and elope. That's what we're were originally going to do, until my mum caught wind.

I got married in December. I didn't have to pay for the venue to be decorated like the Summer brides, because the venue had Christmas trees/wreaths/fairy lights etc everywhere. It looked beautiful and I didn't pay for any of it! So a December wedding is another money saver idea

Some of the extra cost included in the price is the cost of making sure that whatever will be absolutely right on the day.

A wedding car has to be spotless inside and out and 100% reliable so for a wedding hire company this may mean having to have a spare car plus an extra driver available on call.

The food has to all be ready and served at the same time: more chefs, more preparation space, more serving staff.

That said there are lots of ways to save without being 'cheap'. DD is getting married next year. The venue allows BYOB and doesn't charge corkage for the duration of the meal. DH and I are going to be providing the drinks for the meal. DD is opting for dried flowers. They are spending on the things people will see and appreciate rather than fripperies which no one notices or cares about.

I think you need to look at hotel packages rather than big houses and other more expensive options. Yorkshire will be a lot cheaper than London and Cornwall.

Get married on a Sunday! We've saved over £5k doing this!

I'm doing my own centrepieces and signage which has saved a few thousand.

My dress is my biggest expense after the venue 🙈

Our wedding cost about £10k for a Saturday in June. The church cost about £1000, then we hired a teepee for about £4000 including seating, lighting, a bar and fire pit and put it in a lovely country pub garden. The pub did the food and drink (three course lunch and evening buffet) for 60-70 people for another £3000. I bought my dress off eBay for £100 - like new, only worn for a few hours, was a well known designer and would have been £1800+ if I had bought it in a shop! Everything else was done as cheap as possible. Cake was from M&S, added our own ribbon and topper. Made our own favours. Hired suits. Local DJ. Church florist did the flowers for our venue for cheap. Found a new photographer just starting their own business who gave an amazing price. Bought loads of things second hand on Facebook/eBay like veil, shoes, cake stand, easel for table plan, home made decorations. The last few weeks were a bit stressful but it all came together in the end and we had a fantastic day, looked a lot more expensive than it was!

OP Lichfield Guild Hall is a beautiful old building and they have a large catering kitchen and allow outside caterers to come in and use it. I used a company called Charisma Catering. I think I had 88 to my wedding. I had evening reception there too and invited a few more to that event. I used it many years ago but I know they still rent it out. It would be under £1k to rent for the day. I had mobile caterers come in and cook full roast beef/chicken dinner with all trimmings and it worked out far far cheaper. I got married at Tamworth castle and hired a bus for guest to take them to Lichfield about 10 miles away. Tamworth castle was amazingly not particularly expensive either. If you choose a location central to all guests no one has to travel so far. Many of our guests stayed at the Premier travel Inn close to the castle. You should just price it up as I believe you could get a nice wedding for your budget if you book a venue and caterers separately. I'd avoid venues where they only offer you packages so you are held hostage over the price. The caterers I chose asked what I wanted and then worked out a price for me. They also did hog roast and a huge salad and they were cheaper again.

Wedding, beach.... Have a quick google for the castle in Bude, north Cornwall, Devon border end. You certainly get a beach view.
https://www.thecastlebude.co.uk/weddings/

Your parents might want a British Tapas wedding breakfast ( beige food) but local restaurant Temple might be more your thing at some point over the weekend and they have a wedding offshoot Beauty & the Feast.

Keep a grip of what's important to you.
My friend does flowers locally and she agrees with you about barns, they often need a lot of flowers.

Weddings are insane. We set a budget, used the whole budget on the venue and then spent more than double what we had originally planned.

We also didn’t pay full price for a single thing! We got married on a Monday.(originally booked. A Thursday but covid and 4 date changes later!)

You have to have the wedding you both want. If your family want you to have A big wedding, they need to put their hands in their pockets.

If the wedding you want is the big day, you have to postpone and save longer. We both work 2 jobs and we hammered them, my mum paid for my dress but we did everything else ourselves. It was stupidly expensive, but I wouldn’t have changed it for the world. It was everything we wanted and more.

You can absolutely do it for less, but make sure you do what you want and what feels right for you.

Hackness Grange in Yorkshire looks beautiful and could be done within your budget if you married on a Sunday... Here's some screenshots from their brochure.

I had florist do my bouquet and bridesmaids bouquets and buttonholes but my sister and I did the huge floral displays for the guildhall and I really enjoyed doing them. My DH did the order of service on the computer and printed them off. I made bridesmaids head dresses from Hobbycraft and fresh flowers. My lovely sister did the bridesmaids hair and make up for me. She also pulled petals off of roses and put in a little basket for my flower girl (her DD). I learned how to do calligraphy and made place settings myself. I loved doing all the little wedding things myself. Also my sister sewed me yards and yards of bunting to hang in Guildhall.

I'm of the mindset that if it's the family that want a larger wedding to be held then they should be the ones forking out for it.

No way I'd be putting myself in debt or spending more money than I'd like to please my family. They should be happy with whatever you do.

My family offered to pay for my wedding and I did start planning a church wedding with a separate venue but the costs just kept adding up and I felt guilty for how much it would cost, even though they were happy to pay it. I just don't believe a single day should cost as much as a deposit on a house.

We went for an early morning mid week registry office and then a small party after and I loved it, it was laid back and no stress.

So no churches or barns. You wrote off forest but lots of them do nice stuff with canopies, marquees, etc for weddings. Might be worth a look?

https://www.kew.org/venue-hire/classic-weddings
they have different packages so I’m not sure how cheap u cud do it but worth a lookie x

Because we’d lived together for 2 years before we were married we didn’t need your usual wedding presents such as toasters or towels so what people,and by people I mean close family did was to pay for things towards the wedding. My cousin made my wedding dress, of course this will only work if you know someone who really can make a dress, my cousin is quite an accomplished seamstress and really knows her way around a sewing machine otherwise of course I’d never have entrusted her with such a major job.
The material cost around £250 (this was 1997) but the lady in the shop who also made wedding dresses told us that with the materials we had bought that if she was to make the dress she would have sold it for £1500. So we made quite a saving there.

My DM paid for the material for the dress, and she also paid for the buffet.

My DB took the pictures and did me a beautiful wedding album and the best man’s wife took the video.

Another cousin did my wedding cake. A beautiful creation covered in pink roses.

My sister paid for and did the flowers.

My Dh arranged with his friend who owned a white BMW at the time to be the wedding car.

The venue for the ceremony was in my church and because I went to church there I wasn’t charged for the hire and since my friend was the pianist he did it for free. The buffet was held in the church hall for which there was also no charge for.

For the night I hired our local rugby club which I knew had just had a refurb so was immaculate.
We had an awesome day and night where everyone enjoyed themselves and really let their hair down.

These are only examples obviously and I’m really lucky to have such a talented family that I could trust to do the job and that not everyone is blessed with that, but is there a way that close family could chip In together even and pay for certain things as presents instead of the norm.
I realise this also depends on how close you are to them and that you wouldn’t feel cheeky to suggest it.

All I’m saying is that it worked for me and maybe a few of the suggestions are possible for you.
I had a small wedding anyway as I hate fuss but I also don’t buy in to the fact that you have to spend thousands on a wedding where it could be better spent elsewhere.

Happy wedding planning OP I hope you get things sorted without having to splash out too much.

OP, these are the details for Lichfield Guildhall it's a beautiful listed building. Stunning inside. They allow outside caters and no corkage fees if you supply champagne/wine from a supermarket.

There’s several ways you can save! Get married out of season in Jan, Feb or Nov and a Thursday if possible. Reduce your guest-list to around 50. Wedding dress from somewhere like Wed2Be. A couple of bridesmaids in sale ASOS dresses. Don’t get fancy transport. Pick a cute small hotel and not a massive country manner. No wedding favours. Less alcohol on the tables. Supermarket flowers for the tables. Do afternoon tea instead of a huge meal. I got married three years ago and had our wedding for £11,000 for 60 people at a small hotel up north. We saved a fortune and everyone had an amazing time. The only Yorkshire weddings I’ve been to are Crab & Lobster in Thirske and the Woodlane Countryside Centre near Sheffield. Might be worth a look!

It is only as expensive as you let it be. Do the church, buy a 2nd hand dress, have one bridesmaid. Book a hotel and tell them it is a family gathering, they don't need to know it's a wedding. Go to M&S and buy 3 different size celebration cakes, put ribbon around them and some flowers on top. You do not need chair covers and all the other nonsense. Hire a local band that can play music from all era's. Book the photographer for an hour only, you really don't need a photoshoot of 200 photos, 10 years down the line you won't even know where your wedding album is. Make the day about the marriage and being surrounded by your loved ones.

So it's fairly easy to save money on flowers, they're cheap wholesale and you can arrange them yourself, even bouquets. You can get nice wedding themed vases and table toppers etc from garden centers, hobby craft, IKEA you name it.

You don't need a wedding DJ or live music, we got mates to help us arrange a playlist (the venue had speakers which they provided free of charge) and it was great.

I think it is worth paying for a professional photographer.

I bought my wedding dress second hand on eBay for a few hundred pounds. I didn't even look at new dresses or go into wedding shops - so I didn't have to resist buying some perfect wedding dress for £££. I do also have very standard measurements so I've always found it easy to get things in my size. A good friend made some imperfect modifications with a sewing machine - everything doesn't actually have to be perfect, I was very happy with the result! Obviously the experience of shopping for a wedding dress is a big deal to some people but I really enjoyed getting a good bargain. Likewise I bought a second hand veil and simple shoes - these kind of items are in excellent condition because they've been worn once! I returned one veil because I didn't like it but this certainly still saved money vs getting new.

A skilled friend did my makeup. I paid to get my hair done but I think you could see if a friend could do this or you could DIY.

I asked my bridesmaids to supply their own dresses and accessories but I just provided them with a colour (does limit the colour as some are much easier to match than others!). So they had to pay for their own dresses but could choose something themselves that they liked and might wear again.

My mother in law made our cake. It was a massive undertaking in terms of time investment because it was huge (essentially involved making about 10 cakes) but it very much could be done and it was a very tasty cake (she is a good baker to be fair) and looked amazing. We decorated it with cream buttercream icing, pearl beads, and (non-toxic) flowers from our floral arrangements.

We chose a venue that included one round of drinks with canapes, wine at the table, the wedding meal and an evening buffet (as well as the space for the ceremony and a separate reception room and outdoor space). Otherwise there was a bar - guests paid for their own drinks from the bar. Price was fixed per head and we had 60ish guests. We got lucky as the package was discounted (£100/guest) because we booked before the indoor spaces were finished and could be viewed (they were renovating). Nevertheless it was by far the biggest cost but then that made sense as it was the basically the entire wedding besides the extras. I think we did also possibly just get very lucky with the venue as they were so helpful and really wanted us to have a good day, they helped with lots of things like putting up decorations, decorating the cake and setting up for our music for free.

We really liked the size of our wedding and felt we had time to mingle with everyone. Keeping a wedding to 60 guests or under and paying per head for a package is a good way to limit costs.

We did our wedding for £10k.

It's also possible to make your own invitations, favours and cake toppers etc. I did and I felt it was a lot more personal and memorable than just buying everything.

We stayed in the venue the night before so there was no need for special cars (I wouldn't be bothered with that anyway just come in a family members car).

We got married on a summer Saturday so getting married off peak is also a way to potentially save more money.

OP

One of my work colleagues a few years ago got married, her husband was from the other end of the country so they did a small wedding from her home (hired an old routemaster bus and picked up the guests on the way) and then two parties, one in the town she was from and one where he was from. Guests could go to either or both.

Could you do something like that?

We got married at Hannafore Point Hotel in Looe, Cornwall.
We had to do August so knew it wouldn’t be cheap, but went for a Friday rather than a weekend, which made it significantly less expensive.
It’s a nice (not exceptional , but nice) venue, with a lovely sea view and I don’t think we paid more than about £6k for everything (excluding dress). This was in 2019, so prices may have gone up post covid, but I doubt it would be extortionate.

As someone looking back a number of years (ahem decades) our wedding was beautiful but my biggest regrets were things I did to keep other happy or that were on lists of things that are expected.
If you’re on Facebook I would write a post asking people what one thing from their wedding they wouldn’t bother paying for if they were to do it again.

If you yourself really don't want a wedding and this is about other people nagging you....I'd be tempted to do a bit of a bait-and-switch, since so many people in your life are being such a complete and utter pain-in-the-arse and they are sort of "asking for it," quite honestly?

Do a quick registry office elopement, and tell everyone cheerily (including your fiance) that "This is just to make sure we are legal; we'll plan a proper wedding with all the bells and whistles that we will hold once we are financially secure."

Then just don't do it, and wait for people to forget about it and stop asking.