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Original poster

Mum kicking off with child WWYD

153 replies

georgarina · 04/07/2023 10:21

Was in a pharmacy this morning with my kids and a mum came in a dragging reception-age boy in school uniform. Started properly shouting and kicking off with the pharmacist to the point security got involved. All about how her son was deathly ill and needed medication or she was going to get everyone sacked. (But clearly not just a desperate parent - really unhinged)

The boy was the sweetest little thing and was pulling on her hand saying let's just go. She obviously ignored him and he just stood there and started crying. She did give him a hug at one point.

WWYD? Can't really get involved but I felt so awful. I was that child growing up and I remember how it felt.

OP posts:
toomanyleggings · 04/07/2023 11:46

Comedycook · 04/07/2023 11:34

Even if she's a shit parent and shouts a lot...what do you think social services should do?

How do you know that all she does is shout though? In the
Sebastian Kalinowski case the step dad had been witnessed shouting by a school teacher. She didn’t report it and he ended up murdered. If you think something is off report it.

dancinginthesky · 04/07/2023 11:46

If it's gone to the police with a child involved there's an automatic merlin report cross agencies eg school, doctors etc

Try to relax Flowers

Iminpatchinghell · 04/07/2023 11:52

Sounds like she maybe has a mental health condition. She could be in the middle of a psychotic episode or have bipolar. I’ve seen it before when people lash out at others for what seems like nothing.
I would definitely follow it up, either children’s services or ask the pharmacy to report it. With mental health conditions, reports from others are needed to build a picture of the persons current state.
I could be completely wrong of course, but I don’t think you’d be wrong to report it. Sad for the child and if they were in genuine need, then shouting at a pharmacist doesn’t get the required result.

Comedycook · 04/07/2023 11:52

toomanyleggings · 04/07/2023 11:46

How do you know that all she does is shout though? In the
Sebastian Kalinowski case the step dad had been witnessed shouting by a school teacher. She didn’t report it and he ended up murdered. If you think something is off report it.

Show quote history

I understand the concept of reporting just in case. However surely there aren't the resources available to investigate every parent who has ever shouted at their child?

Justthreewords · 04/07/2023 11:56

The sliding scale on MN always surprises me:

Verbal abuse in a relationship - terrible, LTB, no one deserves that. NO ONE.

Verbal abuse against a service provider: Oh, they must have been at the end of their tether, how dare you judge, you dont know what they are going through. Its their CHILD and therefore more important than ANYTHING.

Mariposista · 04/07/2023 11:58

Justthreewords · 04/07/2023 11:56

The sliding scale on MN always surprises me:

Verbal abuse in a relationship - terrible, LTB, no one deserves that. NO ONE.

Verbal abuse against a service provider: Oh, they must have been at the end of their tether, how dare you judge, you dont know what they are going through. Its their CHILD and therefore more important than ANYTHING.

THIS.
And if it had been a man in there hollering profanities, he would deserve harder treatment right?
I hope this is taken all the way, even if just to scare the gobby madam.

TheSnootiestFox · 04/07/2023 12:02

Justthreewords · 04/07/2023 11:56

The sliding scale on MN always surprises me:

Verbal abuse in a relationship - terrible, LTB, no one deserves that. NO ONE.

Verbal abuse against a service provider: Oh, they must have been at the end of their tether, how dare you judge, you dont know what they are going through. Its their CHILD and therefore more important than ANYTHING.

Verbal abuse in a relationship where the OP is told to LTB is usually a regular, sustained thing and very personal to the poster re: appearance, parenting, laziness etc.

Losing your cool in frustration at a broken system when your child is in pain and you are aiming your comments at said system and not a staff member personally, because being nice for hours/days/years beforehand has got you absolutely nowhere, is a completely different situation and the two cannot possibly be compared.

Mialupa · 04/07/2023 12:03

Deranged? She doesn't sound it. You just sound extremely judgmental.

gogomoto · 04/07/2023 12:05

If she had a prescription they would know exactly who she is, the pharmacy will do what they think is appropriate

Calloffruity · 04/07/2023 12:05

You saw a snapshot with none of the backstory. If she was in a pharmacy desperate for her child's medication then that certainly doesn't come off as a neglectful parent at least.

A woman recently told my DH she felt like reporting him to SS without seeing any of the context. I had to go to A&E and DH was taking DD home to get some food. She's autistic and obviously felt unsettled by me being in hospital and couldn't manage her emotions - she was calling DH a cunt and hitting and kicking him as they walked back to the car. DH who is usually the most patient father but was also obviously feeling stressed out, shouted at her. He knows he shouldn't have shouted. It got this woman's attention and she told him he was a bad father, felt like calling SS and then told DD that she should leave home as soon as she could! She saw none of the build up, and didn't understand the context.

Justthreewords · 04/07/2023 12:06

TheSnootiestFox · 04/07/2023 12:02

Verbal abuse in a relationship where the OP is told to LTB is usually a regular, sustained thing and very personal to the poster re: appearance, parenting, laziness etc.

Losing your cool in frustration at a broken system when your child is in pain and you are aiming your comments at said system and not a staff member personally, because being nice for hours/days/years beforehand has got you absolutely nowhere, is a completely different situation and the two cannot possibly be compared.

Show quote history

No. they can absolutely be compared.

NO ONE has the right to verbally abuse another. NO ONE. sustained or not, personal or not. Whether you are frustrated or not.

You are just justifying your poor choices.

TheSnootiestFox · 04/07/2023 12:08

This reply has been deleted

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liveforsummer · 04/07/2023 12:09

Sweetchillidumplings · 04/07/2023 10:51

I don’t think I’ve ever been to a pharmacy that has security?

You won't find one without security round here!

Comedycook · 04/07/2023 12:09

Calloffruity · 04/07/2023 12:05

You saw a snapshot with none of the backstory. If she was in a pharmacy desperate for her child's medication then that certainly doesn't come off as a neglectful parent at least.

A woman recently told my DH she felt like reporting him to SS without seeing any of the context. I had to go to A&E and DH was taking DD home to get some food. She's autistic and obviously felt unsettled by me being in hospital and couldn't manage her emotions - she was calling DH a cunt and hitting and kicking him as they walked back to the car. DH who is usually the most patient father but was also obviously feeling stressed out, shouted at her. He knows he shouldn't have shouted. It got this woman's attention and she told him he was a bad father, felt like calling SS and then told DD that she should leave home as soon as she could! She saw none of the build up, and didn't understand the context.

I was shoe shopping with my teenage ds....I asked him if he liked any of the shoes....he muttered under his breath that I should fuck off. I told him how dare he and yes I did raise my voice. A man in the shop stared at me like I was some sort of monster.

dancinginthesky · 04/07/2023 12:09

'I asked how I could have made the scared ashamed child feel better.*'
*
Oh, I get it - a friendly wink? A reassuring "it'll get sorted out lovely, you aren't in any trouble yourself" re the police being informed maybe?

Might've pissed mum off but kid might've felt slightly better for a minute 🤷‍♀️

lifeturnsonadime · 04/07/2023 12:10

megletthesecond · 04/07/2023 11:30

"Having an ill child and trying to get help for them from an inefficient health service where you feel no one is listening to you can send the most placid parent absolutely insane." This, I'm almost at that point with CAMHS.

Agreed.

I remember once I was trying to drive DS somewhere and he was in full melt down and he was trying to swerve my steering wheel into the middle of the road. To an onlooker it looked as though I was using one of my arms to manhandle him. He wound his window down and yelled that he was going to report me for being violent and had my registration number. As soon as it was safe and I was able to I pulled over so my DS could calm down.

I have no idea if he ever did as I heard nothing more.

OP you are getting a snapshot of the situation. If a parent is desperate for medication for their DS it's not an obvious neglect / abuse situation. If the pharmacy feel he was in danger then I'm sure they will make a report.

TheSnootiestFox · 04/07/2023 12:10

Justthreewords · 04/07/2023 12:06

No. they can absolutely be compared.

NO ONE has the right to verbally abuse another. NO ONE. sustained or not, personal or not. Whether you are frustrated or not.

You are just justifying your poor choices.

Show quote history

Don't be ridiculous 🙄 how can systematic abuse in a personal relationship be in any way compared to having to deal with a broken system where the people who shout loudest get the help?

35965a · 04/07/2023 12:13

Trying to get help for a sick child is extremely frustrating, especially at the moment where doctors appointments are hard to come by and you’re shoved from pillar to post. I wouldn’t judge the mum harshly in this situation at all.

LakeTiticaca · 04/07/2023 12:14

Based on a 2 minute snapshot of a harassed mothers life, this poor woman is now being labelled as a future child murderer.
By the the paragons of perfection that are the mumsnet posters
How very predictable!!

Icannot · 04/07/2023 12:16

Justthreewords · 04/07/2023 12:06

No. they can absolutely be compared.

NO ONE has the right to verbally abuse another. NO ONE. sustained or not, personal or not. Whether you are frustrated or not.

You are just justifying your poor choices.

Show quote history

OK, so if you took your child to the doctors and the doctor said 'I know how to help your child and they will die without my help' so you said 'OK, please help them' and they said 'nah, sorry' would you honestly watch your child die, thank them and say have a lovely day?

TheSnootiestFox · 04/07/2023 12:16

LakeTiticaca · 04/07/2023 12:14

Based on a 2 minute snapshot of a harassed mothers life, this poor woman is now being labelled as a future child murderer.
By the the paragons of perfection that are the mumsnet posters
How very predictable!!

This. Exactly this!

Justthreewords · 04/07/2023 12:16

TheSnootiestFox · 04/07/2023 12:10

Don't be ridiculous 🙄 how can systematic abuse in a personal relationship be in any way compared to having to deal with a broken system where the people who shout loudest get the help?

Show quote history

Oh, I see.

Is it because people in services that get sworn at, screamed at and verbally abused shouldn't have feelings.. just because they are at work? It only matters if it is happening in a domestic situation, because that makes all the difference?

Or do your feelings of frustration trump their right not to be abused?

I don't think I am being the ridiculous one here.

Justthreewords · 04/07/2023 12:19

Icannot · 04/07/2023 12:16

OK, so if you took your child to the doctors and the doctor said 'I know how to help your child and they will die without my help' so you said 'OK, please help them' and they said 'nah, sorry' would you honestly watch your child die, thank them and say have a lovely day?

Show quote history

I wouldn't scream in his face, I wouldn't yell and rant to the point that security had to be called? and I would ask why you would think it was acceptable to do so?

Mariposista · 04/07/2023 12:19

This reply has been deleted

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Lovely, so despite all that apparent self-loathing and shame at how you were perceived, you haven't changed your ways and sorted your potty mouth out. Nice. Wonder what the first words out of your poor kid's mouth were.

Wenfy · 04/07/2023 12:21

I was that Mum last week. Youngest DC has eczema. His steroid cream hasn’t been correctly dispatched by the Pharmacy for months. I took a day off work, walked into the Pharmacy with my son in a vest and pull up to show the owner the weeping wounds his team’s errors caused. I yelled. I cried. I made a total nuisance out of myself. But I walked out with the correct cream.