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Original poster

Please help make me feel better 😢

113 replies

Sad728 · 15/07/2023 13:17

I have been seeing this guy for around 2 months now. Neither of us have talked about what is going on, but he can blow pretty hot and cold and I think it is just casual…

Last night I ended up getting really drunk and I messaged him quite a lot. He didn’t want to know…. despite the previous night I let him come round to my house when he was drunk!

I regret the messaging and calling, I really do, and I have apologised. But, there is such double standards. Everything is on his terms. And now he’s just left me on read and I feel terrible.

The hangover won’t be helping, but I feel so used and upset which I think is an indication that I have caught feelings.

I know I need to ditch him, but I can’t seem to let go? I have this awful feeling that he will just ghost me and I’ll never hear from him again which would be mega hurtful after we have slept with each other a lot.

Does anyone have any advice on how to best handle this? How do I get over the panic / stress of potentially just being completely ghosted?

Please don’t respond if it’s going to be harsh. I know I have things to work on, but nobody’s perfect and I am feeling fragile 🥺

OP posts:
Thebirdhouse · 16/07/2023 00:06

Some of the best advice I've read regarding this. You should be a therapist! Made me see things clearer too, thank you!

Sadly its due to years of rejection.

I hope it helps even one person to avoid the pain I went through.

Original poster
Sad728 · 16/07/2023 09:05

I’ve woken up and still feel pretty bloody shit to be honest. I feel hurt that after 2 months of sleeping with me he couldn’t even have the respect to just message me and not keep me in the dark. I am also still blaming myself for the drunken calls and messages. 😢

As Matthew Hussey says, I guess closure can be overrated.

OP posts:
isthismylifenow · 16/07/2023 09:14

Sad728 · 16/07/2023 09:05

I’ve woken up and still feel pretty bloody shit to be honest. I feel hurt that after 2 months of sleeping with me he couldn’t even have the respect to just message me and not keep me in the dark. I am also still blaming myself for the drunken calls and messages. 😢

As Matthew Hussey says, I guess closure can be overrated.

Have you blocked him?

Take control. You've had your woe is me day yesterday. Now it's time to move forward

Once he's blocked you will feel a whole lot better I am sure.

No need to keep checking the phone. And you won't be getting the booty call in a few days time. As that is what it sounds that it was I'm afraid.

Big girl pants on. Today.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Relationship problems
Original poster
Sad728 · 16/07/2023 09:19

No I haven’t blocked him… yet.

OP posts:
NerrSnerr · 16/07/2023 09:28

You need to just do it. At this point I wouldn't send a massage as you may be tempted to wait for a response.

If you don't block he'll be back at some point when he wants sex and he'll say the right things to draw you back in. He'll then blow cold again.

Get the upper hand and let him find himself blocked next time he's horny.

pictoosh · 16/07/2023 09:38

Although I know it's easier said than done, you have to let your head overrule your heart on this one. You are very invested for two months in...you know that's not realistic or sensible. I'm so glad you didn't text him to ask him if you had pissed him off...it's begging and you do NOT want to be doing that with a man you've known for a matter of weeks. He shouldn't be so important to you that you're willing to denigrate yourself so readily.

You didn't do anything wrong. If he was into you he would have responded to your enthusiastic texts that night. He ignored you, which is callous.

You don't want this guy.

RaidFlySpray · 16/07/2023 09:44

Delete his number and message thread and anything that will store his number in your phone. You only did what he did a few days before- basically a booty call- so why should you feel shit? Brazen it out.
I absolutely guarantee that if you don't get in touch with him, he will be in touch at some point. Might not be for ages. One guy texted me five years after ghosting me! You just need to prepare the best, most devastating reply for when he does.

Oh and btw OP, a man that leaves you on read and makes you feel shitty and ashamed? That man is not the one.

Isitthathardtobekind · 16/07/2023 10:54

Thebirdhouse · 15/07/2023 23:36

No. I wouldn't. I have done in the past. Many many times. And I feel like cringing now even remembering them. The main reason I sent them, if I'm honest, was not to have a grand gesture of closure, but because I was wishing and hoping for a response. And when that grand closing gesture of a text doesn't get a response, you will feel worthless. And in a few weeks, when that man is bored and looking for someone to stroke his ego or when he is out with his work colleagues and drinks too much, he will remember that message you sent and sent you whatever it is he thinks he needs to send to some attention from you. And because you liked him, you will want to believe him and you will let him see you. And this will continue until you end up feeling like a shadow of yourself or until he meets someone else and ignores you permanently. He may even have been with someone else when you were trying to contact him.

Silence is often the best answer. Block him for your own sanity so you won't keep looking at your phone hoping he might reply for even if he does - this will not end well.

Show quote history

I was going to say something but then read this response from Thebirdhouse. This is exactly it. It’s hard but follow this advice. You are exactly right about the breadcrumbing. You can see what’s happening and you can take control and stop it.

elbelx · 16/07/2023 11:08

Think about it this way, if he really liked you he wouldn't mind that you drunk texted/called him. You really like him and you didn't mind when he came to you while he was drunk.
Don't waste any more of your time on this guy and I know it's SOOO hard to resist but don't text him anymore, delete his number so you can't contact him. Keep your dignity.
Get yourself a maccies and all of your favourite treats, watch a movie, cry, let it all out. Go for walks, get some fresh air, concentrate on YOU.
You deserve so much better and you can do so much better. You will end up wondering what you ever saw in him 💕

MeinKraft · 16/07/2023 11:30

You deserve someone who would laugh with you about this.

Original poster
Sad728 · 16/07/2023 13:27

Thank you everyone for your really kind replies. Trying to distract myself today by looking after myself.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sad728 · 16/07/2023 16:23

How long will it be until I feel less shit about the situation? I just can’t help but feel sad that I’ll never see him again. I know it’s only been 2 months but we have been so intimate with each other.

OP posts:
elbelx · 16/07/2023 16:31

Sad728 · 16/07/2023 16:23

How long will it be until I feel less shit about the situation? I just can’t help but feel sad that I’ll never see him again. I know it’s only been 2 months but we have been so intimate with each other.

It will probably feel better sooner than you think, but don't try and put a time limit on how long it will take you to feel better, everyone is different.
Just take this time to be by yourself, heal and feel better.
Concentrate on you, treat yourself! Have pamper nights, get a takeaway, watch movies, hang out with your friends. Get a hair cut and maybe dye your hair! Really enjoy not having any commitment to anyone or having to worry about when someone is going to text you back.

You will be absolutely fine and this will all feel so much easier in a few months time. You may even meet someone new when you least expect it and he could be amazing.

UncleRadley · 16/07/2023 17:01

You've not done anything wrong OP - the way he has (or hasn't) reacted to a few drunken messages asking to see him after he'd done exactly the same shows that he wasn't serious in the first place. But it's best to find out now, believe me - you would be walking on eggshells afraid of doing the 'wrong thing' again if he'd got back in touch. Constantly worried about what you were messaging him and what his reaction would be. Not worth living like that, I promise you.

Original poster
Sad728 · 16/07/2023 17:05

@UncleRadley thank you. He didn’t send me as many and I responded to him. He also didn’t call me. But it was still a drunk booty call.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sad728 · 16/07/2023 17:06

Just feel so stupid and regretful still.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sad728 · 16/07/2023 18:18

Does anyone have a video or book or online resource or blog that would just be a lightbulb moment for me and help me realise that what is happening now is the best thing?

I am trying so hard to be positive today but I am still struggling.

OP posts:
Isitthathardtobekind · 16/07/2023 18:23

Read the la La stuff!!!

Isitthathardtobekind · 16/07/2023 18:26

And this..! https://www.instagram.com/p/Csg9dD4K45b/?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==

Please help make me feel better 😢
Original poster
Sad728 · 16/07/2023 18:46

@Isitthathardtobekind thank you!

OP posts:
MeinKraft · 17/07/2023 09:52

Sad728 · 16/07/2023 18:18

Does anyone have a video or book or online resource or blog that would just be a lightbulb moment for me and help me realise that what is happening now is the best thing?

I am trying so hard to be positive today but I am still struggling.

www.amazon.co.uk/Hes-Just-Not-That-Into/dp/0007431856

CallieQ · 17/07/2023 10:03

Sad728 · 15/07/2023 16:17

I know it eventually had to end but I just can’t help think that if I hadn’t got so drunk it’d be all fine and I wouldn’t have any of this stress and anxiety. My eyes hurt so much from all of the crying, I need to pull myself together 😢

You've only known him 2 months! He's not worth it

Carebearflair · 17/07/2023 10:17

Oh God I've done this so many times. I'd convince myself I was in control and it was just a casual thing I could handle when I really wanted it to be not casual.

I was pathetic and desperate and really knew that they didn't like me as much as I was trying to convince myself they were.

Then I'd be objectively pathetic and desperate with drunken texts and calls which is not attractive to anyone, then be upset and trying to write them off as the bastard yet desperately hoping they'd make me feel better by giving me attention again.

The problem was me as the problem is you. Block, move on and try to understand why you behave this way because otherwise it'll keep happening.

You can do it!