A vent seeing as I can't show my real disappointment -school awards evening

[Teddypops]

DD is in Y7. All of her friends had an email about an award they were winning at school. The awards evening was this evening.

We had no email. She got no award.

She does quite well at school (generally grade 7 in the important stuff). But really doesn't put much effort into anything else other than her hair and make up.

She has no interest in sports or any hobbies despite us giving her every single opportunity. Nothing !!

I'm disappointed. But obviously I can't show it to her.

So i'm venting on here instead.

Have you considered coming off SM if it's messing with your head comparing your child? @Teddypops

I'm aware that at least 17 out of the 20 children from her primary school that went to this secondary college got awards this evening that's all.

Do you really know this for definite? Sounds like you DD went to a great primary, & the kids from other primary schools didn't stand a chance!! How big is the Year 7 cohort? Based on your figure above if 85% of e.g. 200 year 7's got an award that alone would have been 170 awards. If that's replicated upto year 11 it would be a very very long evening!

That's a lot, for sure.

What did they get awards for?

Yeah this was me to a T.
Sailed through GSCE’s with minimal effort, then A Levels got harder but still got okay grades and then uni wiped me out - having to be so self disciplined at uni was not for me.
Maybe she needs more vocational studies like apprenticeships etc rather then academics. Might be a bit more structured and have a better routine.
Im sure she’ll be fine no matter what she does though.

That’s very normal! Or certainly was in my day.

She might end up being an award winning makeup artist. Chill, there’s more important things in life than education. My youngest sister struggled in school and she’s the highest earner out of the 3 of us but most important you have stated she’s HAPPY, isn’t that what life’s about? No point in being rich/genius but miserable is there!

I'm really really not blaming the school. I think it would help me put it into perspective to know what percentage got an award. If 10% of the Y7s got an award, I would not be in the slightest bit worried. But from what I am hearing, a very large percentage got something that's all.

My focus is very much on my daughter and not the school. She is a little embarrassed that she didn't get one. I will be encouraging her more to push things a little further next year.

Surely one of her friends can tell her how many awards there were?

DC's secondary school only has an awards evening in Year 11 - they give one academic award (which they are clear to point out is for all round peformance and attitude, not just marks in exams) and one effort award per subject and then a few random ones for service to the school, community spirit etc.

I think about 1/8 of the children get an award so most don't. Your DC doesn't sound like the sort of child that would get one (sorry).

Do you think she might just not have found her “thing” yet? Backstage/theatre design? Ice skating? Cookery?

Every one peaks at different points in their lives. I never won anything at school (except Latin oration, which was so niche I couldn't not have won) but I'm an award winner in my (very competitive) career now which is arguably more valid. Like the pp who also won no awards, but has an Oxbridge career.... it's often the kids who went under the radar at school who seem happiest/ most fulfilled/ successful in later life. There are benefits to not peaking too early!

What do you think she should get an award for if she does not put in any effort? You are fixating on a %, but this not relevant. Don’t be one of those parents ffs, just accept she was not on the list this year.

Any time you decide an award, you have a few students in mind. You um and ah but in the end go for the shiniest one on some totally arbitrary feeling. I did it just today, ‘Student of the year’ in my form. How can I choose a student of the year?? What makes a student, student of the year? They’re all going through their own things… what a weight of responsibility to put in one child… You could be very well respected and liked in school and be a good student and not get an award for no particular reason. If your daughter is interested in hair and make up then that’s her interest. It’s no more interesting than chasing a ball around a field. It’s creative and can lead to a skill and a job.

You say yourself that your DD doesn't put any effort in and messes around.
Why should she got an award just because she gets good grades?

A child that's made great progress and improved lots should get the award, who hasn't messed around and disturbed the lesson.

Or if we are going for academics there will be many children getting above a key stage 3 grade 7.

Use this time to try and motivate her and find something that she excels at.

This is a joke right? What award did you expect her to get @Teddypops ?

It’s great that you’re encouraging your daughter for next year. I’d encourage you to challenge her to challenge herself.
My mum put enormous pressure on me to be the best - she skipped the part about being the best I could be, so I made myself sick both physically and mentally to be the best of everyone. It damaged my love of school and of learning.
I suppose it’s a fine line you mums walk when you encourage your children.
I wish you and your daughter the best.

On a lighthearted note - be glad you didn’t have to sit there clapping for 3 hours

Why is she embarrassed? Is she not aware that she isn't making adequate effort? What was the feedback on Parents' Evenings?

Now I have dogs, I understand why all the naughty kids got rewards at primary school. I have to reward my naughtier dog much more than the one who never puts a paw wrong, to re-enforce the right behaviour. Wish I'd seen this before.

I never won awards at school. Lots of children don't. My eldest is one of those children who wins awards for loads of things and has badges up and down both lapels of his blazer. My 2nd dc tries extremely hard but doesn't do as well as his brother but still does better than most.

Who wants stiffkits, stickers and placebos?

The only time DD1 brought home a certificate (for effort), we all laughed like drains. She was well embarrassed.

My child competed in two different school sports teams that made national finals and still never got an invite to “sports award night” or won any awards… the invites went to football, rugby, cricket teams mainly. Outside of school made a National final in a third sport… in a big school if your a quiet under the radar solid performer you don’t get noticed! I’d just focus on other life stuff, developing self esteem and education.

Maybe it's a learning experience for her - if she's embarrassed she must be a bit competitive, and maybe that will compel her to work harder. OP, you won't even remember this in years to come, it doesn't matter that much in the scheme of things. Well done on raising a happy and healthy daughter!

The only time DD1 brought home a certificate (for effort), we all laughed like drains. She was well embarrassed.
That was a lousy thing to do to your daughter. Are you not embarrassed?

It is if that's more important then her schoolwork.

1. secondary school awards aren’t always fair.. I came top in maths every year for my cohort in the end of year exams.. never once one the maths achievement award.. I also got 100% in an end of year French exam.. again wasn’t considered for the award (I did win a couple of other things but those always annoyed me!)
2. hair and makeup is a really cool interest! Super creative and lots of people make careers there. Or even just as a fun hobby.. don’t put it down because it isn’t academic or sporty.

So when you say you're disappointed that your daughter got an award you actually mean you're embarressed that she didn't whilst most of her primary school peers did?

You need to stop comparing her to others. Focus on how your DC is doing, and not on everyone else.