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Original poster

A vent seeing as I can't show my real disappointment -school awards evening

366 replies

Teddypops · 11/07/2023 19:16

DD is in Y7. All of her friends had an email about an award they were winning at school. The awards evening was this evening.

We had no email. She got no award.

She does quite well at school (generally grade 7 in the important stuff). But really doesn't put much effort into anything else other than her hair and make up.

She has no interest in sports or any hobbies despite us giving her every single opportunity. Nothing !!

I'm disappointed. But obviously I can't show it to her.

So i'm venting on here instead.

OP posts:
Hehasasecretfriend · 12/07/2023 17:03

OP I think you should accept your daughter exactly how she is and let her know you're proud of her for just being her.

themessygarden · 12/07/2023 17:09

"I also have a sneaky feeling that a lot of school awards are really rewards for compliance. For the kids who buckle down and obey. "

I don't know, my DD is one of those kids and never gets an award.

Kimchikitchen · 12/07/2023 17:12

If posters children’s don’t get award, it’s always because the “good kids” don’t get them 😂

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

General education Secondary education
Kimchikitchen · 12/07/2023 17:14

Our school rewards

  1. attitude to learning
  2. progress
  3. Citizenship
and 4. pure academic achievement

consequently - my pretty lazy and certainly not one of the “good” kids but extremely bright… won the 4th of his year!

StephanieSuperpowers · 12/07/2023 17:16

Come on, I don't think there's any need to denigrate the awards or the children who get them. Every award will have been decided for a reason, and that reason isn't to annoy the parents. Although in some cases, it might be a happy side effect.

fortheloveofflowers · 12/07/2023 17:21

This week my son has been awarded Star of the day or whatever it and isolated. Mixed bag really. More interested in his nike bloody trainers.
He is a bit like I was and I’ve got a diploma, degree and MSc 🤷‍♀️
What they are like at 12 doesn’t necessarily predict their future.

Original poster
Teddypops · 12/07/2023 17:24

Kimchikitchen · 12/07/2023 16:18

Op

given your thread about how very weight your daughter is and that she’s binging and hiding food, it is unfathomable to me that you are getting worried about this

You obviously have too much time on your hands if you can go trawling through my old threads.

Maybe you can get a hobby?

We have a bit more of a handle on that issue now. I think these issues get blown up on these threads.

She is healthy (over weight but certainly massively so). She is happy and quite content.

OP posts:
Wemetatascoutcamp · 12/07/2023 17:27

Our school awards are done after the summer based on last academic year.
There’s some subject specific awards (which have usually been created in memory of a former teacher or local person) that the subject teachers pick or may be awarded to the highest exam score etc depending on the award.
They also do general awards for attainment/endeavour- with these every teacher gets to nominate x number of pupils- it does mean some kids perhaps don’t get an award because a teacher might assume others will nominate them but thats life.
Last year DD got 2 (attainment and an award for community service) and DS got none even though he a) probably did just as well as her academically and b) definitely did more volunteering it was just the school were aware of DD being a YL at our local beaver group once a week but probably don’t know DS is a junior coach for swimming club 3 times a week. Neither could care less about the awards- in fact DD was working so didn’t attend the ceremony.

1mabon · 12/07/2023 17:36

If she put effort into anything then why whine if she doesn't get an award.

Mistletoewench · 12/07/2023 17:39

MermaidEyes · 11/07/2023 19:24

My kids have never ever won an award despite always working hard. In a school of over 2000 the majority of the kids slip under the radar. Eldest is now at Uni, happy, healthy and enjoying life. School awards really mean jack shit in the end.

God this, all I can echo is mine is at uni living his best life now
I just told him to use school as a springboard to other things.
welcome to the forgotten children at school club 😆

Kimchikitchen · 12/07/2023 17:39

Teddypops · 12/07/2023 17:24

You obviously have too much time on your hands if you can go trawling through my old threads.

Maybe you can get a hobby?

We have a bit more of a handle on that issue now. I think these issues get blown up on these threads.

She is healthy (over weight but certainly massively so). She is happy and quite content.

Show quote history

Or maybe your thread stayed with me as I found it quite upsetting

Kimchikitchen · 12/07/2023 17:40

Teddypops · 12/07/2023 17:24

You obviously have too much time on your hands if you can go trawling through my old threads.

Maybe you can get a hobby?

We have a bit more of a handle on that issue now. I think these issues get blown up on these threads.

She is healthy (over weight but certainly massively so). She is happy and quite content.

Show quote history

You started a thread about how very worried you were about your “very overweight” dd who binges and sneaks food

but ok minimise here

daffodilandtulip · 12/07/2023 17:42

Kimchikitchen · 12/07/2023 17:12

If posters children’s don’t get award, it’s always because the “good kids” don’t get them 😂

This is true. The good kids don't need encouraging. Schools focus on the ones that need to improve.

RedHelenB · 12/07/2023 17:43

Hellocatshome · 11/07/2023 19:32

Even at secondary school the awards system isn't fair. Is your DD happy and healthy? if the answer is yes then all is good.

OP said her dd isn't bothered about school.And hasn't out any effort in. So it's entirely fair that she HASN'T won an award.

Kimchikitchen · 12/07/2023 17:44

daffodilandtulip · 12/07/2023 17:42

This is true. The good kids don't need encouraging. Schools focus on the ones that need to improve.

Show quote history

Or, as with my children’s school, a mix

Tornado70 · 12/07/2023 17:45

Encourage her in what she’s interested in!
My daughter never got awards etc (we home educated from age 7 as she hated school so
much).
She has been studying special effects makeup, prosthetics, wig making etc from age 15.
Now at uni and is a very talented young lady!

Just encourage her in her interests. Maybe watch Glow Up together!

Kimchikitchen · 12/07/2023 17:45

daffodilandtulip · 12/07/2023 17:42

This is true. The good kids don't need encouraging. Schools focus on the ones that need to improve.

Show quote history

At my school there is one per year for Attitude to learning and one for Citizenship and one for Progress

MsRosley · 12/07/2023 17:47

Have girls gone through puberty at 12? I think wearing makeup before you've even stopped being a child is really... ugh.

Kimchikitchen · 12/07/2023 17:48

MsRosley · 12/07/2023 17:47

Have girls gone through puberty at 12? I think wearing makeup before you've even stopped being a child is really... ugh.

Do you understand what puberty is? And when teenagers have “finished” going through puberty?
😂

redskytwonight · 12/07/2023 17:49

MsRosley · 12/07/2023 17:47

Have girls gone through puberty at 12? I think wearing makeup before you've even stopped being a child is really... ugh.

Yes, a lot of girls have gone through puberty at 12.

Why is makeup any different to face paint that you would presumably consider perfectly ok for children?

Kimchikitchen · 12/07/2023 17:49

Or do you mean started their periods by “gone through puberty”

in which case, presumably you’d be fine with a 10 year old wearing make as long as she has started her periods?!

Frazzledmum123 · 12/07/2023 17:50

@Teddypops honestly i swear some people only go on these posts to be obtuse! I get what you are saying. Your daughter is coasting and doing fine but you are aware she has the potential to be amazing instead and it's frustrating to see her not putting the effort in to do so. You emailed the school because if only 10% got it, you'd know that maybe what she is doing is actually OK and normal teenage laziness but if 80% actually got it then it's perhaps something you need to focus more on getting her to change
My son is the same, we get lovely reports back about his manners and behaviour in classes and he is where he needs to be. But I know there is more in him as he was doing amazingly in primary school. It's hard to know how much pressure to put on though, whilst he is getting the grades and doing the homework then I'm not sure it's reasonable for me to tell him I want more from him but it is frustrating when I see the lack of effort he is putting in already. He also won't do any extra curricular activities despite me offering to get him lessons in instruments where he'd get to miss classes (thought that'd swing it), take him to football or any other sport of his choice, drive him to just meet up with friends even and do stuff with them but all he is interested in is his computer and chatting on the phone. At the moment though I'm going with not nagging whilst he is happy and doing ok and seeing if I can convince him next year when he's more settled

Hellocatshome · 12/07/2023 17:52

RedHelenB · 12/07/2023 17:43

OP said her dd isn't bothered about school.And hasn't out any effort in. So it's entirely fair that she HASN'T won an award.

Show quote history

Its fair her daughter hasn't but there will no doubt be plenty of children who did get an award who shouldn't have and plenty who should have got an award who didn't so I stand by my statement that awards systems at secondary schools are not fair.

Original poster
Teddypops · 12/07/2023 17:57

Frazzledmum123 · 12/07/2023 17:50

@Teddypops honestly i swear some people only go on these posts to be obtuse! I get what you are saying. Your daughter is coasting and doing fine but you are aware she has the potential to be amazing instead and it's frustrating to see her not putting the effort in to do so. You emailed the school because if only 10% got it, you'd know that maybe what she is doing is actually OK and normal teenage laziness but if 80% actually got it then it's perhaps something you need to focus more on getting her to change
My son is the same, we get lovely reports back about his manners and behaviour in classes and he is where he needs to be. But I know there is more in him as he was doing amazingly in primary school. It's hard to know how much pressure to put on though, whilst he is getting the grades and doing the homework then I'm not sure it's reasonable for me to tell him I want more from him but it is frustrating when I see the lack of effort he is putting in already. He also won't do any extra curricular activities despite me offering to get him lessons in instruments where he'd get to miss classes (thought that'd swing it), take him to football or any other sport of his choice, drive him to just meet up with friends even and do stuff with them but all he is interested in is his computer and chatting on the phone. At the moment though I'm going with not nagging whilst he is happy and doing ok and seeing if I can convince him next year when he's more settled

I agree. I think that this post and also some previous posts get blown out of proportion by people making out detail that isn't there. I was just a little disappointed in her and for her as all of her friends got an award. She didn't, she didn't put the effort in and that's why. I wasn't cross at the school, I was a little cross at her and myself. I felt a little down about it so started a thread. Then got torn to shreads! FFS when did mumsnet become quite so viscious?

OP posts:
MsRosley · 12/07/2023 17:58

Kimchikitchen · 12/07/2023 17:48

Do you understand what puberty is? And when teenagers have “finished” going through puberty?
😂

Show quote history

Started menstruation, developed breast tissue, adult height, etc, ie. looking like a woman rather than a child. Why are you so confused about this?