Expecting my second baby in early September, it’s the first with my husband, we both have a child each from previous relationships.
When his dd was born 10 years ago he took her to meet work colleagues during paternity leave, neighbours (old and new) and friends of friends. As well as of course family and friends. I found this bizarre but took it as an excited dad wanting to show off his baby and moved on.
Now I’m expecting he has told me he promised the same colleagues, neighbours and acquaintances that he will bring our baby to meet them. I was shocked as he isn’t close to these people, rarely sees them, never socially, and hasn’t asked if I’m ok with parading my baby in front of strangers as if it’s a game of pass the parcel. I nodded and smiled in the right places but I know I will need to make my feelings known at some point. He has arranged meet ups and parties days before and after my due date, again without asking me. It’s a shock as he isn’t generally like this and knows I’m struggling with the heat, back pain and swelling currently, so may not be up to meeting strangers at that time.
When I had my son 6 years ago we had a small family bbq to celebrate, friends came to visit and we left it at that. I know everyone does things differently but to me it sounds exhausting and unnecessary. Refusing may cause arguments so I’m not sure how to best handle it.
We have even received gifts from people he once knew, for example an elderly neighbour from his childhood home has knitted an outfit - they hadn’t seen each other or spoken for over 20 years and we have no idea how she knew or where we live, we have a M&P gift card from someone who works for dh company but in another city so they never see each other and only speak on the phone to place orders, and a second cousin he hasn’t seen since childhood offered money towards a cot. Of course I’m grateful and taken aback by the kindness, but it seems very.. odd?
If I come across rude or spoilt I apologise, I’m just shocked that it’s a ‘thing’ as I hadn’t come across it with my DS and I’m not sure how to handle the overwhelming attention. Has anyone else been in this position and find it as strange as I do?
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Is this really a thing? (Meeting new baby)
Nappydirectd · 13/07/2023 00:15
MysteryBelle · 13/07/2023 17:23
I found your entire post odd. I took my baby in on maternity leave to meet colleagues, I took the baby through the entire huge building, not only close colleagues but those who I had shared friendly hellos at work. It was absolutely lovely. The welcoming, the smiles, the catching up, it was wonderful.
Do you understand what all that lovely good will does for your baby and for you and for them? Everyone comes together at certain times in life, births, weddings, deaths, etc. Yes even people who you consider shouldn’t be ‘let in’. And you acting like the elderly woman from your husband’s neighborhood when he was a child knitting an outfit was odd, no that’s not odd. Even people who haven’t seen your husband since he was a child remember him and he remembers them, fondly. It sounds like you resent that he has these lovely associations and connections. I don’t think this has anything to do with concerns over passing your child around to strangers. These are not strangers. And you don’t have to let everybody hold the baby, that’s ridiculous, as if someone is going to rip the baby out of your arms, I doubt it. They are wishing you the best for your life. They are giving you gifts and their time and their love. You certainly do not deserve the good will you’re being given. This has to be one of the strangest posts I’ve ever read on mn.
MysteryBelle · 13/07/2023 17:23
I found your entire post odd. I took my baby in on maternity leave to meet colleagues, I took the baby through the entire huge building, not only close colleagues but those who I had shared friendly hellos at work. It was absolutely lovely. The welcoming, the smiles, the catching up, it was wonderful.
Do you understand what all that lovely good will does for your baby and for you and for them? Everyone comes together at certain times in life, births, weddings, deaths, etc. Yes even people who you consider shouldn’t be ‘let in’. And you acting like the elderly woman from your husband’s neighborhood when he was a child knitting an outfit was odd, no that’s not odd. Even people who haven’t seen your husband since he was a child remember him and he remembers them, fondly. It sounds like you resent that he has these lovely associations and connections. I don’t think this has anything to do with concerns over passing your child around to strangers. These are not strangers. And you don’t have to let everybody hold the baby, that’s ridiculous, as if someone is going to rip the baby out of your arms, I doubt it. They are wishing you the best for your life. They are giving you gifts and their time and their love. You certainly do not deserve the good will you’re being given. This has to be one of the strangest posts I’ve ever read on mn.
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