Is this really a thing? (Meeting new baby)

[Nappydirectd]

Expecting my second baby in early September, it’s the first with my husband, we both have a child each from previous relationships.

When his dd was born 10 years ago he took her to meet work colleagues during paternity leave, neighbours (old and new) and friends of friends. As well as of course family and friends. I found this bizarre but took it as an excited dad wanting to show off his baby and moved on.

Now I’m expecting he has told me he promised the same colleagues, neighbours and acquaintances that he will bring our baby to meet them. I was shocked as he isn’t close to these people, rarely sees them, never socially, and hasn’t asked if I’m ok with parading my baby in front of strangers as if it’s a game of pass the parcel. I nodded and smiled in the right places but I know I will need to make my feelings known at some point. He has arranged meet ups and parties days before and after my due date, again without asking me. It’s a shock as he isn’t generally like this and knows I’m struggling with the heat, back pain and swelling currently, so may not be up to meeting strangers at that time.

When I had my son 6 years ago we had a small family bbq to celebrate, friends came to visit and we left it at that. I know everyone does things differently but to me it sounds exhausting and unnecessary. Refusing may cause arguments so I’m not sure how to best handle it.

We have even received gifts from people he once knew, for example an elderly neighbour from his childhood home has knitted an outfit - they hadn’t seen each other or spoken for over 20 years and we have no idea how she knew or where we live, we have a M&P gift card from someone who works for dh company but in another city so they never see each other and only speak on the phone to place orders, and a second cousin he hasn’t seen since childhood offered money towards a cot. Of course I’m grateful and taken aback by the kindness, but it seems very.. odd?

If I come across rude or spoilt I apologise, I’m just shocked that it’s a ‘thing’ as I hadn’t come across it with my DS and I’m not sure how to handle the overwhelming attention. Has anyone else been in this position and find it as strange as I do?

[orangeyeahthatsright]

@CoffeeCantata

OP, I'm with you.

Don't get me wrong - I've got 2 (now grown-up children) whom I adore, but I don't like babies (especially other people's) and I used to absolutely dread people bringing theirs into work. I'm not being nasty - I'm just saying that, Like you, I think this is a bit weird.

I was always happy to come out of my office, smile, coo and say how lovely the baby was, ask the mum how things were going but I hated being given the baby to 'cuddle'. Nightmare. And there seemed to be an idea with many of the young mums I worked with that middle-aged women couldn't get enough of cuddling babies. Been there, done that! So I'd explain to your husband that there are miserable gits like me in the workplace.

I used to hate that too when I was office-based, but for a different reason - I'm childfree by choice and people were always nagging me to 'have a little hold', as though holding some stranger's baby would suddenly cause everything to 'fall into place' for me and I'd suddenly turn into a melting puddle of oestrogen. Grr.

[TooOldForThisNonsense]

Taking the baby into work is a thing, or has been in my workplaces, but often when they are a bit bigger. Getting gifts from random people is also a thing that can happen a fair bit too. Parading a days old baby round loads of random people is weird though

[Waffle78]

I had a miscarriage at 10 weeks before I had my daughter. So when I was expecting her I never told anyone other than partner until 12 weeks. Even then only told family. Anyone else I just left it until they noticed.

Just do a barbaque again if you want. Then those that want to come will come. As for knitting an outfit what's up with that? I think that's lovely.

[Viviennemary]

Of course he wants to show of his new baby. I'd say that was perfectly normal. Maybe a few weeks after the birth though.

[katepilar]

Sounds a weird practice to me. You dont need to be passing the baby around liek a parcel. It doesnt do the baby any good and it doesnt do you any good. You dont need to put the needs of stranger first.

[fridaynight1]

Yes DH took our babies into work to show his colleagues. And I did the same too. Seems pretty normal to me.

[Nappydirectd]

CurlyhairedAssassin this is what I worry about, it’s going to be overwhelming and stressful having unlimited people texting and waiting on visits while I’m trying to bond and rest. Plus we have other children to consider. You’ve worded it how my mind is thinking it so thank you for seeing my side.

also to reiterate I know it’s normal to take babies to meet colleagues.. because you are friends / have a good bond with them and they’ve been part of the journey. In my view it’s not normal to take a baby to meet colleagues you don’t know and they don’t know you just because they’ve asked for a cuddle. if they were good work mates or friends outside of work too, then I wouldn’t have even questioned it.

[ironorchids]

If you smile and nod and go along with it, I can see why he'd think you think it's ok.

Tell him now that you're uncomfortable with it. On and around your due date you need free time to do what you need to do anyway. It's up to you how you spend it, not him. If you want to fill the time up to birth seeing friends then that's your choice, but it really doesn't sound like he's arranging time with your friends anyway.

[TisforTucan]

Nip it in the bud early on, we've just had a baby and were told baby can't be in a car seat for longer than 25 minutes so there's an excuse for travelling.

I sympathise, I didn't even want MIL in the first few days as I struggle with hormones. I actually made a rule that I'd have family visit when I was at home and not on the first day were home.

All you can do is say you will have a small garden get together and if they want to visit they are more than welcome to other wise you don't want to travel. I also really advise against handing baby around to everyone in the early days unless necessary because of colds and things.

[MrsWiggwiggs]

I’ve never had as many presents in my entire life as I did with DD (first baby for us both), and people’s kindness and generosity was amazing and overwhelming, however…if this is how you feel now about strangers meeting baby so soon after birth, then that isn’t going to improve once DC arrives so id put it out there now and get it sorted.

I found that I was adamant that I didn’t want visitors for a few days after birth, however due to a really great delivery and recovery I did change my mind, but we had to literally limit visits to only one set of visitors at a time. My baby blues couldn’t handle more than one visit in a day watching people handle DD, and when we did go out I prayed for DD to stay asleep in her pram so that I didn’t have to say no to people (not even strangers just people who aren’t close friends and family) touching and handling her. They’re just so small and precious, and I found it such hard work watching her be passed around that I just didn’t put us in situations where she could be. Fast forward a few months and it’s totally fine now, but I can completely see where you’re coming from

[Stickworm]

While he sounds like a lovely proud dad ❤️ it’s really not a good idea to pass baby around so many people when they’re that small. My friends niece caught meningitis when she was a newborn and died at 3 weeks old. She’d been at home since the day after she was born and was fine. Utterly heartbreaking - it was hard to say how she got it but it certainly opened my eyes to just how vulnerable they are.

[babysharkdoodoodedoodedoo]

@Unexpectedlysinglemum

What culture is he from? This doesn't sound typically British!
It's nice he wants to show off the baby but I would wait at least until 8week injections for all this passing around.

I was going to ask this! Sounds like my Indian husband. In his culture people literally come to the bloody hospital to see the baby when it’s born!! As in, everyone! Not only close family but distant family, neighbours, friends… even classmates! I refused this 😂 But did end up taking the baby to visit what felt like basically everyone he’d ever met in his life! I wondered why they were interested to be honest but on every trip to a home I was given many delicious snacks so that pacified me 😁

[Lizzt2007]

Very gently op, in every single one of your posts you've put 'my baby' baby is not just yours, he's your dh's baby too, and these interactions are obviously very important to him or he wouldn't be arranging them. I can understand your reluctance as it's not something you've Personally come across, but for dh it's a normal thing. I'd suggest that there needs to be compromises on both sides.

[crochetmonkey74]

I'm getting so sick of mumsnet threads when everyone acts like any act of totally normal human interaction is for 'friends and family only'
HOw did all of you ever first make friends ???
Someone has to ' act weird' and reach out to a stranger to start a friendship - if we all followed these weird exaggerated mumsnet rules- everyone would be lonely

[Careeradviceplease1234]

This is very normal and standard in my community in Northern Ireland. I don't know that I would describe the people your talking about as strangers.

[THEDEACON]

Normal here White Scottish

[whoruntheworldgirls]

I took mine to work to meet my close colleagues when she was around 2 weeks old, was lovely.

[JLM1981]

I think this is all quite 'normal' however definitely not immediately after birth. We both took our babies (all four) into our work places, which are education establishments when they were roughly about 8-10 weeks old. And distance relatives or friends from previous work places have often sent gifts. The visitors pretty much always come to us for a short visit once baby is 2 weeks old. We keep the first 2 weeks to immediate family as they were born by c-section and we need the recovery time. Have the chat and sort a compromise. Congratulations.

[Cornettoninja]

@crochetmonkey74

I'm getting so sick of mumsnet threads when everyone acts like any act of totally normal human interaction is for 'friends and family only'
HOw did all of you ever first make friends ???
Someone has to ' act weird' and reach out to a stranger to start a friendship - if we all followed these weird exaggerated mumsnet rules- everyone would be lonely

Why’s it bothered you so much to post a rant?

People live differently, there’s a clash in this case as OP and her DH clearly have different expectations. Personally, I think the woman who has just given birth and will likely be the primary carer for the baby gets the final say on what happens on timescales to start hosting loads of visitors.

[Cocolebombom]

@gamerchick

When our office breeds a sprog, said kid is brought in to meet everyone by which ever parent works there.

I scarper me. I don't go to work to listen to a squarky baby on my break.

So awkward how the British are proud to be miserable.

[Hibiscrubbed]

@Cocolebombom

So awkward how the British are proud to be miserable.

Hardly. I cannot stand other people’s children and have no interest in one being paraded around just because it’s fresh!

[crochetmonkey74]

@Cornettoninja

Why’s it bothered you so much to post a rant?

People live differently, there’s a clash in this case as OP and her DH clearly have different expectations. Personally, I think the woman who has just given birth and will likely be the primary carer for the baby gets the final say on what happens on timescales to start hosting loads of visitors.

because im on a chat forum and I can talk about what I want

[ANiceBigCupOfTea]

My colleagues bring their babies in to meet us. Could be a cultural thing, not too sure.

[PTSDBarbiegirl]

Where is he from?

[Gnoblin]

I work in. secondary school and it’s a highlight when anyone (male or female) brings their baby in to meet everyone. And most people do!