Is this really a thing? (Meeting new baby)

[Nappydirectd]

Expecting my second baby in early September, it’s the first with my husband, we both have a child each from previous relationships.

When his dd was born 10 years ago he took her to meet work colleagues during paternity leave, neighbours (old and new) and friends of friends. As well as of course family and friends. I found this bizarre but took it as an excited dad wanting to show off his baby and moved on.

Now I’m expecting he has told me he promised the same colleagues, neighbours and acquaintances that he will bring our baby to meet them. I was shocked as he isn’t close to these people, rarely sees them, never socially, and hasn’t asked if I’m ok with parading my baby in front of strangers as if it’s a game of pass the parcel. I nodded and smiled in the right places but I know I will need to make my feelings known at some point. He has arranged meet ups and parties days before and after my due date, again without asking me. It’s a shock as he isn’t generally like this and knows I’m struggling with the heat, back pain and swelling currently, so may not be up to meeting strangers at that time.

When I had my son 6 years ago we had a small family bbq to celebrate, friends came to visit and we left it at that. I know everyone does things differently but to me it sounds exhausting and unnecessary. Refusing may cause arguments so I’m not sure how to best handle it.

We have even received gifts from people he once knew, for example an elderly neighbour from his childhood home has knitted an outfit - they hadn’t seen each other or spoken for over 20 years and we have no idea how she knew or where we live, we have a M&P gift card from someone who works for dh company but in another city so they never see each other and only speak on the phone to place orders, and a second cousin he hasn’t seen since childhood offered money towards a cot. Of course I’m grateful and taken aback by the kindness, but it seems very.. odd?

If I come across rude or spoilt I apologise, I’m just shocked that it’s a ‘thing’ as I hadn’t come across it with my DS and I’m not sure how to handle the overwhelming attention. Has anyone else been in this position and find it as strange as I do?

[Gizmostar]

Everything he wants to do is normal but not days after birth. He should wait a couple of months. My husband brought our daughter in around 8 weeks. I find your attitude to the gifts very peculiar. It's normal where I live to receive and give baby gifts even with people you don't know well but I live in Ireland where it would not be perceived as odd.

[Nappydirectd]

Yes I’ll be breastfeeding so that would at least give me an excuse to cut it short, however his work place and acquaintances are not local to where we now live so it would essentially be a day out (with lots of stop offs to get baby out of car seat).

He isn’t friends with his colleagues on a personal level, they all asked him to bring baby in for cuddles and he agreed because he did it with his dd. Previous neighbours is probably the worst as they’re no longer neighbours and no longer in contact.

I’m hoping it’s just the excitement making him want to show baby off, I do get it because I’ll be proudly showing them off to friends and family, but to strangers is too far for me. Almost like a person in a supermarket putting their hands in the pram to touch a baby ( witnessed this many times!)

I’ll put my big girl pants on and ask him to cancel pre arrangements until we know how I’ll feel, and to delay meeting strangers until he’s much older. I do feel bad but we have lots of relatives and friends to share the joy with, who will actually be involved and watch baby grow up.

[nobodysdaughternow]

It isn't good that you haven't felt able to express your real feelings to your partner op.

You will have a child together - not feeling able to say "I would like to do this, what do you think?" will break your relationship.

He will be taking your 'smile and nod' attitude as a great big yes. He did the same thing with his previous partner and the relationship didn't work out.

He is ignoring your feelings and you are allowing it. Which is ok while baby is attached to you but a far bigger problem as they grow.

[Led921900]

I’ve had workplaces were people bring their babies in and workplaces were they don’t. I’d just mention babies immune system isn’t great and maybe it’s something to schedule when baby is older and you’re more in a routine/settled!

[caringcarer]

My colleagues always bring babies in on mat leave and we all get a little cuddle with them. Usually when they are about 10 weeks old.

[Gizmostar]

I don't get the preciousness about showing a baby to strangers. What do you think is going to happen? They're probably not going to have leprosy.

[isitshe]

I'd be telling him to send a photo & be done with it. Will these people really be interested in meeting a baby?

[crochetmonkey74]

oh my god it is totally normal!

Why is mn so full of people who want to seal themselves in their houses and never see anyone?

[Nappydirectd]

I just can’t get my head around people wanting to see a baby they have no connection to I guess? If they were friends or worked closely together I would understand them wanting to meet the baby they’d heard about for the past 9 months, but for a cuddle when you don’t really know the parents? I wouldn’t hand them to someone walking past me in the street and it doesn’t feel far off this.

Also with the gifts, they don’t know us but are generously giving money/gifts and I guess it makes me feel uncomfortable as much as I’m also appreciative. I’ve only ever known ‘so and so’ has hand me downs if you want them etc, but nothing more than that unless family and friends.

[Hibiscrubbed]

People are weird as shit about pregnancy and newborns. Only yesterday a complete stranger, without any warning touched my stomach while I was minding my own business is a shop queue. They were behind me. I leapt away from her and asked her what she thought she was doing. I nearly hit her out of instinct. She has this weird inane grin on her face, which promptly faded. Do not touch my body.

Only do what you’re comfortable with. Which understandably, sounds like none of his insane OTT plans to cart you all off miles away to see some people he isn’t even friends with.

[RotundRuby]

This is very normal in all my workplaces, probably after a few weeks though. I was a bit surprised when colleague came in 2 days after birth but she was very get up and go.

Gifts are normal to me too. I gave a baby gift to the plumber working on our house just last week, only here for the week and nothing particularly fancy but thats how I've always been treated with my babies. MN is so bloody miserable!

Really can't understand the issue about strangers touching the baby. They've already been through the hands of various medical staff at the point too! I was always grateful to be out and about and having someone new to talk to. Baby stage is relentless as it is boring.

[QueensBees]

very normal in my mind workplace too.

i was more surprised by the odd person putting a £1 coin in my baby hand.

[SouthLondonMum22]

I think it's fine that you're uncomfortable with it.

I was relaxed about it personally, we brought him to work (DH and I work at the same place) when he was a few days old and he got plenty of cuddles. I didn't breastfeed though which made it easier.

[JustAnotherOpinion123]

@Nappydirectd

Yes I’ll be breastfeeding so that would at least give me an excuse to cut it short, however his work place and acquaintances are not local to where we now live so it would essentially be a day out (with lots of stop offs to get baby out of car seat).

He isn’t friends with his colleagues on a personal level, they all asked him to bring baby in for cuddles and he agreed because he did it with his dd. Previous neighbours is probably the worst as they’re no longer neighbours and no longer in contact.

I’m hoping it’s just the excitement making him want to show baby off, I do get it because I’ll be proudly showing them off to friends and family, but to strangers is too far for me. Almost like a person in a supermarket putting their hands in the pram to touch a baby ( witnessed this many times!)

I’ll put my big girl pants on and ask him to cancel pre arrangements until we know how I’ll feel, and to delay meeting strangers until he’s much older. I do feel bad but we have lots of relatives and friends to share the joy with, who will actually be involved and watch baby grow up.

Organising stuff days before and after due dates is nuts - is he just going to keep bailing on them if baby is overdue? I'd say to dh that you're pleased he's excited and happy for him to take baby to meet them, but suggest that you both play it by ear to make sure you/him/baby are well, settling into a routine and feeling up for a day trip before committing to specific days? Does he really need to organise a specific day to take baby in now? Surely he can just send them a pic and say "we'll be in to visit soon" and give them a day or two notice.

I do think it's quite normal for work colleagues to want to meet the baby. I'm due in Dec and both my colleagues and my dh's are really excited for us. I've got a good excuse with my work colleagues as the majority work at an office 5-6hrs away so there's no expectation that I'll visit quickly, but my dh works 5-10 mins away so we will likely visit them early on. I don't know all of them well, but my dh is so excited and I feel like he's got as much say as I do in who gets to meet the baby - but I also know that he won't insist on it if I'm not feeling up to it.

I noticed in a previous comment that you'd said you were agreeing to it because his ex did it and you didn't want to come across grumpy - please don't feel like you need to compete, she's an ex for a reason and your dh needs to understand that different mums feel differently about their pregnancies and babies. However if you've not told him any of this and have nodded and agreed, then you can't blame him for thinking you're OK with it.

[TenoringBehind]

Normal and a lovely thing to do. I think it’s great that he’s so excited and proud!

[MysteryBelle]

I found your entire post odd. I took my baby in on maternity leave to meet colleagues, I took the baby through the entire huge building, not only close colleagues but those who I had shared friendly hellos at work. It was absolutely lovely. The welcoming, the smiles, the catching up, it was wonderful.

Do you understand what all that lovely good will does for your baby and for you and for them? Everyone comes together at certain times in life, births, weddings, deaths, etc. Yes even people who you consider shouldn’t be ‘let in’. And you acting like the elderly woman from your husband’s neighborhood when he was a child knitting an outfit was odd, no that’s not odd. Even people who haven’t seen your husband since he was a child remember him and he remembers them, fondly. It sounds like you resent that he has these lovely associations and connections. I don’t think this has anything to do with concerns over passing your child around to strangers. These are not strangers. And you don’t have to let everybody hold the baby, that’s ridiculous, as if someone is going to rip the baby out of your arms, I doubt it. They are wishing you the best for your life. They are giving you gifts and their time and their love. You certainly do not deserve the good will you’re being given. This has to be one of the strangest posts I’ve ever read on mn.

[xogossipgirlxo]

I only had one work lad who brought his baby to work. Others didn't. I am due with my first very shortly and work asked me if I can pop in at some point to show him. I will do it, but not immediately, more like 3-4 months old. My husband won't be bringing our son to work as it's quite dangerous environment, you need PPE to walk through the area to get to the actual office!

[Thedreadediaws]

Yes it’s normal. Happens all the time in British companies

[HereForTheFreeLunch]

I wouldn't do a day trip to show baby off to ex-colleagues.
For colleagues also if it's going to be a day trip while newly breastfeeding they will have to make do with dh & photographs of baby.

[MysteryBelle]

‘My husband wants to take the baby into work to meet his colleagues 😱 Isn’t that ODD?’

’An old woman who knew my husband as a child knitted an outfit for the baby 😱 Isn’t that ODD? They haven’t seen each other in years (because he grew up and she got old) so why would she do that 😱 Isn’t it ODD?’

There’s something odd all right.

[SonicStars]

Normal in my culture, white English.

[Nappydirectd]

Wow MysteryBelle you’re taking it very personally, that in itself is odd, calm down. Everyone is different, you may happily pass your baby to strangers who don’t even know you or your dh names, but I prefer to keep my happy moments to friends and family.

Thanks everyone, will try and update when we’ve spoken about it. I don’t intend on keeping baby away from everyone, as I said we plan to invite friends and family over within days of the birth, as far as I’m aware they’re the important people who need to meet the baby. I see many posts on here where no one is interested in xyz’s baby unless it’s a friends or relatives, so I would never have expected the town to act like baby Jesus is being born…but I guess I have been proven wrong and my baby needs to meet the entire country 😄

[Blueink]

I do think it’s normal, apart from your DH planning meet ups around your due date and would ask him to stop doing that.

[Someoneonlyyouknow]

I am old. I like babies. I would probably like the babies of ex-colleagues even if I didn't particularly like the parents.

If people send you gifts it's because they want to. They're sending kind thoughts and hope your child will grow up happy and healthy. I understand that you may not feel the same interest in the children of people you are not close to but many people do.

As I say I am old. I admire brides going into churches, smile at people having graduation photos taken and stop walking if a funeral cortege drives past.

[wholivesondrurylane]

@Led921900

I’ve had workplaces were people bring their babies in and workplaces were they don’t. I’d just mention babies immune system isn’t great and maybe it’s something to schedule when baby is older and you’re more in a routine/settled!

Same. it's common enough that there is nothing weird about it.
Some people get nuts about babies. Others it's all about puppies.

But of course tell him it's not on to organise things without checking with you first, he's being insensitive, and you just don't want them to go ahead.