Friends taking our children to school?

[SprinkleOfSunak]

My Husband and I will both be teaching full time from September (I currently do 4 days), and he will also be continuing to work some evenings and weekends in a second role - all this extra work purely to pay our mortgage thanks to it increasing rapidly. We are struggling to make ends meet.

My parents currently do the school runs 4 days per week (I do the remaining day), coming over at 7am and getting our 2 young children ready for school and feeding them, dropping them off, then picking them up at the end of the school day and looking after them until one of us arrives home. They live a 10 minute drive away, and my Dad has to drive towards us to work (Mum is retired).

They have refused to do the school run 5 days a week, saying my Mum needs a break. I can understand this, but they are also aware of our dire financial situation. We will lose our home if I don’t go full time.

The breakfast/after school club is fully booked with a long waiting list, and even if it were available, it’d cost £35 per day for both my children, so £140 per month for the 4 days per month, and opens at 7.30 which is too late for us.

My parents are telling us to drop off my 2 girls at one of their friends’ houses once a week, and that my Mum will reluctantly pick them up from school on that day.

Is this acceptable/normal to ask a friend to do this? It’d be every once every single week, dropping them off at 7am. The 2 sets of parents I’d trust my children with also have 2 children, and work full time (some from home), but don’t start work until 9 or 9.30, and so they do the school run.

I feel so cheeky and upset to ask a friend this. I’m in tears writing this, as I feel so desperate.

My parents do so much for us, and I don’t want to sound ungrateful, or like I expect them to be available to me 4 days a week, I just feel exhausted and broken.

if you’re husband takes 30/40 minutes to get to work, Leave at 8, drop kids on the way at a friends or parents. Alternatively they come to you from 8am and children are all ready to leave.
you’re expecting a lot of help what if there’s sickness, holidays.

You won’t read this comment OP but I’ll say it anyway:-

DB and SIL have had their third mortgage increase recently and their DS is in reception class at school and she’s due to have another DC in October.

Me and my DPs who live the other-side of London do offer childcare when we can but they both have to sort childcare when they can, eg breakfast club or after school club and when DB and SIL both work it can be tricky. They’ve finally made friends with a parent who could potentially help out with drop off and pick up but they haven’t had to ask this yet luckily. One issue they’re having now is holiday club costs before they go on holiday and DM has offered have their DS for a week to help out but would mean him staying at her house. DB and SIL could stay there too so they don’t miss out on time with their son. When SIL has her baby she plans to take a year off work and will then assess moving so we can help out with childcare.

SIL works very hard, some weekends too but luckily can be at work for 9am.

There’s no way on earth would she expect another parent to dress her child at their house before school. If necessary she’d find childcare to cover it. Her DP’s live the other end of the country and her DF is a paraplegic and retired on medical grounds so only one of them in theory could help out. Her DF had a stroke where he almost died which led to the latter.

I’m sure your DM enjoys looking after your DC but she’s saying loud and clear to you that she cannot cope and you need to find a solution.

When my FIL retired he and MIL went on a 3 months tour of the far east to catch up with old friends from when they used to live there. Then they bought a static caravan by the coast 2 hours away from where we live and spent most of their time there from March to November every year.

Let’s hope the op’s parents don’t have any such aspirations for their retirement.

exactly what I was about to say

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe chill out witch 😆 I’m not the op and don’t even have any childcare 😆

I still would be SO disappointed as she may LOSE her HOUSE

ffs- it wouldn’t kill the mother to step up and save the day imo.

There are 10 wraparound sessions a week. Her mother is already doing 8 and has agreed to do a ninth.

The mother is doing it YEARS..YEARS! This is not a once off save the DAY kinda situation.

@SprinkleOfSunak I know you're probably not reading any more - but if you are, then ignore the horrible comments. I did this for a friend when our DC were younger - it was no bother at all, and I was glad to be able to help her out (she had good reasons for asking). Like me, she had no local family - not uncommon where I live - so had to ask me instead. She felt bad about asking, but there was no need!

Depending on how well you know the other parents, I'd approach them with a nicely worded text so there is no pressure or awkwardness if it's something they are not comfortable doing, and they have time to think about it without feeling they must answer straight away.

A friend of mine picked my 2 dc up a couple of times a week after school for an hour, and in return I picked up one day a week and took her DD to her dance class & dropped her home afterwards.
If there's anything you can offer in return it would really help.
I would do this for a good friend.

@changeyerheadworzel so what? It’s absolutely normal in huge swathes of the world to be selfless for grandkids. (I have no skin In this game as geographically have no childcare, so just speaking objectively)

I personally just think that’s what family is about. She could do it for a year to save their house no? Would it really hurt her so much. Boh, I think it’s weird not to step up for
loved one’s if you physically can.

You can't be real. Nobody thinks like this and it's not helping to derail the thread.

You could offer to cover a bit of the holidays as pay back…

Hi Op. I'd help someone out in this situation, especially if they offered some childcare in summer holidays. I did it as a one off the other day, kid is 6, made no difference at all to my day (they did drop him fed and ready by 7.30). I hope you figure it out and pay no mind to the harsher comments, people can be unnecessarily harsh in tone on Mumsnet. There's a real cost of living crisis and I'm sorry you are feeling so overwhelmed.

There's no way I would want someone else's children arriving at my house at 7am, when I had my own children to get up and ready for school.
I think you'll need to pay for some childcare.

Would you get lost. The woman has no life.

Get up every morning at 6
get ready and go to your daughters house for 7am
No kids up, dressed or fed.
Feed, and dress children.
Bring them out and catch a bus to the school to drop them off.
Get a bus home.
Get a bus back to the school.
Get a bus back to daughter's house
feed and look after kids until OP or her OH get home.

Not sure how the poor woman gets home but lets hope she gets a lift.

What kind of a life is that? She has already been doing it for years..

What's another year eh??

FFS.

I did this for a friend both drop off and pick up one day a week and kept her DS for an hour or two after school until she or her DH got home. She offered to pay me but I didn't want to accept money plus I know if you're paid you should really be registered as a child minder.

They used to buy me a case of red wine each term which I was more than happy with. Luckily my DSs and hers got on really well so it worked out fine for us all.

How about staying 4 days a week but tutoring in the evening/weekends? Or getting a job one night of the week and/or at the weekend. Tiring, yes, but hopefully it won't be forever.

My kids were at school long ago when breakfast and after school clubs weren't a thing. I went to work early and left my kids with a neighbour and they went to school with hers. I finished work at 4 as I'd started early so was home by 4.30, 2 days a week neighbour had mine after school, 3 days she dropped hers and mine at my mothers where I'd pick them up and have them till she got home from work. She worked Saturday mornings and I'd have hers and take hers and mine to swimming lessons.

A lot of faff but we made it work. I'd also take hers on holiday and she'd take mine and we'd muddle through the remaining two weeks between us.

It can work if you find the right person.

Just thought my neighbour paid a 6th former to come to her house in the morning, watch the kids and then walk them to school. Responsible girl who is a nurse now.

I know you’ve said your parents offered this OP but it really is too much (especially your poor Mum). She must spend so long on a bus or waiting for a bus. After getting up ridiculously early! She can’t plan any nice days out as the school day is very short. Not much of a retirement. And no you can’t drop your kids at a friends house at 7am. It’s too early.

None of this is sustainable. You need to either find a difference non- teaching job or pay for childcare. Most people pay a good £1k a month for childcare and yes that can be all their earnings. You are paying nothing! Yet still you are struggling financially? So 2 full time teachers, no childcare costs? I think you need to look at your finances rather than relying on your parents.

I told my parents a few years ago that I would need to return to work after being a SAHM, and they both offered straightaway to do the childcare for us - I never even had to ask them. I have worked 4 days a week ever since.

My PIL’s offered the same to SIL, and she took up the offer (they knew she had no other option). 9 years later, they are still doing it, they’re 9 years older and exhausted, but SIL seems
to think it’s a permanent arrangement as they offered 9 years ago.

The Grandmother currently does more parenting than the parent.

I would do it for a friend but not from 7am that’s just too early. I think you should organise it so that one of you doesn’t have to leave the house that early.

Are there no childminders that could have them just for that one
Morning and pick up?

Christ, your poor mum! I'm not surprised she is reluctant and can't believe you even asked! I can't believe you allow her to do it the other 4 days! My mother and MIL are both retired, but I wouldn't dream of asking them for more than the occasional favour and never a morning school run. They have both said they will help with pick ups in an emergency but never on a regular basis as they don't want commitment like that when they are retired, and I am not in the least upset about that and I agree with them, even though I'd be able to work longer hours if they could.

I did take a friend's two children to school twice a week for about 6 months to a year, in return she picked my child up from school and took her for tea one evening a week when I was at uni. My friend was a single parent, and dropped her children off to me in a taxi on the way to work. I wouldn't have done this for a friend in a two parent full time working family who is only struggling because they have overstretched themselves with their mortgage.

Do what others do and find a childminder or offer to pay someone.