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Original poster

A vent seeing as I can't show my real disappointment -school awards evening

366 replies

Teddypops · 11/07/2023 19:16

DD is in Y7. All of her friends had an email about an award they were winning at school. The awards evening was this evening.

We had no email. She got no award.

She does quite well at school (generally grade 7 in the important stuff). But really doesn't put much effort into anything else other than her hair and make up.

She has no interest in sports or any hobbies despite us giving her every single opportunity. Nothing !!

I'm disappointed. But obviously I can't show it to her.

So i'm venting on here instead.

OP posts:
crochetmonkey74 · 12/07/2023 15:49

What would you have school do? you her own mother can't get her interested in anything

FunnysInLaJardin · 12/07/2023 15:49

ah @Teddypops try not to worry.

DS1 is a bright boy, but very much under the radar and also only made an effort in subjects he was interested in. Hence not one award throughout his school career. He is now 17 and doing A'Levels and hoping to go to uni next year.

Tbh, he was never bothered and so neither were we.

DS2 however is in yr 8 and he is getting an award tonight at the awards ceremony, the first one ever in our household! He too is bright, but also much more competitive and loves to do well, hence the award!

I really understand your disappointment, but try not to let it get to you too much. These things are not important to every child.

SpidersAreShitheads · 12/07/2023 15:50

Oof. Sounds like a lot of pressure for a 12 year old - I don't get the disappointment.

She's doing well in her grades, making progress largely as expected, and is generally doing well. That's fantastic, isn't it?

Not sure why picking up an arbitrary and random award is so important?!

Sounds like she's on course to do just fine, I really don't think she needs added pressure of "disappointing" a parent. At 12, girls are just starting to find their feet and develop a more mature identity. The last thing she needs to worry about is a parent's ego.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

General education Secondary education
CM1897 · 12/07/2023 15:51

Teddypops · 11/07/2023 19:16

DD is in Y7. All of her friends had an email about an award they were winning at school. The awards evening was this evening.

We had no email. She got no award.

She does quite well at school (generally grade 7 in the important stuff). But really doesn't put much effort into anything else other than her hair and make up.

She has no interest in sports or any hobbies despite us giving her every single opportunity. Nothing !!

I'm disappointed. But obviously I can't show it to her.

So i'm venting on here instead.

If she’s disappointed by this it may spur her on to try new things and try hard at them. Not everyone can win, it’s a life lesson

lieselotte · 12/07/2023 15:55

Lazy people don't start wars, but they invent more efficient ways of doing things

I love this!

Outdamnspot23 · 12/07/2023 15:55

How does she feel about it, more importantly? It might alert her to the fact that you usually have to try (at least a bit) to get an award. If she even wants one.

I don't think the fact that you've paid for her to do swimming, sailing, climbing the himalayas or what have you has got anything to do with school awards. Being good at extracurriculars is for fun/personal fulfilment - and it sounds like if she loves makeup she's maybe more of a visual arts type person than sporty. Doing well at school is to enable her to do what she'd like to do in future. Does she have ambitions yet?

powershowerforanhour · 12/07/2023 16:00

Well, it sort of depends on the awards. If it was an award for the top, or top 3, in each subject, plus everybody who had passed a grade in a musical instrument , then fine. If it was one of those "everyone's a winner" things like "shiniest eyes" and "waggiest tail" with everybody getting a rosette for some different makey-uppy reason , and your daughter was the only one who didn't get one- not ok (although by that age they should have grown out of everybody needing a laminated certificate for "being a shining star" and those sorts of things that my 3 year old and her nursery friends came home clutching practically every week).

powershowerforanhour · 12/07/2023 16:03

"Lazy people don't start wars, but they invent more efficient ways of doing things"

Maybe she has worked out that if the passmark is 50%, the perfect score is 51%....wise beyond her years :-)

SuperCat123 · 12/07/2023 16:04

I have a nearly 12 yr old girl, make up & hair is not at all unusual in this day & age, my daughter is same ~total opposite of me I didn't care how I looked but it matters now to them sadly. Not unusual at all xxx

Kimchikitchen · 12/07/2023 16:08

Teddypops · 11/07/2023 19:35

I don't think that's quite so unusual. Do you have girls?

Show quote history

I do and not a chance make up or interested in it or even remotely BUT that isn’t necessarily a bad thing! Make u artist? Hairdresser?

Kimchikitchen · 12/07/2023 16:16

Also, I would like to know what percentage of the children got awards to help me process it that's all.

process what?

and you were there. So surely you have a vague idea of percentage

Mumuser124 · 12/07/2023 16:16

I’m sorry to be so blunt OP but your need for validation from your child’s potential achievements sounds a little narcissistic. Your posts sound as though you’re disappointed you can’t join in the social media bragging of ‘look at me, look at me, I’m so good at being a parent, my child is amazing’.

I find it bizzar you have to process your child not getting an award and that you had the nerve to email the school asking what percentage of children got an award-they are going to think you are a bit nuts.

Kimchikitchen · 12/07/2023 16:18

Op

given your thread about how very weight your daughter is and that she’s binging and hiding food, it is unfathomable to me that you are getting worried about this

Kimchikitchen · 12/07/2023 16:19

overweight.

QwertyWitch · 12/07/2023 16:25

My dc have never got awards. My friends dc were getting awards and praising phone calls home (they weren't boasting - we're close)
I did feel a bit disappointed but really it's not reflection on anything. My dc quietly got on, got some awards that they did independent of school, got some charity certificates, and they did just as well as my friends dc at GCSEs

Allthecheeseplease · 12/07/2023 16:27

Mumuser124 · 12/07/2023 16:16

I’m sorry to be so blunt OP but your need for validation from your child’s potential achievements sounds a little narcissistic. Your posts sound as though you’re disappointed you can’t join in the social media bragging of ‘look at me, look at me, I’m so good at being a parent, my child is amazing’.

I find it bizzar you have to process your child not getting an award and that you had the nerve to email the school asking what percentage of children got an award-they are going to think you are a bit nuts.

I was coming on to say something similar. If your daughter is not dissappointed then maybe you are dissappointed because you aren't getting the reflected glory.

stichguru · 12/07/2023 16:38

Not sure what your vent is about - you say some children did special things and got awards, and some, including your daughter, didn't do anything special and didn't get awards - sounds fine and fair to me!

BoardingSchoolMater · 12/07/2023 16:38

OP, you have given your daughter all kinds of opportunities and she's choosing not to make the most of all of them. She is not the first, and won't be the last. But if she's healthy and generally happy and not doing catastrophically academically, I would just be glad about those things.

Kimchikitchen · 12/07/2023 16:39

But she’s not “healthy”

she’s very overweight and binges

Koalasparkles · 12/07/2023 16:40

OP - I was very academic, always getting As and A*s (as they were in my day), I flew in some subjects and was easily one of the best at them in my year. I never got any awards. I think what someone said is true - sometimes these awards are as much to encourage and reward improvement as they are for just pure achievement. Either way, just don't worry about it - although initially disappointing, they really don't matter. Especially in year 7!! Just chill

Unclecornelius · 12/07/2023 16:43

My experience of school awards is that only the very brightest or the duffers get awards.

So the very talented who don’t need to work and the talentless who can’t be arsed.
Average dc who don’t misbehave and quietly carry on with their work are ignored.

powershowerforanhour · 12/07/2023 16:52

"She has had every opportunity, dance, gymnastics, netball, sailing, horse riding, trampolining, various music lessons. I cannot get her to stick at anything at all."

"given your thread about how very weight your daughter is and that she’s binging and hiding food, it is unfathomable to me that you are getting worried about this"

"I will be encouraging her to push things a little further next year"

Please don't. You'll break her, and destroy your relationship. Talk to her, about things she wants to talk about, not the next UCAS form goal you think she should have. In fact, if you have "It'll look good on the UCAS form" as a reason for trying to making her do anything, stop.

So she likes hair and makeup. She can do things with that now. Getting paid to do facepainting at kids' parties on Saturdays to earn pocket money and a sense of independence and job satisfaction (a small kid with a butterfly or unicorn horn painted on its face is, almost without exception, a happy customer). Experimenting with making her own eco cosmetics with a base oil or nut butter and essential oils- you can go on day classes for this. Doing hair and makeup for a drama club.

Even if she doesn't do this, if she spends the next year or two passing her school subjects reasonably comfortably and watching tiktok videos, it's not the end of the world.

TheOrigRights · 12/07/2023 16:58

Kimchikitchen · 12/07/2023 16:18

Op

given your thread about how very weight your daughter is and that she’s binging and hiding food, it is unfathomable to me that you are getting worried about this

What thread?

BoardingSchoolMater · 12/07/2023 17:01

Kimchikitchen · 12/07/2023 16:39

But she’s not “healthy”

she’s very overweight and binges

My comment was based on this from the OP: She is absolutely happy and healthy.

Charley50 · 12/07/2023 17:01

My DS got some awards in primary, but literally nothing the whole of secondary school. He was clever and hardworking but quiet and went under the radar.

Tbh his secondary school did loads of extra-curricular activities but I couldn't persuade him to join any of them. A massive wasted opportunity really.

Make-up and hair can be very creative so encourage your DD in this and other creative pursuits. EG stage design and props if she doesn't like performing type thing.