How are people affording things atm?

[locomum83]

Bear with me.... I work 12 hours a Week, the rest of the time I look after our 3 young kids, DH works full time.
We can afford nothing at the minute, food costing us at least £700 a month (more than I earn) we run 2 cars as we live rural, and can't car share due to work commitments, our mortgage isn't even that much.
I'm looking at other jobs but we don't have formal childcare, just our parents, all in their 70's so not ideal, and to work more could mean having to pay childcare, so the extra money would be eaten up with childcare so what's the point?
this summer we haven't even been able to have any sort of holiday or even short break organised, we simply have no money left after bills, and often we have to take money from savings to help.
All my mum friends are chatting about their holidays to Disney, turkey, Spain etc, and their new build houses, etc.
My question... how do people do it?? Seriously, and not even people with really excellent jobs, those just with regular run of the mill jobs. Everyone around me is spending money, big money! And I have no idea how they do it.
Are people in debt up to their eyes, what kind of jobs are people doing? Maybe I can do the same! Really deflated at the moment and feeling totally useless.

I agree with a pp that this is unpleasant. The OP's circumstances may have been different when she and her husband chose to have three children; pointless to berate her about that now in any case.

The thread isn't likely to be deleted that I can see either.

It's fine not to have a foreign holiday, or even a holiday at all. Plenty of people don't, it's only in recent years it's become the norm .I think it's cheaper living in a big city for all sorts of reasons - could you go to a cheap hypermarket once a month to stock up? I know it's an outlay, but probably worth it. It's tricky with 3 children, but look at options for wfh if you can.

I've read all of your posts op and the first couple of pages.

Firstly, I don't think your food shopping is excessive in the slightest. The cars are mandatory.

I think the focus should be on the positives: your dh has a full-time job and is a grafter. His income is likely to increase £60pw after about 12 months. You have kept your hand in with a 12 hour a week job with the church, despite having three children.

Life is tough at present and feels a bit "jam tomorrow" but your dc have a stable family, grandparents on both sides, enough to eat and plentiful love.

This summer may feel a bit mizz when everyone else is being tone deaf but there's so much you can do with the dc who won't be consigned to three or four weeks at holiday club for the summer where they come home exhausted and little Johnnie has told them they're stupid. But you can have picnics, spot insects and keep and insect and plant diary, possibly get to the beach and look for shells and crabs, find a couple of activity days, crazy golf, etc. It will be nice.

Regarding other people, they either have more coming in, more practical help from parents or are bankrolled by parents. Alternatively they might have remortgaged in 2021, blown the extension money on a car and three holidays, including Disney and be bricking themselves about the future.

Focus on all you have and big it up to your DH. You are doing the hard yards.

Practically, can you network a bit at church where you are known? Could you offer some part/time admin, to help the elderly with a bit of cleaning/shopping or actually to offer to help the elderly for a small fee with IT related things, buying a new phone, using their Internet, or working out the TV? Honestly there must be a market when I think how my mother and MIL muddle through and you have trust by association through your work at the church. Can you start helping with the playgroup and perhaps pick up a bit of paid babysitting/cat feeding/dog walking, etc.

Good luck.

I think some of the posts have been phrased harshly. There is no need to kick the OP when she has down.

The point that they're making is valid though. Threads like this really do highlight the need for better financial education in schools so that people really understand and think about how their life choices will affect the lifestyles that they can afford. I know it seems obvious to many of us, but to many, it clearly isn't very obvious that things like career choice, savings, working hours, family size, house size/house location, pets, debts, hobbies, shopping and eating habits etc will all have implications on our overall financial situation. The OP has a 3 kids, 2 cars and a cat without having made the kind of career choices that would facilitate these things, so her family is now feeling the pinch. Really spelling out the implications of different life choices when kids are at school might help people to make more informed choices when they're older?

Financial education in schools? It's included in PSHE. What schools can't do is make adults' choices for them. People will choose their jobs, house location, number of children whatever. Circumstances change, it's adapting to change that's the skill.

We eat mostly Asian and Mediterranean diet but with no meat and only a bit of fish. This isn't to cut costs- we like that diet- but luckily it is cheaper too. Lots of lentils and pulses, lots of local veggies, stirfries, pasta, wraps, falafel, traybakes, stirfried dishes and so on. Protein mostly from eggs, lentils, paneer, tofu, and fish for DH and DS.

I know this won't suit everyone. But international cuisines generally tend to use less meat. DS will make himself a stirfry with chicken occ but very little chicken and mostly veggies, for instance.

There will be an initial outlay on spices to make all of this palatable but they last for ages. But I live in Central London and am near Asian groceries where I get all this cheap, and you are rural!

Maybe you just need to grit your teeth until the DC are older? And try to avoid wealthy friends. I have some very wealthy friends- hedge fund managers who go on six holidays a year- and I don't hang out with them much these days. I am not badly off at all, but not in that league!

Thankyou so much for such a lovely response. Exactly what I needed to hear! Yes I enjoy the time spent with the children when they are young, and when the weather is good here it's beautiful with so many free days out. I will ask work again to see if they can offer anything else, our caretaker has left so I was going to offer to do a few extra (paid hours) to help bridge the gap, will see how that plays out! But Thankyou!

Same as a few others. One child. One commute (DH works from home). I work 24 hours a week, school hours. Also late 30s and it's been 15 years since we bought our first house and needed to save a deposit, so we have savings for holidays/dead boiler/car repairs.

Plus holiday.

I honestly don't know how a lot of people manage. It's very difficult with current prices to cut down on costs further.

We only have one child and work 65 hours a week between us (opposite hours to each other) to keep childcare costs to a minimum. We won't be having any more children for a number of reasons, including financial.
We only shop at aldi and if we can't get it there then we don't have it. Don't have any subscriptions or memberships etc. I always shop around for phones, internet and insurances. We only have one car.

We are now at a point where we are spending all of our income and not managing to save anything (I've always been a strict saver). We do go on days out and eat out but only when I have a discount or voucher! If we had more than one child we wouldn't be able to afford even this.

However! We have been abroad twice this year, so can see other people are probably wondering the same about us. In our case we had saved money over the lockdown period and we found very cheap holidays out of season.

It is tough at the moment. We have quite a rigid budget. Switched to mainly non branded foods. Take advantage of any offers on the lidl/morrisons app. Buy clothes mainly in the sales, get most of the kids clothes doing this. Have cut back a lot on treats and expensive days out, they are genuinely a treat now. We are "lucky" in the respect our house move fell through last year so we do still have savings in back up which stops me being too stressed.

Also I always use topcashback when buying online. I got £80 back this year just through doing our car insurance through that.

Oh come on. Most people have been making these choices for years based on finances. Do we really need to spoonfeed it to pupils in school? So they can do whatever they want anyway? What about when life throws a curveball - divorce, disability, illness, death etc?

Thing is even one car is so expensive at the moment. Used cars are £££, then you've about £300 for service round here, £50 MOT plus whatever needs doing, and my latest car insurance quote was £450 for the year cheapest when I paid £280 last year. Then tax, then fuel!

I think people are being a bit mean, 3 kids is not excessive. The country going to s#it is more the problem here, costs have risen hugely and no one was predicting that.

I think interest rates and costs have been low for so long, people have got used to living well eg having pets, getting nails done, eating out, holidays etc. as part of a regular life, not luxury. It's tough to cut back.

It's not "excessive" but it does move you into another cost bracket. You need 3 bedrooms really, and a car big enough for 3 car seats, and you don't fit in a family room in a budget hotel.

We have 3 DC as well, DH works full time and I am a SAHM. Several of my eldest’s friends (6yo) are going to Disneyworld this year and I feel the same as you - how can they afford that?! Just normal people with average jobs. But you just don’t know the ins and outs of their finances. DH and I have no debt (aside from our mortgage) and very much prioritise time with the children over material things at the moment. When they are older and care about these things more I’ll be back to work and we’ll be able to afford more stuff. But at the moment, we get those “this is the BEST DAY EVER!!” exclamations from them by just going to the beach, making your own pizzas in the garden, toasting marshmallows, making a den in the living room, taking a picnic to a castle, going to the circus (which was expensive btw but not Disneyworld expensive!). Young kids are so easy to please, they just want to spend time with you at that age. I really don’t think I’ll look back and regret this time we’re having together, even though sometimes DH and I do have a wee moan about money. But we both agree that ultimately the kids are the priority at the moment. And new stuff and holidays and whatever can come later.

I think you're right, @User839516 . It is about giving time and attention to your children. Helping them to learn and grow. Simple activities are great. Late 80s/early 90s, interest rates got crazy, people's mortgages doubled, it was awful.
I remember feeling bad that we couldn't afford new carpets, but when I look at the pictures now, I don't notice the carpets, I notice happy children, us laughing and spending time together. Our children never went to Disneyland. They're perfectly happy adults!

It’s not being mean, it’s just facts. 3 kids is more expensive than 2, there’s extra childcare to consider, bigger car needed, more bedrooms, food costs, holidays are more expensive. All things a lot of people consider when deciding o the number of kids to have.

@Denimdreams indeed. I am one of three, we grew up in the eighties and early nineties. My parents ran a business (tenant farmers) and things were very tight financially.

We holidayed rarely and then in the UK (usually based around business trips my parents had), we mostly wore second hand clothes and there were times when we were on free school meals. They didn't have childcare costs as my parents worked out of home and we had geandparents living in a cottage on the farm.

That's alot of money on food in a month. I'm assuming your children are quite young, so can't be eating huge portions, I'm sure you can get that figure down. We only have two kids, but school age and take packed lunches most days, but even with that, we try to keep food shop around £100/120 a week. (Including pet food for dogs and cats)
Is there one fixed day/evening your DH always is off work? If so, could you see if you can get work for that day. Cafe, restaurant, shop work etc, to generate an extra income? Also you say you don't have childcare, but need two cars for work? Where are the kids when you're both working? If you don't actually need two cars, going down to one will save you lots. My DH is a high earner, I work around the school run, and we live very rurally. We could afford two cars, but know it would make things tighter in other areas, so just make do with one, as prefer to have more disposable income. Have to be pretty organised sometimes, and involves me occasionally walking to work, or sorting out lifts, but it's worth it to save on running a second car. Life is hard with small kids, but gets easier once they're at school. I squeeze in as many work hours as possible during their school day, and pick up shifts in the evenings my DH is home. He earns enough to support us all, but I choose to work as much as I can, as without me pulling in extra hours, we wouldn't be able to afford luxuries, nice holidays, etc, so it's worth it.

Having a holiday isn’t a recent thing.

I went on holiday every year as a kid from the age of 10 til 18 with my parents.

Also, you're extremely lucky to have 3 children. I could be saying "how can people afford more than two children?" I would have absolutely loved to have another baby, but financially, we knew it would have stretched us far too much. It pains me sometimes that we won't have a third, but it would impact us too much to make it feasible, and we agreed to just stick with two because of that. So although you feel stretched financially right now, that will get easier once they're all school age. Count your blessings, as what you currently have, alot of people will envy. I will probably look back in ten years and think "I wish we'd had another baby" where are I doubt you'll look back and say "I wish we hadn't have had that baby so we could have afforded Disneyland in 2023"

Are you really so short sighted and ignorant to the difficulties of working class families, who are the majority of people in the UK? In 2021 less than 40% of two parent families had both parents working full time. There are a multitude of reasons why both parents working is not such a simple solution.

Childcare costs, even when children are full time school age. The school day finishes in the afternoon at 3:15, full time working hours are longer than this, not all schools offer wrap around care and when they do, this isn't affordable for those on minimum wage. It costs an average of £15 a day for wrap around care per child and that doesn't account for school holidays and covering loss of earnings for child illness. Even school jobs like teaching assistants with term time holidays require you to have your children in full wrap around care.

Having at least one parent with a disability or long term illness.

Having one parent who works shifts or works away, this is a significant number of jobs. Practically all NHS, emergency services, transport, security, chefs, hospitality, military.

Also don't forget 15% of families are single parent, not included in that statistic.

Childcare costs being more than or equal to potential earnings is the case for many women, even those with degrees. If both parents need to work full time to survive (and they shouldn't! This is regressive politics) then the school day needs to finish at 5 pm, not the middle of the afternoon.