In despair about DD and work

[Sworntofun]

DD 20 is really worrying me. Home from uni and cannot find a job for the summer. She has tried agencies and has applied for a fair few jobs ( and there aren’t many seasonal jobs round here). However she has almost no experience in anything as for 3 years she has refused to get a job - out of fear. When she was 16 she had started a little Saturday job in a boutique in town but didn’t last longer than a month as a vile woman came in one day to complain and really singled out my dd after which she had a panic attack and wouldn’t go back. This has really coloured her attitude to work and knocked her confidence such that she has refused to apply for any public facing work eg no bar, cafe, hospitality. We are now nearly into July and still no prospect of anything. She is sitting alone at home as all her friends are working getting seriously depressed. She has even applied for volunteering but nothing again. Very worried as she will be 21 soon and who the hell will employ her? She is intelligent, kind and not lacking confidence in other areas of life eg lives independently at uni in a flat with friends 4 hours from home. Just baffled and v worried about how to get her started in work! Help!

Temping

She'll start on Monday

I have 2 dss and a ds. None of them did any paid work or volunteering during university.

One is now a journalist on national press
One is a lecturer at a university ranked above Russel Group
One is in the civil service.

Not having jobs in college has made no difference to their careers.

Ignore the posters trying to make you feel bad. They are ridiculous. She's only 20 and she's still studying! Plenty of people don't have much work experience at that age. My DD tells me quite frequently she's really anxious about having a job. I don't push it because I've come to realise we're on all different time lines with things. She's 16 and only just started paying for things in shops. But she's so smart, funny, mature in so many other ways. I'm sure something will turn up soon for your DD. I did an arts degree 😂 before moving back to science

You need to stop bankrolling her. Mine had no choice but to work as it was the only money they got at that age.

Seriously??? You can't actually mean that!

I'm shocked at some of the replies you've had here, OP. Very judgy and uncalled for!

I think volunteering would be the way forward for this summer. Then sit down together after the summer and help your DD work out how she benefitted from the experience and what skills she can take from it to help her get her first "proper" job.

Where do you live OP ? Town,village,city or by any tourist attractions,fruit farms ,farm shops . My son worked at Office during holidays ,the other at an animal rescue and BandQ and my daughter worked for a venue for parties and weddings.
Maybe a local art shop ,museum .

What about on line tutoring or babysitting. Also kitchen work in a cafe . There's alway warehouse work or shelf stacking.

I would encourage her to engage with cbt through GP. It really helped with my anxiety. I think getting to the root of the issue would be most helpful in the long term. Rather than focusing on the short term of getting a summer job. I know that's important too but anxiety is awful and becomes more and more debilitating so I'd be looking at 'fixing' that first.

Some people on here are very harsh. Great for those who managed to get jobs but sometimes others aren't so lucky, I have a child who has applied for over 50 jobs this summer, jobs look for experience, can't get experience if nobody will give you a job. I only provide money for essentials & now my child is bordering on depression being stuck at home all the time. I think I'm going to have to step in now & assist on the job search.

If it makes you feel any better and probably not much use but I never worked whilst at uni or in summer. I did work after college before I went to uni, but not during my 3 years. However I have been in full time employment since I left uni have a strong work ethic now and a well paid job.

Fuck me.

Some horrible people on this site.

Does she need to.work? Maybe she'd like to take some time to chill after end of year? Dd is chilling at home for a couple.of weeks (she does have a job for a month after that though)

Supermarkets have roles either stacking shelves or filling online orders so not customer facing as such. They are also more likely to have better training and support. Your DD needs to remember she was 4 years younger when she had a bad experience and is a lot more mature and capable now than her 16 year old self.

You’re disappointed she chose an arts degree when she got good a-levels? Because arts degrees are only for those of us who weren’t smart enough for anything else? 🙄 nice.

And just so you know, I make almost 100k a year off the back of my arts degree in a bad year, and have travelled the world doing it.

Would she consider volunteering for a charity? Maybe something that aligns with her study, or somewhere services are provided for small children, kids with SEND? I’m trying to think of nurturing environments that feel safe to her, will give her some experience and confidence to build on.

FWIW my almost 20yo is nothing like I was at 20. I genuinely believe the lockdowns have inhibited their social development and we are really seeing that in this age group.

It's who you know.
Can't her friends get her in somewhere?

Completely agree about the effects of lockdown on our young people, BabbleBee.

Wow I’m shocked she hasn’t been working ! I have the same age daughter and she works in a very good job earning quite a lot of money by growing a thick skin and going for what she wants.
im sorry but she needs some tough love right now Op it’s the best thing for her .x

Check over her Cv and cover letters and make sure they’re good.

She can sign up to a few temp agencies for short term office work. Reception, data entry, sales.. various types of work. They will have a chat to her at the agency and may require a few tests to be done eg word, excel, typing. Then they’ll set about finding her some work. She might find something that way.

Once back at Uni, advise her to go and see her Careers advisors for more help. They can be very good!

Whoopy do.

The OPs dd is at uni. She doesn't have to have a job at all if she doesn't mind having no spending money

She will always be anxious unless she faces up to it.
Washing up in restaurant kitchen and clearing tables?
Shop work (my older DC really got confident talking to people after starting in the corner shop)
Factory work?
Fruit picking?
Care home assistant?

@Brinner my daughter has also been shouted at working in a bank by vile people ! And has been home crying she suffers from anxiety! But you have to keep them strong and let them grow a thick skin not wrap them up in cotton wool hence a bit of tough love works and u can still be supportive and be tough !

She could try putting something on your local Facebook groups saying she is looking for work.
It's hard to imagine somewhere with no seasonal jobs.

What sort of area do you live?

What’s she studying OP? If it’s photography, could she contact any local photographers and ask if they need an assistant over the busy wedding period? I studied art and worked as a photographer’s assistant at weekends during my last year at university; I loved it and it helped me get my first proper job when I graduated.

I’m not surprised she’s anxious tbh
You’re putting under immense pressure.