Does anyone else tend to have rubbish 'big' birthdays?

[CrazilySensitive]

It was my 40th about 2.5 weeks ago. I won't go into details, but it went pear-shaped. I don't place huge emphasis on birthdays. But nonetheless have been grieving it a bit. I would have loved it if it had been a great day. But c'est la vie.
Then, when I thought about it, I realised most of my so-called big birthdays have been pants. My 18th, 21st, 30th and now 40th all had something happen that left me feeling at best underwhelmed, and at worst very disappointed and sad.
Any good birthdays I've had have been unplanned spontaneous ones. I remember my 23rd, I was travelling round Europe and had a wonderful day in Vondelpark in Amsterdam with a load of new friends I'd met in the youth hostel I was staying in. A wonderful day. Unplanned, just kind of happened. That stands out.
But the big ones, always go wrong! I wonder if it's because I want them to be perfect, and overthink them, and it becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy? Also, too high expectations of others around me? People let us down. This year it was my brother-in-law who upset me. Long story.
Anyway, I was curious to know if it's just me who has found this, or if others have been equally disappointed by the very birthdays they particularly wanted to go well? I have a weird relationship with my birthday anyway, and am often a bit anxious round that time.

Birthdays are much more important for children I agree. But I still think it's nice to have a day in the year to feel a bit pampered.
Your post is really very harsh 😔

I have seen it happen to other people and lots of people have moaned on mumsnet. I'm not into celebrating birthdays so it doesn't affect me. But from what I have seen, it's being let down by other people. But it is because of expectations that you have. Some people wait for a surprise and nothing happens- better to be upfront about how you want to celebrate.

@NoSympthaphyForComplainingWivesParnters also, my initial post was fairly lighthearted. I was just curious to know if others had a similar experience. Actually, I don't have birthday parties. But do like to do something nice on the day. Nothing wrong with that surely? 🤷

What a nasty comment.

I had to go to work on my 40th. It sucked.

Yes, actually I'm not hugely into celebrating in a big way. It's more that I like to be treated kindly on the day as I often feel a bit oversensitive.
I always make a point of treating other people really well on their birthdays. It's one day I think when we can be very reflective etc

Everyone should feel spoiled and loved on their birthday regardless of age.

Thankfully I have a DP who makes me feel special and makes a fuss.

Before that, disappointing as well OP.

Aww whose ripped your knitting?

@CrazilySensitive ignore the Grinch, speaks much more to them than you!

yes, I agree - not that I’ve ever planned much for my big birthdays, but there’s always seemed to be illness or a row or something. I think it plays right into insecurities that most of us have to some degree about how loved or liked we really are. Logically I’m sure we all know there’s no correlation, but it takes on more weight because of that emotional pressure. And then we respond accordingly, and others respond to us accordingly, etc etc!

Thank you for this. I'm glad to hear your recent birthdays have been better. Your partner sounds lovely 😊

I am sneaking towards my 50th and have learnt along the way to make sure I spend the day with people who won’t upset the day! Often choose to be on hols with immediate family and see other family /friends in the run up!!

I spend every day thinking & doing for other people (not begrudgingly- totally my choice and I’m happy with it) but I love feeling spoilt on my birthday and it doesn’t make me a child!!

My dp and ds enjoy spoiling me as I enjoy spoiling them on their days!! We don’t celebrate ourselves very often so birthdays are a great excuse to do this especially the big ones!!

So I get it op! Why don’t you book a spa day and spoil yourself and call it a “redo!!” 🎂💐

happy belated 40th!!!

Thank you. Yes, the odd thing is that I'm usually the least argumentative person on Earth. But a tiniest thing can go wrong on my birthday and I massively overreact! Then the other person responds in kind, and it gets worse, and I end up feeling sad. I should maybe lower my expectations?!

Aww, thank you. I hope you have an utterly wonderful 50th 😊 You totally deserve it.
That's a good idea about having a redo. Somehow having a nice birthday sets me up for the year...

Aww, I'm sorry x

I hate my birthday. The idea of celebrating it or marking it in any way makes me hugely uncomfortable. So I have banned it. Partially an extreme version of your sensitivity probably. I never had one I enjoyed.

Oh, I'm so sorry to hear about your husband 😔
I hope your birthday can be as lovely as possible in such difficult circumstances. You take care x

Same OP, I've somehow managed to chose partners who haven't given a stuff about my big birthdays. I'll be single for my 40th and I've decided to take my dd to Mauritius, and spend my birthday in business class with Emirates 😁

@DappledThings yes I thought about just not having birthdays anymore, as they often make me feel weird. But, I realised that I like to do a little something. The most important thing is that people are nice to me. I've got a few mental health struggles, and just like to feel valued now and then. I guess we all do...

I’ve also had rubbish ‘big’ birthdays. I’ve learned to have very low key birthdays that I can mostly control eg nice walk and a picnic with DH. I try to not involve too many people, but I do always feel like I’m missing out a bit when I see other people having big parties.
Birthdays can be a bit weird as there’s an expectation that you’ll be happy happy happy all day, and sometimes they just feel a bit nothingy.
I prefer the next day, when all expectation of fun is over and you can eat birthday cake in bed with no pressure.

Bless you. I hope you and your daughter have an utterly wonderful time x

Well you're not invited to the party 😳

Yeah. My 30th - mum took me to lunch and said she was divorcing my Dad. She later changed her mind.

my 40th - she died a few weeks before it. I spent the day crying. Dad found she had bought me a present, before she died wrapped it up for me. Almost like she knew she want going to be here.

I couldn’t face doing anything for my 41st.

Oh @ProfessorXtra that's awful, I'm so sorry