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Original poster

Please help make me feel better 😢

113 replies

Sad728 · 15/07/2023 13:17

I have been seeing this guy for around 2 months now. Neither of us have talked about what is going on, but he can blow pretty hot and cold and I think it is just casual…

Last night I ended up getting really drunk and I messaged him quite a lot. He didn’t want to know…. despite the previous night I let him come round to my house when he was drunk!

I regret the messaging and calling, I really do, and I have apologised. But, there is such double standards. Everything is on his terms. And now he’s just left me on read and I feel terrible.

The hangover won’t be helping, but I feel so used and upset which I think is an indication that I have caught feelings.

I know I need to ditch him, but I can’t seem to let go? I have this awful feeling that he will just ghost me and I’ll never hear from him again which would be mega hurtful after we have slept with each other a lot.

Does anyone have any advice on how to best handle this? How do I get over the panic / stress of potentially just being completely ghosted?

Please don’t respond if it’s going to be harsh. I know I have things to work on, but nobody’s perfect and I am feeling fragile 🥺

OP posts:
duende · 15/07/2023 13:29

Hey, don't be sad. We've all done worse things when drunk than message a lot someone we've been seeing. You haven't done anything terrible.

He doesn't sound nice though, like you said the are double standards and everything is on his terms. I think you'd be happier if you got rid of him.

What can you do today to make the hangover blues easier?

Nothingbuttheglory · 15/07/2023 13:31

He sounds like a cunt. Get rid. Eat something tasty.

isthismylifenow · 15/07/2023 13:31

Aw OP. Firstly, eat and drink water today to help with the hangover. It's sounds like a have a case of hangxiety today as well.

We all know having a phone whilst drunk isn't a good idea, but what is done is now done, so you really can't do a lot about it. Don't text again with more apologies etc.

You are just going to have to bide your time and see how this plays out. Although the him blowing hot and cold bit did jump out from your post.

If after 2 months you still don't know where you stand with him, then it may very well just be casual from his side. If he is sure about you, you will know.

Maybe this is a blessing in disguise for you to step back from him a bit.

And just know, you are not the first, and will not be the last to drunk text someone. Sometimes our pride being dented takes a bit longer to get over.

💐

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Relationship problems
Original poster
Sad728 · 15/07/2023 13:52

Thank you all. I know I just have to ride it out and see if he responds but I just feel so sad and panicky that he’s going to ghost me…

It’s a horrible feeling and I just regret last night.

OP posts:
Crunchymum · 15/07/2023 13:53

Take the power back.

Make the decision yours (well as much as you can as it sounds like he is forcing your hand)

He isn't making you feel good so you need to end this, block and regroup.

Original poster
Sad728 · 15/07/2023 14:01

I know what I need to do but for some reason I just can’t let go? It sounds silly I know. I just need the strength to walk away once and for all. 🥺

OP posts:
Original poster
Sad728 · 15/07/2023 14:12

How do you get over the pain of being completely ghosted? I think this is going to happen… 😔

OP posts:
Tighginn · 15/07/2023 14:46

Right now you have the fear. Do all the old tricks, coke, mcdonalds, paracetamol, ect. Switch your phone off, blanket, sofa, movie. Come back to it tomorrow.

Lessonsinbiology · 15/07/2023 15:08

You will feel so much better this time next week. Stay strong, don't contact or just just send a quick light message saying 'oops sorry for drunk texting, I'm not sure this is working out. Let's leave it for now. Best Wishes'

Take back control. You are strong and you know this isn't making you happy. Sounds like he only blows hot when he wants something

LyricalGangsta · 15/07/2023 15:30

I agree with @Lessonsinbiology

If you can muster the strength send the message they suggested - you can control this and f**k him off now.

You don't want to be in a relationship with someone like this anyway.

LyricalGangsta · 15/07/2023 15:32

Send him the message then absolutely block him on everything.
By Tuesday you will be feeling much better.

DRS1970 · 15/07/2023 15:35

No need to be upset. You have realised he is an arse on your own. So in my book dumping him will be a lucky escape. Everyone deserves to be treated nice. Be kind to yourself.

Original poster
Sad728 · 15/07/2023 15:52

I feel so sad and upset. And stupid. I was looking back at the messages and I sent him about 6 in a row. I also called him 5 times. Is that really terrible 😢 I wasn’t trying to be annoying, I just wanted to see him.

All I am telling myself now is that if I hadn’t done that then it would all be fine and I’ve caused myself all of this anxiety.

Why couldn’t he just send me a message last night (he was out). Or why can’t he just put me out of my misery as opposed to just ignoring me.

OP posts:
Thebirdhouse · 15/07/2023 16:01

A lot of us have been there OP.

I think you already have your answer.

You were a booty call and he doesn’t want anything more than that. It feels shit now but you will be relieved you found out sooner than later.

I don’t think there is any need to send him a final message.
Block him so you aren’t constantly looking at your phone hoping for a reply.

He has done you a favour by showing you who he is. You now have the opportunity to meet someone else when the time is right instead of waiting for crumbs.

Look after yourself. Have a shower, get a takeaway and watch some lazy tv. Tomorrow is a new day.

Original poster
Sad728 · 15/07/2023 16:05

Thank you @Thebirdhouse. That is really helpful and a kind message, especially as I just can’t stop crying today.

OP posts:
Summer2424 · 15/07/2023 16:07

Hi @Sad728 oh hun, bless you, ok first of all you're a strong amazing woman 💃 second of all you deserve someone amazing and third be kind to yourself i know feelings can be crap ❤
Don't waste your time on this guy hun, make room for someone better xx

Thebirdhouse · 15/07/2023 16:13

Sad728 · 15/07/2023 16:05

Thank you @Thebirdhouse. That is really helpful and a kind message, especially as I just can’t stop crying today.

If you makes you feel any better Sad728 I wasted years with somebody like that and ended up in the same situation you are in today.

You only gave him two months and now realise you are worth so much more than what he can give you. Thank your lucky stars for that!

When the right person comes along, you will be left in no doubt about how they feel about you. They will let you know because they won’t want to risk losing you.

Original poster
Sad728 · 15/07/2023 16:17

I know it eventually had to end but I just can’t help think that if I hadn’t got so drunk it’d be all fine and I wouldn’t have any of this stress and anxiety. My eyes hurt so much from all of the crying, I need to pull myself together 😢

OP posts:
Pinkjacket22 · 15/07/2023 16:21

Nothingbuttheglory · 15/07/2023 13:31

He sounds like a cunt. Get rid. Eat something tasty.

😂this is good.

When I think of the energy and time I've wasted on this type of man I'm horrified! The hangover won't be helping. Hope you feel better soon. Daffodil

Thebirdhouse · 15/07/2023 16:24

Sad728 · 15/07/2023 16:17

I know it eventually had to end but I just can’t help think that if I hadn’t got so drunk it’d be all fine and I wouldn’t have any of this stress and anxiety. My eyes hurt so much from all of the crying, I need to pull myself together 😢

But if you hadn’t not drunk, you’d have continued playing his game - casual/not wanting more/cool. That benefitted him and only him. You didn’t want just sex. You wanted a relationship. You wanted to develop feelings for him and him for you.

This wasn’t to be this time because you both wanted different things. You didn’t do anything wrong. Please don’t beat yourself up. It is a very good thing you found this out sooner than later. Now you have learned a little more about what you need from someone and you can be open to having these conversations when you need someone new.

Thebirdhouse · 15/07/2023 16:27

My first sentence should read ‘if you hadn’t been drunk….

BlushBlue · 15/07/2023 16:31

Sad728 · 15/07/2023 16:17

I know it eventually had to end but I just can’t help think that if I hadn’t got so drunk it’d be all fine and I wouldn’t have any of this stress and anxiety. My eyes hurt so much from all of the crying, I need to pull myself together 😢

He would have ghosted you eventually after you did something else 'wrong'. Try to recognise it for the bad relationship it is and look forward to meeting someone who loves you for being you.

BCBird · 15/07/2023 16:34

I agree with the idea of taking the power back. Txt him say u decided it not working then cut all contact. It not as if u are saying he is the love of your life.

Beeonmyeyelash · 15/07/2023 16:42

You called and messaged multiple times because you felt your desire to see him was more important than respecting his right not to reply. You were out of order. Your behaviour shows you have issues with respecting other people's boundaries. Also issues with having boundaries yourself - he's not treating you well and you know you should respond by walking away from this relationship but you "can't". He's not going to respond I imagine, because if your response to wanting to see him was so over the top he'll be wary of what's your response to being dumped going to be? Easier for him not to say anything. You're not going to be able to stop feeling pain and panic at being ghosted by idiot men until you've worked on your issues sufficiently to stop valuing the opinion of idiot men, learned to spot the idiots and users who just want sex, and learned to walk away from them at the first signs of it. Your pain and panic will fade though with time starting from when you accept it's over. So don't wait for a response from him, if he responds at all it'll only be because he wants sex and you'll only be causing yourself more pain if you agree to it. Do as another poster suggests and decide you've dumped him, block his number and have nothing more to do with him. Then you can start to get on with recovering from this situation.

StellaJohanna · 15/07/2023 17:18

Hello OP.
The best thing you can do now, and something you will remember for the rest of your life, if to take really deep breath and make a decision never to contact him again or speak to him again. EVER. Draw a line under it. You are extremely upset because you have bonded with him through sex. He hasn't and most men, honestly, don't bond with women through casual sex at all.

You obviously are looking for a partner - you want a great man to love and be loved by, don't you? You had better get you act together because there is really no time to waste in life for this shit. So come on girl. shake this off, eat some stodgy food to feel better, get a bath or shower and put on something fun to watch. If you have a good friend with a sensible head, invite them over.