Is this really a thing? (Meeting new baby)

[Nappydirectd]

Expecting my second baby in early September, it’s the first with my husband, we both have a child each from previous relationships.

When his dd was born 10 years ago he took her to meet work colleagues during paternity leave, neighbours (old and new) and friends of friends. As well as of course family and friends. I found this bizarre but took it as an excited dad wanting to show off his baby and moved on.

Now I’m expecting he has told me he promised the same colleagues, neighbours and acquaintances that he will bring our baby to meet them. I was shocked as he isn’t close to these people, rarely sees them, never socially, and hasn’t asked if I’m ok with parading my baby in front of strangers as if it’s a game of pass the parcel. I nodded and smiled in the right places but I know I will need to make my feelings known at some point. He has arranged meet ups and parties days before and after my due date, again without asking me. It’s a shock as he isn’t generally like this and knows I’m struggling with the heat, back pain and swelling currently, so may not be up to meeting strangers at that time.

When I had my son 6 years ago we had a small family bbq to celebrate, friends came to visit and we left it at that. I know everyone does things differently but to me it sounds exhausting and unnecessary. Refusing may cause arguments so I’m not sure how to best handle it.

We have even received gifts from people he once knew, for example an elderly neighbour from his childhood home has knitted an outfit - they hadn’t seen each other or spoken for over 20 years and we have no idea how she knew or where we live, we have a M&P gift card from someone who works for dh company but in another city so they never see each other and only speak on the phone to place orders, and a second cousin he hasn’t seen since childhood offered money towards a cot. Of course I’m grateful and taken aback by the kindness, but it seems very.. odd?

If I come across rude or spoilt I apologise, I’m just shocked that it’s a ‘thing’ as I hadn’t come across it with my DS and I’m not sure how to handle the overwhelming attention. Has anyone else been in this position and find it as strange as I do?

[PTSDBarbiegirl]

Why can't he take baby into work for half an hour at lunchtime, you don't need to go. I'd refuse ANYBODY visiting and certainly not aquaintences from 10 years ago! If its making you anxious don't get involved he can take baby on visits you can sleep.

[ShelleyPercy]

People who make posts like this are the same ones years later wondering where their 'village' is and wondering why they have no one to rely on for support.

[CoachBeardsJane]

@ShelleyPercy

People who make posts like this are the same ones years later wondering where their 'village' is and wondering why they have no one to rely on for support.

Absolutely

[30swith3]

Since when is people wanting to meet your new baby and congratulate you not British and insensitive?

This is totally normal, and a lovely thing to do. If he didn’t take an interest he’d also be jumped on no doubt. I can’t see timescales, but my husband and I have always done this around 4 weeks after birth, before that people have visited us at home and checked before dropping by.

[Cornettoninja]

@crochetmonkey74

because im on a chat forum and I can talk about what I want

Ok then. You enjoy your ranting.

[Lemonfoxtrot]

Don’t see what the big deal is- if he wants to take the baby out for the day, and introduce to colleagues, what’s the problem?

People have long brought babies into the workplace- doesn’t mean it’s being ‘passed around’.

Id be surprised if he had made firm plans to meet people on xx date- who knows when the baby will arrive?, too many variables etc

I mean this kindly, but you sound a bit precious about all this. It sounds like he’s made a vague promise to show off the baby when it arrives. Am sure he’ll consult with you on the exact dates 🤷‍♀️

on the gift giving, new babies are one of the rare times I’d buy a present for someone I don’t know very well. It’s just a nice thing to do- loads of people ( my friend’s parents etc) gave me lovely gifts. It’s such a happy occasion- people just want to pass on their best wishes.

[crochetmonkey74]

@Cornettoninja

Ok then. You enjoy your ranting.

Cheers 👍

[Rhaenys]

The present thing is definitely normal. People love buying stuff for new babies. The other stuff, not so much.

[Jeannie88]

Isn't it usually the case that people come to see the baby, not you take him/her to them? In my own experience we go and visit friends when its suitable for them and they came to us to see our baby at same agreed times. Then of course after a while we take them where we go to meet family and friends but not as newborn. X

[Riv]

Is he northern? This is actually quite normal in the community I came from- British and working class north east.
Once the baby is ready for the first public outing (around 6 weeks- used to be after the mother was “churched” and/ or the baby had been christened) you show the baby off to friends and acquaintances. Each friend or acquaintance or person you meet in the street gives the baby a (hopefully) well scrubbed silver coin (originally a sixpence, now a £1) the baby should grip in their fist- then you grab it before they mouth and choke on it 🙄.
A nightmare from a safety perspective but I think it stems from the days when the cash was welcomed and the community supported new additions to the family.

[Bababette]

Where I live it’s perfectly normal to take the baby to let your workmates meet it. Obviously not within a month or so but when life is settling back to normal(ish). Depends on your personality I suppose but I think YABU not to let him if he wants to do it. It’s obviously his thing and will give him pleasure as a proud dad. What’s wrong with that?

[WeetabixTowels]

Yep I took both my babies in to meet colleagues, it was lovely to catch up and have the baby fussed over. I also think it’s something to do in those long boring days of maternity/paternity leave!

[Tourmalines]

@Lemonfoxtrot

Don’t see what the big deal is- if he wants to take the baby out for the day, and introduce to colleagues, what’s the problem?

People have long brought babies into the workplace- doesn’t mean it’s being ‘passed around’.

Id be surprised if he had made firm plans to meet people on xx date- who knows when the baby will arrive?, too many variables etc

I mean this kindly, but you sound a bit precious about all this. It sounds like he’s made a vague promise to show off the baby when it arrives. Am sure he’ll consult with you on the exact dates 🤷‍♀️

on the gift giving, new babies are one of the rare times I’d buy a present for someone I don’t know very well. It’s just a nice thing to do- loads of people ( my friend’s parents etc) gave me lovely gifts. It’s such a happy occasion- people just want to pass on their best wishes.

This

[Zeezee82]

I’d say it’s a normal thing. DH did it, as did I with both DCs.
think it’s lovely that people in your lives from so long ago would care. DCs still use a blanket made by DHs colleague

[Mamanyt]

Stay home. TeII your husband that you don't feeI weII enough to do this. He can do it. Now, he evidentIy did not kiII his first chiId through any sort of negIect, and you must trust him impIicitIy to keep your chiId safe, or you wouId not have had a chiId with him. AdditionaIIy, it is pretty weII-known, at Ieast in medicaI circIes, that earIy exposure to different environments/peopIe/animaIs actuaIIy strengthens the immune system of an infant, and Ieads to fewer sensitivities and aIIergies Iater on.

[Fluff3]

When my kids were born, youngest 17, I took them in to meet my work colleagues. They wouls of been about 3 weeks old then. My husband did the same. I also had my family and friends around when they were a few days old. They came to us though. I dont see anything wrong with this. It never affected the bonding or caused any health issues to the babies or myself.

[Ukrainebaby23]

Haven't had time to read whole thread but this happened to me too. We were sort of paraded to the neighbours, fortunately I know most by sight at least but none socially. Some bought us gifts, which was kind but weird to me.
The most weird thing was/is, older men give us, or want to gift us money for him, a tenner or twenty quid. First time was my lovely elderly ex neighbour, I flatly refused as I know they are hard up, and I was very surprised. A few other sort of friendly aquintances, no one we would see socially alone but all older men, have done the same and my DH accepts the cash with a smile.

Final weirdness is the MIL parades us to her friends, we live 200 miles away so its only when we visit. She's always apologetic and says they've asked to see us. I don't really mind, and a few sent us gifts at birth. But it's weird to me, I'm a shy person with strangers and DH is pretty friendless so I've no idea if it's normal or not, but defo feels weird. Ds is 11m now so hopefully the novelty us wearing off. Mil BTW is absolutely lovely and I am happy to pander to these needs if it makes her happy it's just odd.

[stacyvaron]

I feel it's too early in the babies life to be exposed to all the people, noise, lights, and germs. You may want to check with gyno and see what current science is saying. Do remember though that it's his baby to. You may not agree with him on things and he may not agree with you going forward, but deserves an equal say.

[Elly46]

@Nappydirectd

We’re British surprisingly!
I don’t know how I feel about people I’ve never met holding my baby at all, perhaps my hormones are making me over protective but surely a photo and announcement will suffice for those who aren’t close!

Yes I agree with you. I’d express that you’re not comfortable with the baby being handled by strangers until they’ve had their immunisation/you’ve had time to rest and recover or just until you feel like it. And you maybe feel pressured at the moment and want to be able
to decide upon each event as and when it arises

[QueensBees]

@stacyvaron

I feel it's too early in the babies life to be exposed to all the people, noise, lights, and germs. You may want to check with gyno and see what current science is saying. Do remember though that it's his baby to. You may not agree with him on things and he may not agree with you going forward, but deserves an equal say.

Are you saying that young babies and therefore their mum (esp if b’fing) aren’t supposed to go shopping, go in town centres etc.. too??

Because they will be exposed to all the people, noise and light and germs??

Or is it reserved to work colleagues?

[Fluffmum]

This sounds normal going to show your precious baby to people who are happy for you. Are you Spanish?

[saraclara]

The mad bit is fixing events around the predicted birth dates! Does he not know that babies can arrive of schedule?!

Tell him you're not agreeing to any fixed dates, and that meet ups will be played by ear once the baby is safely born.

[FTMum23]

It sounds to me as though he is a very excited Dad and is going to be extremely proud of your baby. Maybe his excitement has just caused a lapse of judgement.
It is very important to have a conversation as soon as possible regarding your boundaries and expectations with the newborn. Don't wait for baby to arrive to have this conversation, it needs to be in advance. Your partner needs to understand how you are feeling - it's great their so excited though!

[Phoenixfire1988]

@crochetmonkey74

oh my god it is totally normal!

Why is mn so full of people who want to seal themselves in their houses and never see anyone?

I don't understand why you would want to expose your newborn to random strangers and god knows how many germs and illnesses.
I mean if You're happy having your newborn passed around like the latest toy go ahead but many of just aren't comfortable with that and it's perfectly OK!

[GrannyRose15]

Let him take the baby. Use the time for some pampering and try not to worry. Don’t ask for too much detail about how it went and then forget about it.