A vent seeing as I can't show my real disappointment -school awards evening

[Teddypops]

DD is in Y7. All of her friends had an email about an award they were winning at school. The awards evening was this evening.

We had no email. She got no award.

She does quite well at school (generally grade 7 in the important stuff). But really doesn't put much effort into anything else other than her hair and make up.

She has no interest in sports or any hobbies despite us giving her every single opportunity. Nothing !!

I'm disappointed. But obviously I can't show it to her.

So i'm venting on here instead.

This is what I was wondering?
Are you disappointed in your dd or the school?

"Is it GCSE grade? I don't know how it works. Her predicted grades from her SATS were all 7s and 8s which she is mostly achieving."

Probably worth taking the time to find out, if she's achieving GCSE grades of 7/8s in year 7 then she's a genius so I think that would be worthy of an award!

Are you disappointed in your dd or the school?

From the sounds of it, both have let OP down!

She should definitely get an award. My understanding of y7 is that they cannot achieve above a 5 because they've not accessed the GCSE curriculum yet. If she is somehow achieving 7s and 8s she must be the best exceptional child in the country

These awards evenings are awful OP. She's happy, sane, healthy, has friends and is more than holding her own academically. If she keeps that up til 18 you'll both be doing just fine.
Some mean girls on here tonight

One of my friends is a Maths teacher. She says award evenings are an opportunity for the non academic to feel good too. With weekly tests, and continual academic scoring on homework, coursework etc, can you see how shit it is for Emma who is superb at sprinting, to get a below average mark in every lesson, and only have her moment to feel great once a year at sports day. That's the only day she "wins" on her own ability.

We had awards, and a few parents tutted at the boy who was awarded a gift certificate for attendance. There were a few "Christ, we even have to applaud just turning up", it's the school's way of making sure a child who will never win in the classroom, or on the pitch, has their moment to feel their own achievement and see it recognised in front of others.

I was a straight A*/A (GCSEs certainly) student, and got top marks and a pat on the back every day from one lesson or another. Every day, I got recognition. Constant well done and praise for my academic work. It actually stung a little when I didn't get an award for anything at our end of year, because I was so used to winning everything. That's how the less academic kids feel every day.

It's not so much that she has slipped under the radar but that she has no desire to fly. If she isn't prepared to put in the effort why on earth should she get an award? Unless the school starts giving our the Most Disinterested in Hockey Prize, Least Likely to Succeed at Netball Medal or Best at Applying Blusher Certificate I wouldn't be holding my breath for next year either..

Theres 200ish pupils per year? I doubt even a quarter got an award. Probably nearer 10%

(My DD gets a current grade and a production of what that would mean at GCSE... so her "4"s translate to "8"s fir example.

@Tickledtrout totally get that it's disappointing when your DC doesn't win the award / get picked for the team / get the lead role in the play, however most people manage this minor disappointment without emailing the school.

Oh no how embarrassing! I missed that bit! She emailed the school?!

Ugh, OP I'm cringing for you.

At ds’s secondary school the number of academic awards was not capped. This was an IB school so students with a score of x achieved an award, students who had achieved x points for two consecutive terms received an award etc. There were also awards for sport, art, community participation etc.
a good system imo.

*All of her friends had an email about an award they were winning at school. The awards evening was this evening.

We had no email. She got no award.*

How did you find out that all of her friends had a email? If she is distraught for not getting an award and told you, you can encourage her to put an effort in next year? Especially if you know she didn't ?

It’s all crap, these awards are meaningless. Your dd is happy, healthy and achieving.

Year 7s who get grade 8s are on a pathway to grade 8. It’s scaled down, of course they are not getting the equivalent of a GCSE grade 8. The scaling is much kinder than giving them actual GCSE grades, as they would be getting 1s or 0s in Year 7.
KS3 grading systems based on GCSE grades are nonsense either way.

I only asked what percentage of the children in Y7 were given an award. I didn't say that she should have had one.

Oh man - two dc at secondary, one just left and no awards ! I didn’t even really think about it to feel bad.

chill out OP - surely MOST children don’t get awards or they would all be meaningless

I had one award in year 7 and I was super proud, my parents never came. I never got an award after that point. Never quite good enough, consistently B grade student. It sucked I am not going to lie but it would have been lovely if my parents made a fuss, took me for ice cream etc.
It’s a hard pill to swallow but I think it’s made me a better adult.

Not to point out the obvious but do you think maybe she didn't get an award because she wasn't the highest achiever in any subject, most Improved student, best athlete or best attendance etc

Best at applying lippy should be there in the awards ceremony. It's not just about being best at maths that matters in life.

What do you think she should have received one for?

Fwiw, my dcs knew those awards things were a waste of time since primary.. They actually would have been unhappy to receive one by the end of secondary.

I really wouldn’t give that any thinking space. Yes I’d have loved to see my dcs get some signs of recognition. I am proud of them and I wished others would recognise how great they are too. (Biased me??)
But in reality, it doesn’t matter. The awards don’t matter. The recognition doesn’t matter. What matters is how they feel about themselves - proud if their own achievements, happy with who they are.
Its easier once they’ve left school too

@Teddypops 'I only asked what percentage of the children in Y7 were given an award. I didn't say that she should have had one.'

No the school staff will definitely think you were only emailing to congratulate the other children😂

I bet if your DD knew you'd emailed her school she would be mortified.

I have one son who consistently busts a gut with his work, and swept up loads of awards at awards night.
My second son does as little as he can get away with to get the grades he needs. Not one award.
Pretty much how life works, isn't it? 🤷‍♀️

This. If you want her to be picked for a team, a part in a play or anything else, don't rely on school. Take her to an afterschool drama group where everyone is included or a weekend sports club - where everyone gets training and a chance to participate.
Kids pick up on the fact that they are being compared to others achievements and are found wanting - She's happy and healthy and will find her own interests, but probably not just to get a certificate.

Honestly? Dc1 has been in that place if being ‘there best student’ and still didn’t get an award.
Ime, that’s not always how awards are given p, even in secondary.

And when they are (dc has been in school like this), it always goes to the same persons so everyone is bored (the student receiving the award and the others). Main comment is ‘we all know she/he is good. No one needs to be told about it!’