In despair about DD and work

[Sworntofun]

DD 20 is really worrying me. Home from uni and cannot find a job for the summer. She has tried agencies and has applied for a fair few jobs ( and there aren’t many seasonal jobs round here). However she has almost no experience in anything as for 3 years she has refused to get a job - out of fear. When she was 16 she had started a little Saturday job in a boutique in town but didn’t last longer than a month as a vile woman came in one day to complain and really singled out my dd after which she had a panic attack and wouldn’t go back. This has really coloured her attitude to work and knocked her confidence such that she has refused to apply for any public facing work eg no bar, cafe, hospitality. We are now nearly into July and still no prospect of anything. She is sitting alone at home as all her friends are working getting seriously depressed. She has even applied for volunteering but nothing again. Very worried as she will be 21 soon and who the hell will employ her? She is intelligent, kind and not lacking confidence in other areas of life eg lives independently at uni in a flat with friends 4 hours from home. Just baffled and v worried about how to get her started in work! Help!

That’s a good idea @Thankfulforthenewday She can swim but probably not strong enough for that. Good luck to your son though

@ReleasetheCrackHen some good ideas here too, maybe for the future. Most adult classes stop about now. She did volunteer where I worked last summer a bit but as we took on new staff there’s not that opportunity this year. Not many art galleries or museums here, bit of a cultural desert! Haven’t heard of Redbubble- I’ll get her to check it out. Thanks

does she drive ? if not is there a way she could learn this summer and could be a really useful skill when she finishes uni or needs to find work... .

That is such a good idea

Yes she can already drive which is one good skill under her belt. That’s what she concentrated on last summer and one of the reasons she didn’t work then.

I'm sure she us well aware of the situation she is so I honestly think tough love from you is the last thing she needs, it doesn't matter what age she is home needs to be her safe place.
It sounds like you are doing plenty to encourage/help her & hopefully she will find something that she enjoys doing which will no doubt improve her confidence.
Constantly reading in the papers about all these jobs & no staff to fill them but maybe they are in certain places that we don't live.
Keep going with the encouragement & she will get there.

Update for anyone interested- my dd has got a job at last! I encouraged her to go into places and actually ask for work which she’d been reluctant to do. From this she has a housekeeping job in a local hotel, a few hours a day 4 days a week. I’m so relieved !!

Good for her!

I remember being terrified of the pressure and responsibility of having a job when I was a teen. It’s a scary step to take. Especially if you’re an anxious person to start with (in my case I was autistic which would have compounded things - not that I knew it at the time!). Customer facing roles can be especially scary - the general public can be vile.

Tough love really isn’t the solution.

Hopefully this job will give her a bit of confidence.

That's a great update. I hope the job goes well for her.

Well done to your DD! Great news

Summertime it is sometimes hard to obtain work as staff are on leave. It isn't as easy as some of the mumsnetters think.

Shelf stacking sought after. I don't know why people perceive this as simple to obtain.

Can she pop in to any local Burger King with her CV to see if she can do a few hours?

Look on thebigjobsite it is quite a good site.

Gosh there are some really nasty comments on here! I said this on another thread - people appear to have forgotten about covid and the impact it had - university students didn't get a proper sixth form experience and their development has been "stunted" as a result.

I agree she should not let one bad experience spoil things for her.

OP would she consider something like helping with the summer reading challenge at the local library? Obviously not paid, but it provides experience and a possible reference. Also volunteering at a local parkrun or a junior parkrun - my son has just used that as a second reference. Another option might be to find other sporting events that need volunteers - they rarely turn anyone away.

My son was in a similar situation but for slightly different reasons. He doesn't like the idea of hospitality/retail work as people are so rude. Fortunately he is a qualified lifeguard so he can do that. As for "funding" his life - he merely lived within his means. This summer he wants more means, so is working.

As for "allowing" someone not to have a job - you assume they can get one. Depending on the part of the country, it's not that easy. Supermarkets get loads of applications for example.

Finally, there are virtual work placements - I suggest she looks at the Forage website to see if there's anything she can do.

Oh sorry didn't read the thread fully! Good luck to your daughter.

Fantastic news OP - that sounds like a great option for her.

I could walk into any one of the small towns local to me and get a job in a coffee shop today. There are so many vacancies! Surely she can get something?! The Indeed app is a good place to start

Two things - the job market is not identical everywhere. And secondly, just because the job is available doesn't mean they would give it to you (or me) if we went in.

I think cleaning hotel bedrooms could be way more traumatic than an episode of an awkward customer, when you hear how some people behave in hotels !

Great news on the job. Shows the power of knocking on doors. I got my first job at 16 doing that - I had been knocked back from a couple of jobs that I applied for so went door to door in a town and at the second place I went to they hired me. Well done to your daughter - everyone starts somewhere

Well done your DD!!