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Original poster

A vent seeing as I can't show my real disappointment -school awards evening

366 replies

Teddypops · 11/07/2023 19:16

DD is in Y7. All of her friends had an email about an award they were winning at school. The awards evening was this evening.

We had no email. She got no award.

She does quite well at school (generally grade 7 in the important stuff). But really doesn't put much effort into anything else other than her hair and make up.

She has no interest in sports or any hobbies despite us giving her every single opportunity. Nothing !!

I'm disappointed. But obviously I can't show it to her.

So i'm venting on here instead.

OP posts:
Goldenbear · 12/07/2023 20:37

MsRosley · 12/07/2023 18:17

You're absolutely right, makeup is sometimes used in theatre/tv to produce the effect of natural skin tone under light. It's also used in circus acts to make people look comical. Neither of these instances has anything to do with women using makeup in everyday scenarios, which is to make themselves look more attractive.

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My bohemian mother in law from North London who still wears the same black eye make up, does not do it to look more attractive, she studied Art History, is keen on the artistic aesthetic, the creative self expression and my 12 year old is the same, it is not sexualised, it is retro 90s grunge, punky pop hints, not a spray tan and slug eye brows. It really suits her if I'm honest. When I was a similar age, tiny bit older it was Lemonheads, Nirvana the early grunge look and definitely took an interest in that.

Missingpop · 12/07/2023 20:42

As long as she’s happy & healthy; enjoying life & doing well at school you’ve got nothing to worry about!!
I find it quite alarming that your disappointed she hasn’t got an award coming her way; that makes you a very shallow person who needs her child to follow the flock not the shepherd; just be proud of your daughter for all of her day to day achievements; she’s unique in her day to day achievements; in how she takes pride in her appearance; don’t look at what her peers are doing & getting, she’s not them!!
Hopefully she hasn’t picked up on your disappointment in her; if she has I bet she feels desperately sad.

saffy2 · 12/07/2023 21:05

celticprincess · 12/07/2023 19:46

I suspect OP has mis understood the targets. She may have been predicted that from her SATs results her final GCSEs are targeted as 7s and 8s and she is currently on target to achieve those based on her current work. It’s very unlikely she’s achieving 7/8 now at y7 bud some schools may not explain it properly. Our school gives the child yearly targets and haven’t actually said what their GCSE target would be.

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Do you really not understand it? Op is literally saying her child is currently getting A and A+. How does your school grade work?! Every school I’ve ever had experience of has given grades in year 7 onwards and usually they use the same grading system as GCSE’s. So in my school, I got an A in English in year 7…KS3. It was an A in English in year 7 KS3, not a GCSE grade A attained in year 7. I don’t understand why you’re purposely misunderstanding this?!
it looks to me like people are trying to antagonise the op. Because I don’t believe people can be so stupid as to think that a child can only be graded a 7 (an A) if she was doing GCSE. 😂🤦🏽‍♀️

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Chummychoos · 12/07/2023 21:09

Teddypops · 11/07/2023 20:12

I think this is it. She is a good kid. She gets good grades. But she messes around and could do much much better in many things. I don't necessarily mean academically. She seems to get good grades without really putting in much effort and so has so much potential.

I seem to live in an area with lots of high achieving children who get involved in everything. I always see posts of parents who are so proud of their childs latest achievements. They got into the county team or won a medal etc. I did very well myself in a certain field when I was younger.

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I have three children who have now all left school.
My first has always been studious, pushed himself to achieve, taken part in extra curricular activities, received awards, certificates and praise, and generally excelled at everything he has ever tried to do.
The other two, who are both just as academically able, have been much more relaxed/laid back about life in general.
I have found it very difficult over the years not to get frustrated with them for not pushing themselves to reach their full potential but have now realised that they are all different and have their own amazing qualities regardless of certificates/awards/recognition.
My son has received counselling, in part, due to the constant pressure he put himself under to achieve whereas the younger two have much more balanced mental health.
Suppose what I’m trying to say is, they face a lot of pressure from such a young age now, if she is happy, settled, polite etc you being proud of her and the young person she is becoming will mean more to her then any certificate.

familyissues12345 · 12/07/2023 21:30

I like awards as long as there is awards that every child has a good punt at it - so not just "most academic" or "top sports player" etc. I like "most improved" "special award" etc. That could be anyone from starting to behave when they didn't, has started having more confidence in class...

DS1's secondary school used to do "academic achievement " which in year 7 all subjects bar one went to the same girl..! It was a joke by the end of the awards ceremony. She was very very clever, everyone knew it, she was always going to get the highest achiever award.

A couple of years later they added in "special award" and "most improved" awards which were much better. DS got most improved one year for a subject that he didn't really enjoy but put extra effort into. He certainly wasn't the best, by any stretch, but it was nice to see it acknowledged that he tried his best.

DS2's school have had their awards eve this week (diff school) and they've gone down the "academic" route which is a bit rubbish!

Beenhereforever1978 · 12/07/2023 21:46

I'm trying to think of a single award either of my kids have ever won other than gymnastics certificates or martial arts belts.

I've spent several minutes trying now and I can't. They're both fine and happy and busy and they have food friends who love them.

You say she's had issues with binge eating and that she's 'overweight' and now you're venting here comparing her to other kids in your area who are winning more awards? This is meant as kindly as I can, but do you think there's a possibility she's a bit stressed by implied expectations and she's maybe thinking she'll never be good enough no matter what she does so why bother?

celticprincess · 12/07/2023 21:47

Teddypops · 12/07/2023 20:14

@celticprincess I've not mis understood anything. That's how our school works. They work in a 1-9 scale. Even in year 7.

It's not GCSE level. It's KS3.

Ah the majority of schools use the 9-1 GCSE grades across the year groups from y7 and they’re graded as if they were actually taking the exam so that when they start in t7 and get graded 3 and then in y8 a 4 then they can see their progress towards getting the higher grades in y11. They often tend to use actual GCSE papers. So your child’s school saying they’re getting 7/8s does suggest she’s doing well but hard to know how that would compare to others. Seems a bit odd these days as schools are meant to show progress so getting 7/8 ever year shows maybe consistency but not necessarily progress in the same way as improving a grade or 2 each year in line with expectations.

ColesCorner7814 · 12/07/2023 21:53

My eldest DD was always near the top of the class, targets all 8s and 9s and achieved good grades for not much effort. I didn’t even know the school gave out awards until my youngest DD started at the same school! Target grades all 5s but she works very hard and has so far won a ‘Most Improved’ and ‘Highest Attainment’ award and has exceeded her targets by a long way in her mocks. Even though my eldest will have better GCSE grades, my youngest has the drive and determination to better herself and deserves reward.

If you know your DD isn’t putting in the effort, surely you don’t think she deserves an award.

7eleven · 12/07/2023 22:03

celticprincess · 12/07/2023 21:47

Ah the majority of schools use the 9-1 GCSE grades across the year groups from y7 and they’re graded as if they were actually taking the exam so that when they start in t7 and get graded 3 and then in y8 a 4 then they can see their progress towards getting the higher grades in y11. They often tend to use actual GCSE papers. So your child’s school saying they’re getting 7/8s does suggest she’s doing well but hard to know how that would compare to others. Seems a bit odd these days as schools are meant to show progress so getting 7/8 ever year shows maybe consistency but not necessarily progress in the same way as improving a grade or 2 each year in line with expectations.

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In my experience this is not the case. A 3 in year 8 is not the same as a 3 in year 11. Schools don’t go anywhere near near GCSE papers in KS3.

celticprincess · 12/07/2023 22:23

7eleven · 12/07/2023 22:03

In my experience this is not the case. A 3 in year 8 is not the same as a 3 in year 11. Schools don’t go anywhere near near GCSE papers in KS3.

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My daughter has been doing actual GCSE papers since y7. They’re graded on them as if they were taking their GCSEs. In fact there’s one sat on my table which she completed and brought home afterwards. They only do the lower papers so there’s a limit as to how high they can score but they definitely use them.

7eleven · 12/07/2023 22:32

celticprincess · 12/07/2023 22:23

My daughter has been doing actual GCSE papers since y7. They’re graded on them as if they were taking their GCSEs. In fact there’s one sat on my table which she completed and brought home afterwards. They only do the lower papers so there’s a limit as to how high they can score but they definitely use them.

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In a state school? Interesting. A school local to me was slated in its OFSTED a few years ago for doing things like this.

I’d have thought they’d run out of past papers to do? The current AQA English Language syllabus has only been in operation since about 2017 and two years of exams weren’t set. Two exams each year gives about 10 papers in total to access.

Are you sure it isn’t a GCSE ‘style’ of paper? Not many subjects have different tiers of papers. Maths is the only one I can think of off the top of my head.

IndysMamaRex · 12/07/2023 23:53

I can see you are disappointed but why do you think your child deserves an award she hasn’t done anything to earn? I don’t agree with awarding for mediocrity & in the long run it doesn’t help the winner.

You want your child to win awards then you need to push her to achieve. But ask yourself for who’s benefit would that be?

your child is 12 & by the sounds of it is a good kid just not massively ambitious & that’s ok so maybe don’t get hung up on this as it doesn’t really matter.

surreygirl1987 · 12/07/2023 23:55

The majority of kids don't get awards though. They wouldn't be special if everyone got them.

Twinsmummy1812 · 13/07/2023 00:55

My son won every academic award going, teachers said they had never taught a child as bright etc. He has just dropped out after his first year of Uni and hasn’t got a clue what to do. I would much rather it had been the other way around. Don’t be that mum that queries why other children academic awards if their child isn’t too. You wouldn’t expect them to give the swimming cup to the 9th best swimmer out of 20!

Twinsmummy1812 · 13/07/2023 00:57

Sorry that last paragraph was gibberish. Hope you got the gist. You won’t be the only parent who feels this way.

GirlsAndPenguins · 13/07/2023 01:08

As a teacher (also married to a teacher) I’ve never heard of schools scaling down GCSE grades for KS3! We occasionally do it in year 10 mocks as they haven’t covered the entire spec at that point.
I think it sounds a terrible idea as telling a child they are on track for a grade 8 (A star in old money!) is going to make them think they can coast!
We don’t give grades. They get a score and on their report we state if they are developing, secure or mastery.

OCaptain · 13/07/2023 01:39

If you're saying that 80% of students received awards, that really means that the majority of the awards are largely meaningless. Why would you are you so desperate for your DD to be part of the 80% that receive 'Commended', or 'Most Improved'? I'd think it is more important that she find a topic she can develop an interest in, and then perhaps awards will happen naturally.

Mothership4two · 13/07/2023 02:18

Both DS got different awards which have made bugger all difference to their lives. Nice at the time, took some photos, awards then sat ignored on their shelves until I had to get them back to school a year later. Totally irrelevant to their lives or the trajectory of their lives. Totally forgot about it until this thread. Honestly there are much more important and day to day things to connect with your child and foster their well being.

elliejjtiny · 13/07/2023 02:56

My son had his year 7 awards this week. Probably 3/4 of the year group were there. Most of them were getting awards for 0 detentions throughout the year or bronze, silver or gold attendance. Then there is the faculty winner and runner up for each subject, the head teacher special award and then there are 3 or 4 awards that the special needs department do. My son got the silver attendance award and was one of the faculty runners up. My eldest was one of those children who always got loads of awards and my 2nd always gets the good behaviour award and once got a faculty runner up.

Ukrainebaby23 · 13/07/2023 03:25

CandyLeBonBon · 11/07/2023 20:18

She seems to get good grades without really putting in much effort and so has so much potential.

That's why she hasn't got an award. Because her teachers will know she's capable of more.

This, and I suspect OP is actually feeling like she has failed DD in some way.

ThenAgain · 13/07/2023 03:50

Kimchikitchen · 12/07/2023 18:54

Very confused ^^

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Evidently.

Kimchikitchen · 13/07/2023 05:28

😂

supersop60 · 13/07/2023 05:30

OP - if she's happy and healthy, isn't that enough. Isn't that what we all wish for our children?
My DD won awards (at their school you had to be nominated by at least 2 teachers for any reason) and in yr 9 was Student of the year. By yr 11 she had depression and anxiety and an eating disorder, missed loads of school, managed to get good GCSEs, and at 22 , although happier and doing a job she loves, is still recovering.
Don't make the awards into a big deal, and your dd won't either. They don't matter.
Also, the Awards evenings are usually hot, sticky, and utterly dull, with uninspiring speeches, self conscious poetry readings and scratchy violins.

middler · 13/07/2023 05:40

As a teacher when I was asked to nominate for these awards it was just one more job to do and I often had many kids who were worthy of the award and I would just blind pick from that group of kids that were all equally worthy, as fast as I could so I could move onto task 345 on my list. You are overthinking it. Most kids do not get an award, it's a way to recognize the hard workers who actually often get less attention in the typical school as the kids with behavior issues somehow end up getting more attention.

saffy2 · 13/07/2023 06:45

celticprincess · 12/07/2023 21:47

Ah the majority of schools use the 9-1 GCSE grades across the year groups from y7 and they’re graded as if they were actually taking the exam so that when they start in t7 and get graded 3 and then in y8 a 4 then they can see their progress towards getting the higher grades in y11. They often tend to use actual GCSE papers. So your child’s school saying they’re getting 7/8s does suggest she’s doing well but hard to know how that would compare to others. Seems a bit odd these days as schools are meant to show progress so getting 7/8 ever year shows maybe consistency but not necessarily progress in the same way as improving a grade or 2 each year in line with expectations.

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My sons school doesn’t do this. He is year 8 and getting grades 7 and 8 in his tests and exams and school work. In year 8, on ks3. Not gcse level. None of the schools in my area do that, because quite frankly it’s totally demoralising to be 12 and doing an exam paper aimed at 16 year olds and be graded as such. That’s absolute madness. And I’ve had a lot of experience with schools here and elsewhere, and I’ve never experienced a school doing what you’ve said. My son is also in a very high powered super selective grammar school.