Newly Weds, baby or enjoy couple time first?

[pastrio]

This will be us soon and I am very broody and have been for years. Our parents are not getting younger & we have been so excited to start a family for ages now, but we are trying not to be naive and from reading posts on here about how difficult and life altering people find parenthood. Some posters seem like they will never have fun again! It makes me wonder if we are wearing rose tinted glasses and should make the most of couple time first, holidays, lazy lie ins, two fulltime incomes and so on.

We ourselves are young (still both in our 20s) but I also like the prospect of having lots of energy, and wonder if its maybe wiser to not get too accustomed to lots of holidays and splashing the cash. As I mentioned we really value our support network as neither of us have siblings to rely upon so it would be great if our parents were as young as they could possibly be so they can be active in our child/children’s life. We likely only want one, possibly two if this alters the answers I’m not sure

What would / did you do and would you change it?

[lucylousweetie]

When you say twenties… where in that decade?

[pastrio]

@lucylousweetie

When you say twenties… where in that decade?

Mid

[RampantIvy]

What's the rush?
Enjoy some child free time first and save, save, save

[Lcb123]

I’d personally wait. We are expecting now after 11 years together. We’ve really enjoyed all that time to travel, holiday, build our careers etc and we know each other very well. When you have a child, you’ll then always have a child even when they are adults. We wanted a period of freedom first

[lucylousweetie]

Really depends on your financial position tbh

and your partner’s view.


Had my first at 29, second 31. I was in London and youngest of all my friends. I was youngest at NCT. Average age is London 38 is first time mother.


I would not have changed it. Why? I had completely all my professional exams and my partner was in a very well paying role. So I was able to be a sahm for 6 years, which is what id always was wanted but then return fairly easily because I’d done the years of study before the break

[lucylousweetie]

What is your partner’s view?

And you seem to be pinning a long on support for parents!

[pastrio]

@lucylousweetie

What is your partner’s view?

And you seem to be pinning a long on support for parents!

He has been ready longer than me and thinks we should just go for it. Financially we are secure and understand the costs of everything.

[martha4clark]

Definitely take a couple of years for just the pair of you. Once the children arrive, they will be your focus for the next two decades at least!

[WaitingfortheTardis]

I think only you can decide the right time for your situation. We waited until we were 30 and then had dd. One of our main reasons was that we wanted to be more stable financially and have a family home ready (not the most important thing but it mattered to us). I wouldn't say I had more energy in my twenties, in fact for me I feel I'm better at balancing and getting on with things in my 30s. Everyone is different though, if you both feel ready then perhaps now is the time, if not it may be worth waiting.

[SaysRelaaxxx]

Wait wait wait wait! Travel and travel some more (and then some more). Go on alllll the dates, sleep in all day, be spontaneous…just enjoy yourselves to the max. Kids don’t stop you having fun but it’s not the same. Your relationship with your partner will be different and everything gets that much harder logistically. 100% wait

[lucylousweetie]

How have you been spending your twenties to date? Holidaying lots? Travelling? Spontaneous plans? Etc

[tulipsunday]

I would wait for a couple of years. Travel if you can, enjoy lie ins spontaneous trips out etc.

[pastrio]

@lucylousweetie

How have you been spending your twenties to date? Holidaying lots? Travelling? Spontaneous plans? Etc

Yes to all 3

[pastrio]

I’m the kind of person who feels like there will always be one more trip to take, or one more holiday to have

[BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz]

We had kids in our mid twenties, but we had already been together a decade by then, so plenty couple time, and had done some travelling and worked away etc so it just felt right for us.

Sounds like you and he have had much lone couple time so just wait a few years and revisit it as you approach 30.

[FlyingHighFlyingLow]

Mid 20s I'd say you could afford to wait a couple years! If you'd been 30 I'd have advised you consider cracking on with it.

[loopyloutoo]

TRAVEL

[lucylousweetie]

@pastrio

I’m the kind of person who feels like there will always be one more trip to take, or one more holiday to have

Doesn’t sound like you’re ready to me then, as I didn’t feel that. I just felt like I was ready and anything I wanted to do child free, could come later down the line (and definitely much earlier than 18!!!!) and instead I wanted to holiday as a family.

So give it time then perhaps 🤷‍♀️

[gogomoto]

My advice is to go for it, being younger parent's means you have more energy typically but the biggest advantage is that in your 40's you children will be at least semi independent and you can really enjoy life

[lucylousweetie]

And use the time to think about maybe unwise to pin lots of hope on lots of supportive from parents that you say are aging

[Pipsquiggle]

I would travel as much as you can now. Festivals, clubbing, walking holidays, foodie experiences - whatever feeds your soul. Spontaneous weekends away. City breaks - home & abroad.

Of course you can do all the above with DC but it is a totally different dynamic. As a mid 40s woman with 2 DC I do wish I had done more of the above but I didn't earn that much and rented in the SE at your age, so I did what I could

[Jeannieofthelamp]

Going against the grain but I don't see any reason to wait in your circumstances. If you feel you've done a lot of enjoying yourselves already, and you're financially secure, I don't think there's much to be gained in leaving it any longer. Being a young parent also has advantages, you're more likely to have time with your own grandkids and have a lot of life left when yours have flown the nest. Maybe give yourself a year to have fun and then start trying?

[nancy2022]

I don't get this? So you haven't been away before?

You've had 20 odd years of lay ins. Why do you have to have more lie ins now you're married?

[Mushroo]

Tbh, if you’re broody your broody.

I had years of great fun, lie ins, amazing holidays. Once I turned 30 it was like a switch had been flipped, became so broody and nights out and holidays just became less appealing, all I could think about was having a baby.

So if you’re not at the stage, wait a few years, but if you’re obsessing about a baby crack on because if you’re like me, you won’t enjoy the nights out / holidays as much anyway.

This is with the big caveat that your financially secure, if you’re not, definitely wait.

[Kpo58]

Maybe take a fertility test before deciding on your decision. If it could be hard for you to conceive, you don't want to find that you have wasted your chance to have a child.