A vent seeing as I can't show my real disappointment -school awards evening

[Teddypops]

DD is in Y7. All of her friends had an email about an award they were winning at school. The awards evening was this evening.

We had no email. She got no award.

She does quite well at school (generally grade 7 in the important stuff). But really doesn't put much effort into anything else other than her hair and make up.

She has no interest in sports or any hobbies despite us giving her every single opportunity. Nothing !!

I'm disappointed. But obviously I can't show it to her.

So i'm venting on here instead.

I'm disappointed that she has every opportunity in a world when many have none. And she makes little effort.
Frustrated with myself for allowing her to be like that.

You can't make anyone be or do anything. If DD doesn't want to take advantage of the opportunities you're offering, then don't proactively offer them. She may find an interest in later years and want to progress that and then I'm sure you will be fully behind her. She's now at the prime age for dropping out of things and being more interested in just socialising. There actually isn't anything wrong with this!

It's only on MN that everyone's child seems to be getting high academic grades, playing 2 instruments to a high standard, on at least a school if not a county sports team, and taking part in regular drama performances, as well as doing a ton of community work. Very many teens just do their schoolwork and hang out with their friends at weekends. If she's getting 7s and 8s in Year 7 with minimal effort then there's no reason to think she won't do very well at GCSE which is where it actually starts to matter.

I think @SideWonder 's question about what your family culture is like in terms of parents and siblings having passions and activities and commitments is a good one. Does your twelve-year-old see parents who are ambitious and invested in their working lives, and who do things out of the house that they enjoy in their leisure time?

I know you say you've given her all these opportunities at various sports etc, but I think that what she sees around her in terms of whether her family regularly do sports or other activities with obvious enjoyment and commitment is fully as important as her being offered the opportunity. Because if what she's seeing is parents just scrolling through their phones or watching TV in the evenings, then gymnastics etc may just seem like unnecessary effort/faff you're imposing on her.

Aren't they just made to remove it at morning registration though?

(if it's like my DC's school) not unless it's very garish or obvious. Or they are spotted by the school principal. Most teachers can't be bothered.

Oh dear - you are that parent

And yes I read the full thread. Just by asking how many got an award marks you out as that type of parent. Why does it matter how many got an award when by your own explanation your DD puts no effort in and is only interested in being a tween at this point,

Your daughter sounds like a normal 12 year old - loves make up / clothes etc and probably loves experimenting with her hair too - she has plenty of time to stop ‘messing about’ at school - and shes doing well in class!

If she wants to win an award next year then I am sure she knows what she needs to do. Some kids aren’t bothered by award winning - one of mine is, the other one couldn’t care less. How is she feeling about this award thing?? How you asked her what her view is?

Please though don’t email school - that just smacks of ‘my kid deserved an award and I’m upset they didn’t get one.’ It doesn’t matter how the email was written thats what they will read - also how embarrassing for your daughter (unless you cleared the email content with her before it was sent!)

@Teddypops you haven’t said anything about my suggestion upthread about embracing her interest in hair/makeup.
She could make a career out of it - more likely than she would by doing horse riding or whatnot.
She could even go on to win an Oscar for her skills - which is more exciting than a Year 7 certificate.
Why aren’t you encouraging her in something she enjoys?

Well I guess if they had an award for hair and make up she would have got that one!

You say she doesn’t put much effort in so what award do you think she should have got?

That is absolutely a viable option. If she really does love hair and make up she could study it at college and also prosthetic make up.

I think I prefer the way they did it at my school. There were no individual awards but awards for tutor groups and also for houses. My class always win for academic achievements. Collectively, we were useless at sports. I think this system focuses more on team work, which is far more useful irl than individualism.

Oh @Teddypops don't beat yourself up. People will be what they are, even 12 year old children! I think @SilkTrees questions are interesting.

I was brought up in a household where both my parents were always doing interesting stuff. There were books everywhere - our playroom had a wall of books, as did my father's study - I had the run of my father's bookshelves plus a weekly library visit, plus every school holidays we were allowed to choose a book each to buy & keep.

We didn't watch television until after supper, and never in the mornings or weekend afternoons. The only time I saw daytime television was if I were very ill & home from school. Sadly it means I don't have a back catalogue of schlock old black & white movies like some of my friends, but I have read a lot

I never won an award at school. I got straight As in all my exams, participated loads in music and drama and charity work, got a scholarship to university and have gone on to a successful career and had kids. But it still pisses me off! Every year I had to sit through prizegiving and not have my name read out while countless others did. It was disappointing to feel so overlooked all the time.

School prizes are bollocks. HTH.

Of course you didn't 🙄

Will knowing the % make a difference? DC absorb the realisation when they mature that no effort reaps little rewards. One of mine didn't get the message until a couple of years after leaving school and home. I hate these award ceremonies but some DC put huge efforts into academic work or other aspects of school life and they really deserve some recognition.

@x2boys Of course I didn't what?

@PTSDBarbiegirl

Yes because it seems everyone I know had an award. If it was 10% of the group I wouldn't be in the slightest bit worried about it. But from what I can see 80% of them did.

What awards have they won?
All individual prizes or are there group things that absorb a lot of people?
100 Y10s got DofE awards, that's one third of the year. Are there things like that?

Nope. DD's makeup isn't garish but you can see she's wearing it - blusher, highlighter, lipgloss. One girl wore bright pink eyeshadow one day and wasn't challenged, and apparently some of the older girls wear full on false eyelashes! I think because the school gets such good results they can't be bothered.

But I digress, it's totally normal for the OP's DD to be interested in makeup at 12.

Know how GCSE grades work🙄

I have a shelfful of school prizes. None of my children or grandchildren are at all impressed.

The thing is the nature of awards is that some able people miss out (some have posted their own experiences on here). For example, DC's school gives one academic award per subject. So the second best child in the year won't get an award despite (probably) being very good.

The fact that it's invitation only suggests a minority of the year group.

Your post also doesn't seem to suggest that you actually think your DC should have got one. You seem to be mostly disappointed that you believe that she ought to be the sort of child that should be getting awards and it's therefore annoying that the reality is somewhat different.

@x2boys of course I know how GCSE grades work!

We aren't talking GCSE. She is in Year 7.

I got a school prize for being the best student about to go off and study maths at university.
(If there had been a prize for worst student about to go off and study maths, I would also have won it ...)

I didn't even know DS' school had an awards evening until year 10 – when he got invited and then again in year 11. I can see from the school calendar that DD's school does have one, but it doesn't bother me that there is no invite. (She's in year 7 as well.) There are more fun ways to spend an evening, and from her report she appears to be doing well.