Anyone else feel like they wouldn’t want to have a life again?

[Sundaysighs]

Just thinking this, I’m very fortunate, have a good marriage, jobs, adult children who are good people with nice lives. No financial worries.

I had a mixed childhood, some good times but a mother with mental health and alcohol issues, father ‘nice’ but not really caring to our needs, all he wanted was an easy life and no hassle from our mother.

But, I hope there’s no such thing as reincarnation. I wouldn’t want to live again, life is generally hard work. Working full time, housekeeping, we have nice holidays but that’s not real life. I just feel like what’s the point in all this, we are born to work unless very lucky. There’s bereavement, loss of loved ones, pets, yes there are high points with births but even that results in the hard work of child rearing.

Im 50 this year, I find it hard to see the point, I feel almost guilty for having children, to bring them into this world where they’ll spend their lives working. They may suffer loss, ill health - who knows?

what’s the actual point to all of this. And I know I’m actually VERY lucky to have a home that’s paid for, a good marriage and no money worries. There are people with far less who probably literally work to be able to live. What’s the point in all of this?

Me too OP. I’m definitely not depressed (although other posters will disagree!), I have a nice lifestyle and find joy in lots of things but on the whole just think life’s too hard. I despair at the misery of many lives on this planet - human and other animals - and really hope I don’t have to come back and do it all again. I don’t have kids and I’m pretty much an antenatalist now

Also, don't discount the more subtle effects of perimenopause and how they affect your mood. Did you feel like this 10 years ago OP?

Even though I'm on HRT, I've been struggling over the last couple of months- for me it's not work that sends me into the dark place, but the grind of parenting. I haven't been sleeping that well for a couple of months, and it seems that my ability to cope with that has diminished, and left me feeling depressed, exhausted and as if all the joy has been sucked out of life. I actually managed a lie in this morning and got over my 8 hours, and suddenly feel a genuine enthusiasm at the thought of spending a Sunday with the DC.

You're just intelligent enough to see the world as it really is, OP, that's all.

Would you rather you had never lived at all? I mean you may be unhappy (as you don't sound happy), but your kids - give them a chance! Life IS ups and downs. And if you were reincarnated you wouldn't remember how it went first time around (though would be fascinating if you could and make different choices).

For me it depends on the day.

Life is so incredible but it's also so hard and full of such drudge.

Depending on what's happened to you in your life you might be quite content to live it again or wish you'd get one more chance.

I am sorry you feel this way, and I am not not sure it’s a normal thing in menopause?

I am early 50s and feel very excited about lots of things, so much I want to do, so little time. Am fighting to keep foot and strong by doing lots of sport as I want to be around as long as possible.

is there something that brings you joy and excitement? For me it’s family time, sport, friends, long hikes, swimming, discovering new music, new books, my hounds and nice food (cooking)

hope you feel more positive soon

fit, not foot 🤣 what the heck

I’d be curious re the link between those feeling like life has no point AND work FULL TIME

and those of us like myself who very much feel like life has a point and enjoys life AND works PART TIME

I'm 36 and mine is getting better as it goes on. I definitely wouldn't want to go through childhood again. Wouldn't really want to go back to my 20s either. I'm established in my career now and I have fewer friends but higher quality friendships.

I work part time so I should be feeling on top but it is just me and 18 year old ds at home. I get far too many interruptions over the weekend when I would prefer to relax into my own zone more. He just started a new job and only really has energy to chat at the weekend when he seems to spring into life!. Even on my 2 days off a week I am running round like a crazy person. No idea why life has to feel so hectic. 2 appointments Tues and Thurs 3 hours shopping if I include the bus there and back. Life's a joke...

I try not to think to deeply about this as it will drive you mad! Of course there is no point but there's also nothing we can do about the fact that we are already here so we might as well try and enjoy it.

I don't know if reincarnation is a thing or not, but I would be up for another go around. I am in my mid-fifties and I am still finding out more about this world. I don't think I have seen even a fraction of the wonders that exist on this planet.

For those who say one life is enough - do you not read books or watch films? Surely that is a way of experiencing another life. Why would you do that if you are not interested in taking on other roles or learning how life could be from another perspective?

Depression and anxiety mainly which is probably due to an upbringing which left me feeling totally worthless. I can either be medicated to the point I am emotionally dead and never want to leave my bedroom or exist in a perpetual state of anxiety and worthlessness. I’m just taking up space in a world that I don’t fit in.

I would like the chance to have a new body

Maybe you can try a life where you wouldn’t need to go to work

We are animals. We don't expect other animals to question the point of life so why do we have this expectation of ourselves?

This is very serious

Do you have children?
Are you on medication?

I would urge you to go to your GP and say exactly that

but you have that chance!

I think you are depressed, please get some advice/help.

Life isn’t perfect for anyone but I want as much of it as I can possibly get.

Yeah, I'm like you. I've had a blast, got great kids and GCs so would never harm myself, but, since DH died, I'm finding it all quite pointless and I'd be happy for it to end.

And, no, I wouldn't like another life.

For many of us, clinical depression and peri menopausal depression both follow a long period of 'what have I got to complain about', and 'there's so many worse off than me', and 'got to pull myself together'.
But depression doesn't see your bank balance, your well stocked fridge, or the beach at your all inclusive resort.
So please talk to someone about your feelings.
I also want to point out that having your adult children remaining at home actually should make life easier for you, whether their housekeeping money is helping free up more of your earnings, or their chores are freeing up more of your time, or their pet sitting gives you more weekends away doing stuff you've always wanted to do. So if this isn't happening, then maybe it's time you adjusted the balances in your home. And having some counselling might help you devise ways of doing so.

I think its time for you to see a doctor

Thanks, I think it probably is a lot of the fact that we work, we can’t give up, the food bill alone for 5 adults is £160 a week! The ‘kids’ do all give £50 a month (I know, a steal considering they all earn decent salaries) but we’d rather they save (which they all are to be fair).

We run the house quite well between myself and DH so there’s very little housework for any of the children to do, they just come home from work and chill. DH and I cook, clean, dog walk, wash, iron and keep house. I’ve tried giving out tasks but I’m home earlier than everyone so it makes sense to get a meal on or empty dishwasher / stick washing In. Children are willing to help but the timings of their work means it’s easier for me to get on with it.

And no, I could never go away every weekend, that’s when I cook ahead for the week and clean / visit and clean for my elderly grandmother.

Op you don’t have a mortgage!!

how old are your adult children?