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Original poster

Please help make me feel better 😢

113 replies

Sad728 · 15/07/2023 13:17

I have been seeing this guy for around 2 months now. Neither of us have talked about what is going on, but he can blow pretty hot and cold and I think it is just casual…

Last night I ended up getting really drunk and I messaged him quite a lot. He didn’t want to know…. despite the previous night I let him come round to my house when he was drunk!

I regret the messaging and calling, I really do, and I have apologised. But, there is such double standards. Everything is on his terms. And now he’s just left me on read and I feel terrible.

The hangover won’t be helping, but I feel so used and upset which I think is an indication that I have caught feelings.

I know I need to ditch him, but I can’t seem to let go? I have this awful feeling that he will just ghost me and I’ll never hear from him again which would be mega hurtful after we have slept with each other a lot.

Does anyone have any advice on how to best handle this? How do I get over the panic / stress of potentially just being completely ghosted?

Please don’t respond if it’s going to be harsh. I know I have things to work on, but nobody’s perfect and I am feeling fragile 🥺

OP posts:
Bexx87 · 15/07/2023 17:25

I'm sure I read an identical post to this one a few weeks ago. However, if you are genuine, try not to stress about it. We've all done cringe stuff when we like someone. Onwards and upwards.

angharadsgoat · 15/07/2023 17:28

The double standards stink, and you should tell him so before blocking him.

Don't feel too badly, OP.

Original poster
Sad728 · 15/07/2023 18:15

I’ve still heard not a peep from him. I can’t stop crying, I feel so hurt and let down.

OP posts:

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Relationship problems
NerrSnerr · 15/07/2023 20:19

You know the double standards are there. I agree with others, take control and send a message saying 'it's not working, take care' and block on everything.

IWasFunBeforeMum · 15/07/2023 20:24

Just ghost him before he ghosts you and you feel crap.

StrawberryWasp · 15/07/2023 20:28

Ah it's such an irrational but raw pain. It's been years since I felt like this but I remember it and the pain so well.

The waiting, hoping, fearing makes you feel so vulnerable and abandoned. I think it often connects us to a pain from being child, which is why it hurts so much.

So it's really about you and why you became so attached to a unkind man, it's not about him. He's just a twat who's playing with your feelings.

Feel all the feelings, cry your eyes out, then think about how you can look after yourself. Try to think more about yourself than him.

He's nothing, he'll be nothing in your life. The pain is real and it's telling you to take care of yourself.

frozendaisy · 15/07/2023 20:48

If he can't handle one night if drunken messaging, I presume it was fun messaging and doesn't see the sweet funny side of you being drunk and wanting to see him he isn't worth any of your tears never mind sore eyes.

He sounds up himself.

Spend time with more fun people.

At least you know OP.

pictoosh · 15/07/2023 20:52

I'm not a big texter at all but I don't think what you did was awful by any means!

Holly03 · 15/07/2023 20:57

We have all done the drunken text messages. I did this once and found out the guy was a jerk and it was double standards. I was glad I found out earlier

ThaTrìCaitAgam · 15/07/2023 21:01

Ignoring someone is a form of abuse, and you really don’t want to get involved with someone who’s capable of abuse.

I know it’s rough and painful, and you’re feeling this not because of some messages you wrote, but because of the way he’s handeling you. A nice guy would’ve laughed and maybe teased you about is. Some day you’re going to be thankful you got out.

For now: cry, eat, sleep. Maybe take a bath or a shower.

MissingMoominMamma · 15/07/2023 21:07

What sort of messages? Asking to see him? He was probably just out having a good time and is now also nursing a hangover (especially if it was his second night on the trot).

He’ll be in contact when he fancies a shag… but that’s not going to work for you, is it? I’d throw this one back.

Original poster
Sad728 · 15/07/2023 21:08

Thank you all for your really kind messages, it is helping.

I considered messaging him again asking if I had pissed him off, to see if that prompted a response, but I don’t think that’s a good idea tonight when I am in such a vulnerable state.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sad728 · 15/07/2023 21:10

@MissingMoominMamma yes just messages saying I was drunk and did he want to meet up. But he wasn’t replying to them so I sent a few and then I called him a few times. I honestly meant no harm and I would have much rather he had just said sorry I am out or busy etc - but he chose to just completely ignore them.

But on Thursday he was happy to suggest coming over to mine when he was drunk and I was still awake so responded and let him come over.

OP posts:
Isitthathardtobekind · 15/07/2023 21:11

Do you follow La La Let me explain on Instagram? Her posts are great re this sort of thing. She also has a book called Block. Delete. Move On. You might find it interesting.

Isitthathardtobekind · 15/07/2023 21:58

Ps. Don’t message him again tonight- it’ll only make you feel worse if he doesn’t reply.

Original poster
Sad728 · 15/07/2023 22:02

@Isitthathardtobekind I have that book but haven’t it! Will give it a go.

And no, I haven’t messaged him. I don’t think I will ever message him again to be honest. I thought about doing it mid week basically being like look if I pissed you off on Friday then I am sorry but I was just drunk and didn’t mean any harm, and that I think we want different things so all of the best. But I don’t think there’s even any point in that.

OP posts:
BMW6 · 15/07/2023 22:06

Stop begging, it's NEVER an attraction.

Sorry to be so harsh but you need to be told for your sake

keojam80 · 15/07/2023 22:09

He's using you on his terms. Don't allow him to do that. You know this is the case so just block him and deal with the pain, rather than prolong your suffering.
Don't be tempted to let him string you along because all you are doing is trying to prove your worthy to him, he's never going to see how worthy you are because he doesn't want to, not because you are unworthy.
He's not interested in a relationship and it's nothing to do with you as a person. You are still a great catch and amazing the way you are.
When you texted multiple times and rang him drunk that's drunk you trying to communicate with him because there is no communication, it's drunk you wanting him to make an effort and it's drunk you saying you need more from him. You haven't done anything wrong. A nice guy would answer your calls.
Your wasting your time. You could be out there meeting someone who likes to put you first. X

Workawayxx · 15/07/2023 22:27

Ugh, it’s shit but lots of us have been there. Try to see it that if he’s just interested in a casual relationship, things would have broken down or come to a head eventually so better it happens now only 2 months in.

i had a similar situation (a while ago now!), the relationship never really had any momentum despite him saying stuff he knew I wanted to hear at times (which kept me hanging on). He knew I was ideally looking for a relationship. The best thing a friend told me was “it’s always easier to fish the same hole” meaning if they want sex it’ll be easier for them to go back to a previous person (ie you).

So chances are very high this man will message again but try and remember it won’t lead to anything. In my case the 2 month relationship guy kept messaging me on and off (mostly I replied to and I blocked 2 different numbers in the end!) for 6 years. It’s ok to be sad for a while but tell yourself you’re worth more than a half hearted man and stay strong and don’t message him.

Workawayxx · 15/07/2023 22:29

That should say unreplied to not I replied to! I didn’t reply to his messages after I realised he just wanted sex.

Original poster
Sad728 · 15/07/2023 22:39

@Workawayxx thank you. This guy has done exactly the same thing to me - told me things I wanted to hear to keep me interested. He’s just been giving me breadcrumbs.

I am actually considering blocking him now. Would you send a closure message?

OP posts:
Original poster
Sad728 · 15/07/2023 23:23

@keojam80 thank you for your message, some really good advice.

“deal with the pain, rather than prolong your suffering” - this is what I need to hear. So so true. It hurts now but time is a great healer, right 🥺

OP posts:
crazeekat · 15/07/2023 23:29

op how r u now?
please don't send him another message he doesn't deserve you.
but i know once he is feeling up for it again he will come crawling back to u to give a couple more breadcrumbs, just so he doesn't sever u completely. ur handy to him u see.
i know it's soo hard but please please try to find that little ounce of dignity i know u have and hold onto it. don't give it to him. he's an asshole.
u sound lovely. keep ur self for someeone who deserves u.
i know it's hard right this second to not think of him but U DESERVE MORE. so much more. don't let him treat u as an option cos that's exactly what he is doing.

Thebirdhouse · 15/07/2023 23:36

Sad728 · 15/07/2023 22:39

@Workawayxx thank you. This guy has done exactly the same thing to me - told me things I wanted to hear to keep me interested. He’s just been giving me breadcrumbs.

I am actually considering blocking him now. Would you send a closure message?

No. I wouldn't. I have done in the past. Many many times. And I feel like cringing now even remembering them. The main reason I sent them, if I'm honest, was not to have a grand gesture of closure, but because I was wishing and hoping for a response. And when that grand closing gesture of a text doesn't get a response, you will feel worthless. And in a few weeks, when that man is bored and looking for someone to stroke his ego or when he is out with his work colleagues and drinks too much, he will remember that message you sent and sent you whatever it is he thinks he needs to send to some attention from you. And because you liked him, you will want to believe him and you will let him see you. And this will continue until you end up feeling like a shadow of yourself or until he meets someone else and ignores you permanently. He may even have been with someone else when you were trying to contact him.

Silence is often the best answer. Block him for your own sanity so you won't keep looking at your phone hoping he might reply for even if he does - this will not end well.

Blondey2023 · 15/07/2023 23:51

Thebirdhouse · 15/07/2023 23:36

No. I wouldn't. I have done in the past. Many many times. And I feel like cringing now even remembering them. The main reason I sent them, if I'm honest, was not to have a grand gesture of closure, but because I was wishing and hoping for a response. And when that grand closing gesture of a text doesn't get a response, you will feel worthless. And in a few weeks, when that man is bored and looking for someone to stroke his ego or when he is out with his work colleagues and drinks too much, he will remember that message you sent and sent you whatever it is he thinks he needs to send to some attention from you. And because you liked him, you will want to believe him and you will let him see you. And this will continue until you end up feeling like a shadow of yourself or until he meets someone else and ignores you permanently. He may even have been with someone else when you were trying to contact him.

Silence is often the best answer. Block him for your own sanity so you won't keep looking at your phone hoping he might reply for even if he does - this will not end well.

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Some of the best advice I've read regarding this. You should be a therapist! Made me see things clearer too, thank you!

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