Is this really a thing? (Meeting new baby)

[Nappydirectd]

Expecting my second baby in early September, it’s the first with my husband, we both have a child each from previous relationships.

When his dd was born 10 years ago he took her to meet work colleagues during paternity leave, neighbours (old and new) and friends of friends. As well as of course family and friends. I found this bizarre but took it as an excited dad wanting to show off his baby and moved on.

Now I’m expecting he has told me he promised the same colleagues, neighbours and acquaintances that he will bring our baby to meet them. I was shocked as he isn’t close to these people, rarely sees them, never socially, and hasn’t asked if I’m ok with parading my baby in front of strangers as if it’s a game of pass the parcel. I nodded and smiled in the right places but I know I will need to make my feelings known at some point. He has arranged meet ups and parties days before and after my due date, again without asking me. It’s a shock as he isn’t generally like this and knows I’m struggling with the heat, back pain and swelling currently, so may not be up to meeting strangers at that time.

When I had my son 6 years ago we had a small family bbq to celebrate, friends came to visit and we left it at that. I know everyone does things differently but to me it sounds exhausting and unnecessary. Refusing may cause arguments so I’m not sure how to best handle it.

We have even received gifts from people he once knew, for example an elderly neighbour from his childhood home has knitted an outfit - they hadn’t seen each other or spoken for over 20 years and we have no idea how she knew or where we live, we have a M&P gift card from someone who works for dh company but in another city so they never see each other and only speak on the phone to place orders, and a second cousin he hasn’t seen since childhood offered money towards a cot. Of course I’m grateful and taken aback by the kindness, but it seems very.. odd?

If I come across rude or spoilt I apologise, I’m just shocked that it’s a ‘thing’ as I hadn’t come across it with my DS and I’m not sure how to handle the overwhelming attention. Has anyone else been in this position and find it as strange as I do?

[MeridaBrave]

I took my babies to meet work colleagues, although more like at 3 months because I had to navigate the tube and wanted to wait until I could use a very lightweight buggy - but DH took them to meet family members, in the first two weeks when he was on leave although as I was breast feeding he could only manage one visit per day in between feeds. I used the time to rest!

Don’t see injections as relevant it’s not like the people are likely to have pertussis or polio.

Don’t see an issue with it.

[BubblinTrouble]

My extended family are like this… for me it was OTT. I never spoke to these people so found out very strange that how suddenly everyone wanted to talk to me and see my baby. It was very odd as I’m a private person as is my husband. Luckily both DH and I were on the same page and politely declined the requests to meet (we also got a tonne of gifts sent to us. We accepted however we ended up with too much stuff so wasn’t useful for us!). You should definitely speak to your DH and express your concern.

[Coronationstation]

People often bring babies (and dogs!) in to visit our office but not when they're only a few days old. They're often a couple of months old or happen to be passing nearby and call in, usually around lunchtime just to say hello. If there's been a group gift bought for the baby when they're born I think it's nice that people bring them in (i work with predominantly men)

[GalileoHumpkins]

Why would work colleagues want to meet a baby? That's only happened once in all my working life and I made myself scarce when asked if I wanted a cuddle.

[gamerchick]

When our office breeds a sprog, said kid is brought in to meet everyone by which ever parent works there.

I scarper me. I don't go to work to listen to a squarky baby on my break.

[megletthesecond]

Your recovery and well being need to come first here and he's not doing that. Babies don't need to meet people that soon.

[Sweetashunni]

I nodded and smiled in the right places

Why? Why didn’t you just say no thanks?

[RainbowZebraaaa]

Refusing may cause arguments so I’m not sure how to best handle it.

What's wrong with an argument? Are you only ever going to voice your opinion if you know it's in agreement with his? You can't have a healthy relationship if you are afraid of disagreeing with him. Don't expect hin to read your mind. You need to discuss things with him. Your needs are just as valid as his.

[Babyboomtastic]

I don't think it's weird, but then again I hosted a party and bbq for 30 people to meet my 2.5 week old. It sounds like you just have very different styles with a newborn. However, given its you that is recovering from birth etc, if it makes you feel uncomfortable, then I think it's ok to wait a bit.

[Nappydirectd]

To add we will be arranging for family and friends to meet the baby shortly after the birth, it isn’t visitors in general that bothers me, it’s that complete strangers to me are begging to meet my baby and I feel under pressure to agree.

I hate arguing and I’d prefer not to when heavily pregnant/have a newborn. I won’t be attending any of the arrangements that have been made without asking me first, such as the family get together days before my due date that FIL arranged (also wanting to parade the pregnancy/newborn to people he knows that neither I nor dh know).

I think because DH ex agreed and was happy with all of this I’m now expected to be happy with it too. I guess I don’t want to be seen as the grumpy wife and cause an atmosphere.

[HGNewMum]

I had my first baby last week and both my husband and I work in the hospital in which I gave birth so we both visited our departments on the way out to show her off but kept her in the pram and no touching. I probably wouldn’t have gone out of my way to visit work though if it wasn’t the place we’d just been staying for several days. We’re letting friends and family visit for cups of tea but definitely no big events for the foreseeable future

[RainbowZebraaaa]

guess I don’t want to be seen as the grumpy wife and cause an atmosphere.

OK so go along with it, be a martyr. This will just be the start.

[escapingthecity]

Will you be BF? If so you cannot possibly commit to all these crazy meetings! And there's no way DH can take the baby without you.

[SwishSwishBisch]

My old boss (& his partner tbf) popped into the office for us to meet his new son on their way home from the hospital

Some people are just keen I guess!

[Marblessolveeverything]

I think it depends on the workplace culture. I am in Ireland and a lot of us are in my work place years, decades and we have been through the lifecycles - births, marriages, deaths. It would be very common for mum/dad or both to come in for a cuppa and we would have a few gifts/cards.

When I had my eldest (16 years ago) my mothers workplace sent gifts and cards so we went in to say thank you with a few cup cakes and introduce her grandchild. Different folks/different strokes.

However, I am social in nature had an easy recovery, was out and about on day 3 shopping and coffeeing with friends. You do you - for me staying active kept my head busy and luckily my little ones loved the attention.

[Babydaddy1978]

@Nappydirectd

Expecting my second baby in early September, it’s the first with my husband, we both have a child each from previous relationships.

When his dd was born 10 years ago he took her to meet work colleagues during paternity leave, neighbours (old and new) and friends of friends. As well as of course family and friends. I found this bizarre but took it as an excited dad wanting to show off his baby and moved on.

Now I’m expecting he has told me he promised the same colleagues, neighbours and acquaintances that he will bring our baby to meet them. I was shocked as he isn’t close to these people, rarely sees them, never socially, and hasn’t asked if I’m ok with parading my baby in front of strangers as if it’s a game of pass the parcel. I nodded and smiled in the right places but I know I will need to make my feelings known at some point. He has arranged meet ups and parties days before and after my due date, again without asking me. It’s a shock as he isn’t generally like this and knows I’m struggling with the heat, back pain and swelling currently, so may not be up to meeting strangers at that time.

When I had my son 6 years ago we had a small family bbq to celebrate, friends came to visit and we left it at that. I know everyone does things differently but to me it sounds exhausting and unnecessary. Refusing may cause arguments so I’m not sure how to best handle it.

We have even received gifts from people he once knew, for example an elderly neighbour from his childhood home has knitted an outfit - they hadn’t seen each other or spoken for over 20 years and we have no idea how she knew or where we live, we have a M&P gift card from someone who works for dh company but in another city so they never see each other and only speak on the phone to place orders, and a second cousin he hasn’t seen since childhood offered money towards a cot. Of course I’m grateful and taken aback by the kindness, but it seems very.. odd?

If I come across rude or spoilt I apologise, I’m just shocked that it’s a ‘thing’ as I hadn’t come across it with my DS and I’m not sure how to handle the overwhelming attention. Has anyone else been in this position and find it as strange as I do?

I don't think this is especially strange. Many of my colleagues have done the same. I think it is great that your husband is so excited to have a new child. And it is his child as well - not just yours. You both have equal say in things. That said, perhaps in the first 2 weeks (assuming he does not have extended pat leave) is a bit soon. Perhaps tell him how you feel and reach a compromise ie maybe after a few months when he/she isn't as new and is slightly less reliant on you.

[continentallentil]

I’d focus on cancelling the meet ups in the days before and after you give birth - that’s ridiculous and hugely inconsiderate. He needs some clear direction on how you will feel and that he needs to consult you.

If Paternity leave is a couple weeks post birth no it isn’t normal to bring a baby in to work at that age. People sometimes do when the baby is older.

Other than that, some people like showing their baby off a lot and some don’t. It’s his baby as much as yours so it’s fine for him to do it, as long as you’ve actually had a chance to recover from the birth. You can also dodge some of it if you want.

[Canidoitreally]

I think it's nice, but then again I wanted to show off my baby to everyone and was happy to pass them round!

[Phoenixfire1988]

Eww no all them germs and things I've just had a baby a week ago and apart from dhs sisters and my mam no one has seen baby we are at a school event tomorrow and I will have a strict hands off policy! A picture should more than suffice you need to be bonding and resting not going here there and everywhere parading baby round.
I'd explain you're not at all comfortable with strangers touching your baby and want to just enjoy those precious first weeks as a family

[Rainbowshine]

If you’re reluctant to confront it head on, can you say something about not making too firm plans or commitments as you don’t know how you will be feeling in the later stages of pregnancy and after the baby is born. Let’s see how we’re doing when we get there, I’m not sure about committing to that when I will be 8 months pregnant as I got very tired at that point with first DC, I’ll be breastfeeding/baby will still be feeding every hour then so I would visit work once they are a bit older, etc

[CapEBarra]

It’s his baby too, and he does know them. Yes, it’s perfectly normal to bring the baby (and perhaps some biscuits or cake) into work to show friends and colleagues, especially if they’ve bought gifts.

[Phoenixfire1988]

@escapingthecity

Will you be BF? If so you cannot possibly commit to all these crazy meetings! And there's no way DH can take the baby without you.

Exactly they need that time to establish feeding and bond I'm 1 week pp myself and haven't got used to discreet feeding yet as at home I don't need to and we are still figuring things out

[CoffeeCantata]

OP, I'm with you.

Don't get me wrong - I've got 2 (now grown-up children) whom I adore, but I don't like babies (especially other people's) and I used to absolutely dread people bringing theirs into work. I'm not being nasty - I'm just saying that, Like you, I think this is a bit weird.

I was always happy to come out of my office, smile, coo and say how lovely the baby was, ask the mum how things were going but I hated being given the baby to 'cuddle'. Nightmare. And there seemed to be an idea with many of the young mums I worked with that middle-aged women couldn't get enough of cuddling babies. Been there, done that! So I'd explain to your husband that there are miserable gits like me in the workplace.

[IveHadItUpToHere]

It's fairly common to take a new baby to see work colleagues. It isn't usually in the first few weeks and he'll be able to take the baby on his own. You don't need to go. In fact, it would be more odd if you did go. They won't all expect to hold the baby - just to see it. Same with neighbours.
Extended family would usually visit at home but that doesn't need to happen in the first few weeks either. Our background is Irish/Scottish. DH's family did the same and they're from a different culture.

[Cornettoninja]

He has arranged meet ups and parties days before and after my due date

that’d be a ‘hell no’ from me.

Remind him that being pregnant and giving birth is actually quite heavy going physically and mentally and he needs to back the fuck off frankly.

If you feel like it at the time, then great, you can arrange stuff as and when but committing you, without any input from, crosses a massive line. I get he’s excited but he can at least wait until you and the baby are actually recovered and ready.