A vent seeing as I can't show my real disappointment -school awards evening

[Teddypops]

DD is in Y7. All of her friends had an email about an award they were winning at school. The awards evening was this evening.

We had no email. She got no award.

She does quite well at school (generally grade 7 in the important stuff). But really doesn't put much effort into anything else other than her hair and make up.

She has no interest in sports or any hobbies despite us giving her every single opportunity. Nothing !!

I'm disappointed. But obviously I can't show it to her.

So i'm venting on here instead.

Nah, she's just graduated from Cambridge

I seem to live in an area with lots of high achieving children who get involved in everything. I always see posts of parents who are so proud of their childs latest achievements. They got into the county team or won a medal etc. I did very well myself in a certain field when I was younger.

Maybe you're not offering her opportunities for doing stuff beyond doing her hair?

Gosh at her age, I was busy everyday after school & all day Saturdays with activities. IT gave me so much.

Maybe take her along to a dance class, or gymnastics, or a music lesson or something?

She has had every opportunity, dance, gymnastics, netball, sailing, horse riding, trampolining, various music lessons. I cannot get her to stick at anything at all.

Do you not get teacher grades on your reports ? We have 4 sets on our report. Ones they got at start either from sats or test if no sats when started then the aspirational grade normally higher. then minimum grade they expect them to get then finally the teacher grade

My kids do absolutely brilliant at school, always glowing reports, always kind, always well behaved (teachers have informed me they are always the ones to have done their homework when many in the class haven’t). Yet my eldest didn’t win a single award this year. It doesn’t bother me, we tell him every day how proud we are and both are happy and healthy.

Teaching her to put the effort in and to do the best she can is far more important than an award in the long term. We don’t get an award everytime we go above and beyond at work. As you said yourself, she doesn’t put much effort into anything and I imagine the school have picked up on that, even if shes doing fine in her work. I really wouldn’t have emailed the school though 🙈

How strange just checked school calender as pur school was doing one in July it has now disappeared of the calendar !

Welcome to life. This is what happens when children get praised for everything. Reality is that few people are that good at anything.

Rather than being that embarrassing parent, encourage her to have some interests. Well-rounded people are usually more interesting anyway.

You really do not need to do activities every day and all day Saturday - family time? Relaxing? Finding her own fun? Obviously, fine if the child is really up for it and desperate to do everything, but doesn’t sound like this child is. Better to find one activity she loves which in this case perhaps something related to beauty if thats her interest.

Well you kind of did

The question you need to ask is has your daughter done anything to merit an award?

Sounds like the answer is no.

School awards are usually given for actual attainment and effort or progress for the duffers to make them feel a bit special for trying.

If you have no real attainment and no effort, why should she get an award?

It's actually an important life lesson.

How do you know that is all the awards they do. DC school gave 2 awards per subject basically one for attainment and the other for enthusiasm /hard work.

Is she happy?

So she puts no effort in apart from her appearance? Do you want her to get a vanity award?

my daughter isn’t academic but she works her socks off. She’s not sporty (other than excelling at dance which school don’t consider) but she tries. She is so so creative but as they think she’s naturally that way she doesn’t get an award for that either.

How is knowing what percentage of children in Yr7 got an award going to help with putting it "into perspective"? Who needs to have a perspective on this - you? Your daughter? You admit yourself that your daughter is academically capable but messes around - why should that be rewarded?

Yes, thank you. Cambridge was a great experience for her and has led to even more opportunities.

Come on. I had all the awards, sang in the choir after being auditioned, had all the As, went to the best uni and most envious subject in my country, only to come to the UK and lol, live just like an average person.

This is the first objective measure that confirms what you already suspected of your DD, that she is coasting. Awards only really mean something when you know they are deserved.

On balance, it's only Year 7, plenty of time left to go & she's obviously doing enough to get good grafes and not into trouble. You may have to learn to accept that your DD is not willing to go the extra mile in school work (like many many DC including one of mine who hand on heart would not deserve an award based on performance or effort.)

*grades

I think it's usually pointless. Our school awards had the captain of the local tennis club team getting his award. Captain of the local cricket etc. Best musician having private lessons since 4 etc. Celebrating talent cultivated elsewhere. I always enjoy the slightly rebellious funny kids best anyway.

Don’t ever feel bad about emailing the school. Sometimes need a reminder to put those good, all rounders onto their radar. It’s very easy to miss the kids that give you no bother at all.

Which isn't the OP's daughter by her own admission? I suspect someone who messes around is firmly on their radar already.

I reported a girl in my daughter's class for cyber bullying - calling my daughter a lesbian and a slag on Tiktok.

No response from the teacher - one week later she won The Kindness Award at the leaving ceremony.

I knew then it was all total bullshit.

Really really don't sweat it, it's so incredibly unimportant.

Actually I think it's quite right that school don't reward students who make no real effort but are sufficiently naturally bright to achieve decent results without trying.

The first year of secondary is really just about settling into the new expectations and routine of a school full of intimidating and impressive looking grownup people, (we thought year 11s knew everything and were a bit miffed when we were the year 11s) home work and exam expectations etc It’s mostly about learning social skills and navigating friendships groups.

It sounds like your DD has done very well at this and has also managed to stay on target with her learning. As long as she continues in this trajectory she will have plenty of opportunity to do the extra revision and work needed to achieve when it actually matters: mock GCSEs and actual GCSEs. If you put lots of pressure on now it’s unlikely to be sustainable.

It sounds like all this is coming from pressure on you from comparing yourself with other parents rather than any real problem.

Year 8 and 9 is also plenty of time to find whichever extracurricular activity she actually has a passion for.

Your DD sounds lovely and will be absolutely fine.

Mine say her GCSE in year 9 and got a level 9. She didn’t win the maths prize or indeed anything else. In year 10 she did AS level maths and gcse physics and got an A and a level 9. Again no maths prize. She did a level maths this year in Year 11 and is predicated an A* and is level 9 on 14 GCSEs (state school) and has won a full scholarship to a top independent school - no prize but they did mention it in house assembly. 🤦‍♀️😆🙄she did get a 100% award and as she got over 1000 plus behaviour points and no minus she got a mention in assembly but no award. She isn’t bothered and neither am I the grades will stand for themselves in time.