Vent post - I just need to get it out somewhere. TW -child loss/organ donation.

[UnreasonableRant]

Some years back my son died, it was bloody awful, the circumstances were devastating and I'm not, nor will I ever be 'over it'.

Due to the nature of his death I was in a position to donate his organs. I didn't really think twice about it, it wasn't some heroic decision, it was just what I felt should happen at that time. My grief wasn't more or less by donating my sons organs tbh, it made no real odds to me (I know I sound awful there but i never think about the recipients at all, I dont want to).

I have a newish 'friend' who brings this up semi regularly. Last night I told her to fuck off and kicked her out my house.

When she found out (small town so people talk) she asked a little about it, I told her the vague details, then she said she could never do it. Fair enough.

The last week or so she has absolutely ramped up talking about it, last night basically saying that if I loved my son I wouldn't have allowed it to happen, her child was playing with mine and she looked at them and said "I can't imagine allowing X to be used as spare parts, I love him too much". Wtf, who even says that.

I asked her if she really just said that, and she said "no offence' before continuing on even more being fucking offensive. Going into graphic detail about what happens and why she couldn't allow it to happen. I'll spare you the details, but it wasn't nice.

I asked her to leave and blocked her on everything, I can't really tell anyone irl as it's a small town and I can't be arsed being in the centre of a scandal and people picking sides, or raking up emotions and having the pitying head tilts again.

I know some people couldn't do it, I really do, I absolutely understand that, and I would never judge someone for not choosing to donate, however this isn't the first time I've been judged for choosing to, it's happened a handful of times over the years, the basis being that I obviously didn't love my beautiful son if I allowed this to happen.

I adored him, I loved him every day of his short life, and I have loved him every day since and will until my last breath.

The implication that I didn't because I donated his organs is bloody offensive.

I know there's no real answers or advice to give, I just needed to get this out as I can't irl.

OP you did a wonderful thing. My old mum was 71 when she passed and she helped four people. My late brother had just gone on the waiting list for a kidney when he died. He was a huge recycler and would have wanted donation for others.
I once fell out with a friend over this. She blathered on about it being too traumatic.
I wonder was she drunk? (I hope not if she was in charge of a child, but you never know). She is not your type of person and if anyone asks that's what I would say. We don't have to like everyone. I tried for years to get on with the queen bee in our village. 4 years ago I thought, fuck it I don't like you. Seen her once since and even though she is big friends with my friends I have no interest in her. She's a nasty piece of work. You however sound marvellous. X

She’s a cunt

I’m terribly sorry - I’m appalled that I might have upset someone. I can’t remember now what I wrote (real life having since knocked me back) but I am so, so sorry.

MNHQ is there a way of telling me privately what I wrote so I can understand the reaction.

I think you have to protect yourself OP - and not worry about this awful person. I think organ donation is a wonderful thing and have known people to benefit from it. I suppose some people are not for it because of religious/cultural reasons but you'd think they'd have enough self awareness not to preach to someone who has gone through what you have. Though it's often the case that people with the strongest beliefs/convictions can be the worst for offending people. You did the right thing by enforcing boundaries with her.