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Original poster

A vent seeing as I can't show my real disappointment -school awards evening

366 replies

Teddypops · 11/07/2023 19:16

DD is in Y7. All of her friends had an email about an award they were winning at school. The awards evening was this evening.

We had no email. She got no award.

She does quite well at school (generally grade 7 in the important stuff). But really doesn't put much effort into anything else other than her hair and make up.

She has no interest in sports or any hobbies despite us giving her every single opportunity. Nothing !!

I'm disappointed. But obviously I can't show it to her.

So i'm venting on here instead.

OP posts:
headcheffer · 12/07/2023 13:08

GrazingSheep · 11/07/2023 19:29

But really doesn't put much effort into anything else other than her hair and make up.
That’s a sad situation for a 12 year old.

If she goes on to be an award winning special effects make up artist, travelling the world and running special effects departments for major motion pictures it won't be so sad will it.

Not every one is academic, or sporty.

Bathbasketcase · 12/07/2023 14:16

I may get some people riled up with this but…

..so what? So what if she doesn’t do anything except care about hair and make up? Why does she have to do sports? Community things? Okay an instrument? Why does she have to get a crappy award?

Shes doing just fine at school, why isn’t that enough for you? Why are you trying to stop her from being what she is? Do you feel let down by your own lack of ambition? Leave your daughter alone, her interests are her own. She is her own person, she’s doing her school work and enjoying hobbies - make up and hair. Stop trying to make her something she isn’t and just leave her be!

And personally couldn’t give a toss about school awards, if my kids get them that’s really nice, if they don’t, who cares.

MadamMaltesers · 12/07/2023 14:23

I remember getting sports personality in year 6,7 and 8 and in my community it counted for nothing. I should have won the maths or chemistry awards apparently. But I was proud of my achievements.

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TeenLifeMum · 12/07/2023 14:36

Dd1 got an award in Year 8 for Italian … honestly, she was terrible at Italian and dropped it as soon as she was allowed. The only time I got at award at school was Year 10 after my English teacher lost my gcse coursework and I had to actually re write three essays (which was awful at the time) so I think it was an apology award.

ClawedButler · 12/07/2023 14:36

Bathbasketcase · 12/07/2023 14:16

I may get some people riled up with this but…

..so what? So what if she doesn’t do anything except care about hair and make up? Why does she have to do sports? Community things? Okay an instrument? Why does she have to get a crappy award?

Shes doing just fine at school, why isn’t that enough for you? Why are you trying to stop her from being what she is? Do you feel let down by your own lack of ambition? Leave your daughter alone, her interests are her own. She is her own person, she’s doing her school work and enjoying hobbies - make up and hair. Stop trying to make her something she isn’t and just leave her be!

And personally couldn’t give a toss about school awards, if my kids get them that’s really nice, if they don’t, who cares.

That's exactly how I feel.

Sure, almost everyone could "achieve more", but for what purpose? To please someone? To have worth? What, when you look at it, do achievements mean? That someone who achieves great things is better than someone who happily just bumbles along, doing no harm to anyone? That someone with umpteen qualifications or a fat pay cheque is better than someone who can accept themselves for exactly who they are?

BTW, I was incredibly lazy at school. I still am very lazy. I simply don't see it as a bad thing. Lazy people don't start wars, but they invent more efficient ways of doing things. It hasn't stopped me finding a career I love and that fulfills me and pays the bills.

justteanbiscuits · 12/07/2023 14:38

My son is an academically high achiever, has sports he does OK in but works really hard, joins in with after school clubs. But didn't get anything at awards night till a single certificate in year 9. Primary school was the same - never a gold card as he was always great, so didn't do that "drop to red and then move to gold by being better" thing. I stopped worrying about it a long time ago!

Talkwhilstyouwalk · 12/07/2023 14:43

Ah well. I'd be secretly delighted she is able to maintain high grades without much effort/interest - she must be naturally quite clever.

RPost · 12/07/2023 14:43

She'll have her moment. Give her some time x

ClawedButler · 12/07/2023 14:45

I also have a sneaky feeling that a lot of school awards are really rewards for compliance. For the kids who buckle down and obey.

That may be my inner rebel saying that though!

Bathbasketcase · 12/07/2023 14:48

ClawedButler · 12/07/2023 14:36

That's exactly how I feel.

Sure, almost everyone could "achieve more", but for what purpose? To please someone? To have worth? What, when you look at it, do achievements mean? That someone who achieves great things is better than someone who happily just bumbles along, doing no harm to anyone? That someone with umpteen qualifications or a fat pay cheque is better than someone who can accept themselves for exactly who they are?

BTW, I was incredibly lazy at school. I still am very lazy. I simply don't see it as a bad thing. Lazy people don't start wars, but they invent more efficient ways of doing things. It hasn't stopped me finding a career I love and that fulfills me and pays the bills.

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I’m happily average. Most people are, why is it bad? Not everyone wants to be some superstar athlete or genius. I like being average, I like being in my space. I’m not going to change the world and that’s fine! Problem is people think ‘success’ is having loads of money or a big house or being attractive or a CEO or something. But success is being contented with yourself and your lot. Maybe more people would be if they’d stop putting on the pressure to be something more!

Goldenbear · 12/07/2023 14:48

Vettrianofan · 11/07/2023 19:42

What is having a girl got to do with wearing make up? Men have their own range too😀

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I have a 16 year old DS at very diverse and accepting school and none of them wear make up, no one would say anything but they just don't, he knows loads of people as well. He did wear some nail varnish his girlfriend put on him last year. On the otherhand I have a 12 year old that has a skin routine and likes a bit of make up. She absolutely does other stuff, designs and sews her own clothes, plays the piano, is a very talented Artist but at the moment she does like make up (a bit).

CurlyTandtheTangles · 12/07/2023 14:52

Saynowt · 11/07/2023 19:40

@Teddypops oh dear, you have just embarrassed yourself by doing that.

I have an award winning DC and one who isn't. The one who wins is knowlegable, puts in the hard yards and gets great results. The one who doesn't win does the bare minimum. Their interests just lie elsewhere. I know it would be lovely if they were all hard working little academics, but lets face it they aren't. Awards are the time to shine for those that do put in the hard work.

Show quote history

Oh loada bollocks in IME.

My youngest couldn't catch an award.. Academically way brighter than his older siblings, in the top 10% for all subjects except PE. They work hard, have a happy disposition and this year met the school dream of 100% attendance. The problem is he's autistic, ADHD and getting in place the support for him to flourish is begrudged by some at school (oh its hatd work with him not able to sit at a desk oh the not making eye contact, the stimming with the blu-tac...blah blah) Except for the SEND team who are amazing. The effort he has to put in just to cope with a school day is phenomenonal.

One of his older brothers not as academic, not as hard working, cheery happy soul. Also excels in a particular sporting activity that doesn't involve school (not offered in mainstream schools), winning his age group for several years nationally. At every school award ceremony for him. It ticks the boxes for school.

So the hardworking miss out too and they deserve to 'shine'

stayathomer · 12/07/2023 14:53

But really doesn't put much effort into anything else other than her hair and make up.
That’s a sad situation for a 12 year old.

Thats a bit judgy given you don’t know her, isn’t it? People have different interests l!

OP I have a ds who isn’t hardworking, motivated at all and always jokes his favourite subject is lunch. But he’s funny, generous and the glue of the family, the first one to ask if someone is okay if they look like they’re upset. He’s 15 and is a dream of a teenager, never causes us any stress (bar the exam stuff!) For a while it bothered me, now we push as much as we can but not as much as we did because in the end it’s the only gripe we have

Maddy70 · 12/07/2023 14:53

As teachers I have always been asked to nominate 1 for academic achievement and 1 for progress. Lots of my students have made good progress and many also have got high academic performance. We can only nominate the 2. Life isn't fair

7eleven · 12/07/2023 14:54

Why can’t you tell her you’re disappointed in her attitude? Appropriately and kindly, of course.

ASimpleLampoon · 12/07/2023 15:00

I understand your feeling of disappointment but you are being unreasonable. Not for feeling your feelings which you have every right to but for the unfair expectations in your DD.

Shes not a circus dog or a show pony who exists to give you something to boast about.

Try to live less vicariously and appreciate her for who she is.

If she's interested in hair and make up she could get into beauty or fashion. There are plenty of careers she could pursue.

Is she happy in herself? That's what's important.

JudyEdithPerry · 12/07/2023 15:20

This reply has been withdrawn

The OP has privacy concerns and so we've agreed to take this down.

Coffeetree · 12/07/2023 15:21

So she's doing fine in school without stressing herself out? Sounds like a win.

Awards usually go to the attention-hungry kids who are actively ticking the boxes, or they're given when the teachers know of hardship or trouble at home, so that the kids get a boost for scholarships etc. I was in the latter category and it was all really embarrassing because I wasn't empirically the best student, though it did help with uni admissions.

Bowbowbo · 12/07/2023 15:26

None of my three ever got an award at their secondary school and I was pretty peeved at the time, but I did recognise they didn’t work especially hard and there were kids who did (usually to fulfil their parents’ ambitions). 15 years later and mine are successful, happy, rounded adults while some of the award-winners are sadly burnt out. I was silly to focus on the awards back then but I was right to pick up on their lack of effort and appreciation for the opportunities they were given. In the end it was a question of digging with them to find the thing they were passionate about, it’s taken a long time - but I knew we’d find it eventually!

Stick with her OP! She sounds lovely 😊

momtoboys · 12/07/2023 15:28

Teddypops · 11/07/2023 19:22

I have even asked the school to let me know what percentage of the Year 7 children received an award.

Oh, dear. I'm sorry you felt the need to do that. Not every kid gets an award. That's life.

YankeeDad · 12/07/2023 15:34

Does she have a nice friendship group, does she seem happy, does she seem able to stand up for herself and assert her boundaries and her values, while also being able to be kind and considerate to others (subject to her boundaries and values and safety always coming first?)

Helpmeout124 · 12/07/2023 15:35

you can't force a hobby on to a child or anyone for that matter, if she's into hair and makeup maybe that's just what she's into, maybe she will become really talented at that and become a makeup artist or something, who knows. Not all achievements are measured in sport. I understand feeling sad for your child that she didn't get an award, but like you said, she didn't try hard, so really she didn't deserve one. She's only young. I know I was getting up at the crack of dawn at that age and plastering my face with dream matte mousse everyday. It's just what (some) teenage girls do

Tubs11 · 12/07/2023 15:44

Absolutely this.

Tubs11 · 12/07/2023 15:47

I was a "lazy" teen, not a sniff of an award and I've more than done alright for myself. If she's happy then what does it matter?

CM1897 · 12/07/2023 15:48

CallMeDiaz · 11/07/2023 19:37

Not sure I know any 12 year olds who don't wear make up!

My 12 year old doesn’t wear make up, my 16 year old has just started to use it. Nothing against kids that do, but lots don’t