Mum kicking off with child WWYD

[georgarina]

Was in a pharmacy this morning with my kids and a mum came in a dragging reception-age boy in school uniform. Started properly shouting and kicking off with the pharmacist to the point security got involved. All about how her son was deathly ill and needed medication or she was going to get everyone sacked. (But clearly not just a desperate parent - really unhinged)

The boy was the sweetest little thing and was pulling on her hand saying let's just go. She obviously ignored him and he just stood there and started crying. She did give him a hug at one point.

WWYD? Can't really get involved but I felt so awful. I was that child growing up and I remember how it felt.

Indeed. Women are often unfairly ignored by the medical establishment, and then additionally penalised for not being deferentially if they get angry.

It sucks but I always try to take my DH to my DC's medical appointments as I think we're taken more seriously that way.

I have a very hard time believing a 4 or 5 year old would be saying "let's just go"

Don't believe it then. Your comment adds nothing.

Oooh steady on, OP, you're sounding a bit unhinged there......

OP you are taking advice from random people who you don't know, most of who probably have zero training in child protection, and it shows. It's a bit unclear from what you're saying but was the incident significant enough to cause long-lasting psychological/emotional damage to the child? What if he's experiencing repeated episodes of similar behaviour? What if worse is happening behind closed doors. It's irrelevent why she's behaved like this and despite what people are saying on here there is no excuse. This child isn't going to experience this situation any differently just because mummy's really worried/mummy just wanted his medicine/mummy has MH problems. The child still has the same right to feel safe and secure. If you're concerned report it to ss. They will decide how to follow it up and your responsibility ends there. It isn't 'none of your business', it's everyone's business if a child is being abused and it's still abuse whatever the route cause.

To be honest mum's reaction sounds incredibly melodramatic and she needs to give her head a wobble. Even if it's something like an Asthma inhaler you don't scream and shout at someone and threaten them just trying to do their job safely. If you're that desperate you go to ED if it's necessary.

I hate this attitude that this country seems to have towards the NHS at the moment, that the only way to get what you need out of the overwhelmed, stressed staff keeping it afloat is to bully them and even make them feel unsafe. It's totally unacceptable. Everyone working for the NHS is working to their maximum capacity. Being vile to them isn't going to make the system any better. If you don't like your child receiving inadequate treatment then complain to the people higher up the chain and use your next vote wisely. The little people at the bottom are just as demoralised and worried as you are.... more so actually because they have to deal with bellends like this mum on a regular basis

I must say, I find it really uncomfortable to watch this kind of incident. Especially as the child is clearly upset and distressed. I saw a man on Sunday at our school summer fete literally screaming in his (I presume) son's face, the poor kid can't have been any older than 5. He may have played up all day, and I have lost in on occasion but I do think there is a line in the sand. I've raised my voice and shown anger of course I have, as has every parent on this planet. But as an adult you always have to be in control of your emotions and your actions.

The moment you lose it, bad things can happen. It doesn't do a child any harm actually to see you cross occasionally but when people get to the point of real physical intimidation and genuine screaming/yelling and aggressive arm-wrenching or dragging kids down the street (seen this too recently) then that's crossed the line IMHO. A controlled reprimand = yes. The above = a definite no. But, I come from a family where there was a lot of shouting, and physical aggression between parents, or often the threat of it, and I have been on the receiving end of physical aggression as a child, many times, and it's bloody terrifying. No child should have to feel that fear, ever

Do you understand that you're mocking and eye rolling someone who was concerned about a crying child with a caregiver who was acting so out of control and irate that security was called and head office was trying to de-escalate over loudspeaker? Maybe you'd have laughed your head off and found it hilarious if you had been there.

I hope that makes you feel big and clever.

It is so difficult when cock ups impact our children's health. Say nothing and you will be neglecting the child and impacting their wellbeing. Speaking up and still not getting anywhere there is a risk the parent will get angry and then they are accused of abuse, or being unhinged.
I had a situation where my child was in need of a specific pain relief while in hospital due to being unable to take the usual type. The specific one was given no issue in PICU but back on the Ward child would be asked about pain levels and when the child asked for pain relief was only offered the one they couldn't take. The Ward refused the one the child was able to have ( base on their own opinion not any medical reasons).
We were polite, respectful and ignored. Meanwhile child pain levels were getting worse.

I ended up in pals and a single phone call resolved the issues. But I totally understand how a parent would lose it in that situation. And the staff definitely were condescending and judgemental with a polite request prior to this.

You never know what the last straw will be or what has led to a single moment.

Pharmacies deal with angry customers all the time, and the situation is worsening. In my local surgery, they say allow at least two days to process a prescription request, and then another two days for the pharmacy to prepare it. Too often, a patient will submit a request to the surgery one day, and expect the pharmacy to have it ready the next. If urgent prescriptions sent straight away can take a couple of hours to arrive Catt he pharmacy.

Exactly, thanks for your comment. Sorry you went through that.

No, but I've been in that mum's shoes, and it's mortifying, and to have been judged by someone like you would have been the final straw. I am so far from an abusive parent it's untrue but even I've lost control when the people supposed to be helping my child weren't doing what they were supposed to do. The only person trying to feel big and clever here is you, by kicking another mum when she's clearly having a hard time. I wouldn't have been laughing at all, I'd have been offering the mum a cup of tea at the nearest cafe and a bit of solidarity regarding how hard it is to get any sort of sense out of any Dr/nurse/pharmacist in the UK currently. I am safeguarding trained as it goes, and that enables me to see sustained abuse versus a momentary venting of frustration!

I have read that if someone is behaving like that mother it can help to ask 'Is there anything I can do? How can I help?'. Anger like that is quite often a result of frustration. Having to work through it for a stranger can help them take a breath and calm down a bit. If she starts directing her anger at you, at least you can leave, the pharmacists are stuck there.

Threads like this make me realise why pharmacies and GP practices have huge problems keeping any staff at the moment and there are signs everywhere saying abuse will not be tolerated. There is no excuse for shouting at people who are very probably trying to do their best. They would probably be able to do a better job if they were properly staffed but even then there are problems with medicines shortages they can do nothing about.

The people losing control are part of the reason you can't get “any sense” out of doctors/nurses/pharmacists/ receptionists or anyone working in healthcare at the moment because they are making people leave the profession. Lack of staff leads to more problems.

I don't understand , she was probably in despair , her sons sick, she gave him a hug and is fighting to get her son medical attention. It's a not great out there, long waiting lists and kids desperately sick and not being seen. I understand we are human and when our loved ones especially children are sick we can get angry. What do you think ss would do? What would you like to see happen?

Gosh, and there was me thinking it was mismanagement of the NHS and it's assets, misallocation of funds within a no longer relevant and very outdated health care system and the refusal to train more home grown talent with the resulting reliance on overseas staff. Who knew a couple more pharmacy assistants would solve the current crisis!?

You mock,but that is part of the problem. Some of the larger chains won’t employ enough pharmacy assistants, including those that do the actual dispensing, which adds pressure to all.

Perhaps you don't know as much as you think then. Pharmacies are not part of the NHS so it is nothing to do with mismanagement of the NHS. The drug shortages are also nothing to do with the management of the NHS.

It's very difficult to know what's really going on in this situation. Yes she could be a loving mother at the end of her tether, exhausted and frustrated, fighting for her son's treatment. Or she could be one of those abusive parents we've all seen - the type who maybe has drug or alcohol problems. If not they're just generally aggressive, dysfunctional and abusive. That child might have to put up with her ranting and raving the whole time. We just don't know.
But I understand OP - I get terribly upset when I see children who appear to be with abusive or mentally ill parents. It sends a shiver down my spine and I never forget it.

I've never claimed to know a lot, but quite often the end result of an NHS mistake is felt at a pharmacy somewhere, no? As possibly was the case with the lady the OP encountered? But like opticians, individual businesses but most of their business is NHS and therefore they adhere to NHS protocols. Or at least the one I was married to did!

What do you mean the "one you were married to"? Pharmacies are private businesses and while they might have a contract with the NHS to dispense NHS prescriptions they are definitely not managed by the NHS or adhering to “NHS protocols”, whatever you think they are. It wouldn’t be the pharmacy assistants fault if someone in a GP surgery who they've probably never even met has made a mistake and even if they were involved abuse is not acceptable.

I don't think you should judge someone based on five minutes in their company just because you had bad experiences frowning up. You have no idea what she has been going through

I'm sure you don't mean to be so aggressive, but I was referring to the optician I was married to having his own Practice but adhering to NHS protocols and receiving frequent NHS training. In terms of pharmacies, I understand that, but any reasonable human being can understand that a person at the end of their tether will react to the person in front of them, in this case in a pharmacy. I have never said its right, but it is absolutely understandable. At least for most compassionate human beings it would be!

Well.you don't know what's going on do you?
My son was very unwell a few months ago and spent three weeks in intensive care, he's better no but he's now has insulin dependent diabetes
I had a few incidences when he was a first discharged and he told me at the last minute he was running out of needles, blood testing strips ,even insulin once and been told by the Drs receptionist that they need 48 hrs notice for a prescription, I didn't kick off but I did tell.them that regardless of wether it wss my sons fault that he told me he had run out of stuff ,we couldn't just wait 48 hrs for a medication he relied upon to keep.him alive ,thankfully everyone saw sense and his prescriptions were arranged and e
Few month ,s on he's in a good routine and knows to give me notice he's running out of stuff
But I can imagine if the receptionists hadn't ,been so.understanding I might have become a little irate .

And as for the 'whatever I think they are' comment, the NHS duty of candour for example, also applies to opticians carrying out NHS tests and treatment. That actually cropped up when I relaying my son's treatment to his father and he said they should have told me the truth about forgetting him as part of thay duty. I really can't imagine who you think you are, but there are others out there with knowledge of how things should be done too!