Anyone else feel like they wouldn’t want to have a life again?

[Sundaysighs]

Just thinking this, I’m very fortunate, have a good marriage, jobs, adult children who are good people with nice lives. No financial worries.

I had a mixed childhood, some good times but a mother with mental health and alcohol issues, father ‘nice’ but not really caring to our needs, all he wanted was an easy life and no hassle from our mother.

But, I hope there’s no such thing as reincarnation. I wouldn’t want to live again, life is generally hard work. Working full time, housekeeping, we have nice holidays but that’s not real life. I just feel like what’s the point in all this, we are born to work unless very lucky. There’s bereavement, loss of loved ones, pets, yes there are high points with births but even that results in the hard work of child rearing.

Im 50 this year, I find it hard to see the point, I feel almost guilty for having children, to bring them into this world where they’ll spend their lives working. They may suffer loss, ill health - who knows?

what’s the actual point to all of this. And I know I’m actually VERY lucky to have a home that’s paid for, a good marriage and no money worries. There are people with far less who probably literally work to be able to live. What’s the point in all of this?

Yes I'm not sure if I could go around again despite having a lovely life and not wanting it to end. Weird contrast of feelings

You sound depressed op

I am a single parent
lost both my parents in my twenties

on paper, not great

but in actual fact i feel like life is very very worthwhile

I'm reminded of the saying "Americans think that life is serious but not hopeless, the British think that life is hopeless but not serious".

Unless you have some belief in religion (I don't) there really is no 'point' but that shouldn't stop you from enjoying the ride.

I work part time in a job I enjoy and feel I make a real difference every day (charity)

I honestly think that enormously contributes to my positive feeling about life

This sounds like depression to me.
I had a crap upbringing, am autistic and a carer to a disabled child.
We don't have 2 pennies to rub together and live in a council house but life is precious. I hate how fast old age is racing up on me and would give anything to have my life over again.

No dependents
paid off mortgage
no financial worries

Why don’t you go part time op?!

I think one life is enough for most people - I don’t know anyone over 40 who would want to go back to childhood and having to grow up and establish themselves again. I also don’t know many old people (80+) who want to live until they are 95 - they may not actively want to die, but they don’t want to get much older either.

What people say they want is to be 25 again, so working, able to travel, have sex and please themselves, but without a mortgage or kids to prevent them skydiving or doing a motorbike tour of South America, or whatever it is they feel they missed out on first time around. That isn’t wanting a whole new life; a six month sabbatical would probably cover it.

I don’t believe in reincarnation because I don’t subscribe to the view that somehow there are karmic consequences that will mean that some people will be reborn as something completely different, like a different species. But I do like to think that there is a life after death whether that’s metaphysical, spiritual or physiological etc., where there is world peace and tranquility.

I'd second at least looking into the possibility of depression and see if it resonates any further.

Re: reincarnation - ultimately if that does exist who's to say life wouldn't be better than this, who's to say you are not already in a successive life. It isn't as though we would know anything about it. The issue seems much more like it has to do with what you are experiencing in your life as it stands and the rest is a bit tangential to that.

You can be practically fortunate or privileged and still not be living a fulfilling life, or indeed still be suffering with depression, it doesn't discriminate in that respect. If you're in that position where money isn't a factor all the more reason to utilise it to access therapy or counselling to make sense of this feeling or to look for fulfilling activities to engage and enjoy yourself with and find that optimism for life that's currently missing and see where it takes you.

I do feel positive about life but I certainly don't want to do it again!

I do love my job and enjoy that in my 50s I finally know enough about it to relax a bit. I sometimes wonder if I have some kind of difficulty that has made working life so hard but I don't really think so - work IS hard. A turning point was hearing a friend say casually that she threw up on the mornings she had to teach she was so frightened - it taught me not to run away from jobs so quickly. I still get nervous but am no longer so scared of getting stuff wrong.

I really enjoy being with DP but it feels like luck - my previous relationships have been rewarding but difficult. I love ds very much but I don't feel I have much to do with how he's turned out - he's level headed and hard working like his dad, but so far has not suffered the mental illness his dad did.

I hope to finish my career without killing anybody, have perhaps up to 5 years retirement and then off to Dignitas. I'll be very very upset if reincarnation exists.

Gees, no I wouldn’t want to go through it again. Don’t particularly want to go through it now to be honest. I have children so wouldn’t do anything to end my life but would happy for it to end.

Sounds like you've reflected more than the average person. IMO this is the sensible conclusion. Buddha talked about ending the cycle of suffering, and I have to agree. Life is a journey not a destination and yet we seem hardwired to seek out a destination, only to arrive there and still be unhappy, rinse and repeat.

This is so sad. Really. Why?

I once read a theory somewhere that when the universe eventually ends it will immediately begin again and everything that has happened will happen again in exactly the same way. So we will all be born again and live the same lives etc.

I really hope it isn't true.

I am 42

i would want to revisit my entire life

and bare in mind I lost my parents when young.

I have wondered about depression/ perimenopause. I have absolutely nothing to feel depressed about about. There are many that would be happy to have my settled, very stable life. I just feel that existing is a chore almost. I do think the fact that DH and I still (and will probably l have to) work full time as all our adult children are still at home. There’s no hope of them getting their own places soon due to the cost of living etc.
Feels like a hamster wheel, by the time we get off we’ll probably be too old to enjoy stuff. Work all your life to have 5-10 years of you are lucky.

Maybe it's time for a change OP? Maybe a different job? You sound stuck in a rut, yes life can be shit but there is lots of joy to be found too.

Unless you have some belief in religion (I don't) there really is no 'point' but that shouldn't stop you from enjoying the ride.

Absolutely 💯

@Sundaysighs that sounds like when I know my depression is temporarily back. Please think about having a word with your GP.

I wouldn't want to live my life again, without the benefit of knowing what I know now! I feel like I have a lot of things sorted out, just as my body is starting to struggle, due to age and a brain injury, which seems a tad unfair.

I don't have a belief in coming back, or going to a better place. I'm probably roughly under the category of agnostic.

But I do think we can all make a difference to the world, to the people around us, and our families and friends, at least in our lifetime. It would be nice to leave something that made a difference in the future, but I expect that those of us who have children have issue going down the years. Other people have left great scientific discoveries, art or literature. I think that's enough for me to know that. I ultimately believe "I shall pass this way only once".

If I could do it again I wouldn't have children. I love them but it's been harder than I could even have imagined and is still hard now they are adults. I'd definitely be up for experiencing what a childless life would be like if I got the chance but only if I was born at the same time again. I don't think I'd want to be born now.

Well I wouldn’t want to be born anew NOW. Look at the state of it all

But if I could be born again in say 1950? All that rock n roll and progressive societal change and economic growth? Absolutely! My soul yearns to be a boomer

@Sundaysighs I often feel like this. It sets my head in a whirl and I have to stop thinking about it.

I just don't see what the 'point' in life is. We work hard, pay our bills, work some more etc. there is zero point. Those with fulfilling jobs that feel like they are giving back, I get that, but giving back to what? So people can work hard, pay their bills, work hard.

It makes no sense to me.

* I just feel that existing is a chore almost*

op - anyone who seriously thinks this… is not in a good place and depression is very likely.

your adult children… do they contribute? Because to have no mortgage, no dependents and no financial worries and yet still “have” to work full time at 50 doesn’t make sense

Op. This might sound daft, but do you get lots of time outside, walking and in nature?

I do. And it’s heaven. I go very early. Sets me up for the day

I'm 10 years older than OP

I think as you get older it's natural to think about these things. There is also the weight of life - you are carrying more baggage just because of passage of time - failed relationships, dependency issues, issues with kids, work stress, financial issues - whatever its different for everyone. That's before you get on to friends or family with serious or even terminal medical conditions

Like OP I am financially secure - don't have a mortgage or other debt, have what most people consider a very good job (my fixed outgoings are less than 20% of take home income) and I think about this sort of stuff as well.

After a rough spell 3 or 4 years ago I got to the point a PP made - its about the journey. Tried to do as much as possible since those appalling lockdowns ended. Last weekend I spent in a city I haven't been to before and had the most wonderful time - parks, gardens, bars, restaurants, museums, galleries - it is what makes life worth living.

OP - hope you get through this. Seek help if it is getting you down.

Wish you all the best