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Original poster

How are people affording things atm?

421 replies

locomum83 · 16/07/2023 00:29

Bear with me.... I work 12 hours a Week, the rest of the time I look after our 3 young kids, DH works full time.
We can afford nothing at the minute, food costing us at least £700 a month (more than I earn) we run 2 cars as we live rural, and can't car share due to work commitments, our mortgage isn't even that much.
I'm looking at other jobs but we don't have formal childcare, just our parents, all in their 70's so not ideal, and to work more could mean having to pay childcare, so the extra money would be eaten up with childcare so what's the point?
this summer we haven't even been able to have any sort of holiday or even short break organised, we simply have no money left after bills, and often we have to take money from savings to help.
All my mum friends are chatting about their holidays to Disney, turkey, Spain etc, and their new build houses, etc.
My question... how do people do it?? Seriously, and not even people with really excellent jobs, those just with regular run of the mill jobs. Everyone around me is spending money, big money! And I have no idea how they do it.
Are people in debt up to their eyes, what kind of jobs are people doing? Maybe I can do the same! Really deflated at the moment and feeling totally useless.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
Ivyy · 16/07/2023 11:42

mydogisthebest · 16/07/2023 09:51

Don't understand why so many have more than 2 children and then moan they are struggling.

If your 3rd was an accident (surprise suprise) then you better make sure there is not a 4th

Did you mean to sound so harsh? We have no idea about the op's personal circumstances regarding an unplanned pregnancy.

I expect you have the perfect mumsnet number of 2 children. It seems having one dc whether by choice or not is seen as being the lonely-only, and 3 or more dc is foolish of extravagant 🙄

UndercoverCop · 16/07/2023 11:43

We both work full time and stopped after one child

Ginmonkeyagain · 16/07/2023 11:43

But the type of holiday has changed. When I was young in the eighties a holiday was a week staying with my uncle and aunt in London or a few days as a family in a B&B in Norfolk or South Wales

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

General money
Maireas · 16/07/2023 11:44

CamCola · 16/07/2023 11:38

Having a holiday isn’t a recent thing.

I went on holiday every year as a kid from the age of 10 til 18 with my parents.

Show quote history

I never said having a holiday is a recent thing .
Read my post.
I said that foreign holidays have become the norm.
I am well aware that holidays are not new.
What's new is the frequency and location as the norm.

Maireas · 16/07/2023 11:45

Ginmonkeyagain · 16/07/2023 11:43

But the type of holiday has changed. When I was young in the eighties a holiday was a week staying with my uncle and aunt in London or a few days as a family in a B&B in Norfolk or South Wales

That's exactly the point.
That's what others on here are failing to understand.

Maireas · 16/07/2023 11:47

I think the food budget is something worth looking at - wait until you have teenagers, they have hollow legs! Good advice about metal planning upthread.
Anything else to cut down on in terms of luxuries?

Ivyy · 16/07/2023 11:48

User839516 · 16/07/2023 11:19

We have 3 DC as well, DH works full time and I am a SAHM. Several of my eldest’s friends (6yo) are going to Disneyworld this year and I feel the same as you - how can they afford that?! Just normal people with average jobs. But you just don’t know the ins and outs of their finances. DH and I have no debt (aside from our mortgage) and very much prioritise time with the children over material things at the moment. When they are older and care about these things more I’ll be back to work and we’ll be able to afford more stuff. But at the moment, we get those “this is the BEST DAY EVER!!” exclamations from them by just going to the beach, making your own pizzas in the garden, toasting marshmallows, making a den in the living room, taking a picnic to a castle, going to the circus (which was expensive btw but not Disneyworld expensive!). Young kids are so easy to please, they just want to spend time with you at that age. I really don’t think I’ll look back and regret this time we’re having together, even though sometimes DH and I do have a wee moan about money. But we both agree that ultimately the kids are the priority at the moment. And new stuff and holidays and whatever can come later.

@locomum83 This Flowers

Maireas · 16/07/2023 11:50

Maireas · 16/07/2023 11:47

I think the food budget is something worth looking at - wait until you have teenagers, they have hollow legs! Good advice about metal planning upthread.
Anything else to cut down on in terms of luxuries?

Metal planning?? Meal planning 😂

Spendonsend · 16/07/2023 11:51

I have had to be very creative with work. So i do 28 hours across 4 jobs, and they are hybrid and flexible. So i can do some at home at the weekends, some in the evening and the rest mainly in school hours.

earsup · 16/07/2023 11:52

MeMyCatsAndMyBooks · 16/07/2023 00:56

Sell two of the kids to a Chinese sweatshop going off these comments. Wink

Could you find any jobs that you could do from home at all?

no...even the chinese are flooding into vietnam etc for work....
the rich yuppy types in my area are spending....croissants at 7 quid each, coffee at 4 quid etc....constant food deliveries, doubt they ever cook....some say they are finding it tough but dont look like it to me.

ReeseWitherfork · 16/07/2023 11:56

User68253 · 16/07/2023 10:10

This is not true. The average combined income for 2022 was £31,400.

Show quote history

That’s disposable income, not total. I think annual salary needs to be closer to 50k? Not done the maths but that’s what my comment was based on.

scoopoftheday · 16/07/2023 11:57

Ah @locomum83 I really feel for you 💐

Mine are grown up now, 22 and 19, but I remember when they were wee and I wasn't working.

Dh and I lived on our overdraft, we had to pay childcare for me to finish my degree.

I used my student loan (which I am still paying off incidentally!) It was tight at the time and we could hardly afford petrol for me to get to uni but we knew once I qualified we'd be better off.

When that happened we used a registered minder so we could use the childcare element of universal credit but then received a letter saying they'd overpaid us and we ended up on even more debt.

Anyway that's all water under the bridge, like I say, they're grown up now and we've spare cash, but I will never forget the early days.

What's your degree in? Do you have a good grasp of English/comprehension?
If so, some companies will let you edit documents at home?

What about evening shifts in a local spar or something where they can work around your husbands shifts?

We also made mince stews, bolognese, home made chips, cheap sausages and beans.

I used to make the kids wee lunch boxes in the morning time, they'd have sandwiches, some crisps (from a family sized bag) a yoghurt and some fruit chopped up, mayne cubes of cheese and slices of ham and a bottle of dilute juice.

I'm glad you use a community fridge - are you near the North Coast? (You don't have to say where you are)

Original poster
locomum83 · 16/07/2023 12:03

scoopoftheday · 16/07/2023 11:57

Ah @locomum83 I really feel for you 💐

Mine are grown up now, 22 and 19, but I remember when they were wee and I wasn't working.

Dh and I lived on our overdraft, we had to pay childcare for me to finish my degree.

I used my student loan (which I am still paying off incidentally!) It was tight at the time and we could hardly afford petrol for me to get to uni but we knew once I qualified we'd be better off.

When that happened we used a registered minder so we could use the childcare element of universal credit but then received a letter saying they'd overpaid us and we ended up on even more debt.

Anyway that's all water under the bridge, like I say, they're grown up now and we've spare cash, but I will never forget the early days.

What's your degree in? Do you have a good grasp of English/comprehension?
If so, some companies will let you edit documents at home?

What about evening shifts in a local spar or something where they can work around your husbands shifts?

We also made mince stews, bolognese, home made chips, cheap sausages and beans.

I used to make the kids wee lunch boxes in the morning time, they'd have sandwiches, some crisps (from a family sized bag) a yoghurt and some fruit chopped up, mayne cubes of cheese and slices of ham and a bottle of dilute juice.

I'm glad you use a community fridge - are you near the North Coast? (You don't have to say where you are)

Yes, rural north coast!

OP posts:
itsallnewnow · 16/07/2023 12:12

"My husband works in the emergency services, so shift work often either sleeping during the day or at work all day, to pay child care for three kids would negate the benefit of me working more hours. And our parents are too old to mind all three and I don't blame them, I can barely cope myself."

Can you not claim universal credit though if you do that? Then they pay 80% of childcare so you'll be far better off especially factoring in things like employer pension contribution

YesSirMam · 16/07/2023 12:23

I’m coming back to this thread as I feel some people are being harsh.

rent/mortgage has had a huge Increase all household bills have. Food has gone up an awful lot too. Before COL perhaps 3 kids was doable with room for luxuries. Op it will get easier. Having young kids is hard & expensive! Would your husband be able to negotiate working hours to allow you to do an extra day? My OH has a shift pattern which allows me to work full time. You will come out the other end. You could also sign up & do bank shifts for NHS then you can pick your own shifts. I understand with older parents. Mine are older too or still working full time so all our childcare has to be paid for.

Best advice, don’t look around & compare yourself to others. You’ve no idea how they achieved this! Could be income could be credit cards. As long as your kids are happy & loved your doing great. When my son was born we had nothing, it was awful. But then things got better with my second. OH got a better job & I went back to work.

i do think your food bill could come down a little, sit down & write down a meal plan & see how much it comes to

good luck Op

you really are not alone & things will get better

Soapyspuds · 16/07/2023 12:32

£700 a month for 2 adults and 3 small children in Lidl? Are you still buying a load of branded products in there? That seems crazy high!

Maireas · 16/07/2023 12:37

It's about £161 per week. I didn't think that was too bad, but it's still possible to cut down. Tricky with growing children but there are good tips upthread.

AndIKnewYouMeantIt · 16/07/2023 12:43

I was born in 1984 and started going on holiday abroad twice a year in 1985. Half board, week package, May and October. But again, I'm an only child and you got a free child place with Thomson 😁

Maireas · 16/07/2023 12:49

AndIKnewYouMeantIt · 16/07/2023 12:43

I was born in 1984 and started going on holiday abroad twice a year in 1985. Half board, week package, May and October. But again, I'm an only child and you got a free child place with Thomson 😁

Different times!
I never went abroad until I was a working adult. I understand the OP feeling a bit jealous because foreign holidays have become the norm and everyone wants to do the best for their children. I think we've got used to a generally high standard of living in this country (disclaimer - not everyone benefitted of course) - it's tough.

mydogisthebest · 16/07/2023 12:51

Ivyy · 16/07/2023 11:42

Did you mean to sound so harsh? We have no idea about the op's personal circumstances regarding an unplanned pregnancy.

I expect you have the perfect mumsnet number of 2 children. It seems having one dc whether by choice or not is seen as being the lonely-only, and 3 or more dc is foolish of extravagant 🙄

Show quote history

I chose to have no children as the planet is far too crowded. 3 children is too many even if you can afford it but when you can't it is just stupid

Maireas · 16/07/2023 12:52

Perhaps when they decided to have 3 children they could afford it?

Vettrianofan · 16/07/2023 12:55

If you like having children expect to be poor. Life is tough for many. We have four but I don't work so no childcare costs incurred and only one family vehicle needed.

We just do day trips over the holidays and occasionally have a summer holiday somewhere every other year.

We are not materialistic at all which helps. Don't eat takeaways unless it's a birthday or anniversary to celebrate. Too expensive.

Vettrianofan · 16/07/2023 12:58

mydogisthebest · 16/07/2023 12:51

I chose to have no children as the planet is far too crowded. 3 children is too many even if you can afford it but when you can't it is just stupid

Show quote history

Three expensive shags. I had four expensive ones 🤣 seriously though, it's everyone else's personal choice how many children that they choose to have. If we were all the same life would be incredibly boring.

My own sibling has none. He isn't interested.

usernother · 16/07/2023 13:01

Could you get another job at night OP, in a pub? You can do a couple of nights a week and it would give you some extra money. I agree that £700 a month is a very large amount for food.

wakeuporswim · 16/07/2023 13:01

I chose to have no children as the planet is far too crowded. 3 children is too many even if you can afford it but when you can't it is just stupid

Good for you. Hmm

You do realise that OP's circumstances may have been different when they decided to have three children.
These things have been pointed out repeatedly throughout the thread. Most of us have been helping with solutions not wasting time asking why she had three children or calling that decision 'stupid' as you have done